*Hey y'all! I hope you're liking my crazy story so far! I don't know exactly where I'm going with it, but I thank you if you're reading and still on this wild journey with me! Thanks for the love! *
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It had been about a week since I last spoke to Noah, but the next day, he added me back on Instagram, and had spent most of the morning liking and commenting my photos. He was very clearly trying to stay on my radar and not disappear again. I appreciated it, but at the same time, I didn't know if I could get past all the emotional damage.
As I was typing away on my laptop, working on a new article about Sleep Token announcing a tour in the United Kingdom, I heard my phone ding with a new text. It was Ryan.
"Hello beautiful. There's a local show tonight at the Strand and I grabbed us tickets. Be ready for 6. 🖤"
I smiled to myself a little and texted back "can't fucking wait."
The Strand was a local music venue that would often put on live shows. It was one of the hot spots for music lovers and it was a spot Noah and I used to frequent back when Bad Omens first started out. They played many heavy and acoustic sets there over the years and it helped them grow their fan base in the beginning,
Ryan had been in town for the weekend for a couple Motionless shows but tonight was his night off and he said he wanted to see me so I couldn't resist going.
As it grew later, I was looking forward to quality time with my old friend and dressed in some skinny jeans that were ripped in a few places to show off my leg tattoos. I accompanied them with a black corset tank top that accentuated my curvy figure. Ryan asked to pick me up but I offered to meet him at the Strand so he didn't have to go out of his way.
As soon as he saw me he grinned and swept me up into a hug.
"You look fucking hot," he blurted out and I just shook my head with a laugh. Ryan was always such a flirt but I never let him get passed that.
"Uhm...thank you?" I chuckled and gave him finger guns awkwardly. He just laughed knowing I never knew how to take a compliment.
"Come on let's get some drinks I think they're gonna be starting soon." We walked inside and went to the bar getting two tequila and Red Bulls. It was packed so I knew it had to be a good set tonight.
"Who's playing?" I asked him finding a good place to stand. We were too late to get super close to the stage but the venue was so intimate that you could still see from anywhere.
"Some band called Lorna Shore. I've listened to them a few times but they have a new singer now and I haven't seen him live yet."
"Dope!" I hadn't heard of them but of course I trusted Ryan's music choices. I sipped my drink just finally feeling happy and ready to have a good time tonight after so many months of sadness.
After a few minutes the lights went low and the music started as the band started coming out on stage.
They were heavier than I expected but I was flabbergasted by the curly-haired singer's vocals. He was talented!
Their songs were a little longer than I was used to, but one song had so many musical parts and breakdowns that I was absolutely intrigued. I moved out of the way as some people in the crowd started forming a pit.
"Nope! I'm sitting this one out! " I yelled to Ryan over the music and he laughed as I moved aside and he hopped in. He was a true emo kid at heart and always joined in on the circle pits when the opportunity arose.
I laughed to myself seeing Ryan having the best time and I decided to head back over to the bar to get us both another drink.
"What are you doing?"
I would recognize that voice anywhere. It sent chills down my spine. I turned around to see Noah standing there, looking so mesmerizing.
"What does it look like?" I answered and removed my arm from his gentle grasp.
"Didn't you say you were taking meds?"
I rolled my eyes a little.
"Not right now....can I grab my drink now?"
"Sorry." He said stepping aside and ordering a Coke. I couldn't help but glance over at his outfit as I sipped on my drink wondering why he always had to look so perfect. It was effortless for him.
He leaned against the bar next to me and looked down at me. I couldn't help but glance up at the way his bangs swept across his face and then I glanced down at his lips. I slightly fell into a day dream, trying to remember what they felt like on mine.
"I'm surprised to see you here." He leaned in close so I could hear him, his breath sending shivers down my spine.
I kept sipping thinking he was so handsome with that new haircut.
"You look so different I really like your hair like this." I wanted to reach up and run my fingers through it but I just squeezed my straw keeping my hands busy.
He smiled at me and I melted inside. It had been a long time since I saw him genuinely smile and it instantly took me back. He had a glow to his skin...like he was a new Noah. A better one. Well rested. The demons were still there but he was able to become more at peace with them.
"Yeah I needed a new start." He grinned at me and there was a sparkle in his eye I had missed for so long. He ran his fingers through his hair messing it up a little. "It was weird at first but it's growing on me."
He looked down at me gazing into my eyes as we both chuckled. I always loved when his hair used to be extra long and falling down past his shoulders. I always called him my "samurai".
But this new look really accentuated his features and even made him look mature.
"It really suits you." I confessed as I gazed down looking at his chiseled jaw line and his beautiful neck tattoos I always admired. What was happening to me right now? What kind of tequila did they give me?
"I love your make up like this." He reached over and caressed my cheek with his warm hand. I spent extra time on it tonight and I thought it was flattering he noticed. Although he always told me I didn't need make up but I was very good at it.
"You're stunning tonight." He confessed and I felt the butterflies in my stomach. I finished my drink and set the glass on the bar as I turned to him. I noticed his eyes roam down my body to my feet admiringly.
I could feel the tension between us but I was feeling a bit timid. I was trying to push the sex flash backs out of my mind and change the subject.
"Who's here with you tonight?" I asked.
"Folio's here somewhere," he shrugged and looked over his shoulder. I took a minute to admire his features before he turned back to me.
Suddenly, Ryan came up and stood between us and it caught me off guard. He didn't look amused. I actually didn't like the look on his face....it was an expression I had never seen before. It made me uncomfortable.
"Hey..." Ryan spoke to Noah first, then they stared at each other.
"Hey man. How are you?" Noah responded sounding cordial but he was still wondering deep down if we were hooking up.
"Great." He said flatly. I handed him his drink to break the awkward tension.
"This is for you." He smirked and took a sip.
"I'm gonna run to the bathroom." I lied feeling the anxiety rising in my chest needing to walk away from this situation.
Why was Ryan acting weird? Maybe he had too many drinks.
When I came back after a few minutes, Folio was standing with Noah at the bar with a few friends watching the show and Ryan was back in the pit. Noah noticed me and he walked toward me excusing himself from the group. He was frowning.
"Hey, can we talk really quick?" He yelled over the music. He looked serious this time.
I nodded and he took my hand leading the way. It felt so odd to me being able to hold his hand again, and it sent a shock throughout my body I could never find the words to describe.
As we walked through the people, I loved that he was so much taller than me and it always made me feel protected.
We went through a door and reached a narrow hall way that led back stage. He pressed his back up against the wall and I did the same on the opposing side. It was quiet enough here that we could talk.
"Listen..." his voice broke the silence, "I know it's none of my business and you can tell me to go fuck myself...but are you and Ryan...like...a thing?" He asked humbly. He wasn't being demanding or coming at me in a harsh tone. He was looking at me with a serious look on his face and it took me by surprise he was asking.
I lingered a while before I answered. For a second, I wanted to make him jealous. I could see it was eating away at him and it didn't take long before I started to feel bad. I wasn't usually that petty. I guess it just felt nice that he still cares and I was holding onto it.
"Of course not." I answered. I instantly saw the wave of relief come over his face and his shoulders relax a little bit.
We stared at each other admiring one another. How was it possible for anyone to be as beautiful as he is?
We sat in silence for a few more moments.
"How are you, Evie..." he suddenly asked me. I melted at his voice and it sent shivers down my spine.
"I'm okay I guess. How are you?"
I genuinely wanted to know.
He looked down for a moment and took a deep breath before answering me. I saw the sadness on his face and my heart ached in my chest. He finally looked at me with a broken smile.
"I miss you."
We stared at each other as tequila-dazed thoughts ran through my head quickly. I wanted so badly to give into him but then then...
Like old times...
The stupid flash backs of his betrayal played through my mind.
Part of me wanted to confess to him that I missed him too, but I was afraid to. I was terrified to be vulnerable again. I already gave him my heart once before, so I remained quiet instead.
He hesitantly pushed himself off the wall and enclosed the distance between us, resting a hand next to me against the brick behind me. I couldn't hold back anymore and I stood on my tip toes and wrapped my arms around his neck happy I wore my platform docs tonight. I kissed him passionately and he kissed me back as I felt his arms wrap around me.
My heart was aching with sadness even though I wanted this. It was bittersweet. Our lips moved together as I ran my tongue against his. He broke the kiss and rested his hand on my neck with furrowed brows. It was hard to read how he was feeling. He looked at me then kissed me again, sucking on my lower lip like how he used to, giving me goosebumps and making me tingle between my legs.
I ran my hands down his chest and I rubbed him over his jeans feeling that he was rock hard and he gently grabbed my hand and kissed my finger tips. I was taken back on why he was stopping me.
He sighed and closed his eyes for a second trying so hard to behave himself even though he missed me this last year.
"What's the matter?" I asked.
"Gah...it's not that I don't want this Eve...but you've had a bit to drink tonight and I don't want you to regret doing this." He exhaled nervously searching for the right words not wanting me to feel rejected or upset.
I bit my lip a little taken back. I understood why he was stopping me but it still hurt slightly. The tequila was hitting me and I just leaned against the wall trying to fight the urge to pull him into a room.
I just pulled away and straightened myself up looking everywhere but at him.
"I should probably go find Ryan..." I suggested quietly feeling awkward. He nodded but then he leaned in and gently kissed me once more.
"Call me tomorrow...if you want." He suggested and he lead me out back into the crowd seeing Lorna was nearing the end of their set. Ryan came over to me looking vexed.
"Let's get out of here." He suggested. I agreed ready to go home with my thoughts still racing about what just happened in the back hall way. I felt like Noah's eyes were on me as Ryan and I left, but I was too shy to look over at him again to see if he was actually looking.
On the ride home, the tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife.
"That show was fun..."
"Yeah." Was all he managed to say.
The mood he was in earlier completely shifted and it was uncomfortable.
"....is everything okay?" I asked hearing how awkward it was.
"Listen Evie...he's a douche bag. He hurt you, badly. And I was there to pick up the pieces. I saw him trying to move in on you tonight and I just wanted to remind you all of the terrible shit he did."
Part of me started growing aggravated. I know he was trying to be a friend but he was going about it the wrong way. I was grown and didn't need a lecture.
"Ryan. Save it. I'm well aware of what he put me through....I'm the one that went through it." He gripped the steering wheel looking over at me and I frowned back at him.
"However...whether I decide to be cordial with him or not is none of your business. You're a great friend to me but you don't need to worry about me..."
He scoffed a bit.
"Okay well find someone else to cry to when he breaks your heart all over again."
My jaw dropped. Ryan was being so rude and I've never seen him like this. He regretted it instantly as he saw my reaction.
"I'm sorry Eve..." he sighed, "I just won't want him to hurt you again...I've never seen you like that..."
I understood his concern but I was still boiling on the inside.
"Just bring me back to my car please." He sighed knowing he screwed up and we drove the rest of the way in an awkward silence.