The start of the tour was going well, but it didn't take Noah more than a week to start getting back into the "rockstar" mentality with the constant a parties and non-stop drinking. Even though he had promised me before he would try not to fall back into that, he wasn't strong enough to keep his word.
Tonight, Bad Omens was performing at a local festival and Noah started taking shots early in the afternoon. He was being a jerk today and I was just trying to keep quiet and try not to initiate an argument. All of the guys were already annoyed he was doing this, but it never helped when they enabled him and drank with him.
I had been texting Ryan Sitkowski throughout the day knowing Motionless in White was also playing a set on a separate stage along with a number of various bands. We agreed to hopefully meet up afterward even if it was just for a quick hello. Noah always claimed he wasn't a fan of Ryan, but he was usually cordial knowing me and him go back many years. He never really gave an explanation as to why he didn't like him, but I figured it was just typical boyfriend jealousy of another male around.
A few minutes before Bad Omens was getting ready to go on, I felt my phone buzz and I looked at the screen to see another text from Ryan. Noah was chatting with a random person, and once I responded to Ryan, I looked up to notice him looking at me, not looking happy at all. His eyes were dark with jealousy.....shit.....he hasn't said anything about it all day and he's just now going to do this before their set?
He didn't come kiss me like he usually does, but instead just walked out on stage when it was time...ouch....really?
I looked back down at my phone.
"We just finished our show, what stage are you guys at?" I texted him the stage number and stood on the side to watch Noah.
A short moment passed and just like before, I was spun round and lifted into a hug in Ryan's arms, scaring the shit out of me.
I shrieked in surprise followed by laughter when I realized it was him.
"One day you're actually going to give me a heart attack!" I squealed.
"Look at you!"
Ryan chopped off his long hair. His new look complimented him as the sides were lowly shaved but it was longer on the top and slicked back. Make up covered his face along with the familiar black paint that covered his neck and arms. He was hyper from their show and in a silly mood.
"Sorry...I probably stink!"He grinned then we both laughed as I shook my head. He was just slightly sweaty.
"So It was a good show then?"
"You have no idea! When are you coming through! You never come to our shows anymoreeeee." He whined jokingly.
"Well I guess I have to now that we are in the same city for once!" I laughed, his energy was infectious.
"I'll message you details of our next gig and you have to come! I have to get out of here but we'll see each other soon! Promise you'll come to the show!" He begged while he started walking backwards toward his crew.
"I promise!" I yelled after him, chuckling once he was gone. I looked back out towards the stage and saw Noah staring at me. He looked displeased and honestly really pissed off. I frowned back at him not knowing what his damn problem was all of a sudden. He held his stare a little longer before returning to the show.
I suddenly felt a lump in my throat, with nervous butterflies forming in the pit of my stomach.
What did I do wrong?"
I continued to watch the show feeling uneasy.
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After a little while went by, I knew by the set list that they were up to the last song. Noah's performance was still great aside from the tension I felt during our stare down earlier on. Noah sang his last line to Dethrone and before the band had even finished or the lights were dimmed he stormed off stage and was coming in my direction. I stepped back as he approached me, growing more nervous on what he was gonna do.
"What the fuck was that?" He growled, continuing to approach me until my back hit a wall, leaving me nowhere left to go. He remained close to me and I found it scary. Me and Noah often argued but he looked downright terrifying right now.
"What was what?!" I gasped taken back.
"Who the fuck was that guy and what were you doing with him?!"
"What?! Noah are you serious!?" I tried to push him back to create some space between us but this only added to his intense agitation. Noah gripped my arms tightly and pushed be back against the wall.
"Ow! What is wrong with you?! Get off me!"
Before Noah could say anything else he was being pulled away by Jolly, the other guys were now running over. Nick came up to me to see if I was okay.
"What the fuck are you doing?!"
Jolly yelled at Noah hoping he would come to his drunken senses.
"Some fucking asshole was all over her and she's just going with it like some slut!"
"Are you kidding me Noah?!" His words cut through me like glass.
"Who's he talking about?" The guys all looked at me.
"Ryan!" I shouted angrily.
"Is that what this is about?! Fuck, Noah!"
I started growing more angry and suddenly Folio had to hold me back.
"Ryan?" Noah questioned.
"Yes Noah! RYAN! He just finished his gig and came to say hi!" I couldn't help but to shake my head in disbelief. Even though the guys have gotten in the middle of our arguments before, it was still embarrassing.
"Oh wow, do you really think that I'd stoop to your level and just fuck around with Ryan?!
Unlike you, I'm fucking LOYAL!" I screamed.
Noah remained silent.
I shoved Folio off me and started walking off needing to cool off .
"Noah let her go!" I heard Jolly holler.
"You need to sort your shit out man, enough of this!"
"I thought she was getting close to another guy-"
"And what?! You were going to lay hands on her?"
"I- I wasn't thinking."
"Well start thinking! One day she's not going to put up with your bullshit anymore!"
I kept walking until I couldn't hear them anymore feeling enraged. There had been so many times when I've seen Noah with lipstick on his cheek or neck, and although he claims he's never cheated on me, I know he might have done some questionable shit while he was fucked up and I wasn't around. It hurt me to my core for him to accuse me of anything when I'm the only one that's been hurt.
I ended up going back to the tour bus knowing that Noah would probably be partying tonight again. I laid myself in our bunk and cried until my eyes became swollen and I grew tired. I hated how much we grew apart over his new life and how different he was now.
Eventually I drifted off and the bursts of sleep i managed to get were full of vivid dreams, gasping for air as I awoke from them. I dreamt of Noah's hands and lips on someone else and the pain in my chest felt so real.
The last time I jumped awake, I startled Noah, who took me by surprise. I knew for sure he would be black out drunk by now and surrounded by random fans, but tonight he actually came back to me. His arm was draped around me and he was trying to fall asleep until I scared him.
"It's okay babe," he cooed, "you're here with me. You're safe."
I couldn't help but knock his hand away from me not wanting to be held at the moment.
The situation with him losing his temper was hard to unsee, and it stuck with me more every time it happened. I was having a hard time trusting his intentions.
"Everything will be okay, Evie." He whispered then sighed.
"How can you say that to me?"
"Eve..." His obsidian eyes locked with mine, full of sincerity.
"Is loving you not enough?" I whispered, tears welling up in my eyes. I was over tired, of a lot of things.
"Eve what are you saying?" He wiped the tears that spilled down my cheeks with his thumb.
"I'm tired of feeling like this Noah! I don't know what you want from me anymore and it's killing me! I'll love you forever but right now it's really hard-"
"I know and I'm sorry...I'm so fucking sorry...I don't mean to get like that" his voice became raspy with regret.
"I will fix this...I will fix myself...I'll fix us."
My heart ached in my chest as I glanced over his perfect porcelain face. I was hurting and so was he...Despite the fact the he continuously did things that were upsetting to me, I didn't have anyone but him. I was addicted to him and I don't know if I would ever be strong enough to break the habit.