My body screamed kiss me! But that would be wrong, and cheating, and it would prove exactly what the papers had written about me.
I told myself to step back but I was caught, hypnotized by his eyes, his mouth, everything about him.
"Nat..." He groaned. He looked so tortured.
I reached up and touched his face. Alec closed his eyes, muttering a curse under his breath.
"We can't."
"Can't?" I swallowed the lump in my throat.
"Us, we can never happen, Nat."
I jerked back. "Why?"
"I promised someone a long time ago that I would never get in the way again. He really likes you, Nat. Possibly loves you. I won't do that to him. I can't do that to him, regardless of how I feel about you."
"How do you feel?" I felt my eyes search his face for any hint of information that would give him away.
"Guilty." He growled as his mouth crushed mine. I closed my eyes as his lips worked against mine. Alec was so different. His kiss didn't scare me — it terrified me. It made me feel things a high school girl had no right to feel.
Alec stumbled back, his breathing ragged. "Goodbye, Nat."
Hurt, I watched him leave the janitor's closet. He didn't come back, even though I waited.
After ten minutes the lunch bell rang and I walked to my locker in a daze of confusion.
"Hey." Demetri caught up to me. "You sick again?"
"No, sorry. I'm just tired," I lied, hoping my face didn't say "And I just kissed your brother, because I think I may love him."
The problem was I loved Demetri too. In a totally different but very real way, and I felt so guilty that I had just done something so horrible to him.
"You need coffee." He nodded his head as if he was the all-knowing and all powerful Oz and I the Tin Man who was just given a heart.
"Yes, I do."
"Come on." He held out his hand. I grabbed it. Demetri led me through the crowded halls, the security detail followed close behind.
When we got to the principal's office, it was clear that any woman with a heartbeat would gladly murder me and take my place. For one second I thought the receptionist was going to rip her own shirt off and confess undying love.
I quickly grabbed her family picture and put it face down on the counter while Demetri smooth talked her. Nobody should have to witness this tragedy.
After a few minutes, in which I watched him sign a few autographs for the office staff, he winked at me and we were off.
"Did you just use bribery?"
"No." He laughed. "I smiled."
I chuckled. "What am I going to do with you? So cocky..."
"Anything you want, Nat. I'm yours." He stopped walking and pulled me into his embrace. His lips were on mine before I could protest.
Guiltily, I kissed him harder. I wanted the memory of Alec's lips gone. I was still hurt, and now I was using Demetri to make me feel better. He moaned and wrapped his arms around me, crushing my body against his. Muscles flexed in his jaw as I leaned up and kissed his chin.
"Nat," he ground out tearing himself away from me. "If you keep kissing me back like that, I'm not going to behave."
I bit my lip, then quickly remembered Alec's earlier warning. As if I summoned him up out of nowhere, he walked up behind us, his lips in a grim line.
"Skipping school?"
"Nat wasn't feeling well." Demetri shrugged.
"I wonder why. She looked fine in your arms a few seconds ago." His eyes were accusing.
I wanted to scream, So what? Yes, I kissed my boyfriend, and yes, it was minutes after kissing you! But you said no! You practically threw me into your brother's arms, and now you think you have a right to be mad at me?
I felt my nostrils flare. Alec took a step back, then smirked. "Whatever, I just came outside to grab something from the car. You kids have fun." And just like that he was gone.
And my heart was in my throat for the second time that day.
"Come on." Demetri unlocked the car.
"How's Alec going to get home?" I buckled my seatbelt and watched his disappearing form as he reentered the school.
"I left Lloyd with him, he'll catch a ride. Don't worry, my brother is very capable of taking care of himself."
"Right." I knew that. I just didn't need Demetri to know that I knew that.
"So..." Demetri turned the key in the ignition and put the car in reverse. "I have all afternoon and then I need to go to your mom's for an appointment."
"Do you guys go every week?" I pried, fidgeting with my hair.
"Yup." His expression was so horribly closed.
"You and Alec."
Silence and then, "Of course."
I rolled my eyes. "When are you going to trust me?" The car stopped at the stop sign leading out into traffic.
"When I know I can." This time his eyes never left my face as he looked intently into my eyes. I felt so small, I wanted to crawl underneath the car and let it roll over me. Did he know about me and Alec? Was I that obvious?
Demetri cursed and pulled the car over on the side of the road. "Wanna tell me right here and right now so we can get this over with?"
"What do you mean?"
Demetri laughed and looked out the window. "I think you know exactly what I mean."
I pretended to be clueless even though my breathing was ragged and I was suddenly hot all over.
Demetri cursed. "My brother is off limits. I don't share."
"And I do?" I blurted. "What about the cheerleader you were making out with at the party?"
Demetri hit the steering wheel and cursed. "I thought you were over that! It was a mistake! Alright? Besides this is different."
"It's different how? You want me to trust you? Then you have to trust me!" Even as I said it I felt like crap, but I hated that he was making me feel guilty over something he was doing just a few weeks ago.
"He's my brother, Nat. There are things you don't know. It wouldn't be the first time a girl had the hots for both of us and went for it, okay?"
"I'm not that kind of girl."
"You sure?" he snapped.
"That was uncalled for." Hands shaking, I opened the door to the car, climbed out, and began walking up the street in the opposite direction.
"Nat, stop!" Demetri ran after me and pulled me into his arms. "I'm sorry, I just get so damned jealous. I see the way he looks at you. The way you look at him."
"It's not like that," I lied. "It won't ever be like that. Believe me, he's made it very clear where his loyalty lies." And it wasn't with me or with his feelings for me, but for his brother who was doing everything in his power to prove to me that he was worthy, while I went behind his back. I was the worst of the worst, and I knew I had to make a choice. I couldn't have feelings for Alec and date Demetri. I needed to let one of them go.
"But have you made your intentions known? Have you made your choice, Nat?" Demetri asked his lips a breath away from mine. "Because up until now, I've had my doubts."
My mind replayed the images of Alec's laughter, of our stolen moments together. The way his kiss felt against my lips. And then the sound of his goodbye. I sighed and licked my lips. Goodbye Alec. "I want you."
Demetri's stoic face suddenly broke out into the widest grin I'd ever seen. "You mean it?" He kissed my lips. "Tell me you mean it." His hands were in my hair, threading it between his fingers.
"I mean it." And I did. Because part of me loved him, part of me craved him. But another part would always belong to Alec. I just chose in that moment to tuck it away. Maybe if I ignored it, I wouldn't feel the sting of rejection anymore. Maybe I could move on and actually be happy with Demetri.
"I really care about you, Nat. I've never felt this way before," he whispered across my lips. His tongue licked my lower lip, and then he tugged it with his teeth as his mouth covered mine again.
"Me either," I admitted, because I hadn't ever felt this way before. I just didn't expect to feel it twice.
A few cars honked in the distance. I felt myself blush as I noticed we were only a mile away from school and making out in the street. With our luck it would probably hit the news tonight. Great. That's all I needed. My mom to suspect I was not only sleeping with both boys but skipping school with them too.
I groaned and slapped my palm against my forehead. All this drama was exhausting.
Demetri chuckled and reached around me, tugging my body in for a quick hug. "Food?"
"Food." I nodded.