December 25th 2023
Kansas City, Missouri
It hadn't been the Christmas Day that any of them had expected, or wished for. Travis had a game that day and they had planned for Taylor's family to stay with Travis' dad at his old house in Kansas City before celebrating Christmas Day fully on Boxing Day. But would any of that even happen.
It had been a close game, followed by a devastating loss: 14-20, with the Las Vegas Raiders just securing a win. The team hadn't been playing as well as they could have been and she could see that the losses were finally getting to Travis' head. He had been doing well to put them out of his mind recently but today he seemed to not be the same. Icier than their front porch. A few of Travis' friends from Cleveland had stayed for a small gathering at the old house afterwards and Taylor could see Travis putting on a brave face. It was not the expression or disposition she loved; everything about his facade was fake. The plan all along had been for his dad Ed and her parents to stay longer for some drinks that evening at their house and maybe a few family games before Ed left for Philadelphia the next day but the mood was sour. Like the grapes of wrath and Taylor felt it good not to antagonise Travis any further as so made the executive decision to shut up shop for the night. She bid goodbye to her parents, who promised to see her in the morning, and Ed, wishing him a safe flight to Philly before shutting the door behind them.
That was it. They were left alone.
Travis was nowhere to be found, or seen. And maybe that was for the best. Taylor found it best to leave Travis after a loss, leaving him to lick his wounds and then come crawling back to her. It was probably not the most healthy of approaches to a relationship but Brittany had warned her that it was often times for the best. It's what worked for her and Patrick and them seemed to be a pretty solid couple. And she had nothing to loose at this point, but it didn't stop her frustrations. Christmas was Taylor's favourite time of year, especially from growing up on a Christmas tree farm as a kid. But now her first Christmas with Travis, her first of hopefully many, was tainted by Travis' foul mood.
The room was dark, all but black apart from the twinkling Christmas lights on the two Christmas Trees in sight downstairs. The house was instagram worthy and contained a total of 5 Christmas trees: three real ones and two artificial ones. It was one of the first times in years that she had a real Christmas tree picked from the farm again. Not her farm, but a cute one near their house west of Kansas City. There were mountains of Christmas presents sat un opened under the Christmas tree and as Taylor sat there on the couch she wondered how in a mere few hours the place that was like a piece of her soul had become like an unwanted visitor. She felt like a stranger, an uninvited guest in her own house. She didn't even want to call it home anymore, for that would make her heart ache worse. But she had to be strong, and if Travis wasn't going to do the things that needed to be done, she would have to.
Taylor had been in the process of putting away the hoover into one of closets that she reserved for cleaning products when she stumbled past Travis' office, the door ajar. Not wanting to interrupt the sleeping dragon, she simply edged her ear closer to the opening to catch a glimpse of the sounds coming from the room. When she heard nothing but a few short sniffles Taylor changed tactics and swapped her ear for her ears, peering in to see Travis curled with one knee hugged into his chest, his eyes focussed on his screen. Taylor could see clear as day that Travis was doing the thing everyone told them not to do: read people's opinions in the media. She saw as his eyes scanning the computer screen in front of him on the desk and decided to leave him to it. He would come to her when he was ready, at least she hoped he would. But before she could make her way back downstairs, a load bang confirmed that something had hit the wall. Its vibrations shook the shelves on the wall and Taylor all but prayed that it had been his possessions and not his punch that had caused the damage.
Travis could have sworn he heard a small squeak and the sound of scurrying feet come from the hallway.
Taylor....
She must have been listening to him.
He decided that moping around, listening to the news, was not going to help him anymore. He had to face the truth, instead of hiding away in his office alone. He reluctantly found himself making his way down the stairs towards the area he knew Taylor would be. The kitchen was her domain; not to settle in 1950's gender roles but Travis really didn't know how to cook very well and nothing brought Taylor more pleasure than cooking and baking. His private personal chef had time off that week so he knew Taylor would be cooking something in the kitchen.
The lack of smell confirmed he was wrong. He saw her organising the kitchen, cutting and peeling vegetables and putting them into boxes in the refrigerator. She was obviously prepping for tomorrow's family lunch: something Travis was dreading. Taylor turned around when she sensed movement in the room with her, a presence.
"Hey." She said in a neutral tone.
"Hey." Travis replied back, sinking into the sofa and covering his face with his palms. Taylor came over with two glasses of red wine, maroon, for the both of them. She could sense they would both need all the strength they could muster that night, and doing it on love alone would not be enough.
"Trav I- how are you doing?" She placed her hadn't softly on his shoulder only for him to swiftly shake it off.
"How am I doing? How do you think I'm doing Tay?" Travis replied, his tone reflecting the sour icy mood of the house.
"Trav don't be so hard on yourself. You played well today, just obviously it wasn't enough this time. But there will be other games to play."
"Just FUCKING shut up!" Travis moaned, removing his hands from his face to come to a quick clash on his knees, the slapping sound of flesh meeting flesh cut through the tension like a butter knife. Taylor was taken aback. Travis had never raised his voice in that kind of manner. Never, not since she had known him. This was a whole new side she was introduced to, and she wasn't liking it so far.
"Trav-" She spluttered before he interrupted her again.
"Tay, loosing the game I think I could just about deal with. But what I can't deal with right now is you." Taylor felt tears begin to pool in the corner of her eyes. It was happening again. This was how the others started. "I don't need you talking down to me like a baby, and I certainly don't want your pity. I played shit today and deserve everything they are saying to me out there."
"Travis don't say things like that. You don't deserve what they are saying about you."
'YES I DO. And there you are doing it again." Travis shouted, standing up to cowering over her presence, still sat rigid on the sofa. "This isn't just a game. Or a show. This is my whole fucking career. It's been the only thing with me this whole time. So stop treating me like some kid who had just lost there little school football game. This is my life on the line here!"
"Then maybe stop acting like a kid?" Taylor shouted back, regaining her power and stance as she stood up beside him. He still towered over her, but the height difference was significantly closed. She could sense Travis' eyes beginning to swell with anger. She had done what you should never do: wake the sleeping dragon. This was it. The moment like all of the overs. The moment where they would hit her, belittle her and make her come crawling back. The cycle always comes back to haunt you, no matter how far you decide you can run.
But when the clattering came, and she took her step back, the anger wasn't directed at her, but at their coffee table. Red wine splashed all over their love, cascading down the cream sofa she had chosen so lovingly from the furniture store, watching as the two wine glasses smashed under foot.
"Im going out to get some air. I think I need some space" Travis snapped, walking towards the front door, clutching his keys in his right hand that he had grasped from the sideboard near the door.
"I used to think I meant something to you Trav." Taylor whimpered, causing Travis to flip his head around to look at her, dead in the eyes. She had to admit it, she looked pathetic. No part of the happy, confident Taylor was left. It had all withered away.
"What?" Travis said, his voice cracking slightly as his tone inflected the question.
"I love you Travis. I really do but tonight, you have made an absolute fool out of me. I feel like a stranger, who knows all of your secrets. And I'm starting to wish that I had never met you." This made Travis' heart drop. "Because then there would be no need to impress you. Or need you. Or want you. Or love you." Her voice quavered on the last note. They stood together, eyes locked in silence before the slamming of the front door broke this once more. He had left, and she was alone once more.
The tears began to spill out, they had the freedom to do so. And Taylor wasn't sure if it was from the pain in her chest or from the pain in her foot, the right one which had just then stepped head on into a particularly sharp and jagged shard of wine glass. Nursing her injured foot, she set out onto the task of scrubbing what she could of the wine stains, burgundy splashed into the pearls of her domain. It wasn't removing easily, their petty quarrels sinking into the house as perminant residents, like dust mites and disrespectful neighbours. Taylor eventually gave up on the sofa; what she was able to salvage she had done so already. She limped her way up on her good foot into the bedroom that they would usually share, Travis' side as cold as it had been when she had woken up that morning. Nothing about anything felt right anymore. Not there matching toothbrush holders, or her makeup scattered across the bathroom sinks. No part of that house felt like home to her at that point.
She found what she had been looking for: the small first aid kit that her and Travis kept in the bathroom cabinets for small minor bruises. She splashed her face with water, applying her moisturiser and eye creams before slipping into her pyjamas. The top she was wearing, the altered new heights one that belonged to Travis, no longer seemed to bring her the comfort it once used to. His smell now made her heart grieve even more and yearn for him to return from wherever he had gone. She logged for sleep, but it never came. She counted the hours go by on the clock next to the bed, watching the had ns of the clock wipe away into a new day.
1:31am
And he still hadn't returned. his side of the bed remained as pristine and stony as it had done the day before. She resigned herself to the misery of her recording studio. It had been a gift from Travis for her birthday earlier that month. He had built her a custom made recording studio fit with recording desks, her guitars and a beautiful grand piano in the corner. She settled herself down at it, an idea painfully cemented into her head that was aching to be sung aloud and played into the beams and foundations of that house.
After driving for hours and getting nowhere, Travis knew it was futile. He wasn't driving to go somewhere, he was driving ton get away from somewhere, and someone. Because sometimes leaving is better than loosing. He could see that his actions that night would have a domino effect on the rest of his life. The butterfly effect is what it was called. Had he lost Taylor forever ?
The car pulled slowly into the driveway, no one would know he had been out. The house was dim and gloomy. The Christmas lights that had once been bright had been extinguished and the whole downstairs smelt of disinfectant and despair. Maybe they wouldn't make it till January? He could hear a faint noise coming from a desolate corner of the house. He followed the sound waves until he found himself outside Taylors music room: the one he had bought her. His birthday present to her. He sat slumped against the wall, too afraid to watch but too inquisitive to hear exactly what it was Taylor had to say about that night...
And maybe it's the past that's talkin'
Screamin' from the crypt
Tellin' me to punish you for you for things you never did
And so I justified it
But how long could we be a sad song
'Til we were too far gone to bring back to life
I gave you all my best me's, my endless empathy
And all I did was bleed as I tried to be the bravest solider
Fighting in only your army
Front lines don't you ignore me
I'm the best thing at this party, and you're loosing me
But I wouldn't marry me either, a pathological people pleaser
Who only wanted you to see her
We can plant a memory garden
Say a solemn prayer, place a poppy in my hair
There's no morning glory, it was war, it wasn't fair
And we will never go back
To that bloodshed crimson clover
Uh huh, the worst was over
My hand was the one you reached for
All throughout the great war
Always remember
Uh huh, we're burned for better
I vowed I would always be yours
Cause we survived the Great War
Uh huh
Uh huh
But I can't find a pulse
My heart won't start anymore
He took a deep breath, tears threatening to dominate his disposition. She had confirmed his suspicions. He had lost her. He scarpered away into a corner when he sensed her begin to move away from the piano. His eyes watched as her slender legs departed down the hallway and up the stairs towards their bedroom. He noticed a slight limp in her leg, and a small white bandage wrapped around her foot. And then he remembered the wine. She must have cut herself on the glass in her bare feet. How could he let things get this bad? For a moment it felt as if time had stopped, but it hadn't.
The bedroom door opened, and Travis stood in the doorway. She could sense he was there, she didn't have to look up. He could hear her sniffling, and instantly knew that she had been crying. She had been crying herself to sleep, ineffectively because she was still very much awake. Her body hunched over and curled up in a corner off the bed, furthest away from his side of the bed as possible. Regret, anger and sadness all coursed through his veins; no words could express his heartbreak.
"Tay?" He whispered into the darkness, hoping that a sign of life would pop up. But it didn't nothing happened. She didn't move. She was frozen, as if she was dead. He sat down next to her on the bed, crawling over to wear she had bawled herself up momentarily before. "Look Tay, I am soo so sorry.".
As she came to sit up, he saw the extent of it. Her eyes swollen and bloodshot with tears, her right foot nursing the bloodied bandage from where she had been walking on glass shards and eggshells. Her face was tear-stained and grey, the colour of dismay and dispair. She didn't say anything but her stature softened as he enveloped her into his chest, their embrace explaining everything that words could not.
"It's not your whole life Trav?" Taylor whispered into him, and he didn't need to question what she meant anymore. Everything he had said, and she had said that night had gone round and round his head like a bad film.
"I know it isn't Tay, and I am sorry I made you think that it was. I guess I am struggling to separate myself from that time in my life. Before you, it was all I had. It was the only thing I was good at." He sniffled, coming to lie down next to her. She stroked a stray tear from his cheek, a small smile beginning to take its rightful place in the corners of her mouth once more.
"Shall I tell you what you are good at?" Taylor smiled, his silence was in the affirmative. "You are amazing at hugs, and making me chocolate chip pancakes. You are good at making people laugh and making people happy. You are amazing at sports: not just football but basketball, hockey, soccer you name it. And I know that you are going to be a great dad one day. And I want you to be the one to make me a mother Trav. I want us to have a family together. Here or New York or wherever we decide to lay our hats. I want us Trav, but I can't do it without you. I cannot go on loving you if you don't love me back. I've lived that film too many times before, and I don't like the endings."
He listened intently to ever syllable and word she so delicately and poetically expressed, something he hadn't stopped to do before. "Im sorry Tay. I know that it is not enough, and I feel that nothing right now will be enough. Gosh I bet you think I am a right bastard now. I wouldn't blame you."
"Hey." She replied, crawling over to snuggle back into him again under the covers. "I don't think anything of the sorts. But I can sense that this has happened before. Am I right?"
"Yes. You are always right. But I guess I have never had something worth fighting for, and so the fighting and pushing away doesn't seem so heartbreaking." There. He had said it. The only words she had wanted to hear from him that night. Fighting for. He wanting this relationship, just as much as she did. "I think the hardest part is the fact that the team look up to me. I think they are loosing faith in my abilities Tay, and I am supposed to be a role model. A leader. the team will keep falling apart if people cannot trust their leader."
"This is just a little setback Trav. I am not going to belittle you, or treat you like a child. But I am going to be straight with you. You have to stop being so hard on yourself. I am proud of you no matter what happens out there: win or loose, it does not matter. I didn't fall in love with Travis Kelce, the star NFL tight end. I fell in love with the Travis Kelce who is the world's biggest momma's boy, who spoils his nieces rotten and who set off my fire alarms burning toast on the morning after our second date. That is the man I love. Nobody else, more or less than that!"
And that was enough for the both of them. To realise you love someone with no boundaries is the true test of love, for it knows no bounds. You don't love someone truly until they break you so badly, hurt you so much and you still think that they are the greatest person on the planet. That is how Taylor knew when to break things off with Joe. He finally seemed like the enemy; the villain in her story. Love is a violent act; its passion can burn holes in even the brightest of hearts.
"Remember tonight Trav. Please remember me. And don't ever hurt me the way you hurt me tonight." She whispered and he undertstood with simplicity.
"I promise Tay. Being with you brings me the greatest happiness I have ever known. I love you!" He replied, kissing her lightly on the top of the blonde hair covering her head.
"I love you too Trav. Merry Christmas."
"Merry Christmas." Travis looked out and over at the scene painted in front of his eyes. Two cats and one dog curled up between them on the bed. The other animals curled up against each other on the floor by their balcony doors, leading out onto a winter wonderland. An icy paradise of snow and bliss.
It was paradise, both inside and out. The perfect end to the first of many Christmases for the Kelce's.....
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Will the happiness continue ????