— all I need is you and me
why is it so hard to believe me?
don't you hear it in my voice
that all I want is to be yours? —
Well shit, Chay fucked up, didn't he? Snooping through Kim's cabin and especially through his treasure chest and being caught? Wonderful job, Chay, really...
"Found something nice?" Kim asked and Chay had no idea how to read his expression or the tone of his voice. Was he mad? Was he not?
Chay slowly stood up, straightened his body, and looked Kim right in the eyes, "I didn't mean to... umm..."
A corner of Kim's lips twitched into a half-smirk, "I'm not accusing you of anything, Chay. Relax." Kim cocked his head a little bit to the right and smiled, "nice earring..."
Chay's hand automatically shot up to the earring, his fingers brushing over the blue droplets, "I just thought that I would try it... not like I think that I can keep it or anything."
"You can keep it. It looks nice on you," Kim said and reached for Chay's waist, successfully making Chay's head spin.
What was happening?
Kim's fingers were hot and firm on Chay's body. Chay could only follow Kim's movements. Kim sat him down on the edge of the bed and took off Chay's shirt.
Chay took a deep breath when Kim's fingers touched his chest, feeling the goosebumps slowly covering his skin. Squatting down in front of Chay, Kim looked into his eyes and shook his head, "I might act like an asshole to you, but I'm not going to let you walk around with open wounds, darlin'. Look at yourself. Are you going to tell me that it doesn't hurt?"
The truth was... it didn't hurt. Not much, until Kim brought Chay's attention back to reality. Chay didn't really know why he even started snooping around Kim's cabin before... now he understood... he wanted to distract himself from the burning pain he felt spreading through his body. Those cuts especially on his hands weren't that deep and they weren't even bleeding much anymore, but now when he looked at his chest he couldn't say the same. Those cuts were still bleeding and his shirt was no longer pristine white. Kim was right—it hurt and he wanted Kim to take care of it, he just wasn't expecting Kim to actually care enough to do it.
And yet, the first thing that came out of his mouth wasn't a thank you or yes it hurts, instead it was, "you are not acting like an asshole."
Kim huffed a short chuckle and stood up, "you are right, I don't act like an asshole—I am one."
"You aren't," Chay grabbed Kim's hand, "I know that you just need time. I'm good at waiting. I've waited my whole life for you anyway."
Kim sighed and stepped away, forcing Chay to lose touch with his body, "I am a human. I do shitty things. You can't excuse everything wrong I do just because you have dreamed me into life... If I didn't send you to sleep below deck, you wouldn't be bleeding right now..."
"If you didn't send me below deck, I wouldn't feel like you finally care about me either... "
"So what happened to you is okay because now I finally am not hiding that I care?" Kim snapped. He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath before looking at Chay again, "you want me to be honest, Chay? Yes, I do care. I care from the moment you showed up in my goddamn life, and that's what makes it so confusing because I don't want... I don't need by my side someone who sees me as a god. I need someone who sees me as a human. Who can understand me... for whom I'm not captain Kimhan... just Kim... do you get that, Chay?"
"I don't see you as a god," Chay breathed out... it was true, even if Kim didn't believe that. "I... I know that you just killed someone—"
"God is killing people every day, Chay," Kim shook his head and turned away. "Whatever... I have to clean your wounds now... I have clean rum—"
"Kim, I'm sorry if I made you feel like I wouldn't understand you or if I'm pressuring you too much. I was just... no... I still am so happy that it is me who belongs by your side," Chay looked down at his lap, his palms opened and bloody... even like this, he would still fight for Kim. Even tattered and bloody... all he needed was a chance. "If only you give me a chance..."
When Chay raised his head again, Kim was already back in front of him. A bottle of alcohol in his hand, he was too close to Chay's personal space. "Are you done talking?"
Chay nodded.
"Good," Kim grabbed Chay's shoulder to hold him steady, "this will hurt."
The sharp, stinging pain shot through Chay's entire body, but he didn't let out a sound. He couldn't. His mouth was occupied by something else. Kim tasted like rum. At least Chay assumed that was how rum tasted, Chay never actually had it. His lips automatically reacted to Kim. He wanted to kiss him back, to kiss him longer, to kiss him more deeply because it was finally happening. They were kissing. Kim kissed him... Kim kissed him first... and suddenly the pain he felt was the last thing that mattered.
But then the sweet warmth left Chay's lips and the pain returned again.
"I knew you would want to scream," Kim cleared his throat and put the bottle of rum away. Suddenly, he couldn't look at Chay again. He just kissed him. Just like that. He just did it. And the problem wasn't even that he did it... the problem was that he wanted to do it again. He shouldn't have done it. He should have kept his distance. That was exactly why he tried to keep his distance since the beginning because he knew once he'd cross the line he wouldn't be able to find the way back.
Kim pressed his lips into a thin line and tore the shirt he gave Chay before into two. He would just dress Chay's wounds and then... what Kimhan, what will you do? You can't send him to sleep back in the below deck.
That's what he truly wanted to do but then Chay touched his neck and Kim had no idea why, but he looked up at Chay again just in time to see Chay's gaze dropping to his lips and hear Chay's soft voice saying, "I think that I want to scream a little bit more."
Kim had no time to pull away. He didn't want to pull away. Chay was right—he was the one who was supposed to be by Kim's side because how else could Kim explain everything he felt when their lips met again? Chay's hand was heavy and firm on his nape, and Chay's lips were warm and demanding on his mouth, and Kim was tired of pushing Chay away so he didn't, no more. He reciprocated Chay's kiss with the same intensity as Chay was giving him. Their lips melted into one so easily that it made Kim's head spin. He held himself steadily, holding onto Chay's waist, the tender skin under his fingertips imprinted into his memory like nothing else before ever did.
Fuck, they had to stop.
He had to take care of Chay. Take care of his wounds.
Kim opened his eyes, he didn't even know when he closed them and pulled himself away. The short disapproving noise that Chay made didn't escape Kim's ears and if anything, it made him even more restless than he already was.
"Chay—"
"You liked it," Chay blurted out, "you can't pretend you didn't."
Kim was looking at him like he never wanted to look away ever again and Chay was trying his best to not hope for anything. To not think that from now on everything would be different. That what just happened changed anything between them. He didn't want to feel happiness for a couple of sweet moments just for it to be crashed down by Kim pushing him away once again. But those eyes. Kim's eyes... Chay would willingly drown in them.
And then Kim spoke and the hope in Chay's heart was never stronger than at that moment.
"I didn't want to pretend that I didn't like it. That would be a lie. But I'm still not done dressing your wounds. I said that I'll take care of you so let me do it. After that..." Kim nodded, "after that, we can talk about anything you want to... I won't push you away anymore."
"I don't want to pretend that I didn't like it... I won't push you away anymore." It felt surreal. It made Chay question if he could even believe it. Kim was finally opening up to him? Was he finally allowed in? Kim didn't hate him after all. He didn't love Chay either, but... but he liked him. That was enough. Yeah... just liking was enough.
"Can you hold your arms up for me?" Kim asked.
Chay just looked at the torn shirt in Kim's hands and nodded, holding his arms up.
Kim was fast; he finished dressing Chay's wounds in just a couple of minutes and before Chay knew it, he was sitting with a new loose shirt on in the middle of Kim's bed while Kim was standing next to his desk, looking out of the window, Chay wondered what he could see out there... and if anything at all.
Should he start? Maybe Kim is waiting for him to say something. But Kim was the one who kissed him first. And Kim was the one who said that they would talk.
"I didn't believe that you would come," Kim finally broke the silence but he was still facing the window, leaving Chay only guessing what kind of expression his handsome face was carrying at that moment.
"It was an oracle who told me that because I accepted a present from a siren now I'm cursed, bound to be with a person for whom I'll die... not once, but multiple times... I didn't believe that... I didn't believe any of it," Kim chuckled, "I mean, it's not even possible—how can a person die multiple times? But then right after I left the oracle, The Reckoning got into trouble, and I woke up with your pretty eyes staring down at me. So who knows, maybe that was me dying for the first time... after all, for a while, I didn't exist in my timeline... but I did in yours."
Chay hitched his breath when Kim finally turned around to look at him. Kim looked torn between what he really wanted and what was rational. Chay wondered how many decisions daily Kim had to make and how many of them were harder than whatever decision Kim was trying to make right now.
"Chay, you have to realize that you had your whole life to prepare for this. Your family had centuries to prepare for this. Maybe it wouldn't be you but someone else from your family who would be sitting here right now, but you knew this was a possibility. You, you Chay, even wished for it to happen. But me? A couple of days ago, something like this didn't even cross my mind. I knew about something like this happening just before I met you for the first time. You see the difference? Do you understand?"
Chay slowly nodded, he thought he did understand where was Kim coming from, but yet he didn't get why Kim was so reluctant to get closer to him, get more intimate... not like Chay wanted only sex with Kim, Chay wanted everything with Kim, but it didn't make sense why Kim didn't even try. Kim clearly thought Chay was pretty...
"I get that I had more time to get used to this whole possibility, but I'm the one who has been thrown into a different century, the one who has to get used to living in a completely different way than before, but I'm trying. I'm doing my best. And the only anchor I have here is you. Maybe you don't want me close but I need you close to survive, and I want you close because I like you."
"Chay—"
"I just don't get why you have to keep your distance so much. Why are you now standing there instead of sitting here next to me? Why can't I kiss you again right now? Or can I? You won't push me away? You used to sleep with people around, but you are keeping your distance from me. Why? Why am I different?"
"Because you are different, Porchay!" Kim groaned. "Yes, I used to sleep around. I used to fuck people and kick them out the next day. But do you really think that I want to do that to you? You are too important to me, Chay. If I start anything with you I want to build it on trust and understanding not on how good I might feel inside of you... or what? Do you actually want me to fuck you right now?"
Chay shook his head—no, he didn't want that. All he wanted was for Kim to open up to him and accept him... accept them together. This whole conversation made him look like all he wanted was sex anyway. He sighed, closing his eyes. It was all going wrong.
"I'm sorry," Chay breathed out, "I made this look like I just want to sleep with you."
"So you don't?" there was a playful smirk playing on Kim's lips as he slowly made his way to Chay and sat down next to him on the bed.
"Not yet," Chay turned to Kim, "but that doesn't mean I don't want us to be together. I don't care about some curse or whatever. I like you because I like you not because some otherworldy power made it happen."
"You don't know me long enough to like me, Chay."
"I might not know you long or well enough, but that doesn't mean I can't like you. I want to get to know you more, and I want you to get to know me more as well. And I know for a fact that you want that too. People can like someone whom they just met and they also can feel nothing towards a person they have known for years. I do like you now... and I know that my feelings will get even deeper with time. So, does it really sound that bad to you to like me back?"
"You are so persistent, you know that?" Kim smiled.
"I just know what I want."
Kim reached out for Chay's hand and gently held it in his own, "from now on you'll be sleeping in my cabin. I've made sure that everyone understands that they can't hurt you anymore. You should be safe now—"
"Why are you changing a topic, Kim?" Chay was getting frustrated. He wanted to pull away from Kim but instead, he got pulled almost on Kim's lap. The heat of Kim's body enveloped him instantly.
"I'm not changing the topic, darlin'. I just wanted you to know the important part before I kiss you again and lose every rational thought I still have."
"What?" Chay whispered into the small space between them, watching Kim's lips curving into a barely visible smile.
"You want me to give us a chance... so I'll do it. I like kissing you. Crazy as it sounds, I think that I like kissing you more than any other person I have ever kissed. So I'm gonna do it again... and again..." Kim's lips brushed over Chay's cheek, his voice low and barely above a whisper. "But... I can't promise you that everything will be picture-perfect between us. I still don't understand what that curse really means, and I still need time to get used to having someone by my side who doesn't see me only as their captain." Kim cupped Chay's cheek and looked him in the eyes, "do you still want us even when I'm damaged way more than I'm whole?"
"No one is perfect," Chay whispered and their lips collided. Chay wasn't looking for perfect. He didn't need perfect. All he wanted was Kim; the man he hoped to meet for so long. The man he wished upon the sky for. It may all have started as a wishful thinking of a boy who had been told the same legend over and over again, but it was different now. Chay knew that the reality was cruel. But for him, Kim was the only safe spot in all that cruelty even if Kim was part of that cruelty.
⋆༺𓆩☠︎︎𓆪༻⋆
When Chay opened his eyes in the morning, Kim was gone. The spot next to Chay was already cold and the cabin was dark. No candles were lit, and the window was being attacked by harsh rain. Chay felt cold and lonely. It was a weird feeling after falling asleep in the warm embrace of his pirate.
Sitting up on the bed he heard Kim's voice and the voice of someone else talking outside of the cabin.
"We just gonna use him in case there's no other way out," Kim said.
The other man laughed, "it's funny how he thinks that he is important. You did a good job, captain. The more he trusts us the more I'm gonna enjoy his face when we leave him there."
Kim laughed as well, "you have to be too dumb to trust pirates, that's for sure."
To be continued...
P.S. KimChay's relationship status is... complicated 🫣