Just breathe Lucifer, you're only visiting your daughter's crappy hotel. Lucifer rapped on the door with his knuckles, adjusting his bow tie and pulling at his collar. He shouldn't be so nervous, he had made up with Charlie months ago. There was no threat of extermination anymore and her band of misfits seemed welcoming too - at least, most of them. Regardless, he had visited a few times to say hello, and he had even dropped off a few gifts to help with the decoration for the hotel - which were promptly destroyed (admittedly, he should've known that rubber duck replicas of each member of the hotel was going to be mistaken as roaches by Niffty). But this is the day he asks if he can move in, he was sick of being lonely.
There was a loud thud from behind the closed doors and a jeer from presumably Angel Dust, with his Italian-American accent. The grand doors opened to reveal Vaggie, with her hair blown over to one side, exposing her (or lack of) eye. Her eye widened as she realised that this was her soon-to-be father in law. She cleared her throat, fixed her hair and stood a little straighter.
"Sir! We weren't expecting you to be visiting?"
"Please don't call me sir, it makes me feel old."
"You are old-"
"Where's my darling Charlie? You have better been looking after her!" Lucifer strolled in, examining the hotel for any new renovations, it was still as barren as ever. Angel Dust and Husk were by the bar, Niffty was dusting the banisters and Sir Pentious... well, he wasn't there.
"She's with Alastor, I can go grab them if you want?" Alastor. Lucifer hated that deer. Who was he to think he was a better parental figure to Charlie than her actual father was? Not to mention that shit-eating grin he wore at all times and his stupid lanky, tall figure. Lucifer in contrast was short and compact, which wasn't helpful when trying to intimidate his enemies.
"Dad?" There was his beautiful daughter! Her hair was tied back as usual and in her regular attire, she slid down the banister of the stairs, almost kicking Niffty in the head. She launched herself at Lucifer, engulfing him in a hug. Her sweet scent brought such comfort to him, he missed his family.
"Ah, so the King of Hell decided to bless us with his presence!" The crimson deer beamed creepily from the top of the stairs, his fingers cradling the top of his radio cane. Lucifer grimaced and flipped him off behind Charlie's back, but he contorted his face into an unsettled grin as Charlie pulled away.
"What are you doing here Dad? Your next visit isn't due for another week!"
Lucifer stumbled his words, how could he possibly ask to move in so casually, and around her friends too? "Is it possible we can talk in private?"
"Nuh uh, I want to know what the King of Hell has to say." Angel Dust grabbed his martini and swirled it idly. Lucifer shot the spider sinner a look, before clearing his throat.
"I wanted to move into the Hazbin Hotel! Y'know, to see my daughter and her friends! I'm also incredibly lonely and need constant attention." Lucifer spoke quickly and clumsily, especially the last part. Everyone fell silent, and the only sound was Niffty's dagger hitting the floor, narrowly missing her target roach. Fat Nuggets squealed.
"I'm sure we have a spare room! Let me check the floor plan and ask Alastor!"
"Why do you need to ask for that prick's permission?"
"Because I'm the hotelier!" Alastor warped behind the King, his shadowed self returning to his regular state. "Really, you shouldn't speak so ill of me, it hurts my feelings."
"Aw Alastor! It's okay, I'm sure Dad didn't mean it!"
"I did." Lucifer deadpanned, and Alastor's eyes narrowed, but his smile never faltered.
"Anyways," Vaggie chimed in, with a floor plan already in hand. It seemed she was always prepared whenever Lucifer asked of something, she must fear him quite a lot. He felt a little bad, this was his daughter in law, why was she so scared of him? "We have a free room next to Alastor on the third floor. You two will be the only occupants on that floor, so try not to break anything in one of your fights."
"I don't pick fights." Alastor laughed, and Lucifer knew that wasn't true. Last time he had visited, Alastor had thrown one of his favourite rubber ducks out of the top floor window and Lucifer had to dive after it, grazing the floor with his six wings.
"Uh huh, sure beansprout." Lucifer mumbled, and Alastor cocked his head to the side.
"Beansprout? That must make you a baked bean."
"A baked bean?!" Lucifer growled, before grabbing the nearest lamp and throwing it at the other, who nimbly dodged it. "Baked bean that!"
"Guys! You will have to learn to get on!" Vaggie yelled, grabbing each of their ears and yanking them down to her height. Alastor sneered at the action, and Lucifer whined at the tugging of his earlobe.
"Of course! Anything for my dearest offspring." Alastor snickered as Lucifer's cheeks reddened with anger.
"She is not your offspring! She's my daughter!"
"Then why am I a better father figure?"
"You're not. You're a manipulative freak that finds joy in the misery of others!"
"My feelings are hurt Your Majesty! I thought the King of Hell was supposed to be nice to his subjects?"
"You tacky piece of sh-" A piano fell from the sky created by Alastor and squashed Lucifer.
•
"She's going to love this!" Lucifer exclaimed, grunting with effort as he moulded the finishing touches to his gift. He spun around gleefully in a circle with it in his hands and let out a sigh of relief. It had been a few days since he had moved in, so far he had avoided the damn radio demon. He skipped down the stairs to where Charlie was hosting an activity. They were attempting to bake cookies in pairs, only using one of their hands. Angel Dust and Husk were communicating well, and Vaggie and Niffty were... interesting.
"Niffty! You can't stab the chocolate chips!"
"They look like flies!" Was the maniacal reply.
Alastor was no where to be seen. Thank hell for that. Lucifer giggled in unadulterated joy as he tapped on Charlie's shoulder. Charlie looked at him like she was a child again. How he missed those fleeting moments.
"Char Char! I made you a gift!" Lucifer revealed his big gift. A white cane, not too dissimilar to his own, with a bow shape for a handle decorated with gold. The ribbons adorned with sparkling glitter spiralled down the length of the cane and Charlie gasped.
"Oh Dad! You didn't have to!"
"I know but I can't help but spoil my little girl!"
"Now I have two canes!" Lucifer's face fell.
"What?"
"Alastor bought me a custom made cane this morning!" Charlie stepped aside to show a crimson red cane, with glittering jewels and flowers scaling the stick. She noticed the faltered smile, "but I still love this gift! Thank you Dad!"
"Mine is better."
"I can guarantee you, it's not." Alastor crept up behind the fallen angel and giggled. Lucifer jumped forward in fright before quickly regaining his composure.
"Fuck!" He cleared his throat, "how did you know I was going to gift her a cane?"
"Your rubber duckies told me." Alastor grinned, eyes filled with pride. "Mr Lawrence is on my side now."
"Wha- Mr Lawrence? That snivelling little ducker!"
"Did you mean fucker?" Angel Dust snorted, "wow, not even the King of Hell himself can swear at those rubber ducks."
"Look, they were there for me when others were not!"
"Like your missing wife?" Alastor's eyes flashed with amusement and his smile widened even more when he noticed how deep he had got under Lucifer's skin.
"Listen here you pompous, balding, Bambi-looking mother fucker!"
"Guys let's not fight, I'll use them both alternately! They both go with my outfit so there's no need for arguing." Charlie tried to defuse the situation by pulling them both into a hug. Unfortunately for her, the two collided and, with Alastor's rule of no touching unless touched first, they started to squabble.
"You're stepping on my foot!"
"Oops! Shall I lick the dirt from your boot Your Majesty?"
"I'm not having deer saliva on my shoes!"
"It's probably the most action you've had in seven years."
"I thought you were sex repulsed?"
"I am, it's called a dig at your poor sex life."
"For your information I get plenty of bitches."
"Uh huh sure, I'll be sure to tell Lilith that."
"Guys!" Charlie pushed them apart, "I don't need to hear about my father's sex life!"
"Oh, don't be silly dear, I don't have sex!" Alastor looked very pleased with himself.
"She was talking about her actual father, not some knock off Elliot wannabe from Open Season." Husk sniggered at this, disguising it as a cough when Alastor's head snapped to the cat's direction. His eyes darkened and Husk looked everywhere but at the radio demon.
"Either way, you're both daddies so why don't you guys just fuck and Alastor can become Charlie's step dad."
"Ha! Never going to happen." Alastor remarked. "I would much rather set myself alight."
"I'm not into demons who resemble Edna from The Incredibles, maybe Mr Fancy Antlers can go fuck himself before he fucks someone else."
"Can you guys at least try to get along?" Vaggie groaned, face palming. Niffty took this as an opportunity to smash her face into the mountain of cookie dough.
"Lucifer is just upset because my cane is significantly better, his seems to be a bit too girthy. Perhaps he is compensating for something."
"Like you'd know."
"Can we please stop talking about my dad's dick? How did it even get to this stage in the conversation? I think you both need some time out." Charlie cried out, before pointing to the stairs, signalling a time out.
"Aw, I was enjoying where this was going." Angel Dust pouted, biting into a raw cookie with no change in expression.
"It's about time I fulfil my duties for today, farewell all!" Alastor gave a little bow, sneered at Lucifer and left the hotel.
"Prick." Lucifer growled, Charlie groaned again.
"Dad you have to be nicer to Alastor, he is our main sponsor for this hotel! Without him there wouldn't be a hotel!"
"It's not my fault the guy is a sadistic psychopath! He definitely eats his own kind."
"Actually he does, I walked in on him eating a deer." Vaggie piped up, Angel Dust nodded in agreement.
"See? That could've been Bambi's mother!"
"What is your obsession with Disney films?" Husk asked, placing the remaining cookies into the oven. Vaggie had given up with stopping Niffty from eating all the cookie dough, if she was going to have a stomach ache, it wasn't her issue (it most definitely is).
"I was lonely and I needed some comfort."
"Gay ass."
"Hoe."
"Divorced."
"I'm not divorced! We are just on a break!"
"Sure short king." It seemed easy to wind up Lucifer, and that was because it is. He's usually quite a chilled person, but when his buttons are pressed, all hell breaks loose.
"Thank you for the gift Dad, really." Charlie wrapped her arms around Lucifer and pulled him into a hug. Without Alastor, Lucifer felt like he could really belong at this tacky hotel.
What he hadn't realised however, was that he had started a war against Alastor on who can be the best father.
In the far distance, in Cannibal Town, Rosie greeted a tense Alastor as she droned on about the inconvenience of the last and final extermination.
"Alastor something seems off, who has got your knickers in a twist?"
"You'll never guess who showed up three days ago and is now living on the same floor as me."
"Oh! Do tell Alastor dear! Demon blood tea?"
"Why thank you Rosie."