I have no idea what time it was or how long I was asleep for, until I jumped awake by the sudden loud ringing of my phone.
I groaned and felt around for it while my eyes remained closed. Once I found it, I opened one eye and answered it seeing it was three in the morning. The caller was unknown. Normally I don't answer phone numbers I don't know, but my gut told me I should. It better be important.
"What?" Is all I managed to croak out.
"Hello I'm looking for a Ms. Eve Ransom...this is Chippenham hospital calling in regards to Noah Davis..."
I sat up quickly realizing I must have still been his emergency contact.
"Huh? Yeah this is she...what's going on?!"
"Ma'am, unfortunately Mr. Davis was admitted this morning. We can't speak over the phone but he is in stable condition but we wanted to give you the opportunity to come see him..."
My heart sank wondering what the hell could have happened and I was easily awoken by the panic.
"I'll be right there." I hung up and I didn't manage to change out of my tank and sweat pants. I just pulled on a Bring Me The Horizon hoodie and I grabbed my keys and started rushing to the hospital. Part of me wasn't thinking straight and I didn't think to call any of the guys, but when I arrived, his band brothers were all sitting in the waiting room looking both exhausted and defeated.
I hurriedly walked in through the double doors and they all stood, Jolly stood up to pull me into a hug first. It had been months since I've spoken to any of them but I could still feel the love in each of their embraces. No one to not personally that i kept to myself after the break up but we definitely all missed each other.
I hugged back so worried and confused.
"What happened? Is he okay?" I looked at them for answers.
They all exchanged glances and Folio decided to speak up.
"We don't exactly know yet but we think it was a drug overdose...."
A what?!
My eyes widened but I couldn't speak. They didn't want to give me the details even though they were all almost 100% sure where the drugs came from.
"He just told me last night that he was getting therapy and trying to do better..." my eyes watered. Although I hated what he did to me, I still would always have a spot in my heart for him and I never thought this was the path he would find himself on.
"We were all at the after party having a good time and then he collapsed and he was completely unconscious. Truthfully, he's been a fucking mess Eve..." Jolly started, "to be honest, ever since you left he's been on a downward fucking spiral."
I crossed my arms defensively with the tears spilling down my cheeks.
"Oh so this is my fault?"
"That's not what I meant," Jolly sighed, "he just...he punished himself for fucking things up with you more than any of us could and he's just been getting worse and worse...no one spinning this on you...I just wanted you to know...I think seeing you with Ryan last night just pushed him over the edge."
I shook my head and ran my fingers through my hair replaying the tired look in his dark eyes as we spoke last on the balcony. I could tell he wasn't the same person...he had seemed so lifeless.
"Listen...I shouldn't be here." I wiped my eyes knowing they only called me because he never changed his contact info. "Maybe you should call his girlfriend instead..."
They all exchanged glances.
"She's not his girlfriend, Eve...." Nick explained but I didn't believe that for a second. "And we don't talk to her unless we have to."
"Please stay..." Folio pleaded.
I sniffled not sure of what my next move was. Of course I still loved him and wanted to stay to make sure he's okay, but the other part of me knew I was just a part of his past, and didn't belong here. I was sure I was one of the last people he wanted to see.
Folio grabbed my hand and pulled me next to him. He embraced me as I cried into his shirt, feeling so embarrassed but I couldn't stop. I've held everything in for the last few months and avoided them so that this wouldn't happen...the outpouring of all the agony and heartbreak. I couldn't help it.
He rubbed my back to comfort me knowing I needed to let it all out.
I don't know how long we were sitting there until a doctor finally came out.
"Hi everyone...firstly, I wanted to let you all know he's going to be okay...secondly, we discovered opioids in his system, and mixing it with the alcohol caused him to collapse. We were thankfully able to pump his stomach and remove the Vicodin from his system, but glancing over his medical records, we know this was definitely not prescribed to him. Does Mr. Davis have a history of drug and alcohol abuse?"
The guys looked to me to answer as if I was still his keeper.
"Alcohol yes...drugs...I've never seen him do that." I knew he had recreationally before but it was never a steady "habit" of his like the drinking. I wondered if he did it on purpose or if the two got mixed by somebody giving it to him without his knowledge. Either option was a terrifying one.
"We are going to keep him here for another day to monitor him, but we might have to look into options for him as far as an outpatient treatment program to avoid this in the future...."
None of us spoke just trying to make sense of all of this. Even though Noah drank a lot and partied hard, this still just didn't seem like something he would normally do.
"Can we see him?" Nick finally asked to break the silence.
"He is awake and stable...that's actually why I'm here, he keeps asking for Eve...."
I felt everyone's eyes on me as I sat frozen in the chair. I didn't know if me seeing him was going to make things any better for either one of us.
"Uh...I don't know..."
Folio looked at me pleadingly.
"Eve, after today I promise you I'll try my best to make sure he doesn't bother you anymore. I know he doesn't deserve it from you, but would you please consider speaking with him? Just this last time."
I locked eyes with Folio debating on what I should do. I was already emotional but Folio made it more difficult for me to refuse.
He was always seeing both sides to our relationship and mostly sided with me...and the fact that he was asking this of me after everything just proved how much he was really hoping I would accept. I bit my lip just thinking for a few minutes and I finally nodded.
Folio sighed with relief and genuinely thanked me. I felt my weak legs almost buckle as I stood up, feeling nervous butterflies fluttering around in my stomach.
"Come with me." The doctor spoke and I followed him to Noah's room. I turned the knob and slowly entered feeling like I was in a dreamy haze. I wished I would wake up from this terrible nightmare right now, but unfortunately this was my reality
My eyes fell on his perfect face, as he laid in the hospital bed wearing his Johnny. His hair was disheveled , and he appeared pale with a violet tint around his eyes. He looked frail but still beautiful.
The silence was overcome with the small beeping sound of the machine he was hooked up to that monitored his heart beat.
As soon as he saw me, I noticed his bottom lip tremble with disbelief and his eyes glazed over. He didn't expect for me to actually come but he was so thankful I showed.
"Noah..." was all I could manage to utter. This was so surreal.
"I'm such an idiot." He sobbed. I tensed up in disbelief. We had a four year long relationship, and I never saw Noah cry. Angry, yes, annoyed, always, but I never saw him get emotional like this. I knew he was really crying out for help.
"What happened?" I asked quietly not wanting to trigger him or get him more upset.
He shook his head not wanting to answer me. I hesitantly came and sat on the edge of the hospital bed exhaling a shaky breath. I would wait all night for answers if I had to, I just wanted to make sure he was going to be okay.
"Please Noah..."
He put his face in his hands embarrassed of all the emotion he was letting out.
"I took it on purpose...someone offered it to me and I just wanted to feel better..."
My heart sank at his honesty. I was hoping that it was all a mistake.
"What were you thinking...you could have d- "
He cringed and closed his eyes for a second.
"I know...I wasn't thinking...I'm a selfish prick." I bit my lip knowing he was beating himself up for this and I didn't have to say anything else about what a stupid decision it was.
"I just...I couldn't stop thinking about you after you left," he wept turning my heart to mush.
"Then after we spoke last night...and everything came back to me like a ton of bricks I just wanted everything to stop. I wanted to forget everything. I wasn't trying to kill myself or anything like that...I don't think...but...clearly I wasn't thinking at all...I just don't know what to do anymore Eve. I'm so fucking sorry, for everything. If I could go back, I would.
My eyes watered all over again.
"I just don't know what you want me to say..."
"Nothing...I'm just so lucky you even decided to come after everything I did to you...and I just wanted to tell you one last time how full of regret I always will be for the rest of my life that I lost you..."
I finally found the courage to look in his eyes and felt the sincerity. And it killed me. I think I would rather him be mean, tell me he meant to rip my heart out...but the fact he kept apologizing for everything was making it even harder to stay away. The progress I thought I made getting over him was all brought to shambles.
Tears rolled down my face before I could realize they were coming, and I felt Noah pull me to him, wrapping his arms around me firmly. I didn't realize until this moment how much I truly wanted him to hold me again.
His touch sent electric shocks throughout my body as I buried my face into him, taking in his scent.
I thought about how helpless I felt when the hospital called me...I thought he was dead.
I don't know long we stayed entangled in each other. I realized the end of this moment had to come eventually so I embraced it for as long as I could, just listening to his heart beat. It felt so familiar.
Once the sun rose, we ended up waking up but we continued to lay there for a while. Eventually the guys were told they could come in and I sat up and forced myself to pull away from Noah and take a seat next to the bed.
It was an awkward silence but just their presence was more than enough support for Noah.
"How are you feeling?" Folio asked.
"I'm just feeling tired and dizzy..." Noah answered resting his head back on his pillow.
He still looked pale.
Jolly opened the door asking for a nurse and they kicked us out to examine him.
The nurse came in to measure his blood pressure.
She exclaimed vitals were okay but he needed to rest.
Noah ended up falling back to sleep and I finally told the guys I was heading out. They insisted that I stay but they knew they couldn't change my mind. Now that I saw Noah was okay, I was relieved, but it didn't change our situation.
"Thanks for coming Evie." Folio muttered as he hugged me tightly.
"Keep in touch, okay?" Jolly asked as I squeezed him.
I could only nod thinking if I speak I might burst into tears again. I held onto Nick for a minute then left and didn't look back.
I went home to try and catch up on sleep, but it was a very hard task for me lately. I kept waking up every so often feeling panic in my chest.
Once I decided to try and get up for the day, I noticed my phone was dead. I let it charge as I forced myself to take a shower, and when I came back, i saw multiple missed calls and texts from the guys. I opened the most recent from Folio.
"Noah is finally getting some help. He's going to a rehabilitation clinic in California. Thank you for coming bye Eve...i think having you there helped a lot. We miss you and hope one day maybe we can all talk again...hopefully talk to you soon."
My hand slightly shook as I scanned the text a few time. It was bittersweet.
Knowing he was trying to get back on the right path was great news...but part of me had wished he did that before he ruined everything between us....
I thanked Folio for the update and spent the rest of the day in bed, mourning Noah and what we used to have. But I still wished him nothing but happiness in his life.