Time had been measured in the amount of lost sleep and tears shed over the last week. You still couldn't believe that what you had with Bucky was over. A year and half of your life had been flushed down the drain, spent on a man that never loved you. Your work day passed in a blur as you trained the new recruits, pushing them to their limits and taking your heartache out on them. Steve had to remind you more than once that your anger shouldn't be directed at them.
He knew you weren't okay. Everyone did, but no one brought up Bucky or what had happened. Well, no one except Nat or Yelena, but their comments were just his name mingled with curses and threats of violence. You loved the protectiveness of your sisters, but whenever they said his name it sent a fresh wave of pain through you. You avoided Bucky as best as you could, but this morning was going to be difficult. Tony called a meeting and everyone was required to attend.
Nat and Yelena walked into the meeting with you trailing behind them. Your steps faltered when you saw Bucky sitting at the end of the table. His eyes landed on you for a split second before he turned away. You thought your heart couldn't break any further, but his indifference proved you wrong. Nat laid her hand on your upper back and guided you to the head of the table.
"Asshole." Yelena mumbled, as she started walking towards Bucky.
"It's okay, Lena. I'm okay." You said over your shoulder, forcing yourself to look at Yelena instead of Bucky and placing as much conviction into your words as possible. Even if you didn't believe your words, you didn't want him to know how much you had been suffering.
The rest of the team filtered into the room and, to your shock, Steve came and sat next to you instead of next to Bucky. He gave you a sympathetic smile and tried making small talk, but you weren't in the mood to talk about the weather or your plans for the weekend. His questions were met with polite nods or one word answers. Steve graciously took the hint and sat next to you in silence. Right before Tony started the meeting, Steve leaned over and whispered into your ear.
"I know it's hard to be in the same room with him, Y/n. If you need an out, just let me know."
"Thank you." You whispered back. You smiled softly at him, bumping your shoulder against his.
The meeting passed in a blur. You barely heard a word Tony said because you were too busy keeping yourself from letting your eyes wander to Bucky. The only thing you really did catch was that there was another mission coming up that you and Steve were being assigned to. At least Tony had enough common sense to not place you with Bucky. After the meeting ended, Bucky tore out of the room, looking intently at the phone in his hand with a scowl etched on his face. You waited a few minutes to make sure that you wouldn't run into Bucky before standing to leave.
"Hey, Y/n. Do you have a second to talk?" Steve asked as you were walking out of the door.
"I'm not really up for a heart to heart, Steve. Can it wait?"
"I don't think so."
You sighed and sat back down beside him.
"It's about Bucky." He said.
"Nope. We're not talking about that." You stood to leave, but he grabbed your hand and pulled you back down into the seat.
"He lied to you, Y/n."
"I know, Steve. I don't need a reminder that he lied about being in love with me." Anger laced your words as you glared at Steve. "I know he's your friend, but I don't need you telling me to forgive him for making me fall in love with him, only to turn around and tell me it was all fake."
"No, that's not what I'm doing. He lied about not loving you. He does love you, Y/n."
"Then why did he tell me he didn't?" You asked, confused.
"I don't know. Something is going on, but I haven't figured out what yet. I think he might be in trouble and this was his way of protecting you from whatever is going on."
Your traitorous heart began racing at the thought that Bucky might have lied to you in order to protect you. Steve had to be wrong. Bucky would tell you if something was going on. He wouldn't hurt you the way he had just because he was in trouble.
"You're wrong. I know Bucky and he would have told me. He wouldn't do this to me unless he truly didn't care." You said firmly.
"Y/n, I say this with all due respect, but you're wrong. The guy has been my best friend for almost a century. I can tell when something is wrong with him and something is wrong."
"Okay, if something is happening with him, what do you expect me to do about it?"
"Nothing. I'll help him with whatever mess he's found himself in. All I'm asking you to do is understand that he didn't mean anything he said to you and to keep an open mind."
"No, what you're asking me to do is take him back, no questions asked, if he apologizes once he's free and clear of whatever shit storm you think he's drowning in, right?" You cocked your head to the side, eyes narrowing at Steve.
Steve dropped his head and took a deep breath. Seemed you hit the nail on the head. He looked guilty. So fucking guilty.
"But he's doing it to protect you." He said softly.
"Protect me?" You laughed forcefully. "Protect me? He destroyed me!"
"I know he hurt you, but he wouldn't have done that unless he thought it was absolutely necessary."
"I don't give a shit, Steve! I lost the only man I have ever loved. Do you think it makes me feel better knowing that it was just because he thought I couldn't handle the truth?"
"Of course not. I just think that you should give him a second chance when this is all over. I'm not asking you to forget everything he's put you through, but with time maybe you can go back to how things were."
"I will never forget the words he said to me, regardless of if they were the truth or a lie. Do you know how it feels to have the person you love tell you that they don't want you?" For what felt like the hundredth time that day, your tears slipped unforgivingly down your face and Steve grimaced.
"I know how it feels to lose the person you love, Y/n."
"What happened with you and Peggy is not the same! She never once told you that she didn't love you." A small sob escaped you and Steve leaned forward to pull you into a tight hug.
"Even if you're right, he still lied to me. He didn't trust me enough to tell me the truth. The things he said to me. The way he fucking looked at me. I can't forget that, Steve. Is he going to do this every time he finds himself in a situation like this? I won't let him break my heart whenever he thinks I need protecting." You said as you held tightly to Steve.
Steve had always tried to do what he thought was best. He knew how much you loved Bucky. He saw your pain even though you tried to hide it. It was affecting you more than you would admit. Taking your anger out on the recruits. Barely talking or interacting with anyone. You were becoming a recluse and it was eating at Steve.
If there was any chance his friend was doing this to protect you, he would do what he could to help him and bring him back to you. All he needed you to do was take the time to hear Bucky out. He hoped you didn't fault him for trying to help, but you made Bucky happy. Because of you, Steve saw a glimmer of the Bucky he used to know. One that he hadn't seen since the forties.
"I'm sorry for prying. Just please think about what I said." Steve let you go and sat back in his seat. "Bucky has always tried to do things on his own, even when he doesn't have to. He's doing what he thinks is right, even though we both know he's wrong. Don't give up on him."
You chewed the inside of your cheek, taking in Steve's words, but not saying anything. If Steve was right, that meant Bucky did love you. That alone eased some of the pain. But it still meant that he didn't trust you with the truth and that stung just as deep. You caught Steve's eye and gave him a small nod.
"If you're right and if he wants to apologize, I'll consider hearing him out. One thing I won't do is promise you that I'll forgive him. He may love me, but he still lied to me. I don't know if I can be with someone who would rather break my heart than tell me the truth."
Steve sighed loudly. In a way he didn't blame you for being standoffish. If he were in your shoes and Peggy had done this to him, he would be just as resistant to working things out. This was the best he was going to get and he'd just have to accept it.
"I understand. Now that this is out of the way, do you wanna go grab lunch and talk about the mission? I noticed that you were zoned out most of the meeting."
You swiped the tears from your cheeks and smiled your first real smile since your confrontation with Bucky.
"Yeah, I guess it would be good to know what I'm supposed to be doing." You chuckled.
Steve pulled you up from the chair and slung his arm around your shoulder, leading you out of the conference room. After lunch he was going straight to Bucky. His friend might be too stubborn to tell him the truth, but Steve was determined to get the situation under control and get you back in Bucky's arms. He felt your arm wrap around his waist and he looked down to see you smiling up at him.
"Thanks for everything, Steve. I know you mean well and I really do appreciate it."
"Of course, sweetheart." He hugged you tight to his side before loosening his grip again.
"STEVE!"
A loud growl came from behind you causing you both to startle and turn towards the person. To your surprise, Bucky was standing at the end of the hallway staring at the two of you. His face was red and his lips were pressed into a tight line. Bucky walked down the hallway, eyes glancing between you and Steve. His gaze finally settled on you and your heart ceased to beat. You needed to leave. You couldn't be this close to him without either breaking down or throwing another punch at his stupidly handsome face.
"I'm not really that hungry anymore, Steve. We can talk about the mission later." You said as you made a hasty retreat back to your room.
~
The meeting was torture. From the moment you walked in, Bucky was tuned into you. After seeing the way your face dropped at the sight of him, he couldn't look at you any longer. Even when Yelena advanced on him, he didn't look your way. He wouldn't have fought back if she had attacked him. He deserved to get his ass kicked after what he had done to you.
"It's okay, Lena. I'm okay."
Your voice was so soft, yet held so much confidence. He would almost believe that was the truth if he didn't know you better than he knew himself. Your words were firm, but Bucky could hear the way they were twisted with sadness. To make matters worse, Steve cozied up to you as soon as he walked into the meeting. Giving you a sweet smile and gentle words, even leaning in to whisper in your ear and offering you an out if you needed it.
Bucky had fucked up horribly. Zemo would come after you no matter if you were dating Bucky or if you hated him. He didn't care that you were an innocent bystander. He didn't care that the love you felt for Bucky had been crushed into a million pieces when he broke up with you. All he cared about was that Bucky loved you and you could be used to control him. Now that he had let you go, you'd never let him close enough to protect you if Zemo decided to come after you.
The phone Zemo sent him had been vibrating with messages for the last ten minutes. When the meeting was over, he took one last glance in your direction and snatched the phone from his pocket, scowling down at it as he rushed from the room to read the messages. Each one was from Zemo. Bucky went into his room and dialed the only number saved on the phone.
"I was in a meeting. What do you want?" He growled.
"It would be in your best interest to pick up the first time I call you. Remember that, soldier. Or have you forgotten what will happen to your sweet Y/n if you decide to ignore me?" Zemo said.
"I told you to leave her the fuck out of this!" Bucky yelled.
"But she's vital to our plan. With her I can guarantee your complete obedience." Zemo chuckled darkly.
"Just tell me what you want." Bucky said through clenched teeth.
Zemo's laughter faded and the line was silent for a moment. Bucky waited, knowing that Zemo was still there.
"Did you go over the information I sent you?"
"Yes."
"Then tell me the plan."
"Senator Dickson will be at The Plaza Hotel next Friday at six PM for his weekly meeting with his mistress. I'll be waiting for him when he arrives and finish the job you never got to."
"Perfect. Make sure you complete the job, soldier. I have been lenient with your insubordination thus far, but I won't tolerate failure. If you don't complete your mission, Y/n will be killed and you will never have the chance to win her back."
"I lost that chance when I broke her heart. I'm only doing this to keep her alive. This mission will be completed and then I want you to leave me alone for good. Because if you don't, you'll be my next mission. And don't think I can't break into a prison without being detected. You know what I'm capable of."
Bucky ended the call and shoved the phone back in his pocket. He needed to find Steve and let him know that he would be leaving next Thursday and wouldn't be back until Sunday. He didn't need Steve thinking he had disappeared and come looking for him before he could meet Zemo's demands. He left his room and headed back into the compound to look for Steve. As he neared the conference room, he heard you laughing and stopped before he rounded the corner.
He peaked around the wall in time to see you and Steve exit the conference room with Steve's arm around your shoulder, holding you close to his side. Your arm slipped around Steve's waist as you looked up at him and smiled. Bucky hadn't seen you smile since that evening in the kitchen...right before he lied straight to your face and told you that he didn't want you. You said something to Steve in a hushed tone and in return he pulled you closer to his side. Bucky's blood boiled and he stepped from around the corner.
"STEVE!"
He watched you and Steve jerk in surprise and spin around to face him. Your eyes went wide as Bucky stalked down the hallway, his body ridged with anger and a look that could kill plastered on his face. He should be ignoring the rage he felt when he saw Steve with his arm resting around your shoulders, pulling you close to his body. But Bucky couldn't stop himself. You were the woman he thought he would spend the rest of his life with and now he was watching you find comfort in another man who just happened to be his best friend. It was maddening.
You scurried off down the hall as he began to get closer, muttering something about talking later. Bucky knew he couldn't control who you spoke to or hung out with, he also knew that the team was supposed to believe that he really didn't care about you. He also knew that he wouldn't be able to focus on what he needed to do if all he could think about was you growing closer to his best friend. Bucky needed to shut this down quickly.
"I need to talk to you." Bucky said once he was close enough to Steve. He veered off into the conference room and waited for Steve to join him.
"What is it, Buck? Everything okay?" Steve asked as he shut the door behind him.
"No, it's not. What the hell do you think you're doing?" Bucky gritted out.
"I'm not sure what you mean."
"Don't play stupid, Steve. What the hell are you doing with Y/n? You trying to make a move on her?"
"Careful, Bucky. I might think you're jealous." Steve smirked at him.
"I'm not jealous." Bucky scoffed indignantly. "I am, however, wondering why my best friend is looking super friendly with the woman I dated for over a year and just broke up with last week."
"That's called jealousy, in case you're wondering. Why do you care if I'm taking an interest in Y/n? It's not like you ever cared for her. She needs someone who will love and protect her the way she deserves. Maybe I can give her that." Steve shrugged.
Steve was playing with fire. He didn't have any interest in stealing you away from Bucky. You were attractive, smart, and one hell of an agent, but you belonged with Bucky. Everyone could see how perfect the two of you were together. Steve just wanted to see what reaction he could get if he pushed Bucky's buttons a little.
"I never said anything before because you're my best friend, but I've always been attracted to her. Once things have settled down, I'm going to ask her out. Until then, maybe we can work out a—different—type of deal." Steve smirked, letting Bucky know exactly what kind of deal he wanted to strike with you.
"Y/n isn't going to be your friend with benefits and she sure as hell won't go out with you."
"And why not? You don't want her. Hell, you don't even give a shit what happens to her."
"Like hell I don't! I did all this to protect her. Stay the fuck away from my girl, Steve!"
Steve stood staring at Bucky with a look of satisfaction on his face. Bucky's anger faded as he realized what he had just said. He looked away from Steve and shook his head, internally cursing himself for letting his rage get the best of him.
"What are you protecting her from, Bucky? I know something is going on. You love Y/n and you would never tell her that you don't want her. Everytime you look at her you have stars in your eyes and a wide grin across your face, so what happened. You might fool everyone else, but you can't fool me."
"I—" Bucky shook his head again.
"You can either tell me or I'll have to do things the hard way. Either way, I'll find out." Steve paused, but Bucky held his tongue. "Don't make me stick Nat and Yelena on you. They're itching to go a few rounds with you and I'll let them if you don't tell me what's going on."
Bucky sighed and sank down into the chair next to him. He ran a hand over his face and stared out the window of the conference room before he looked back at Steve.
"It's a long story, so you might want to take a seat." Bucky started.
A/N: Bucky's fucked up real good this time. May Nat and Yelena should give him a swift kick in the ass. 😬