MW
Thursday - 11:36 am
"Oop! Okay, First Lady with the top!" Latoya said as I approached the table.
I rolled my eyes as I took my seat and Latavia added, "I know right?! Is that cleavage I see.."
I had to admit I've been pushing the boundaries on what I wear lately, outside of church of course. I had to attribute that to Beyoncé.
She's become an influence on me and I didn't believe it to be a bad thing. I felt free in my skin again. Which led me to be more adventurous with my style.
"Oh, shut up!" I laughed. "Girl you showing off! Pastor let you out like this?!" Latavia teased.
I cringed at the mention of him. It felt like the closer I got to Beyoncé the more intolerable he became. I used to be able to ignore his misogynistic ways but they were starting to bother me more and more.
I strayed caring less about what he said, told me to do, or how to act. He was not in charge of me and it was about time I realized that.
"Y'all are a mess!" I laughed as I started to scan the menu. "But you look good girl! You look happy and I'm happy to see it." LaToya smiled and Latavia agreed.
We started talking about random things as we all caught up on each other's lives. I loved the bond we had. Before they started coming around I felt alone but they provided a sense of sisterhood that I was missing.
"So, what about you, beautiful? What's got you all glowy and titties out.." LaToya gestured towards my top again causing me to throw my head back in laughter.
I took a quick bite of my French toast before shrugging, "Nothing really, same ole' thing. I mean I have been recording music lately."
"Oo—really?! Where?" They asked.
"A studio not too far from here. I'm going there after this.."
"How'd you get hooked up with that?" They followed up.
That's a great question. They never gave the impression that they had beef with Beyoncé but let's be real everyone knew the mess that surrounded their group disbanding.
I sipped my hot tea before just ripping the bandaid off completely. "Uh—well Beyonce stopped me after Bible study one day and she offered to help me with music. I wasn't on board at first but I'm glad I did it. She's cool to work with.."
They gave each other a look before Latavia said, "She is cool to work and she knows her stuff so I'm sure the music sounds good."
She nudged LaToya and she quickly agreed. "Yeah, you'll have to play it for us sometime. You know you have the voice of an angel Chelle!"
After that awkward exchange, we went back to normal conversation. I didn't think it was my place to ask what caused the obvious drift between them and I honestly didn't care enough to ask. My respective friendship with them had nothing to do with whatever twisted friendship I had with Beyoncé.
We finished brunch and said our goodbyes to each other. I then made my way towards the studio to meet Beyoncé.
She told me that she would already be there and instructed me to just come straight back to our normal room. When I turned the knob I almost thought I had the wrong room until I spotted Kelly at the booth.
"Hey, girl! Beyoncé, Michelle's here!" Kelly said before standing to give me a hug.
I placed my bag down on the table and turned around just in time to see Beyoncé emerge from the booth. She was wearing a crop top, low rise jeans, that were unbuttoned with shorts peeking through, with her belly piercing and waist chain on display.
She's just so— "Why are you staring at me?! You wanna fight or something.." She asked, interrupting my train of thought.
I felt like I needed to hold my breath from how close she was. I wanted to say something smart or teasing in reply so bad, but my body was betraying me for some reason.
"Huh?!" She smirked as she stepped closer to me. I couldn't bend from a complete sentence. What in the world was wrong with me?!
"Beyoncé, if you don't get out of that girl's face!" Kelly yelled. Beyoncé just continued to smirk as she backed away from me.
"Aren't you supposed to be leaving?" She asked Kelly. "Yeah, I am as a matter of fact but still leave Chelle alone! Can I call you that?"
"Y-yeah.." I answered still trying to find my voice after Beyoncé's antics.
"Great! Bye, Chelle! Bye ugly.." She directed her later comment towards Beyonce who just sent a middle finger her way as she walked through the door.
I sat down in the chair beside her watching as she worked on her laptop. There felt like there was tension in the room you could cut with a knife. Her getting close to me like awoken something inside that I want even comfortable thinking about.
"Why are you so quiet, Chelle'?" Her eyes were suddenly on me again with that stupid smirk on her face. "I said Kelly could call me that not you. Now are we working on some music or not.."
"How did Kelly get a nickname for you before me?! That's crazy.."
"Because Kelly didn't try to fight me," I replied.
She laughed before saying, "Well, I'm sorry Michelle.."
When I didn't budge she kept repeating herself and even made a song out of it. "What rhymes with Michelle? Oh! Belle! I'm sorry Michelle my belle, I'm done raising hell... ooo—let me write that down!" She sung.
I reached my breaking point as I finally started laughing. She joined me in laughter as she repeated the song over and over again.
"Okay, okay! I forgive you.." I laughed.
"Was that so hard? Now we have to hug it out.." She smiled. "Now you're pushing it." I rolled my eyes and before I knew it her arms were wrapped around me.
She felt warm. She smelled really good. Like roses, maybe a dash of honey, and some kind of citrus. It was a refreshing difference as opposed to my husband. As much as I resisted the hug it felt like the best one I've ever had.
"Alright. Now let's make some music.." She said as she pulled away and stood to her feet. I followed her into the booth and she pushed up the stool as usual.
I attempted to sit on the stool, but instead tripped on one of the legs and felt myself falling backwards. That was until I felt hands on my waist holding me upright.
"Shoot! You okay?" She asked. I looked down at her hands on my waist and then back up to her face.
Our faces were so close to each other I could see the shine on her lip gloss. The scent I smelled on her before was almost stronger. It was intoxicating. Before I knew what I was doing I leaned in closer to her. She leaned in as well and my heart started to race.
'What was I doing? This wasn't right.' I thought to myself. Before I could overthink any more than I already was, I felt her lips on mine.
I squeezed my eyes shut as I tried to savor the moment. Her lips were soft, a direct contrast to my husband's rough ones. Her hands on my waist brought me closer to her as her tongue brushed across my bottom lip.
The loud sound of my back hitting the side of the wall brought us both back to reality. I pulled back from the kiss with a face of worry as hers looked severely flustered.
"I-I'm really sorry...I shouldn't have—um let's just record the song.." I'd never seen her flustered before and unfortunately for me, I loved it.
"You don't have to be sorry. I'm the one who's married. I should've stopped it, it wasn't right." I swallowed harshly as she nodded and left me alone in the booth.
______
Later that day...
I stood in the kitchen as I cooked and tried to take my mind off what happened today. That was the first time I'd ever kissed anyone besides my husband let alone another woman.
I knew I had unresolved feelings to deal with about my sexuality but it just felt like an idea that wasn't obtainable for me. Before I met Beyonce it was easy to ignore these feelings but the more I got to know her the more intense it grew.
It was just something about her. However, as nice as the kiss was, I knew it could never happen again.
I hoped our weird friendship wasn't ruined by that one moment, but then I remembered how awkward the rest of our session was. It got so bad that I had to make up an excuse to leave early.
I tried to clear my mind of rehashing what happened as I fished cooking dinner. Just as I finished making the pasta, Allen walked into the house.
"Michelle!"
"Kitchen," I replied before hearing him move through the house. "Is dinner ready?" He asked.
My day was great, thanks for asking.
"Yes, I'm going to go shower but you can eat.." He nodded and sat at the table in front of the plate I placed for him as I made my way towards the steps.
My shower was relaxing but my mind kept drifting to Beyoncé.
I hated that one incident that brought up all those feelings I tried desperately to bury. It didn't matter how hard I scrubbed my lips or my hip, I could still feel her lips on me and her hands on my waist.
I felt ashamed that I let that happen. Being married was the furthest from my mind let alone my sexuality. Not to mention I was starting to get in the groove of making music and now all of those good memories were plastered by a mistake.
And the worst part of it all was that it didn't feel like a mistake. As much as I wanted to pretend it meant nothing, I knew I wanted to kiss her again and again.
Once I stepped out of the shower, I started to dry off until I heard the bathroom knob twist. I turned and met my husband's eyes in shock.
"I wanted to say thank you for dinner.." His smile was soft and for once his compliment didn't seem to derive from a negative place.
It wasn't lost on me that he never gave compliments to me as a person, only things I did for him. I wasn't even sure why I cared. It wasn't like I loved him.
"Thanks—can you step out and let me change?"
"I'm your husband, you don't have to hide from me... plus I thought we could spend some time together.."
"That's fine, we can. Just let me get dressed." I said as pulled my towel tighter around. He started walking closer to me and I cautiously stepped backward to keep distance between us.
I knew what kind of time he wanted to spend with me and I wasn't interested in the least bit. We've had sex a handful of times, if you could even call it that and each time was more unbearable than the last.
"Michelle, we are man and wife. Now you know what I want so don't make this difficult.."I just closed my eyes, as always, and envisioned myself elsewhere.
_______
BK
"I knew it! I knew you liked her!" Kelly yelled as I held my face in my hands in shame.
I couldn't believe I lost control like that during our session. I guess I was attracted to Michelle more than I was willing to admit. I mean I've known it since I first saw her but it was easy for me to just brush it off as being infatuated with her talent.
But it was more than that. There was just something about her that I couldn't resist. I saw beyond the rehearsed version she had to portray and saw the real her underneath. It was attractive.
For the first time, I felt myself being honest but for the first time, I also felt myself being ashamed. I've never once in my life felt ashamed of my sexuality but this situation was... different, unique, and most importantly messy.
"That's not the point! You're supposed to tell me that I'm stupid, that this could not only hurt my reputation but my budding friendship with Michelle, and that I have no sexual restraint or discipline when it comes to pretty girls.."
"I don't think any of that is true so why would I say it?" She sighed. I looked up at her as she walked around the kitchen island and sat next to me on a bar stool.
She packed her hand on my shoulder in comfort before pulling me into her arms. "Bey, she kissed you as well and she's the married one. Give yourself some grace.."
"But—" She cut me off with a firm rub on my back as she said, "No buts. Should you have kissed her? Probably not. Could this play out messily? Maybe. But it doesn't make you a bad person Bey.."
"I just feel like shit. I don't regret the kiss but I just wish it didn't put me in an awkward position." I sighed. I felt her nod against my head.
"Was the kiss good?" I could hear the curiosity laced throughout her tone.
"Better than good. It is so soft and perfectly sweet. I could feel eagerness and I never wanted that moment to end.."
"Damn.."
"I know.." I sighed as I felt my eyes begin to water. That kiss was way more than a kiss. It was like a revelation of something I refused to see.
But it hurt even more knowing it'd never happen again. No matter how much I desperately desired it too.
A/N: I appreciate y'all being patient with me. Updates will start to pick up soon I promise 🫶🏾