POV: LOUIS
Harry just left me. I may have been a little mean, but I hate it when people keep asking about me.
I stand under a tree, finish my cigarette and take another one. I don't want to go back to the party yet.
I don't want to run into Harry.
The moon is shining beautifully, a light breeze caresses my skin, I can already feel spring.
I could stay here forever. It's so peaceful here.
I'm halfway through the cigarette when suddenly I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket.
Ugh, who is this? And what kind of asshole dares to bother me now.
I pull out my phone and the name "Britney" appears on the screen.
I guess I should change that later.
Do I want to answer? I don't want to talk to him.
Zayn probably got drunk and now he's calling me from Harry's phone because he lost his.
I wouldn't be surprised.
I sigh, answer and put the phone to my ear.
"Hello?" I say in a bored voice to let Zayn know that I don't feel like talking right now.
"Please..."
That weak, tiny voice is definitely not Malik's.
"Harry? What happened? Where are you?" I ask a little bit concerned.
I can tell by the tone of his voice that something happened to him.
He's not answering.
"Harry?"
Nothing.
Jesus, just answer, Harry because you're starting to irritate me with your silent behavior.
"Hazza, where are you?!"
Still nothing. Okay, now I'm starting to worry.
"For fuck's sake! Darling, where are you?!"
"Lou?" Harry says on the other end in a weak voice. So faint that I can barely hear it.
"Oh my God. Where are you?!"
"It's very bright here..."
What is he talking about? Is he high?
Silence.
"Hazz! Where are you?! Answer me for fuck's sake, moron!"
Nothing. I'm getting more and more worried. What if some idiot gave him drugs and now the poor guy is alone in another dimension and doesn't know what's going on.
"Baby, please fucking answer me!"
"Bathroom... Please... Help..."
What? Jesus, his voice is barely audible.
Harry, what have you done?
"Fuck... I'm coming!" I say and after that I immediately hung up.
Something bad happened. I can feel it.
I throw my unfinished cigarette on the sidewalk and run home.
As I enter the building, I bump into Niall.
"Whoa, hey, be careful, lad." My blonde friend chuckles. "Why do you seem so distracted?"
"Harry. Come with me. No questions." I say and pull the boy's hand to the upper bathroom.
"What's going on?" He asks.
"I said, no questions."
We go to the bathroom door and I pull the handle, it's locked.
Fuck.
"What's going on?" Niall asks me.
"Harry open the door!" I shout.
Nothing. Just quiet sobs from the other side of the door.
The blonde next to me tries to open the door.
"Harry please!" He shouts.
Nothing.
"What's going on?"
Ugh, you've got to be fucking kidding me.
"Fuck off, Jasper." Niall speaks for me.
It's good that we have the same opinion about his presence here at this moment.
"Loosen your pants, Horan. What's going on?" He asks.
I sigh. God, I hate this boy but he's stronger than me and Niall. Maybe he can break down this door.
"Break down the door, Harry has locked himself in there and won't open it." I say.
Niall looks at me, surprised that I'm asking for Jasper's help.
I am as surprised by this fact as he is.
"Uhh... Okay I guess..." The tall guy says.
A boy in a denim jacket hits the door hard with his shoulder. And once more. And once more. Niall joins him. One hit. Second. Third.
The door falls to the ground.
However, as soon as I see Harry, I freeze in place.
Blood. Blood everywhere. His eyes are closed and his body is limp. The skin is pale and he still holds a razor blade in his hand. I look at his wrist. Wrist. I've never seen any scars on his wrists. Did he just want to kill himself? Is it because of me? Did I act too cold towards him when we talked under that tree? I see some cuts. Blood. I want to cry, vomit and scream at the same time.
Now I really wish he was just stoned. I would give anything for Harry Styles to be on drugs right now.
It's a terrible sight.
After a few seconds, however, I come back to reality and soon I am next to Harry. I immediately grab his wrist tightly to stop the bleeding.
"What the f-"
"Fuck off, Jasper! Get out!" I say to him. I don't want him to see me cry.
And I know I'm close to breaking down.
The boy is speechless and he quickly disappears. He will probably run to his friends to tell everything.
But I'm not interested in that. The only thing I'm interested in is Harry.
My hand is covered in blood. I'm shaking all over. Tears are streaming down my face.
Niall is sitting next to me, looking for something in the first aid kit that Harry took out earlier when he wanted to bandage me, to stop the bleeding.
"Call an ambulance, you idiot!" I say nervously.
The blonde just nods and immediately takes out his phone.
I glance at Harry. Fuck, fuck, fuck.
Please, you asshole, don't do this to me.
I quickly tear off a piece of my shirt and I tie the cloth on Harry's forearm slightly above the wounds to reduce the blood flow.
Tears fall down the younger boy's cheeks.
My hands are dirty with the younger boy's blood.
I'm relieved because I know he's still alive, but it's a sight that breaks my heart.
"Louis... Please..." My little boy says in weak voice.
I almost can't hear him.
I cry even harder.
"Harry, please... We need you here... Don't go..." I say between sobs.
I check his pulse. I can barely feel it.
My heart is beating like crazy.
"Niall what the hell is with the fucking ambulance? When?!"
"In 5 minutes..."
He won't make it...
Harry's eyes are already closed.
I wrap my arms around this numb body. Harry's back rests limply against my chest. I hold him tight. Jesus, he's so weak.
"Don't close your eyes, you idiot. Stay with me. Fuck Harry, don't do this to me, you dick!" I say to him in desperate voice. "Niall, squeeze his fucking wrist." I order my friend who immediately obeys my command.
I'm sorry, Harry. This is my fault...
"Do you think cpr will help?" I ask.
"Probably not in this case, but it wouldn't hurt to try." Niall says.
He also has no idea what we should do.
"Fuck, what if I press on his chest and more blood will come out?" I ask.
"What the fuck are you talking about? How would this even happen?"
"I don't know, okay?! I'm scared!"
Harry, don't fucking die here.
I check the pulse. Where's that fucking pulse?
I feel around his neck to find a pulse.
"What?" Niall asks me as he sees what I'm doing.
"I can't feel his pulse." I say with a shaky voice. "I CAN'T FEEL HIS FUCKING PULSE, NIALL."
He's dead...
I lost Harry...
I hug the boy's dead body closer to me. Harry died in my arms.
Suddenly, paramedics from an ambulance run into the bathroom.
Finally, you stupid fucks...
"I... I can't feel his pulse..." I say to them. "Please help him..."
"We'll try." One of the doctors says to me and they take Harry on a stretcher to the ambulance.
His mom. Fuck, his mom.
I have to tell her about it. She must know about it.
I'm going to look for Jasmine because she probably has Harry's mom's number.
"JASMINE! JASMINE ROBERTS!" I shout.
"What?! What is it?! Why did I just see Harry being carried away on a stretcher? And why are you covered in blood?" She asks, I can hear that she's scared.
"Never mind. Do you have the phone number to Harry's mother?" I ask.
"Yeah."
"Give me it."
Without discussion, Jasmine calls our friend's mom and hands me her phone.
Before I take the device from her, I wipe my hands on my T-shirt to get rid of some of the blood. I put the phone to my ear.
"Hello?" I hear a woman's calm, cheerful voice.
I feel so bad for her now. She's about to lose all her happiness.
"Good evening, I'm Louis, and um... Harry's going to the hospital..." I explain.
I hear silence on the other end of the phone.
"Is this some kind of joke?" She asks. I know she's probably praying now that it is just a joke.
But it isn't.
"I wish... He..." I look at Jasmine then turn my back to her and add more quietly. "Harry cut his wrists at the party. They just took him to the hospital by ambulance."
"Oh my God... My baby... Okay, well, thank you, Louis. I'm on my way there."
She hangs up.
I give the phone to the redhead girl.
I look for my boys and use my hand to show them to go to my car.
After a while we are all sitting in the car.
This is probably a very stupid idea because each of us is drunk, but now I feel as if all the alcohol has evaporated from me.
I'm going to the hospital with my friends. Nobody says anything.
We drive in heavy silence.
After about 10 minutes we are at the hospital.
We all quickly get out of the car and enter the building.
"Harry Styles. Where?" Zayn asks the receptionist quickly.
"Mr. Harry Styles has just been brought to our hospital so you can't see him." The older woman with black curly hair responds to my friend.
"When can we see him?" Niall asks.
"Are you his family?"
"No."
"Then I'm sorry but you won't be able to see him."
What?!
"We called the fucking ambulance. We were the ones who sat with him while we waited for the doctors. We are his friends. We have every right to see him." I say desperatly.
"It's not up to me, but I'll see what I can do."
I sigh. "Thanks."
Okay, so we wait.
The four of us sit on chairs in the corridor.
Suddenly, after a while, a woman runs inside and runs to the reception desk.
"Hello, I'm Anne Twist, Harry Styles' mother. Can I see him? I received information that he is here."
I watch the woman closely. Indeed, she resembles her son.
"He just got here. You have to wait, miss." The receptionist says.
I get up from the chair and walk over to my friend's mother. I hope she doesn't think badly of me because of the traces of the fight with Jake from today.
"Good evening, you're Harry's mom, right? Nice to meet you. I'm Louis, I'm the one who called you." I say as politely as I can.
The woman looks at me, watching my face for a moment. She's probably wondering where this dried blood comes from. After a while, however, she smiles weakly at me.
"Nice to meet you, Louis. Thank you for calling me. How long have you been here?" She asks me in a scared voice.
"Few minutes."
"Can you tell me what... What exactly happened?"
Jesus... Does it really have to be me telling her this?
"Um... Well... Harry disappeared somewhere and after a while he called me that he needed help. It was extremely difficult for me to talk to him on the phone because he barely communicated at that time. When he finally told me where he was, Niall and I ran to the bathroom but the door was locked. Jasper helped us open them and then... I saw Harry, barely alive, weak, bloody." My voice is shaking and I feel like crying. "I didn't know what to do. I tried to get him to keep his eyes open but... After a while, an ambulance arrived. But..." A tear rolls down my cheek. "...Before the ambulance people took him away, I didn't feel Harry's pulse..."
The elderly woman covers her mouth in shock, her eyes are watery.
I see that she is weak and as if she was about to fall to the ground, so I carefully and gently grab her arm and lead her to a chair so she can sit down.
I sit next to her.
I see Harry's mother looking at my hands.
"Is this my son's blood?" She asks in shaky voice.
I just nod sadly.
The woman breaks down even more. This sight breaks my heart. I can't imagine what she must be feeling right now.
And when I imagine what would happen if I listened to my thoughts few years ago and my mother would have to go through it alone. She would sit in the hospital crying, not knowing whether her son would survive.
I look at the boys. They just shrug.
What am I supposed to do? I don't know this woman and I don't want her to feel uncomfortable, but I want to show her some support because I can't watch her sob silently.
With a slow and careful movement, I put my hand on the woman's hand. I don't know what else to do. It's weird.
"I'm sorry." I say quietly.
She shakes her head. "He'll be fine. I know it. My son will be okay."
I smile slightly. "I know."
*
After an hour, the doctor enters the waiting room.
"Is Harry Styles' family here?" He asks.
The woman next to me gets up quickly and walks over to the doctor. "I'm his mom. Is my son alive? Is everything alright?"
"Yes. Your son is alive, but still unconscious. He lost a lot of blood. Do you want to see him?"
My friend's mother nods quickly and disappears behind a heavy door with the man in a white coat.
I still hear the doctor's voice in my head. Harry is alive.
He did not die.
I sit next to my boys.
"Louis, Harry's alive, so maybe you could go and wash your hands of his blood? Not that it matters, but people look at you strangely." Zayn whispers. "Niall already did it. You could too."
I nod and go to the restroom. I wash my hands.
Blood. Red water flows from my hands.
I hope I can see Harry soon. I want to make sure that everything is okay.
I go back to the boys.
"Louis, me and Liam have to go back. My mom just called, and since Liam is sleeping at my place today, we have to go." Niall says.
"Okay, sure, no problem. Bye."
Niall and Liam say goodbye and go home.
I look at Zayn. The boy is sitting next to me, his hood is on his head so that his eyes are covered, his arms are crossed on his chest and his head is slightly falling to the side.
I shake his arm lightly to wake him up. He opens his eyes slowly and looks at me.
"You should go home too. I can take you back if you want. It's quite late and you're tired." I say.
"No, I'll stay with you."
"Zayn, you already sleep sitting up. Come on, I'll take you home."
He yaws. "Fine."
We're going to my car. Zayn falls asleep almost immediately and I drive to his house in silence. Even the radio doesn't play.
"Zayn c'mon. We're here." I say and shake my friend's shoulder.
He wakes up and looks out the window. "Thanks, mate. Goodnight."
"Goodnight."
Malik gets out of the car and I go back to the hospital.
I enter the building, sit on a chair and sit for some time but I get very tired so I fall asleep.
*
"Louis?"
I hear a woman's voice. My mom.
I open my eyes. "What are you doing here?"
"I called Zayn this morning after you didn't come home last night. He told me you're probably still in the hospital. What happened?"
I sigh. "Harry tried to kill himself..."
My mom sits next to me and hugs me. "Oh darling, I'm so sorry. But you should come back home."
"No, I can't. I have to wait. I want to be here when I'll be able to see him."
"Louis..."
"Mom, please. I need to wait."
She sighs. "You really care about this boy, don't you?"
I nod.
"Okay... I'll go home and get some food, clothes and a toothbrush for you." My mom smiles at me.
"Thank you."
*
I've been in the hospital for three days now. I'm supposed to be at school today, but there's no way I'm going there.
Harry's mom sometimes came to me and told me how Harry was doing and promised me that when he woke up I would be able to see him.
My mom comes every day and brought me food and the most necessary things.
I see Harry's mother walking towards me and I immediately get up.
"Good morning." I say. "How's Harry?"
"You can see him." She smiles.
I open my eyes wider. Harry woke up. Stone fell from my heart.
We go to the room and as soon as I see the brunette lying on the bed, I immediately run to him and squat down next to the bed. I take his hand in mine.
He's still weak. He looks better than at the party, but still not the best.
*
We talked a bit. I wanted to tell him something important but the doctor interrupted me. But it's good that he did it. If I told him I love him, it might be awkward. And I'm not sure I love him either.
Now that I know he's okay, I can go home and go back to school.
After a few hours in the hospital with Harry, I'm on my way home.
I see my dad's car outside the house. So today will be very family friendly.
I enter the house and, of course, the first thing that happens is the twins hug me.
"Where were you?" Pheobe asks.
"In hospital."
"Why? Are you okay?"
"I'm fine, my friend had an accident. But he's okay now."
I go inside the house and see my father on the couch.
"Where were you?" The man asks me in a cold tone.
"In the hospital. My friend had an accident." I say.
He looks at me. "You look disgusting."
And who says this, father?
"I know, I didn't have time to shave."
"Clearly."
Jesus, he's so annoying.
I go to the bathroom, undress and get into the shower.
Warm water flows over my body. I look at my wrists, clean, no wounds, not like Harry's.
Why did he want to kill himself? What was the reason? Was it me? Was it because of me that Harry slit his wrists?
I feel like I'm about to throw up.
I quickly get out of the shower and immediately lean over the toilet and vomit.
When I feel better, I go back to the shower, wash myself, dry myself, get dressed, shave my stubble and go to the bedroom.
I immediately fall asleep because I haven't had enough sleep in the last few days.
*
I enter school and the first thing I do is the boys I go to PE class with ask me about Harry's condition. I see that the news about the event has already spread throughout the school.
I ignore them but after a while someone stops me again.
"Hi..."
"What do you want, Jasmine?" I ask annoyed.
"How's Harry? I heard you were with him in the hospital..."
"Not only in the hospital. I was with him from the very beginning." I say looking the girl straight in the eye with my dead eyes.
We look at each other. We stand in awkward silence in the corridor and people passing by glance at us. After all, this is not a normal sight, Smith and Tomlinson talking together.
I sigh and look down to break the eye contact. "He's better. He woke up so he's good."
I hear Jasmine exhale and relax. "Thank God..."
The only person you should be thanking is me and Niall for saving him. But okay... Whatever.
*
"Louis Tomlinson?"
"Louis." Zayn hits my shoulder. "Louis, say you are present."
I shake my head, look at the teacher and I say that I'm here.
"Jesus, mate, what's going on?" My dark-hair friend asks.
"I'm tired. I slept for maybe 4 hours."
I was often waking up at night, because of the image of dead Harry covered in blood constantly appeared in my head.
I know he's fine, but that one moment when I thought I lost him still haunts my thoughts.
"Jesus, Louis, get over it, you can't worry about him like that. He's my friend too but he's okay, right? He woke up." Zayn says to me in kinda annoyed voice.
"What are you talking about? I just couldn't sleep. It's not all about Harry."
He rolls his eyes and looks at me. "Come on, really? Louis I know it's about Harry. You stayed in the hospital for three days just to be there when he woke up. I know you care about him, but don't you think that's a bit of an exaggeration? Even when Liam was in the hospital, you didn't wait like that."
Yes, maybe he's right. Maybe it doesn't seem like Harry is just a friend after all. But I know Zayn would never suspect me of being gay. He's just jealous, but he doesn't think that there's something between me and Styles.
I sigh. "I'm sorry, yeah you're right. Maybe I'm exaggerating a bit, especially since I hated him not too long ago. It just... Harry is younger than any of us and I feel somewhat responsible for him, especially now since we're friends."
"Oh, Louis, come on, lad. Just a month ago you treated him like a piece of crap. It didn't bother you that he was younger."
"Can we stop talking about this? I don't know, are you jealous or something?" I ask with audible venom in my voice.
I don't want to pursue this topic further.
My friend sighs. "Whatever. It's just kinda weird for me, that's all."
This is weird for me too. I still don't understand it.
I liked him from the beginning, that's true, but I was very good at bullying him.
And to think that if I had not come to the park during winter break to meet him, we would probably still hate each other.
*
After school I'm going to the hospital to visit Harry.
I enter the building and in the waiting room I see...
Oh, you've got to be fucking kidding me.
What is this idiot doing here?
"McClair, what the fuck are you doing here?" I say with audible hatred towards the boy.
"Calm down, Tomlinson. I want to apologize to him."
I laugh at Jake's words. "Or what? Because he's in the hospital because he wanted to kill himself? Do you feel sorry for him? Or maybe you feel guilty?" I take a step closer to him. "I bet that's the case. Well, look, you, Harry's best friend, hurt him so much with your words that he wanted to kill himself. We both know how sensitive he is." I look at him up and down. "But I have to admit it. You have the balls to come here after what I did to you."
"We both know that Harry forgives very easily. As for what you did to me, I'm not afraid of you." He speaks through his teeth with anger in his voice.
I guess he wanted to sound scary, but instead he looks like a squirrel.
"Are you not afraid anymore? Weird. I'm sure when I burned your stomach with the hot metal, you screamed at me to stop like a little girl." I smirk and I poke Jake's stomach with my finger in the place where I hurt him when I took him "to work", and he immediately pushes my hand away as soon as it touches him. "Ohhh, our poor little Jakie... Does it hurt?"
"Fuck off, Tomlinson."
"No, you fuck off and never come back here, never even talk to Harry, he doesn't need you, you wasted your chance." I say with a serious face. "Now get the fuck out of my sight. Unless you like the smell of burnt skin. Because, for example, I liked it very much."
"You're sick."
After his words, I smile friendly at the boy who gives me the middle finger and leaves the hospital.
I walk towards the room where Harry is.
"Hi, Hazz. How do you feel?" I ask in a cheerful tone and sit on the chair next to the bed.
The boy smiles at me. "Hi. I'm good, thanks. How's school?"
I sigh. "Normal. The guys asked me how you were. I wasn't concentrating on the lessons at all."
Harry chuckles. "As usual."
I smile and look down.
I don't tell him that everyone at school already knows what happened. He doesn't have to know yet. Now the important thing is that he gets better.
I also don't tell him about Jake because... Why would I?
"Are the mad at me?"
Whenever I hear Harry's guilty voice, I immediately look at him.
"What are you talking about? Nobody is mad at you. Why would they be?"
Tear.
"Oh baby, don't cry-"
My hand stops halfway to his face. We look at each other in silence.
I called him baby. Not that I don't call him that anymore, but it sounds more serious now.
Especially after I recently wanted to confess my love to him.
What the fuck, Louis?
"I... I have to go... Sorry... I'll come back tomorrow, okay?"
"Oh... Yeah, okay, no problem, Louis..."
I can see the disappointment in his eyes but I can't be with him right now.
My feelings are too strong for me.
I leave, or rather run out of the building and go to the car.
I take out my phone.
"Hi, boss. Is there any work to be done? Because I don't have much to do and I would like to get some money."
"Ummm... Actually, yeah, yeah there is. Go to the warehouse, the squad should be there anytime so."
"Thanks."
I'm going to a place where I will torture someone again. I need to relax, get rid of all these emotions.