TW: Mention of self harm
(Third person POV)
Black, loose curls splayed out on the pillow supporting his head, Charlie's frame is barely visible amongst the darkness of the room. A mountain of blankets are laid just above his waist, leaving his chest exposed to the early morning coldness of the bedroom. The digital clock on his bedside table reads, "5:00 am".
It's finally Saturday.
Slowly stepping forward, glad that it takes a lot for Charlie-a notorious deep sleeper- to stir, Nick keeps his finger up to his mouth, signaling to Lily, their energetic puppy, to stay quiet.
Luckily, she tiredly lays her head back down in response with a huff. Beneath Nick, a floorboard creaks, momentarily disrupting the dead silence.
First, Nick takes off his belt, which lands on the wooden floor with a loud thud. "Shit." He thinks to himself, "How did I manage to miss the rug?"
Granted, it's pitch black, and squinting isn't helping him to see any better.
Next, his blue striped dress shirt comes off, leaving Nicholas's hair tousled and messy.
Once Nick is just in his boxers, he folds back the sheets and lays beside Charlie, the weight of his much denser body on the mattress weighing down his side of the bed.
Before properly settling in, Nicholas is quick to pull all of the sheets up to Charlie's neck.
In response, the slightly shorter one of the two, Charlie, softly groans before instinctively turning to face Nick, nuzzling his face into Nick's chest. Nick is quick to reciprocate his affection, by placing a large hand of his over the small of Charlie's back.
A sea of charcoal-colored curls presses against the older one's chin. Their interlocked bodies mimic the anatomy of a hug. Hearts in contact with each other, skin touching.
____________________
(Charlie's POV)
When it comes to being a dog parent, I've learned many things. For one, when they want you to wake up, you will wake up. They're relentless beasts. Beasts that we chose to domesticate, not knowing the consequence of doing so.
I can't say for sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing, but I do know that I'm biased.
Having somehow avoided being woken up by Lily, I'm contently smiling to myself. My mouth is dry and I feel like I've suddenly come out of a trance. Two signs that indicate I've slept well. "Hm." Lazily, I lift my head just enough to take a peek at the time. It's nearly the afternoon, yet I'm reluctant to get up.
The bed is just so warm and cozy.
"Five more minutes." I think to myself, allowing my eyes to flutter closed.
Annoyingly, sleep doesn't take me.
"Fine." I groan and then sit up.
"Good morning." A husky voice suddenly says from in front of me, at the doorway of the bedroom.
Caught off guard, I jump. "Jesus Christ, Nicholas!"
Holding off from saying anything else, Nick takes back his spot in our bed and lays down, pulling me down with him by gripping my hips. "Mmm." The familiar heat that his body radiates is oddly soothing. "When did you get home?"
"At around four in the morning, but I didn't get into bed until five." A hand of his moves up and towards my arm. He caresses it and then presses a soft kiss on my shoulder. "Lily woke me up to go in the backyard, so I took her out a bit ago because she got too loud."
"Thank you." I say, whispering, "You must be exhausted."
"Mmmhm. Honestly, I don't know how I survived the drive here."
We both chuckle even though that's really not funny.
"Jesus-"
"You sure are loving that word today, Char."
I ignore that comment of his, instead wordlessly melting into my fiancé as he plays with my hair.
"Why'd you leave your mum's house so early?"
Silence..and then I feel his grasp on me loosen, his breathing slowly evening out. Eventually, Nick is fast asleep.
Some more sleep never hurt anybody.
Besides, it is the weekend now.
____________________
(Nick's POV)
7:00 in the morning on the dot. That timestamp is ingrained in my mind. The PR team had made a point to make sure of that. The interview that we had prerecorded way before daylight even the chance to break would be published at that time. Was. From that point on, for likely the whole day, the public will respond.
Maybe even for days from now.
Just that thought alone brings on a nasty splitting headache. One that relentlessly urges my stomach to lurch- but I could no longer handle staying silent. Biting my tongue was beginning to feel like I was punishing myself. Why sentence myself to torture when I did nothing wrong? Where's the sense in that?
I had gone straight from the studio trembling with adrenaline, feeling an unshakable sense of uneasiness, to pushing the speed limit in order to be home with Charlie. Only with him could my nervous system once again gain control of itself. Though, I'd be a liar if I said I wasn't nervous. Now awake, knowing that the wrath of the world awaits me when I turn on the tv, or my phone, has me fucking anxious as hell.
I've run out of nails to bite.
Honestly, I can't help but wonder, "What the fuck have I done?!"
And then yet another thought crosses my mind, "Where has that confidence and fire from this morning gone?"
"Char." I croak rather loudly.
Charlie, who had been trying to contain his wild locks, looks at me from the reflection in our bathroom mirror. Meanwhile, I'm standing behind him, feet planted on the cold tile. I'm finding it difficult to do the same as him. Get my day started.
Perhaps ignorance is bliss.
"Talk to me." He says as he turns on his heel in order to properly face me, "or your face will."
I've always struggled to conceal my emotions and inner thoughts. They have always seemed to manifest themselves in my face.
I can't help that I constantly wear my heart on my sleeve.
Now cupping my face, my fiancé proceeds to speak, "A worry line is forming between your eyebrows." Charlie pauses, kissing that exact spot on my face. For a second, that crease disappears.
"I just got so..so fed up," I explain, rubbing my chest as if that'll expel the anxiety. Charlie doesn't say a word. He doesn't need to. Silently, he replaces my hand with his, pressing it to my chest, guiding me to breathe with him. "And I don't get why, if I'm so tired of all of this, I'm still scared. Why do I-no- how do I still care about what complete strangers have to say when I'm so sick of it?"
Charlie, knowing that feeling all too well, clears his throat.
(Flashback, third person POV)
"Something's up, and you aren't telling me!" Tao exclaims, slapping his hands against his sides, totally defeated. "Charlie I-" his voice breaks, "I thought that I'm your best friend. You're supposed to talk to me if something's wrong. You can talk to me if something's wrong."
Firmly, Charlie responds. However, the dark circles under his eyes do all of the real talking. "I'm fine."
"Really?" Tao raises an accusatory finger to point at Charlie, "Because you don't look fine. You never eat lunch with Elle, Isaac, and me anymore. Jesus, Charlie, we barely see you anymore! And whenever I, or any of the others do see you, you scurry. Why?"
The shorter boy of the two remains still, hanging his head.
"Charlie." Suddenly, Tao's once hardened eyes due to anger go soft. Fear and worry are plaguing his mind. "Please."
A beat.
"We're going to be late for school, Tao." Charlie slings his book bag over his shoulder, exiting the market without a snack like the rest of his friends. Meanwhile, Tao stays back, watching as Charlie storms out. And then he reunites with Isaac and Elle, who are at the back of the store, picking out snacks.
(End of flashback)
"Because you're human."
"Well, this whole human being thing really sucks."
With that, Charlie pulls Nick into his embrace, allowing him to rest his head on his shoulder. Nick is quick to bury his face into the fabric of Charlie's shirt, gripping his fiancé's sides as if he's holding onto him for dear life. Turns out, he really needed this hug. And perhaps so did Charlie, because he finds himself swallowing back some tears that he hasn't known he stomped down in the first place.
_____________________
(Charlie's POV)
"Fancy some brunch?" Nick whips the fridge open, causing me to feast my eyes on tupperware full of Sarah Nelson's homemade cooking. "As you can see, there's plenty of options to choose from."
Having been on my phone, repeating what had become a self-destructive ritual, I look up. "Hm?"
So, Nick repeats himself. This time throwing in some more humor.
"Hopefully we can consume all of this soon because I'm certain that half of my mum's tupperware collection is in our fridge right now."
I slowly nod, mind still preoccupied. "Hmm." I feel like I'm back in my childhood bedroom, guiltily shutting my laptop off when Nick- who was my boyfriend at the time- enters my room with a warm cup of tea in his hand. Unbeknownst to him at the time, I had been obsessively reading stranger's opinions on the internet. Everyone had been saying that Nick and I wouldn't last once he left for uni.
Over time I began to believe them. And now I'm believing the current comments that constantly berate and tear me apart.
All those years ago, that broke me, and nearly us.
"Maybe later? Right now I'm in the mood for something light..like orange slices." I click my phone off, weakly smiling, "You go ahead though."
Next thing I know Nick is heating up his brunch whilst simultaneously peeling and then parting a few oranges for me to eat, as if I can't do it myself. He then proceeds to rearrange them into the shape of a flower of some sort on a small, white plate that has specks of blue littered on it.
"Mon amour," Nick smirks, raising an eyebrow, watching my reaction through my body language. He then proceeds to push the plate towards me, "Pour toi." His voice is purposely soft and silky, doing the complete opposite of grinding my gears.
That's unfair, really unfair.
"If I were more awake I'd definitely be soaked right now."
My fiancé is quick to circle the counter and reach me. "Julio would be horrified." Nick's arms keep me in place as he covers me in tender kisses. As expected, I returned the kisses, but eventually cut him off by placing a hand on Nick's chest, playfully pushing him back.
Nicholas immediately begins to whine, "Charrr!" I giggle, just staring into his eyes as he pushes my hair back and out of my face.
For a moment, I forget about everything.
"God, you're so beautiful." His words are spoken quietly and with such a sincerity that my heart seizes behind my ribs. The intensity of everything lately creeps up on him, Nick's eyes go all glassy and his nose is slightly reddish-pink, sticking out against his fair skin.
I look between his eyes, only capable of seeing a juvenile version of Nick. The same Nick, who had been my boyfriend at the time, looked at me with unwavering love (though, that hadn't been revealed at the time) eyes watering, after I opened up to him about accidentally being outed by Tao. The bullying and the self-hatred, which eventually became my lifelong "friend", self-harm. He instantly wrapped his arms around me, just like I just did to him, gripping my shoulder blades, shakily breathing, suppressing tears.
At the time, I mirrored him like I'm mirroring him now.
"I love your hair so much..I love your eyes..and I- I love-"
"..you. I love you. God, I love you so much." Nick's familiar words snapped me back to reality. My hand had somehow found itself buried in the crook of his neck, allowing our eyes to connect. And then I pressed a long kiss onto his head, wordlessly saying "I love you" back.
This little pocket of happiness, our home, will not be infiltrated. "Your mom suggested that we go radio silent." I begin, unmoving. "How does that sound?"
"Well, they do say that mums are full of wisdom."
"So?" I raise an eyebrow, smiling. Truly smiling.
"So, I say that we take the day-maybe even the rest of the week, to put our phones down. We could binge some of those corny drama-filled shows that we always stupidly get invested in." Nick says, slowly. "Christ, maybe I'll try grilling outside."
"I'm unsure if I should entertain that idea of yours, but I will because I'll get you a hilarious apron that matches your 'he turned me gay' shirt."
Nick throws his head back with a mixture of a laugh and a huff, remembering the godforsaken gag shirt that I had gotten him some time ago. "Fine. If you let me have my fun, then it's only fair that I let you have yours."
"Deal." We seal it with a kiss.