NSFW
There was only one sleep left until Noah and I would be reunited and I was running around trying to make sure everything in the apartment was clean and organized. The fridge was stocked with plenty of stuff so I could cook for him and we didn't have to leave the house. Laundry was done, drawers were cleared out for his things...he was so close I could just feel him in my grip. I knew at this time he would be on his way to the airport with the guys. I was ecstatic.
Ryan had tried to inbox me and message me a few times since we fell out, but I had just left him on read trying to wait for everything to blow over. At first I felt bad about cutting ties, but then he kept digging his own grave with the harassing messages he continued to send me. One minute he was sad, the next he was angry and telling me off.
Noah didn't want me to read the message he had left for him, but I was finally able to after a ton of coaxing and pleading.
Ryan started off by telling Noah he was using me and he was a 'piece of shit'.He even went so far as to tell him that he and I were meant to be and that he has been interfering for the last four years. He even told Noah he has me brainwashed!
I couldn't believe what I read and I eventually had to admit that Noah was right. All these years he was convinced Ryan wanted me, but I was naive and mistook his friendliness for friendship. He was actually showing his true colors now, and what a disappointment his real personality was.
It had finally been about three days since Ryan reached out and I was assuming he was finally trying to let this all go. I went on my Instagram just to keep myself in the loop of things.
It was the normal stuff.
Tattoos, funny memes, Bad Omens fan photos and concert footage...
All of a sudden I got a notification. I had a new message and my stomach dropped seeing it was Ryan.
Oh boy...here we go.
I never thought it was going to come to this, but I was finally just ready to block him. Noah would be home tomorrow and I just wanted to focus on mending our relationship.
I opened the message just so I could clear the notification before I went to block him for good. I noticed he simply just sent me a link with a few crying laughing emojis. A small part of me thought it might be spam, but for some reason I was more than curious. I clicked on the link.
It was a post from a Motionless in White fan page and it was photographs of Ryan and I the day before the boudoir photoshoot. A fan took the photos of us while we were hanging out, grabbing something to eat. Although Noah had always told me that you can't believe the things you read online, these photos looked very misleading. Ryan and I were sitting closely but the angles of these pictures made us look rather intimate. We were laughing in one of them and in another, I was looking down and Ryan was adoringly staring at me... my stomach flopped.
It looked so wrong.
In the comments, people suspected we were dating and some people even suggested I left Noah for Ryan.
Some of the people were being outright mean.
"Wow this girl is a class A groupie! She's not even that pretty!"
"I wonder what band she's going to prey on next!"
" SLUT."
"What do these guys see in her?"
My hands trembled as I forced myself to stop scrolling and I started to wonder how many people would see this. There was hundreds of comments and I bit my lip with nervousness wondering if Noah had seen it yet. Surely he would have to know it's complete bullshit...
I went back to my instagram messages and finally blocked Ryan without saying anything. I didn't want to hear from him anymore and I had been hoping it wouldn't have to come this far. I couldn't risk being associated with him any longer and maybe people would get the hint if we were no longer following each other.
Being with Noah in the beginning was effortless, but ever since Bad Omens got big, Noah was now in the limelight and I was basically his shadow....I truly didn't want to be. People were either really nice to me, or really mean, especially the girls that were totally obsessed with Noah and deliriously thought they would have a chance with him.
If there was a way I could love him but none of his fans knew I existed, that would be a perfect world for me.
____________________________
I awoke the next morning and couldn't stop myself from smiling despite the rough day I had yesterday. Today was the day I could finally see Noah again and I felt as if our struggles and patience were finally being rewarded.
It was hard for me to keep myself busy today, and the hours seemed to slowly creep by. I tidied up the place again awaiting Noah's arrival. I wanted everything to be spotless and relaxing for him after spending so much time on a messy tour bus. I took a shower and got dressed into something pretty. I did my make up just wanting to remind Noah of what he missed.
Eventually around 5, I heard a car pull up. My stomach dropped as I panicked in my head thinking of the many ways I could greet him. Feeling my heart beating faster, I just stood frozen near the stairs. I swallowed hard hearing the door knob and the creaking of the front door.
I forgot to breathe for a moment, seeing his perfect face coming through the door. He looked tired but he was still beautiful to me. He had his hood up on his sweatshirt with the sleeves rolled up exposing all of his tattoos and his hair was swept to the side. I swear everything around us stopped when my eyes locked with his. I was so overcome with emotion that I didn't think twice and just ran and pounced on him. He dropped his bags as I leaped into his arms. He embraced me tightly and I buried my face into his neck, inhaling his scent, feeling my eyes welling up with tears. I bad been feeling so alone and it finally no longer had to be that way for me.
My person was here.
"God, I fucking missed you baby." He mumbled into my neck, squeezing me lovingly. Any animosity that was lingering between us was gone and nothing we argued about before mattered now.
Noah finally let me down after a little while and I looked up into his eyes with my hands on his chest.
"If you think you're going to be leaving this apartment at all over the next few days, you're out of your mind. I might not even let you leave the bed." I whispered and I stood on my tip toes kissing him hungrily. Noah kissed me back desperately and I felt his hands run down over my body and grab my hips.
I pulled away resting my forehead against his.
"Noah...it's been weeks....I need you right now." I confessed not caring how desperate I sounded. Noah kissed me again not wasting any time and he scooped me up, bringing me to the bedroom.
Once he made it through the door he threw me down onto the bed playfully. His onyx eyes stared at me greedily as he took off his hoodie and pulled his tank top over his head. I watched him as I propped myself up onto my elbows so I could admire him. He kept his gaze on me as he undid his jeans. I had been longing for this moment for so long and it was surreal he was actually here.
He finally started to undress me and I helped him, my body was yearning for his touch. At first what I thought was passion began to feel a little different. He hurriedly yanked my bra off over my head. I was slightly caught off guard. Usually Noah was sensual and slow, he would take his time undressing me and admire me. Today...there was a roughness about him that I was unfamiliar with. His behavior was odd but I didn't want it to affect the mood and tried to push it out of my thoughts. I waited weeks to express my love to him and I didn't want to wait anymore.
Noah pulled my panties off and and pulled down his boxers. I kissed him passionately and buried my fingers into his back as he positioned himself in front of me. Deep down, I was hoping this would make everything okay again.
Noah locked eyes with me as he slowly entered me, causing me to gasp out in pleasure. As Noah started to breathe harder, he started thrusting with intensity. As we moved together I went to kiss him again but he turned his head. I was overcome with mixed emotions. Something felt off about Noah. It was troubling...and making my heart hurt.
There were no warm smiles or tenderness from him like there usually was. There wasn't any foreplay or passionate kisses...he appeared perturbed by something and I couldn't figure out what was bothering him. Why couldn't he look at me? This wasn't what I expected from him after being so far away for so long. It was almost as if I felt him slipping from my grip when I realized he couldn't continue. He slowed down and came to a stop, still unable to make eye contact. I knew he didn't finish and obviously neither did I. I was taken back with worry wondering what was going on in his head.
"Noah? What's wrong?" I asked nervously. He didn't say anything and pulled out of me, then just left me there to begin to put his clothes back on. He kept his back to me as I sat up wrapping the sheets around myself. I had never felt so rejected in my life. My eyes watered before I could realize the tears were coming.
"Babe..." I tried again asking quietly, "what are you doing?"
"I need a drink." He muttered as he exited the room, leaving me alone...
I felt a heaviness in the room as my chest tightened with apprehensiveness. He was never cold like that with me...and I started to fear the worst. Maybe he was in love with Poppy and wanted her instead...or maybe he just simply didn't want me anymore.
I stayed in the bed for just a little while unsure if I should follow him or give him space. I was more than disappointed he was drinking again.
After some time passed and I realized he wasn't coming back to bed anytime soon, I sadly pulled myself out of bed and put on some sweatpants and a tank top. I remembered I had left my phone downstairs, so I quietly came out of the room and crept down the stairs not wanting to disturb Noah right now. Something was very wrong and I was scared he was going to end things between us.
I sighed muttering "fuck" realizing my phone was in the kitchen and I walked in there quietly seeing Noah rinsing out a glass at the sink and putting it back into the cabinet. There was an open bottle of Hennessy on the counter that I knew didn't belong to me. I felt a greater wave of disappointment and worry in my heart. All his time and effort put into rehab was now wasted. I didn't know how long he had the bottle but it was now empty.
"Noah?" I asked quietly. "What is that...." I was flabbergasted at how careless and curt he was acting toward me like I barely existed to him.
"It's trash." He muttered as he sauntered by me and threw the empty bottle into the garbage can then left the kitchen. I wanted to cry, feeling so confused and lonely again. When he first came through the door, he looked so happy to see me.
Now he could barely bring himself to look at me.
What the fuck did I do wrong?
"I...I guess I'm just gonna take a shower and go to bed then?" I suggested not sure of how to act around him right now.
"Yup." Was all he muttered walking away from me.
I felt a pinch to my heart as tears stung my eyes. I had been looking forward to having him home in my arms...but all the reassurance I was awaiting never came.
I climbed the stairs and hopped in the shower, allowing myself to cry out my frustrations.
Was this finally it? Maybe Noah really decided he didn't love me anymore...
After I spent a little while in there finding the warm water comforting, I dressed in my pajamas and wanted to grab a bottle of water before bed. I came down the stairs seeing Noah standing over the laptop on the desk.
I didn't feel right going to bed on such a sour note, and thought maybe I would try one more time before I left him alone.
"Noah?" I asked timidly. "I'm just going to grab a water and I'm going to bed...are you going to come lay down with me?" I hoped.
I heard him scoff at me mockingly and it took me back unexpectedly.
"No. I don't think I will. Why don't you ask Ryan though?" He spat. He stepped aside to show me what he was looking at and I saw the computer screen feeling complete dread rush over me.
There I was.
The pictures that Ryan took...me in my panties, my bare back displayed as I was looking over my shoulder seductively. I froze in horror. Ryan sent the pictures to him in an email, with a side note.
"This is what we were really doing while you were away! Enjoy!"
"W-where did you...how did you get those?" I whimpered seeing Noah's agonizing gaze. I felt so small. I knew exactly how bad this looked.
"What the fuck is going on between you two?! Tell me the fucking truth Eve!" Noah raised his voice and I could see his eyes glaze over. I knew he wasn't even close to sober and I didn't know if he was even going to be open to listen to me.
"Nothi-" before I could finish, Noah hurled his cell phone up against the wall, smashing the screen. I jumped at the unexpected crash.
"Don't fucking tell me nothing!" He shouted, his eyes filled with pain and anger. "Im not a fucking idiot Eve! I was gone for six fucking weeks! And you go screwing around with that fucking dickhead and a camera?! Are you serious?! Is this your way of getting back at me!?" He shrieked. "Are you fucking kidding me Eve?! I knew you two were fucking around behind my back!" He swung his arm back and swept the computer clean off the desk, sending it crashing to the floor and I jumped again as tears continued to stream down my cheeks.
"Were these pictures done before or after you fucked him while I was away?!" Noah advanced toward me and I backed up feeling myself sobbing and not able to control my tears.
"I didn't fuck him! Noah please listen to me!" I pleaded trying to get through to him but I could already tell he was too far gone.
"Did you enjoy acting like a fucking WHORE in front of the camera?! I hope it was fucking worth it Evie!" He screamed as I smelled the alcohol rolling off his breath. His words cut me deeply.
"I knew I wasn't crazy when I saw those fucking videos of you and him backstage and the stupid fucking pictures I saw on Instagram today! I wanted to just try and let it all go, but now I see the fucking truth! I feel like such an idiot!"
"Baby, just let me explain!" I wept and went to reach for him with a shaky hand feeling so anxious I thought I might implode. My mind couldn't accept this was currently my reality.
"Don't fucking call me baby!" He screamed. "I can get any fucking girl I want Eve! I can call Moriah right fucking now and you think she won't tell me to come to her? I'm done wasting my fucking time with you!" He narrowed his eyes at me and I felt so worthless. I shook and tried to catch my breath , turning around to go back upstairs. I was just wanting to escape this.
I felt Noah grab my arm forcefully and I yelped out feeling myself stumble back down the couple stairs I had already managed to climb. His mind hazed with alcohol, Noah couldn't find his footing and fell down with me, managing to pin me to the floor with his muscular body.
I felt my face hit the wooden floor and I shrieked out in pain. I felt an intense rush in my nose and I saw droplets of blood falling onto the floor.
"Get off me!" I screamed. Noah scrambled wanting to try and help me get to my feet and his heart sank when he saw my bloody nose.
"Fuck! Eve! I am so sorry!" He instantly regretted everything seeing me hurt and I held my hand up not wanting him to get any closer.
"Stop! Stay away from me!" I cried and I held my nose rushing toward the stairs to go to the bathroom to clean up and see the damages. I looked in the mirror and cried harder. Where I fell and hit my face was starting to get bruised and swollen and I grabbed toilet paper to try and stop my bloody nose. I jumped hearing a light tap on the bathroom door.
"Eve...please let me in. I'm so sorry baby, I never meant to hurt you...please. I'm so, so sorry."he begged.
We both knew he had gone too far and a serious line had just been crossed this time. I kept quiet, still shaken up and not wanting to speak to him. Noah stood outside the door for a while just waiting to hear any type of sound from me. I cleaned myself up staying quiet just hoping he would leave. After a while of not hearing from him, I opened the door and made my way to the bedroom. I paused then I stood with my arms crossed against the wall seeing Noah was sitting on the edge of the bed. He ran his hands over his face and I could tell he had been crying.
"I need you to leave." I kept my distance from him speaking in barely a whisper. I didn't have anything else left in me. "For the record, I've been nothing but loyal to you, even after everything you put me through. You seriously need help Noah...you have a real problem." I sniffled quietly.
"Eve, baby please...."
"Don't call me that."
I grabbed Noah's bags and started carrying them out of the room and he followed behind me. I made it all the way to the front door.
"Eve, no please," his eyes teared up all over again feeling sick to his stomach. "I didn't mean the awful things I said...I believe you...I don't want to lose you again! I'm so sorry..."
"It's too late for that." Tears streamed down my stinging cheeks and I wondered when I would run out of them. I was so exhausted and my head was hurting. I just wanted him to go. He had acted like a complete psychopath and I was extremely hurt that he accused me of sleeping with Ryan after everything he put me through with Poppy. I was just fed up.
"Eve..." he argued desperately, "we can work this out..." I could tell he was clearly panicking. I think he knew I had no energy left to put up a fight anymore. I think my calm demeanor spoke volumes considering I used to scream and fight right along with him. This time I wasn't giving him that.
"Enough Noah! You need to go!" My head was throbbing harder and I couldn't stop crying. I was in so much pain physically and emotionally.
Why? Why me?
Maybe I was a terrible person in my past life and deserved the suffering.
"I gave you four years, Noah. Four fucking years of my life. I stayed with you through all the bullshit you put me through and not once did I ever want anyone else! How dare you fucking accuse me of anything after what you've done!? The pictures you saw were a gift for YOU you fucking IDIOT! They were a surprise because I fucking love YOU!" I screamed.
My chest heaved as my hands shook and I tried to remind myself to breathe. The room was quiet and heavy.
"He sent them to you to get back at me and make me look bad and clearly it fucking worked!" I wiped my eyes. "I'm done Noah! Like you said...you can have any girl you want so it shouldn't take long for you to move on then!"
He looked at me with empty eyes and a tear strolled down his cheek.
"I don't want anyone else-"
"Save it! Just go!" I stormed over and opened the door for him in defeat. I walked over and grabbed his car keys and tossed them toward him. He stood there looking at me no longer able to speak, catching the keys after they hit him in the chest. I turned my back on him and went back up the stairs no longer able to look at him. I stayed in my room until I heard the door close downstairs and I peaked out my window watching him walk to his car with his stuff.
After a while he finally pulled off. Once his brake lights were out of sight, I climbed into my bed and I cried harder than I had in a long time. Clearly we just weren't meant to be.