Ruhani
"Don't feel proud of whatever you did, and yes I'm sorry of what I did there but you know why I did all these?" I said.
To be honest, I get shocked when he do all the things, when his hand touch my skin I felt goosebumps in my whole body. His touch make me loose my breath and my heart was beating at the fastest speed. He didn't notice all these and he'll never. He doesn't have any idea that how much effect he had on me.
Just by his single look I feel thousand of butterflies in my stomach, fuck butterflies I feel whole damn zoo there then think how much his touch has affected me.
I know he touched me before, in the wedding what happened, but that touch and this one was different. I feel concern, care, love in this touch while that touch was uhhh don't ask I don't want to explain that.
What should I called this damn feeling of mine? Love? Crush?
Bachpan se ek hi insaan ko pyaar kiya, I know this is so silly that bachpan mein pyaar ka matalab bhi nhi pata tha aur pyaar kar bethi.
I didn't realised this at that time but as time went, I realised my feelings towards him. I never feel the way towards any other boys which I feel about him.
I know we didn't meet eachother frequently because he always ignored me after that day but about me, I'm still the same.
We used to play together, laugh together, make memories together but the day when aunty left this world he distant himself from me, from everyone, even from himself also. I remembered he was not like this. I wondered what made him the person he is today.
I should be happy that I married to the love of my life but not in the way I wanted. This is all a drama which will end in two years. And in this two years I don't know how I'll control my feelings, emotions, love of mine.
I didn't realised when a tear drop from my eyes and I continued.
"Because of you, you are the reason for which I have to take this step. You make me bound to take this step. My life became a mess because of you. Everything that happened in these two days, the reason is you." I turned myself from the table where I was sitting and face him directly.
"You know what, you don't have any idea that what you have done. I have a dream to complete, want a proper marriage, proper love life to have but you, you make every single thing a dream. Aapne sab kuch barbaad kar diya. Mere sapne, mujhe sab kuch. I don't want to marry you isiliye ye karna pada mujhe. Kabhi jaanne ki koshish ki, hahh kabhi chodo, teen din mein shaadi kar liya." I take out everything which was inside me from three days, the hate.
But he, he listen everything silently. I didn't expect that. I thought he will again show his anger and do something which will hurt me again but I didn't care and bohut strength leke sara chiz bola. But he just listen without breaking eye contact between us. And when I realised that he's looking directly into my eyes I stopped whatever I was saying and then turn towards the mirror back facing him.
I expect action, like he did in the wedding but he didn't do anything even he didn't say anything. What's this behaviour. I'm getting irritated, atleast say something.
So you decided to stay quiet after what you did, ok then I'll complete your wish. I'll never talk to you.
Ese bol rahi jaise agr tum usse baat nhi karogi toh uska khana gale se nhi utrega. My subconscious mind mocked me.
Well it's right he didn't care about me, so whether I talk or not he didn't have any problem. Ye toh mein apne liye kar rahi, mujhe shanti chahiye. Aur usse baat karna matlab apni shanti khud kharab karna.
I finished my work and went to the bed where he's sitting like a statue after what I said. I didn't looked at him and went to the other side of bed and sleep.
Yess I went to sleep in bed. Mein kyu couch mein sou, aur apna neend kharab Karu. Wo jaye na, usse problem hoga mujhse. Shadi ki hai mujhse, badi jaldi thi na ab bhukte mujhe do saal ke liye.
He still sitting there as a statue and I don't know when he went to sleep because I was so tired that, I didn't know when sleep drifted me.
🥀
Abhay
After putting ointment on her bruised area, I went to bed to sleep as I was tired and was going to lay down when she speak "Khud jakhm karna aur khud marham lagana sayad apka usul hai" she said the moment I sit on the bed.
"Don't feel proud of whatever you did, and yes I'm sorry of what I did there but you know why I did all these?" she questioned and I listened to her.
For some moment she was lost in her thoughts and I saw a tear escaping from her eyes. I swear to god I want run there ane wipped that tear of her.
She's the one crying but my heart is aching for some reason. And that moment I realised that I can't see her crying. No one have the rights to make her cry, even it's me also. And I know the reason behind that tear. Me, myself was the reason.
"Because of you, you are the reason for which I have to take this step. You make me bound to take this step. My life became a mess because of you. Everything that happened in these two days, the reason is you." She turned herself from mirror towards me and looked at my eyes and said.
"You know what, you don't have any idea that what you have done. I have a dream to complete, want a proper marriage, proper love life to have but you, you make every single thing a dream. Aapne sab kuch barbaad kar diya. Mere sapne, mujhe sab kuch. I don't want to marry you isiliye ye karna pada mujhe. Kabhi jaanne ki koshish ki, hahh kabhi chodo, teen din mein shaadi kar liya." She said all these directly looking at my eyes and all I do was listening.
Listening to her every single word. And one one word of her is a knife to my chest. Uske saare baat khanjar ki tarha chubh raha tha.
I know I'm the reason but phir bhi uski baaton se mujhe fark pad raha tha. I'm selfish man, who only cares about name and fame but why all her words are like poison to me.
I lost my voice, my actions, everything at that moment. I don't want to hurt her, I want to keep her safe. How can I hurt the person I adored most after my mother.
I know I'm the bad person. I was the reason behind my mother's death and now I'm hurting her. My father was saying truth, I'm a monster who will hurt everyone around me.
Why does she did all these, why does I loose my control over me, why does I did all these to her why,why why?
These things are going in my mind. Suddenly she turned towards the mirror and then stand-up from the table she was sitting and came to the other side of bed and lie down on the bed back facing me.
I was still sitting there in that position don't know what to do. I want to say sorry to her. What I did was wrong.
Tomorrow I'll make sure to clarify myself again.
Kya clarify karna vai galti ki hai, usse hurt kiya jake mafi mang.
Iss galti ki koi clarification nhi hai.
Okai, then I'll make sure to say sorry and will do anything so that she will forgive me.
Yes, I'll do that. Thinking this I also went to sleep because I was tired. But then realised she's sleeping beside me.
I looked at her figure, who is sleeping peacefully and I don't know when I fall asleep just by looking at her sleeping figure.
🥀
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Ruhi