"Sleeplessly embracing. Butterflies and needles line my seamed-up join, encased in case I need it; In my stomach; For my heart. Chain mail.
Hunger of the Pine"
_______________
My eyes fly wide open with fright, though I am so exhausted and muddled that I'm not yet positive if I'm awake or asleep.
Something scratches against a tree not too far off in the distance, with the same thick, low-pitched sound that woke me.
Confused and clumsy with sleep, I wriggle out of my shitty sleeping bag and towards the sound, blinking back lingering tears from my eyes on the way.
A dark shape wobbles erratically as it passes through the trees, it lurches towards me like it's ready to run right through me.
I stagger back, terrified of what might be lurking in these unfamiliar woods. My throat closes around a scream.
Regulus.
His face is as pale as a ghost and his veins marble his skin. His hair and all black clothes are sopping wet as they drip onto the ground beneath us. His eyes that I love oh so much—they aren't his; they're so so cold. His lips, purple and blue, purse as he goes to say something to me. His words falter though, as a gush of water and soft gags emit from his mouth.
I let go of the building scream.
And then a familiar, husky voice comes through as Regulus walks closer.
"Cordelia!" it hisses. "Ouch! Dammit woman stop flailing around!"
It takes two seconds to shake off the horror before I can stop screaming and kicking. My breathing slows with Sirius' arms wrapped tight around me—not a comforting embrace—and I look up at the sky. The clouds are dimly lit from behind, enough for me to determine the sun will rise fully soon. It's still dark, the beginning of a bleak day.
When Sirius is satisfied with my lack of noise and movement he lets me go.
"What the hell are you screaming for? Are you trying to draw attention to us?" He huffs.
"I thought I"— I sniff, thinking about how stupid I'll really sound—"I thought you were a bear."
He appraises me. "It's okay to be scared." Sirius says.
I blink my wet blurry eyes, suddenly sure that I am dreaming. Any amount of Sirius' kindness is surely a figure of the imagination. "I'm only scared of bears."
He snorts, unamused, walking past me towards our make-shift camp setup. "Help me clean this up." He orders.
"Kay,"
Since leaving almost three days ago Sirius and I have hardly spoke. As we clean it's no different. He rolls up the sleeping bags, I cover up and put out our fire. The whole thing is relaxing honestly, the putting together and taking apart aspect of it all.
We don't have very high standards when it comes to finding a camping ground. Grass is preferred, but as long as there aren't any obvious rocks... at the end of the day we're tired enough to sleep just about anywhere.
Sirius claims that he's been through these woods once before as an Amigus with James. He says it's close enough to the forbidden forest for it still to be dangerous, but far enough away that we don't have to worry about being poached.
Apparently we will end up in a small wizarding town, what town or where exactly, he cannot say.
☽☽☽
Later we are back on the gravel road that leads to nowhere in particular.
The forest is full of life today, all the little creatures enjoying the warmth of the spring sun. Somehow though, even with the birds chirping and cawing, the insects buzzing noisily around my head and the occasional scurry of field mice through the shrubs, the forest seems creepier today; it reminds me of my most recent nightmare, if you could call it that.
What a horrible image.
We are running out of time. We need to find this town. Now.
The sense of unrest grows stronger the further we go into the trees. Breathing starts getting difficult--not because of exertion, but because I'm having trouble with the stupid hole in my chest again. I keep my arms tight around my torso and try to banish the ache from my thoughts. I almost tell Sirius, but I decide against wasting the effort I'd already expended trying to appear normal.
The rhythm of Sirius and I's footsteps start to numb my mind and my pain as we trudge on. My breathing evens out eventually, and I'm glad I didn't slow down to tell Sirius about what I saw and how I feel. I'm getting better at this bushwhacking thing; I can tell that I'm faster.
I don't realize quite how much more efficiently I'm moving. I think we've covered maybe four miles just since this morning. And then, with an abruptness that disorients me, I step through a low arch made by two vine maples— pushing past the thick leaves into—... a meadow.
I've never seen another clearing so symmetrical. It's as perfectly round as if someone had intentionally created the flawless circle, tearing out the trees but leaving no evidence of the violence on the grass. The grass, thick and tall sways in the light breeze like ripples across a lake. To the east, I can hear a stream bubbling quietly.
The disappointment is nearly instantaneous as the recognition of beauty. I sink down right where I am, kneeling at the edge of the clearing, beginning to gasp.
The meadow is just as empty as the atmosphere, empty of everything, of him, just like everywhere else. Just like my old nightmares. My head swirls dizzily.
And I am not alone. I feel a rush of embarrassment as I realize that there's no way to disguise the abyss I'm plunging into anymore.
I am not alone.
Sirius drops his suitcase and sits down next to me. Crossing his legs with elegance that shouldn't be possible from someone who smells of so much dirt and grass. He grabs my hand and squeezes lightly. "We're gonna find it,"
At that precise moment, a figure steps out from the trees to the north, some thirty paces away. A dizzying array of emotions shoots through me in a second. The first is surprise. Then as my eyes focus on the motionless figure, seeing the utter stillness, the pallid skin, I realize it's not real. He's not real.
"Here seems as good a place as any to take a break, eh?" Sirius sighs as he runs his hand through his hair and bumps his shoulder into mine halfheartedly.
"Yeah." I say, unblinking.
Regulus looks as if he's going to speak. I rip my eyes away.
What does this mean?
Have I gone mad?
I don't want to take a break, I want to keep going. But I'm not an idiot. I know my body can only physically handle so much at once.
Grabbing a fresh change of clothes out of my suitcase, I wander over to where I heard the stream. I use the water to wash my face, my arms, the necessities. The motions feel robotic or controlled. I am anywhere but here.
When I finish and am sporting a new T-shirt and jeans, Sirius half acknowledges me from his spot in the grass.
"I was starting to think you'd wandered off a cliff" He's laying down, legs crossed and arms behind his head. He peers at me through the corner of his eyes, "not on purpose," he adds before letting his eyes flutter shut again.
"How can you be so you right now?" I snap, sitting about two feet to his left.
"It's a blessing and a curse, sweetheart." he muses.
I run my arms back and fourth through the grass and look anywhere but the trees. "I'm worried about him." I worry if I speak his name he will appear like that again.
Regulus.
Regulus.
Regulus.
Sirius sits up on his elbows, "Oh and I'm not?" his eyes narrow on my face.
I meet his glare. "Forgive me if I can't tell, Sirius."
He scoffs.
"What?" I mutter.
"You just care about everyone more than me, don't yo-"
"Ohhh pleaseeee," I roll my eyes and flop back on the grass.
"No! It's true! What is it with you?"
"Last time I checked with him, you didn't care about your brother." It's quiet for a moment. A moment long enough for my conscious to make feel bad about what I said. "I'm sorry." I mutter.
"Me too," he mumbles back. "We can't turn on each other just yet, we still have quite a distance to go." I can hear the wry smile through his words.
"No, not just yet."
_________
Short but ¿sweet?