Again here is the trigger warnings
⚠️ T.W⚠️
Rape
Self harm
Eating disorder and mentions if it and the thought that go along with it
Suicidal ideation and thoughts
Intrusive thoughts
Sexual abuse
Physical abuse
Psychological abuse and psychological torture
And drugged??(idk if thats the right word in this situation but it's the best idea I got)
IF ANY OF THIS TRIGGERS YOU CLICK AWAY PLEASE!!!!
This story is out into p.o.v's just a reminder!
-katsuki pov-
When the old man leaves deku just kind of sits there. I can't read his emotions. He looks happy about being adopted, flashbacks still remain, sad about what happened, angry about what happened, tried from what happened, and shocked all at the same time
"Deku, are you okay? Be honest with me please"
"I'm a mix of things r-right now." He sounds tired, his voice is cracking from sobbing and screaming.
"What are you feeling, is it coming in waves, what emotions are there?"
"I don't know, I guess tired, a little numb but other then that I'm fine." I pick up the ice pack and walk to the freezer, each step another thought or worry 'was he going to stay numb? Was he going to have these episodes often? Was he going to stay this way? Was he feeling guilty? Was he upset about being adopted? Was he just shocked?' the thoughts polluted my brain until I finally reached the freezer and put the ice pack away. When I walked back I didn't see the nerd, I started to get worried and searched around the dorm eventually I found him in a tiny dark corner, in a closet reading. And I should stop calling him a nerd?
"Hey, you okay? Why are you in here, it's dark. Do you want me to turn on the light?" I fumbled around for the light switch and turn it on.
"WHAT THE FUCK DEKU?!?!" I shouldn't have yelled, I'll admit that, it was a knee jerk response to a situation like this.
I see deku trying to push his sleeves up as fast as he can only being able to get one sleeve up half way, and a razorblade sitting on the floor. When I realized he flinched when I yelled I felt a ping of guilt hit my heart that wasn't there before, I had made him flinch before but this time i knew why he was flinching and it hurt that i may have triggered something that reminded him of the bastard.
"I-im sor-sorry." He seemed more scared than I had caught him then the fact then the fact that he had just slit his fucking wrists. He was bleeding, and yet he was the only who was fucking apologizing.
"I'm s-so sor-sorry"the tears that were welling up in his eyes were now falling down his face. I ran out of the room and grabbed the first aid kit then rush back to dekus side.
"Ar-are y-you ma-mad at-t me-e?" He struggled to get the words out in-between his choked out sobs. I was confused as to why he would ever think I would be mad at him about this but then I remember pretty much our entire lives.
"No, I'm not mad at you, I would never be mad at you for something like this. Just concerned." I flash him an affirmative smile however my brows are furrowed with worry. I pull out gauze and medical tape. I unroll the gauze and start wrapping around his arms, every once and a while he winces cause I pulled it too tight.
"Sorry." I said laced with a tinge of worry. I was so close to bursting out into tears and hugging him. My upper lip quivered with uncertainty of what to do.
"It's fine, I'm sorry." He wasn't crying anymore, and I couldn't decide whether that was a good or bad thing but he still wouldn't look at me. 'why won't he look at me? Is he scared to look at me, is he mad? I know he doesn't want me to know but why? Did he think I would be mad? Did he think he would be a burden? Why won't he tell me anything?' I finished bandaging him up which quickly snapped me out of my thoughts.
"Alright now, where's the blades?" He was still hugging his knees to his chest. "Oh, it was just the one-" I cut him off, I wasn't stupid. I knew he was fucking lying.
"Deku, I'm not stupid. I know there's more blades than this? So tell me right fucking now where they are." He shook his head. The mop of green hair bouncing up and down as he did so, I would make fun of him however given the situation at hand it was definitely not the correct time for that.
"DEKU, TELL ME WHERE THE FUCKING BLADES ARE!" I slammed my fist into the wall in fit of rage. I wasn't thinking clearly. Deku stood up, and ran out the walk-in closet that we had put no use into. Damnit I caused this. I always fuck things up. I know there's more blades, what if he cuts again, what if he cuts deeper. I need to fucking find him, and I need to find him right fucking now! I start with the living room and kitchen, clear. I move onto both of the bathrooms, clear. I go into his room, not clear.
"Deku?" I say it as softly and as gently as I can. I royally fucked up. HOW MANY THINGS CAN GO WRONG WITH HIM IN ONE FUCKING DAY!?! What did he do to deserve this? He's in the corner, clutching his shirt. His flashbacks seem different this time. They aren't the same event. I step up to him and crouch down. Just like I did the night before I pull him into a hug and rub gentle circles on his back. He's crying but not that much, he's having trouble breathing and on the verge of hyperventilation. Instead of clutching on to his shirt, he clutches onto mine.
"It's okay, you're okay, it might not feel like it but you are. I promise, okay?"
" I-im so s-sorry for-or being s-such a bur-burden."
I was astonished he thought he was a burden. Cause he was anything but. He was a blessing to have around
"Don't say that, you're not a burden. You need help and we're going to get you that help okay? don't say you're a burden cause you're not,I enjoy having you around okay? Get that through your head, you are not a burden!" When I said that he looked like his entire world had been flipped upside down, but in a good way.
"Promise?" He said it in such a quiet voice I could barley hear him. "Promise. I'm sorry for yelling earlier. It wasn't okay, I should have dealt with the situation better. You were already scared and I was just worried, okay? I'm really sorry." His breathing was still really shaky and he was too. He was still crying and holding onto me with a death grip. Like if he let go of me I would disappear.
"Hey, breathe okay? In and out. You can do it." I emphasized my breathing so he could follow along he tried, I know he did but he still couldn't
"What color is my shirt?" He looked at it, his eyes were dancing around the room, he was lightheaded from not having enough oxygen in his body.
"B-black" " and what color are the walls?" " Grey." I moved my hand up from his back and into his hair. His eyes stopped rolling back ever so slightly and they weren't darting around the room anymore.
"And what color are my tennis shoes on the rack out there?" He thought about it for a second, his mind was cloudy. "O-orange." His breathing was settling but what I was doing wasn't helping anymore and seemed to make him overthink what I asked
"Good, now what's going on, are you scared because I yelled? Or did my yelling trigger something, what is it?" His breathing hitched but quickly cooled back down to a steady rate
"U-uhm it j-just made me think o-of s-something t-that happened." His voice got quieter as he said it. Like it was a secret that no one was supposed to know about or even think. Like he had just been caught with murder.
"Well what was the memory? Was it with your dad, or your mom or was it something else?" I didn't want to be too upfront with what I was asking, but I still wanted him to know what I was asking. Did I make him think of the beatings, rape, or something else entirely?
"M-mom." His breathing was stable and he was only slightly shaking his tear ducts were completely dry from crying so much.
"S-she always g-got so angry a-at me-e, she s-said the s-scars w-were u-ugly."I couldn't believe what I had just heard, who tells their child that? I was so mad at Inko right now but I had to focus on deku.
" Do you believe that?" My voice was cracking and I was starting to cry. I hated that he went through that only a few days ago probably.
"S-sometimes I d-do." I hugged him closer. He tensed up but soon melted into the hug.
" She's fucking wrong, I promise you she's wrong" my voice was cracking and shaky cause of my own tears. I could have helped, he could have told me WHY DIDN'T HE TELL ME?
We sat there for a few minutes. In silence his shaking subsided and my tears calmed.I had my questions but most of them were either redundant or it wasn't the right times to ask.
I break away from the hug. " Under the mattress and in the bathroom mirror in a black box and..." He pulls out his phone from his pocket and takes off the case and I see two shiny yet stained razor blades " here."
1725 words total
Thank you for reading