Hidaya
The party died down, Zahra left and I had just answered the fifth phone call from another one of my cousins congratulating me. Mama and Yusra were inside getting changed and it was just Adda, Yaya and I left in the living room.
"You should both go get changed too, I'm gonna go pray Maghrib and come back insha Allah." He helps his heavily pregnant wife up before turning to me. "Ke kuma don't forget, we need to talk when I get back." He points at me like an old strict school professor and I simply nod.
I get to my room, get changed and decide to take a shower. The whole time I was just thinking of the weirdest, craziest encounter I had with Ziyad earlier. Did he really mean what he said? I mean...he has never lied to me before and it felt really genuine. Or maybe he's just going through something? But then I remember what Mubarak told me, maybe he really was scared and decided to take a protective step back in case I broke his heart.
I dress up in my comfortable pajamas and clean up my room, Adda walks in as I make my bed. She brings up a conversation and we start talking about stuff, one thing leading to another eventually I tell her what happened earlier with Ziyad.
"Wow....that's honestly...." She inhales through her teeth.
"I know I know...I'm just in a dilemma, I don't know what to do. My heart wants to believe him but my brain is warning me....what if he later on changes his mind?" I grab my penguin plushie squeezing the life out of the poor thing.
"Don't take it hard on yourself, it's not easy to just immediately believe something like this. Take your time and just get to know him for real but that's if you want to give him another chance...." She takes a sip from her water cup "...do you want to give him another chance?"
"I think so...maybe? Should I?" I bite my nail.
"Don't ask me, try to think deep down. This is your decision to make honey, you can sleep on it, pray istikhara and make a decision when you're ready to." She smiles.
"Yeah, I'll do that kawai because I honestly don't even know what to do." Yaya's call comes in and I mute it grabbing my hijab from the couch. "Ga yaya ya dawo bari naje." I get up and head back to the living room and find yaya already seated waiting for me, I sit opposite him.
"Tahm...Hidaya. I honestly don't know what to make of what happened earlier, I'm very confused and don't even know where to start. Have you guys been dating or something?" He sits up, his elbows on his knees as he scans my face.
"Not at all wlh, I'm also equally confused. All I know is we got close as friends but we never dated or anything like that." I fidget with my hijab.
"Well...he did ask for your hand in marriage, do you want to talk about that? I mean..are you ready for that?" He continues to examine my face.
"I'm not sure wallah yaya. But Adda suggested I pray istikhara so that's what I'll do and insha Allah I'll let you know ko next week ne." I manage to look at him.
"That's a great idea, abun da zaayi just take your time. Really give it a good thought shima I'll do a proper background check on him in the meantime okay?" He reassures.
"Okay yaya."
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Ziyad
"And what did you say?" Mubarak asks with genuine curiosity staring at me interestingly.
"I told him I'll be there insha Allah."
I had just told him all that happened the previous day.
"Did you message her?" He asks.
"No, I honestly didn't know what to say again....I kept typing and erasing." I grab my phone from the coffee table to check the time. "I'll be going to the house in an hour tho insha Allah, we'll meet anyways."
"Well, I think you should send her something. It doesn't have to be a long romantic message just check in on her, ask how she's doing and stuff. You kids don't know how to win a woman's heart." He throws a grape in the air catching it with his mouth.
"Get out." I point at the door and he bursts into laughter. "Shikenan mun shiga uku because you're married? Let us rest abeg." I stare at the empty message box thinking of what to send her before finally coming up with something. I spend a few minutes typing, editing and cross checking before hitting send and it instantly delivers.
"What do you think I should wear?" I get up and head towards my wardrobe.
"Wear a mini skirt and pigtails." He spins on the chair eating his grapes totally unbothered.
My silence draws his attention to my face and he notices my expression.
"Fine, wear something casual but look neat." He sighs.
"What's that supposed to mean? And I always look neat.." a knock comes on the door and Noor comes in after I answer.
"Ango ango." She greets Mubarak teasing him a bit. "Aunty Safiyya is calling you, the Sheikh will be here anytime soon." She glances at her wrist watch. He leaves quickly excitement evident on his face, the couple both didn't want any event but a mini walima where they will share Qur'ān tafseer CDs as souvenirs and have parents and elders privately advice them on their new journey, lucky for them Sheikh Ahmad was in town and he also did marriage counseling so he was invited to advice them too.
"Where are you going? Abi we should start prepping for your wedding too?" She sits by the bed, arms folded smiling annoyingly at me.
"Do I have to chase you out?" I ask skimming through my wardrobe and she laughs. "Which do you think is better?" I hold up two kaftans and she points at the grey one.
"I'm going to see Hidaya's brother." I lay the kaftan on the bed scanning it.
"Why do you want to see her brother?" She questions.
I catch her up on how things went after our fight with Hidaya and how I went to confess my feelings for her the other day.
"I'm just worried she may not accept me to be honest." I lean against the wall crossing my arms.
"I understand, but take it from me, honestly? Once you love someone you can't just unlove them...it's not possible. You can act like you don't like them one bit but deep down, there will always be that part of you be it an atom, that will always love that person."
I look at her trying to process what she had just said.
"Give her time, try to understand things from her point of view and don't force anything, just be yourself. Try to be there for her, you're already an amazing person and she already likes you." She flashes a smile and I smile back.
"Thank you, I can't believe I'm taking relationship advice from you but..." I straighten my posture.
"Well, I am the married one after all." She shrugs.
With squinted eyes, I point at the door "your times up, get out." She laughs putting her hands up as she walked out.
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Hidaya✨
"So...Ya Hafiz told me what you said. I want you to know that I'm okay with any decision you make, I'm even glad you agreed to see me." He smiles, I could tell he was nervous. He was constantly adjusting his wrist watch and cuff links, standing up straight and then leaning against the car. He was restless.
"It's okay, don't worry about it." I pick at the edge of my Khimar.
"Hidaya...." He sighs and I look at him "....it doesn't feel like I've said it enough and I don't think I'll ever say it enough. I'm sorry." He looks at me and for the first time we make eye contact. It was quick for like two seconds but felt like an eternity, I could feel myself getting lost in his chocolate brown iris. And In those two seconds, his eyes said everything! Remorse, regret, almost pleading for forgiveness. We both look away feeling a bit awkward.
"Like I said don't worry about it. But I'd like to ask you something." I look at him and we make eye contact again but this time his face looked eager.
"Yes, whatever it is, yes." He agrees without even hearing what I had to say making me smile subconsciously.
"I want us to take things slow. Give it some time and see where it goes." I say still smiling
"Yeah...sure, okay! Absolutely." He nods about fifty times as he says making me laugh unintentionally. "But wait that makes us official right?" He straightens up.
"Uhm....I guess? Maybe?" I scrunch my nose.
"Does that mean I can call you Hayati?" His eyes....the way his eyes gleamed as he asked me.
The question takes me by surprise and I find myself blushing. I open my mouth to say something but nothing comes out so I look down before looking at him again. Eyes closed I point behind me.
"I think I hear mama calling me...I'm gonna..." I cover my face with my hand and turn around.
"It's okay." He laughs "I'll text you when I get home okay?"
I turn back a bit. "Okay, Fi amanillah." I smile before walking back inside as calmly as I could when deep inside me I wanted to run!
Once I got to my room, i peep from behind the curtains and see him typing away on his phone. He looks up at the house before getting into his car. My phone vibrates with an incoming message and I check.
"Hayati....I'm okay with whatever decision you make as long as the decision is you loving me. I need you to love me Hidaya, that's all I want❤️"
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(Quick authors note: bayin Allah I'm crying and screaming with you as I type this! Literally kicking my feet in the air ahhhhhhhhh!!!! LOVE IS SWEET!!!Sorry...ahem....continue reading)