A small gift from myself, Hange and the squad. Chamomile tea and lavender oil to help with your sleep, and a cake for a little something sweet.
I hope you had a good day, happy birthday Lee ♡
***
The next day, Levi didn't wake up until mid morning.
As I had requested, we all left him to sleep knowing full well he needed it more than any of us, and I stuck around to do the usual work Levi would've done if he were present. I didn't mind writing reports. In fact, I found it rather interesting comparing my own reports to the raven's. With how intricate he wrote his to how I chose to describe mine, I enjoyed reading his files. From the way his handwriting improved significantly since the first letters from my absence from the Scouts all the way to now, there was such a drastic difference in how he handled a pen.
Headquarters was deathly quiet as I left it, after I leave the only person in the building was going to be the sleeping raven haired Captain, who would appreciate the silence of the place as we left to help Eren with his hardening practices. He mastered it quickly, the ability to harden his titan form, only further growing our optimism in a successful wall retake that was to take place in just over a month. The expedition itself was creeping up on us far too quickly, barely giving us any time to breathe before we're dumped onto the battlefield.
My intuition didn't know what to expect, and my mind kept creating endless possibilities when it came to what could happen. Losing a limb? Losing Hange? Losing Levi? Losing even myself? I feared death enough as is, yet losing Hange would cause me to lose some of my sanity. But even just the thought of losing Levi, I was sure I'd lose myself completely. Any ounce of humanity or mental stability would surely turn to the abyss, leaving me clueless, hopeless and utterly miserable.
Losing anyone, a shred of my soul was sure to go with them.
As I exited the building, I find Hange and the squad all conversing amongst themselves as they saddled up their horses, getting ready to depart the vicinity to continue with Eren's hardening practices. Hange's face lit up as I walked toward them, hands in pockets with a content expression on my face. Abandoning her horse, she swerved around the squad members and began skipping in my direction, ponytail swaying from side to side with each bounce she did. A bright smile was on her lips, eyes glistening in the morning light, not an uncommon sight coming from the brunette.
"Morning Sunshine!" She beamed as she quickly looped an arm over my shoulder and turned to look at the squad. "I take it Shorty's still asleep?"
"Yes ma'am, I've finished most of the reports based on the data you and I have gathered from the experiments. Hopefully takes a lot more off his shoulders when he decides to return to the living." I reply, allowing her to guide me forward, to the squad and their horses. They all uttered their good mornings in which I return. Everyone seemed to be in a rather cheerful mood today and I couldn't help but wonder why.
"So what's happening today then? You're all far too happy with this expedition coming up as fast as it is," I ask, eyeing each of the kids carefully.
"We're going to have a look at the Trost gate! I've heard they're nearly finished with the guillotine construction and Eren's hardening will hopefully have its first real trial run tomorrow afternoon, given Garrison is finished by today or tomorrow." Hange exclaims giddily, barely able to contain her own happiness. My eyebrows raised a little, a small smile gracing my features at the news.
"I'll tag along, I don't have much else to do anyway." I say casually, Hange nearly squealing in response as she practically threw herself at me, making me stumble a little to the side.
"Yay! I'm going to explain so many of the mechanics to you, show you how it works. Not literally though, of course it's still under development but-" She began rambling, making me push her to a stop.
"Calm down, do all that when we're there." I deadpan with a raised eyebrow, narrowing my eyes on her a little. She pulled her arms away from me with an eye roll, though the smile remained on her face. I watched most of the squad climb onto their mounts, settling themselves in their saddles before continuing with their conversations.
"Come, come. Let's get your horse prepped and then we can be off!" The glass eyed brunette beamed before gripping my arm in her grasp and dragging me in the direction of the stables. The sight didn't seem to catch any of the squad's attention as they chose to ignore us, my own feet stumbling after her in a clumsy hurry.
It was quiet, the last horse being my own who nibbled peacefully on a hay bale in the corner of his stall, raising his head a little to meet eyes with myself and Hange. His jaw moved as his teeth worked through his food, eyes following me as I walk into the small enclosure. His figure turned to me before he paced toward me, headbutting my shoulder in a sudden demand for attention. I laugh, bringing my hands up to gently grasp his face, Hange letting out a small chuckle herself as she folded her arms over her chest and leaned against the stall entry frame.
"Good morning, pretty boy," I coo, tilting my head around his head to get a good look at his rare leg. "How's your injury, hm? Hope the bugs aren't getting too frustrating for you." I murmur, looking at the wound that seemed to still have some honey on it.
"Oh, he's injured?" Hange queried, smile faltering a little in response. Turning my head, I look at her and shrug with uncertainty before facing the horse again.
"I'd like to think I took care of it, he refused to let Levi in here to tend to it yesterday." I say, stroking up and down his muzzle. "Entertaining to watch, to say the least. But after finding out why he wanted to see what was wrong with you, I wish you were a little better at communicating, Sin." Hange let out a huff, grabbing the saddle that hung off the hook that was screwed into the wall just outside the stall, handing it to me. I nod in thanks before pacing around the side of my mount, catching the brunette moving to lean in the same spot she was leaning on before.
"What's going on with you, Sunshine?" She questioned, the tone she used being one I couldn't quite put my finger on. I spare her a brief glance with slightly raised eyebrows before settling the saddle on the horse, letting a sigh out of my nose.
"Nothing Han, why's-" I begin.
"Don't play stupid, I'm not blind. What's happening with you and Levi?" She asked, and it used every ounce of strength in me to not have any of my actions stutter, keep my breathing in check and especially not have any hint of heat rise in my cheeks. We weren't public with our relationship, not that I minded at all. Levi was a private person and the privacy of the moments we share were something I'd like to reminisce about in the solitude of my own mind. There was no way she'd know of what has happened throughout the last few weeks, could she?
"What do you mean? We're the same as we always have been," I reply with a slight question to my tone in hopes of making myself sound a little more convincing. My hands continued to work with the saddle, fiddling with the tie down straps. She groaned loudly, throwing her head back in exaggeration before glaring at me.
"Y/N I caught you walking out of his room at some ungodly hour of the night last night. A few weeks ago Ida informed me of a 'mystery date' you managed to scavenge for the Christmas festival, not to mention Erwin himself found Levi walking back to his room all dressed up nice and fancy that same night." Damn, she's good.
"Levi's attire, regardless of occasion, is formal nonetheless, yes?" I ask, stopping my actions and turning to look at her and holding the suddenly intense eye contact that was begging to me acknowledged. Hange's jaw tensed at my counter. "I was on a date that night, yes, but I'd rather not have to disclose any further information about said date in case you decided it'd be a good idea to hunt them down and tie them up for interrogation." She couldn't help the laugh that soon erupted from her lips, though the sound itself was humourless.
"Your attempts at making me believe something else are cute but I know. I think you forget Levi tells Erwin close to everything, and then Erwin passes the information on to me." I felt my heart drop at the statement. Another trick like the Commander had played back in Orvud, maybe? One that would coerce me me into admitting something I didn't want to admit to? Surely not- "Shorty knows I know, but I'm kind of offended you didn't tell me he admit his feelings to you back at the infirmary!" That was it. She did know and now I feel like weight had been put on my shoulders rather than taken off them.
"Moments such as that aren't to be spoken of so lightly, especially if it's Levi." I deadpan, turning back to the saddle.
"The time at the Capital, when you asked me how one approaches a conversation with someone who admit to something? That was about him, correct?" She asked. I bit the inside of my cheek, tugging a little on the stirrups of the saddle before giving a stiff nod. "Why didn't you tell me the real reason behind why you asked me that question? Embarrassment? Fear, maybe?" It certainly wasn't embarrassment. There was nothing to be ashamed about, but the fear? That mixed with a bit of shock and a bit more confusion was a better way to explain it.
"I struggled to process it myself," I began, and she remained quiet as I went and explained most of it without going into detail which she didn't seem to mind. "I had only realised my own feelings the night he took me to dinner for my birthday, when we-"
"Danced in the rain in the cave?" She finished, volume reduced drastically.
"Yeah, I scared myself with that realisation there. I'd never liked anyone the same way I like Levi, so I think I took the time to process things myself over asking anyone for help. Emotions such as these ones are foreign ground for me. Asking you for advice from the perspective of an anonymous asker or a hypothetical point of view was my best bet at getting an answer without having to give you too many myself. I was scared shitless, now that I think about it, my confusion only muddling my head up more than I thought possible." I pause for a moment, capturing my lip between my teeth for a moment as I pondered in my thoughts.
"Oh, Raisin! I thought we were friends, best friends even!" She pouted before walking further into the stall, pulling me into her arms in an unexpected embrace, resting her head against my own. No matter the situation, no matter the mood, Hange's hugs were always a nice feeling. "You know you can come to me for anything, there seriously is no reason for you to hide anything from me. Sure, I love talking, but anything you're feeling unsure about will absolutely stay confidential I cam guarantee you that." Her words were soft and meaningful, the change in tone only adding certainty to her intent.
"I'm sorry," I mumble, returning the hug.
"For what?" She murmured in return.
"For hiding it from you, for making it seem as though I don't trust you. I was just trying to figure things out myself and respect Levi's privacy." She squeezed me a little tighter with a heartfelt chuckle.
"I understand why you did it, but now you know I know and you can come to me if he's ever getting on your nerves," she laughed and I crack a smile.
"You're far too cunning for your own good, Han." I mutter, only extending her laughter. I thought about it for a moment, the thought of Levi getting on my nerves was comical. I enjoyed his company more than others, the talks we had, the innocent intimate moments we share quite frequently. Yeah, that's the life I want, and I want it with no one but him.
My dream of laying down with a book in hand, the rain outside pattering softly on the glass panes as I'm wrapped up cozily in a blanket as I stroked the hair of my significant other who read his own book. A simple, peaceful dream, really. But a dream I want, no matter how boring or uneventful, and I'm set on Levi being that person.
"Am I going to give you ideas to do annoying things with him? Probably. Will you agree? Unlikely. Will he hate them? Abso-fucking-lutely, but you seriously can come and talk and ask me about anything Sunshine. That's what friends are for." She tightened the embrace briefly before pulling away. "I promise you if either of you need anything, I'm here." I looked at her with a small smile, allowing my arms to fall back to my sides.
"Promise?" I question.
"On my life," she returns with a cheeky smile and I can't help the snort I let out as I playfully shove her. She chuckled before turning on her heel and walking out the of the stall, humming quietly.
"Make haste, my titan youngling! We leave very soon!" She called back before exiting the stables entirely, leaving only myself and Sin who just stared at the doorway. I look at the horse before shrugging and moving to grab the bridle and reins.
Once finished equipping him with the equipment, I lead the horse out of the stall. His walk had no differences, the wound not bothering him at all and I could only hope the added weight of myself on the saddle wouldn't be too much of an issue. Leaving the stables, I hum quietly as I realise Levi would likely wake up and not know where we went. Leading Sin to the group who still conversed amongst themselves as Connie and Jean continued fixing the reins of their mounts.
"Mika," I murmur, the hushed sound of her voice coming from my lips catching her attention. She turned to face me, eyebrows raised ever so slightly, a silent gesture to urge me to continue with what I wanted to say. I hold my reins out to her, to which she reaches down and grabs wordlessly. "Thank you, it's just for a moment, I need to do something before we go." I offer her a smile before stepping back and walking back to the building.
It was just as silent as it was before, making the corridors void of obstacles that were made of the members of the squad or random discarded items that someone forgot to pick up. Walking through the halls, I turn a corner and nearly bump into a hurried raven whose hand was raised as he rubbed one of his eyes.
"Oh, good morning. I was just coming to your office to write a note for you," I greet quietly. His hand dropped from his face revealing his eye. His hair was disheveled, his shirt the neck of his shirt lower than it would've been if he wasn't in a hurry. I looked at him with furrowed eyebrows, knowing full well he wouldn't leave his room without cleaning himself up first. "Are you okay? What's the ru-" What's the rush was what I would've said if his hands didn't take my face into his hands and crushed his lips against mine. The kiss caught me off guard but I was quick to reciprocate, one of his hands sliding down and resting just below my jaw.
He hummed quietly, the vibration of the sound being felt in the smooth movements of his lips as they moved against mine. A kiss such as this one was provoked. By what? I wasn't sure, and I was going to ask the moment he pulled away, if that was going to happen anytime soon.
But it didn't feel like it was going to end soon, the pressure he put on my mouth was as strong as ever, the hand that still cupped my cheek soon sliding down to the dip in my waist. Gently but firmly, he pressed on my waist, making me stumble over my feet trying to keep up with his movements. My back met the wall, my hand reaching up to rest on his chest, the other on the side of his ribcage. His body pressed up against mine, not enough where it was suffocating but enough to keep me from going anywhere easily.
I hum, feeling the emotion in the kiss falter a little, the pace slowing drastically before his lips left mine entirely. Though, he rested his forehead against mine, sapphire eyes hidden behind closed eyelids, lips parted as he heaved out slow heavy breaths, the thumb of the hand that rested on my waist rubbing circles on my skin through the fabric of my shirt. I was breathless, I lost track of time during however long that kiss took. My heart pounded in my throat, his own racing heart I could feel through the fingertips of the hand that rested on his chest.
"I don't deserve you," he whispered. Four words that were so heartwarming but heartbreaking simultaneously, and I wasn't even sure why he was saying this.
"Is everything okay?" I ask, rolling my shoulders a little, because as much as I enjoyed this moment with him, the wall was uneven and bumpy making my back hurt.
"Everything is fucking perfect, and I feel as though it shouldn't be." He murmurs and I can't help the frown that spread across my features.
"Why?" He clicked his tongue at the one word question, shaking his head as he pulled away slightly.
"Because every time it seems like things are falling into place, it takes the blink of an eye for it all to get ripped away from me." He replied quietly. I pursed my lips, what am I even supposed to say to that? "Am I that incapable of keeping everything that means everything to me safe?"
"Don't talk like that," I snap quietly. "Don't fucking talk like that, idiot." Levi's jaw tensed, eyes opening but refusing meet mine.
"I want to make sure of one thing," he started. "Only one thing." I looked at him. He looked like he slept properly last night.
"This better not be anything stupid, Lee," I reply, my figure still pressed against the wall.
"Are you absolutely positive I'm who you want? If you left now, it'd be excruciating, but at least I'd know you'd be away from this fucking curse that'd been bestowed upon me." He still didn't meet my gaze. "These last few weeks haven't felt real, I have you. I finally have you, but can I keep you?" I scoffed, pushing him away gently.
"You have no right saying these things knowing full well I promised you I'm not going anywhere." I deadpanned. "Levi, I'm set on you."
He finally met my gaze, my hands reaching up raking through his hair that was still disheveled before going down and fixing his shirt. He just stood there, hands now resting on my waist as I hastily fixed his appearance for him.
"Thank you for everything yesterday. Listening to my past, the haircut, the gifts from you and the squad, staying with me until I fell asleep." He looked like he wanted to say something else, my actions halting as I awaited the rest of what he wanted to say. "Though..." I tilted my head in question, my hands resting at the points where his neck meets his shoulders. His grip left my waist, hands moving up and resting on top of my hands.
"What?" I urge.
"I was disappointed when I woke up and was greeted with your absence."
***
💕
7K VOTES IS CRAAAAAAAAZY THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH
sorry for the delay! moved out of home, i'm a big girl now 😚 BUT IM BACK! regular updates SHOULD resume, but otherwise i'll let you all know if there's a change in my schedule 💅
AISHITERU!
jazz<3