"Jesus Christ, Bucky! Are you kidding me? You're seriously going to help Zemo?" Steve groaned.
"I don't have a choice, Steve! If I don't, he'll kill her. I thought I was protecting her by pushing her away, but it doesn't matter to Zemo if I'm with her or not. He knows I'm in love with her. If I fail, she's dead!" Bucky yelled.
"Then why did you push her away in the first place? If he would hurt her either way, you broke her heart for nothing."
Steve was seriously baffled by Bucky's thought process. Anyone could see how Bucky looked at you. Hear how he spoke to you. Pushing you away only made you more vulnerable.
"I panicked, Steve. I thought I could make him believe that I didn't care about her, but he knew I was lying."
"I told her you were lying. That you were doing it to protect her."
"Did she believe you?"
Steve saw a spark of hope in Bucky's eyes, but he couldn't lie to him. Bucky was going to have an uphill battle trying to win you back. Even if you believed he had the best intentions, he still chose to leave you instead of telling you the truth.
"I think she did, or at least she wants to."
"So, I still have a chance to get her back?"
Bucky thought he was ready to let you go, but seeing you with Steve had snapped something inside him. The thought of you moving on hurt. Seeing you smiling and laughing with Steve thrust his worst nightmares into reality. You would have a life filled with all the things Bucky had planned to have with you, but he wouldn't be part of the picture. He wouldn't be the man taking you on dates and whispering sweet nothings in your ear. He wouldn't be the man waiting for you at the end of the aisle on your wedding day. He wouldn't be the man who got to hold you in his arms for the rest of his life.
"I honestly don't know, Buck." Steve's words stole the little piece of hope he had.
"B-but, I did it for a reason. I'd never say those things to her if I didn't one hundred percent believe it was the right thing to do." Bucky was panicking for a different reason now. He believed Steve would be able to help him and that, when Zemo was dealt with, you would be safe. Now he was facing the possibility that he had really lost you forever.
"I know that, and I think she does, too..." Steve trailed off.
"But?" Bucky pressed.
"But—you still lied to her. She said she didn't know if she could be with someone who would rather break her heart than give her the truth."
Bucky's breath quickened as he took in what Steve said. Even knowing Bucky lied to you because he thought it was necessary, you still wouldn't forgive him. He was a fucking idiot for ever thinking that his plan was a good idea. If he had told you the truth from the start you wouldn't be suffering and he wouldn't be dealing with the guilt of having to murder a man.
"You gotta help me, Steve. I need to figure this shit out with Zemo and then I need to get her back. I made a mistake. I realize that now."
"I'll help you with the Zemo situation and I'll do everything I can to at least get Y/n to talk to you."
That was the best Bucky was going to get, so he had to accept it. Steve spent the rest of the afternoon coming up with a way to get Bucky free and clear of Zemo. The plan was solid and Steve saw a little weight lift from Bucky's shoulders. As long as he didn't deviate from the plan, everything would be fine.
~
Thursday morning was relatively peaceful. You were sitting on the balcony off the common room of the compound enjoying your morning coffee. It was a morning ritual for you, one that you hadn't indulged in since your break up with Bucky, but this morning you woke up in better spirits. You enjoyed the calm of the early morning and the way the sky streaked with the most vibrant colors as the sun rose across the lake.
You were huddled up in a chair holding your mug, staring off at the horizon as bright oranges and pinks chased away the black of the night. A soft wind rippled around you bringing the scent of pine with it. You closed your eyes, focusing on the peacefulness of the moment. You were so focused that you didn't hear the door softly shutting or the chair legs beside you scraping against the concrete. A hand gently touched your arm making you jump and spill your coffee on your shirt.
"Holy fuck, that's hot!" You squealed.
"I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to scare you. Are you okay?"
You looked up to see Bucky sitting in the chair next to you with a concerned look. Dark circles sat under red rimmed eyes. He was pale and looked exhausted. His appearance made you want to take him in your arms and hold him tight. You almost reached for him, but then his words floated through your head.
I don't want you, Y/n.
"What do you want, Bucky?" Your tone was cold and distant.
"I just want to talk, doll."
"I don't want to talk. I want you to leave me alone."
The coffee that had seeped into your shirt was cooling from the chilly temperature and sent a shiver through you. You stood up to leave, but Bucky blocked your path.
"What Steve told you is true!" He blurted out. "I know I lied to you, but I did it to protect you."
"You still lied! You promised that you'd come to me if anything like this ever happened, but you didn't trust me enough to do that. And then the things you said. I can't stop hearing them in my head, Bucky. Even if I were to forgive you, do you really think I can forget what you said to me?"
Bucky reached out and cupped your cheek in one hand while his other rested on your waist. You wanted to push him away, but you missed his touch.
"But they weren't true. I do want you. I love you, Y/n. I love you so much that even thinking about saying those things to you almost killed me. Then having to see your face as I actually said them—it almost made me wish I was back with Hydra. That would've been less painful than hurting you."
Bucky released you and ran his fingers through his already tousled hair. He sighed heavily, ready to reveal his reason for pushing you away.
"Y/n, it's Zemo. He had pictures of you, said he was keeping tabs on you. I couldn't let him hurt you. You are the most important person in my life. If it came down between you dying and me hurting you, I'd rather you hate me than end up dead because of me."
"Do you really think the team would've let that happen?" You scoffed. "You did this because you were being selfish. You wanted to spare yourself the pain of me possibly dying, so you decided to crush me instead."
"I didn't think..."
"Clearly! You didn't think it'd hurt me. You thought you could apologize and everything would be all roses and sunshine. Bullshit! You know how much I love you and you still said the words every woman dreads hearing."
You took a step closer to him, pressing your chest into his. Your neck craned back to look up at him. He had tears building in his eyes, but your fury knew no bounds. Every thought you'd had over the last week poured out of you. Your own tears spilled down your cheeks as your voice rose in anger.
"I have cried myself to sleep every goddamn night! I've barely been eating, had hardly any sleep, and every time I see you all I want is for you to take me in your arms and hold me like you used to. I've even prayed that this was all one big fucked up nightmare! But it's not. You fucked up! You got what you wanted. I mean nothing to you, so Zemo has nothing to hold against you now."
"You mean everything to me." Bucky whispered.
"No, I don't. If I did, you wouldn't have broken me to the point of disrepair."
The door to the balcony slammed open and the only thing you saw was a flurry of blonde hair. You took a step back in shock and saw Bucky hit the ground.
"I told you to stay away from her." Yelena yelled.
Bucky was clutching the back of his knee as he pushed himself into a sitting position.
"Yelena." Nat scolded from behind her, but bit down on her lip trying to hide her smirk.
"I just wanted to talk to her." Bucky groaned.
"Why? So you can break her heart a second time. No." Yelena looked at you with soft eyes. "Come, sestra."
"In a minute." You looked down at Bucky. "Don't do anything stupid, Bucky. You owe me at least that."
You started to walk away, but stopped once more. Your gaze fell on him and the words you spoke made him realize just how badly he had fucked up.
"I would have preferred Zemo kill me instead of hearing you say that you don't love me."
You stepped around him and walked towards Nat, who had her arms open for you. Yelena stayed behind you glaring at Bucky.
"I deserved it, I know that." You heard him mutter.
"You deserved much more than that, Barnes." Yelena said calmly.
You knew that tone. Yelena was dangerous when she was riled up, but she was downright deadly when she shifted to her calm resolve.
"Yelena, let him be." You said softly.
"He hurt you, Y/n!" Yelena yelled.
"The fighting makes it worse on her, Lena." Nat said, rubbing her hand along your shoulders for comfort.
"I'm okay now. Well, maybe not now, but I will be." You smiled at Yelena softly.
"At least let me hurt him a little bit." Yelena pleaded.
"No." You looked down at Bucky again and then back to Yelena. "He's suffering enough. However, I will let you and Nat dress me up and take me out on the town tonight. Does that sound like a plan?"
"Fine." Yelena sulked.
She shot Bucky another glare and then followed after you and Nat. He leaned back against the railing. You were right. Bucky thought apologizing was the key to your forgiveness. He should've listened to Steve. Getting you to accept his apology and winning you back wouldn't be a quick process. What he did couldn't be fixed with a sad face and a few words. He needed to show you that he wasn't going anywhere, that he could be the man you needed. But first he had to get this mess with Zemo taken care of. After that, his only mission would be getting his girl back.
A/N: Everyone deserves a sister like Yelena. Next part up soon!