[POV: Andreanna Saunterre]
Am I... a genius?
...I think I might be.
I mean, what else could explain it?
I will never doubt the ability of a three-phase plan ever again! Ever!
I bit my tongue as I scrabbled for the bag I'd thrown underneath my hotel room's bed. My dad looked at me like I was some crazy woman, having no idea that he was in the presence of an actual, real live genius! I yanked out my pad of paper, one of many pens that were compiled at the bottom of the bag, as well as some jelly beans as a reward.
My dad, probably a bit scared, told me he'd pick me up from here later on for our flight to Baku, which in all honestly I'd forgotten about entirely.
Nonetheless, I got to writing.
Up until this point, the only word that I could really make sense of in my head was 'What?!'. Like, a crazy, manic 'What?!' that was screamed each time.
But, once I'd had a second to breathe, I told myself: What?! I'll tell you 'what'! I'm a genius, is what!
After that, I thought more clearly. I scribbled all over the paper, just like I had done when I was first coming up with my original three-phase plan. The result of this particular scribbling-session was none other than a second three-phase plan. An even better three-phase plan. Once I got it all down, I tweaked a few things here and there before typing it up onto my laptop in order to print it off. One copy for me, one copy for Oscar—
Oh, crap! Oscar!
I covered my eyes, suddenly and severely aware of the fact that I'd just completely left the poor thing standing (well, sitting. If we're being picky.) I just ran off, too off-my-head drunk to even think to get his contact information! How the hell am I supposed to get this copy to him? I don't even know where he'll be staying, and I doubt he'll have any reason to come to the track before I leave!
Oh, jeez. He's probably thinking I've bailed. Hell, for all I know he could've been off-his-head drunk as well when he agreed.
Hold on... I paused the typing.
I then clapped my hands and reached for my phone, having just come up with my third genius plan. I quickly found Lando's number and began to text him.
"Need Oscar's number." I said, not wanting to seem too eager or too anxious.
Lando being Lando, was nosy.
"Why?"
"Owe money for drinks."
I waited, watched as he was typing for a long, long time and bit my nails. Then, ding! Oscar's number! Genius strike-three!
I copied the number into my contacts and crafted my next message.
"Hi, need a place to meet and talk about how the fake dating thing's gonna go. Know of anywhere?"
After I sent the message, I suddenly found myself incredibly nervous. I felt the need to add:
"It's Andi btw."
— even though there can't have been many people to ask him to be part of a fake relationship, I quickly realised. That made me hate myself even more. I shut my phone off and threw it onto my bed, not wanting to look at it in fear of humiliation.
I shook myself off and fixed my posture, going back to typing. "Okay... phase...three..." I mumbled as I went.
I could hear the hotel room's clock ticking from above me. Never in my life could I hear so many things at once; The ticking clock, my typing fingers, my bouncing beg, my beating hear—
Oh, and my phone dinging.
...
And my phone dinging?!?!
I leapt over to the thing, flipping it over and unlocked it without a second to waste. It was Oscar, and he'd sent an address. I looked it up, checked how far away it was from me and immediately started the directions to get there.
Then, another ding made me jump.
"Around when were you thinking?" He asked.
I bit my cheek, wondering if it was too creepy to tell him I was already on the the way, laptop and paper in one arm, phone and car keys in the other.
"How about in 15?" I texted back, anticipating the 'sorry, no can do'. I slowed my steps, realising I'd gone and rushed ahead. There's now way he'd—
"Sure, see you then."
I stared at the screen. The next thing I knew, I was darting off to my car, chucking everything in the passenger seat and heading off to wherever Oscar had recommended.
A café would be nice. I thought, I'm starving.
*
(15 minutes later)
"Oscar. When I asked you if you knew of a place to meet, I didn't mean your house!" I whispered angrily, hesitantly peeking through the front door.
"Well, I just thought you might've had enough of bars." He shrugged his shoulders, walking off in front of me. I could tell he was proud of his little joke. I clenched my door and slowly closed the front door, watching my step as I went in. I looked around constantly, as if I was tress passing and didn't want to get caught.
"Nobody's home!" He yelled from another room. Does he have cameras?... I thought, feeling a slight bit less uneasy than before.
"My mum's not back until tonight, so don't worry about that. And anyway, since you've already gone ahead and told your parents, shouldn't I tell mine?" He joked again. I followed his voice through to the kitchen-diner and placed my things down on the wooden table.
When I had my back to him, I repeated what he'd said mockingly, wondering when he was going to let the witty jabs rest.
"So, we've got to make this quick. I've got a flight in two hours." I said, bringing up the document with the finished three-phase plan on it for Oscar as well as my copy (the paper one) since I hadn't found a printer in time.
"You're flying out there already?" Oscar said, bringing over two cups of coffee and pulling out two chairs from beneath the table, sitting himself down on one of them. I took the other one.
"Well, yeah. I kind of have to, with my dad's work and everything."
"Oh, right. Sure." He nodded, taking a sip of his coffee. I watched his mannerisms critically. This isn't the state I thought he'd be in, I thought. I recalled imagining him being a little bit more... manic. Panicked. Regretful, even? But, here he sat, incredibly calm and relaxed.
...Xanax. I thought, pushing my laptop over towards him.
"What's this?"
"Your copy."
"Of?"
"Of the plan."
"You made a plan?"
"Yes, Oscar. I made a plan." I snapped at him. "Did you expect that we'd just free-ball this? We've got to have some sort of plan, otherwise it'll never work."
"Right, right, I get that. I just... didn't expect it to be so..." He stared at the screen in front of him. I could tell he wanted to laugh, which made me want to snatch it away from him instantly and call this whole thing off. "Professional."
I scoffed, unable to hold back what I wanted to say. "Alright, fine! Give it back." I reached for the laptop.
"What?" He sat back, putting two hands on the device and pulling it towards him and away from me.
"Give it back! Clearly, this is a big, huge joke to you, so give it!" I reached for it again, but he pulled it even further away.
"Okay, okay!" He said, "I'll stop with the jokes."
Not quite believing him, I readjusted my chair and pulled it in closer, clearing my throat and hoping he meant what he said. "Right. Good. Have a read of it, and tell me what you think. If you want to make any changes, there's a box at the bottom."
He did what I said, but took forever.
It's not that much to take in, is it? I thought, rereading the thing myself:
Phase One: Launch
- Slowly announce the relationship to colleagues, friends and family.
- Drop subtle hints so that the media
will catch on, creating attention.
Phase Two: Convince
- Andi will watch every race of Oscar's.
- Oscar will attend every event of Andi's.
Phase Three: Success!
- Both parties will continue the relationship until a safe date that determines the success of both sides.
- Seamlessly end the relationship, the less fuss the better!
! IMPORTANT SIDENOTES !
- NOBODY on ANY occasion and for ANY reason can be told that the relationship is fake. (Especially Lando.)
- Both persons must always communicate any concerns/discomforts.
- If either person wants to back out, the other must be made aware 2 weeks in advance.
Please list any changes here:
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Please list any boundaries here:
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After another five minutes, I had no choice but to speak up and prompt any kind of response. "Well?"
"I'm not allowed to tell... anyone?" He said, not taking his eyes off of the screen.
"No one."
"Not even..."
"No one! Not anyone! Look, if we want the best possible chance of this working, nobody can know that it's all fake. Okay? It has to be totally, one-hundred percent, believable! To everyone!"
He smirked, "But, you asked if I wanted to change anything—"
I almost yelled, but didn't. I inhaled, smiled, and said: "Neither of us can tell anyone."
He let it go after that.
"What's next, you want me to sign an NDA agreement?" He chuckled, making another joke.
You know what...
I considered the idea of an NDA agreement, mapping it out in my head.
"Wait—" He interrupted my mental planning. "You're not actually considering that?!"
His concern seemed real. Not so funny now, is it?
"So, do you have any changed to make?" Ignored him, satisfied that I'd gotten my revenge.
"Uh..." He thought to himself, "No. Don't think so. But, uhm. What's this blank box at the end? 'Boundaries?'"
"Oh! Yes, right. I mean, it's pretty self explanatory. You—"
"Boundaries?" He repeated. I blinked at him.
"Yes, boundaries."
"Like what?" He queried, resting his chin on his hand.
"What?"
"Like, what kind of boundaries."
I bit my tongue. You know what kind, asshole. I went through my own boundaries, too scared to say them out loud.
So I said this instead:
"Yea! Y'know, like the do's and don'ts and definitely don'ts and how's and why's and who's—"
"Okay, okay, yeah, I get it." He whined, taking another look at the document.
He took too long.
"You know what! We don't need to discuss that for now. There's a lot to do before... that, so— If everything looks okay to you then I better be leaving. My dad's already asking where I am." I raised from the chair, snatching the laptop away from him and picking everything of mine up neatly. Much neater than before.
He seemed taken aback. "Then, uh.. yes. Everything looks good." He said, getting up as well.
I nodded, pushing my chair underneath the table. "Well! Pleasure doing business with you, Piastei! If we play this right, it'll be over sooner rather than later. Okay?" I began walking towards the front door, not looking back to see what he was doing.
"Yeah." He said. "Okay."
Once I'd gotten to my car, I dumped my things into the passenger seat once again. Oscar waited by his front door, both hands in his pockets.
"When will you be getting to Baku?" I yelled over at him, covering my eyes from the sun.
"A week today." He yelled back, and I nodded.
I opened my car door, pausing for a moment. I looked back over and began waving my phone in the air.
"You know, it's not too late to back out!" I yelled and pointed at my phone. "Just give us a shout!"
He didn't say anything back.
Did I mean what I said? Uhm... sort of.
Yes, it's true that he didn't have to go along with this if he didn't want to.
But, to be honest, it'd be a real pain if he did decide to back out now.
I waved him off as I drove away, placing my phone on it's holder and following the directions back to my hotel.
A few minutes into the drive, I received a message. I admit, it made me laugh.
"If I back out, can I tell Lando?"
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