❃𝙺𝚒𝚊𝚛𝚊❃
"Good morning, everyone! Today's the day! The sun is shinning, the tank is clean, and we are getting out of—The tank is clean. The tank is clean!"
Cameron laughs. Leans in a little closer with a smile while he watches those fish frantically swim about as they discover their plan has failed. His cousin beside him isn't really all that shocked or surprised. Jenny says Katie watches this movie at least four times a week, so I'm sure she can even recite the entire movie off memory alone. This isn't all that shocking for her like it is to Cam.
I'll admit, it's kind of awkward to be in the house of a woman I don't totally know. But my son knows her daughter, and his dad knows her mom. I'm sort of the odd one out. I'm fine with it though, weirdly enough. I mean, I figured sometimes I'd be the odd one out just like Noah would be. It comes with the whole secret child thing. Sometimes, one of us doesn't fit the way we're supposed to. The way we should be able to if we had that time we needed. We were supposed to have that time before Cameron got here to get acquainted with each other and our families. My family isn't that big, but his definitely is.
"Coffee, Kiara?"
I quickly look up at Jenny who offers a Snoopy coffee mug to me. Smile and politely accept the mug. "Thank you." I shift in my seat on the couch and glance at Noah lounging beside me. The couch I chose to sit on only had two cushions, so I figured I'd be sitting alone while Noah and his aunt talked for a minute.
When they came into the room to join us all, he plopped down right beside me and threw his arm over the back of the couch so that every time I move or breathe, I feel his arm brush against my shoulders. And I can smell him. Smell him! He smells nice, so it's not like I hate smelling him because he stinks. I just hate the fact that I can fucking smell my son's dad right now.
I mostly just hate that I'm noticing I can smell him and that fucking cologne I got him for Christmas. When I got it, I figured it was a simple peace offering gift and that he wouldn't think of it as anything more. A show of good faith, it was. I knew he didn't like Wyatt, so I thought that if I gave him a nice gift, he'd see it as a peace offering and would never actually even wear it.
But now he wears it everywhere. At least everywhere he goes with us. I hate that I can recognize it's the cologne I got him, but I can.
"Where's mine?"
Jenny waves him off dismissively as she drops down onto the other couch with her own coffee. "Get your own."
Noah scoffs. "The hell? You were already up, Auntie. And I'm a guest."
"I like her more than you." She huffs stubbornly.
"I'm your nephew!"
"Shhh!" Cameron turns as much as he can from his spot on the floor to harshly hush his dad.
"You shhh, I'm trying to get some coffee." Noah dismisses. Cameron shakes his head in frustration as he looks ahead at the big tv again.
"You're my nephew, but she gave me a great-nephew." She smiles and gestures to Cameron. "Plus, she's prettier than you are."
I chuckle as I start offering him my mug. He watches me silently for a moment before accepting it. "I think you're very pretty too." I smile back at her while my mug is taken away.
"Mm," She sighs deeply and longingly as she lifts her own mug to her lips. "Yes, as much as an old, old lady can be." She grumbles bitterly as she takes a long sip.
A laugh sounds from behind us. I think I'm the only one startled by it. I thought we were the only ones here. Jenny and Katie were the only ones at the door.
"Old?"
I look behind the couch Jenny's sat at to see her husband wandering into the room. Noah chuckles against the mug, and I feel his hand brush my shoulder on the opposite side of me to silently tease me. I elbow him weakly in his ribs in response. "Yes, old." Jenny huffs, not even bothering to look over at Micheal as he comes up between our couches.
I raise a brow when I see he's half in an expensive suit, half in basketball shorts. "Sweetheart, you're thirty-eight." He reasons, bending to kiss her temple.
She scrunches her nose. "Don't remind me." She waves her hand playfully dismissively. He's smiling as he stands up straight again.
If I'm doing my math right, Noah and his aunt are only five years apart. Same as the gap between him and Aaliyah and him and me. Only difference is she's his grandparents' daughter. It's a totally different group. Which basically means his mom and dad were raising their five-year-old son beside his mom's ten-year-old sister.
I look at Noah. He looks back at me with a bit of a dry smile, like he's aware I've already done the math and am now thinking about what it would've been like as teenagers with someone with Jenny's personality. I think I can see it now. Thirteen-year-old Noah arguing with eighteen-year-old Jenny about something mundane—something teenagers argue about. Then she pulls up the I'm your aunt card, and automatically wins it. Then maybe stick his nose in the fact that he lost.
Poor guy.
He rolls his eyes, but not particularly at me. He starts to smile though and hands me my coffee back. I accept it slowly, forcing my eyes down to my coffee cup. "Daddy, your clothes don't match." Katie informs, looking her dad up and down slowly. I think she learned it from her mom. Her mom watches her proudly.
"Yeah, but the people on face call with me can't see that." He reasons smugly.
"You work so much, Daddy! I never see you. You spend too much time in there." Katie frowns deeply at him now, wiping that judging look off her face. Cameron sighs sharply as he looks away from the movie he's missing and at her. I smile and look at Noah to see if he catches it too. He does, and he smiles back at me so we can share it.
Micheal rolls his eyes at her with a fond smile. "Did Mommy tell you to say that?"
"Can I still have my ten dollars if I say yes?"
He shakes his head but reaches into his own pocket to get the money her mom promised her. Cameron's eyes widen when he sees his cousin getting money, and immediately looks at us. "Can I have money too?" He pleads.
"Hmm..." Noah squints. "How's this, you convince your great, old Aunt Jenny to let you stay the night with your cousin, and you can have fifteen." He offers with a smile, nodding quickly.
Jenny's eyes narrow. "You don't get to call me old, you hag."
"Hag?" Noah's brows raise and his smile widens. "You really wanna talk about being a hag with me, Jenny?" He challenges.
"It's Auntie to you, Nugget."
"Hang on, hang on," I hold my hand out to stop Noah before he can insult his aunt. "We're not doing anything this weekend." I whisper awkwardly. Cam doesn't have to stay here. It wouldn't be bad for him to stay here and get to know his dad's side of the family better, but we're not dying for a babysitter.
Noah leans in a little closer. "We have to have a reason to send him away?" He whispers.
I frown. "That's mean."
"You could eat a root beer float without making two of them when you know one of them is going to either get knocked over or be left there overnight unfinished."
He's not wrong.
I purse my lips while he leans away and grins at the rest of the room. The tv, at the very least, masked our conversation from the one person who we didn't want to hear. Jenny blinks slowly at us, unamused by our reasoning. Cameron's having trouble listening to us and making sure those animated fish make it out of that window.
Cameron huffs once the fish make it out and finally turns his attention back to us. "I want twenty." He decides stubbornly.
"Fifteen." Noah insists.
Cameron's eyes narrow. "Twenty."
"You just moved yourself down to five."
He gasps. "No! Fifteen! Fifteen dollars!" He pleads desperately. I don't even know what he wants twenty bucks for. Or fifteen.
Noah grins and leans forward to stick his hand out. Cameron frowns to himself as he leans forward too so he can take Noah's hand. "I'd have done twenty." Noah proudly informs him once he pulls away. Cameron's frown deepens at the loss.
Cameron sighs and looks up at Jenny and Micheal with wide, hopeful eyes. It's now up to them for if he gets his money or not. Knowing Noah, he'll give him the twenty either way. "My mommy and daddy hate me, and they won't let me go home. Can I stay here?" He sniffles a little as he asks. My jaw drops, and I look at Noah.
Looking to Noah, I've learned, is almost always a mistake. And it almost always reminds me that Cameron doesn't fully take after me like I've silently liked to tell myself over the years. He has some of his dad's traits too.
Why does it have to be the stupidest traits though?
I watch him with a dry expression. He giggles to himself and tries to hide it. Fucking giggles. Like a little schoolgirl. I have to roll my eyes and look away from him. There's no other way to survive it.
Jenny looks at Micheal before she answers. "Why the hell not?" She shrugs. "Might as well make a party out of it." She adds on a sigh. "I'm sure Aaliyah and Alex would like to make root beer floats too."
Cameron perks up. "Root beer float?"
"No, she said...uh, fruit rear...um."
I wave Noah off to stop him before he hurts himself. "No one's having root beer floats." I assure. "And you have no clothes to stay here." I point out with a gesture to him but while looking to Noah with narrowed eyes.
Noah has no reason to send Cameron off anywhere. If he wants a break from our son, all he has to do is go home. That's it. Cameron's still with me full time, and I don't think that's going to change any time soon. Noah hasn't mentioned it changing, at least. The more I get to know him, the more I trust that he's really not going to do anything to jeopardize his relationship with me and our son.
That being said, he's pawning our son off onto his aunt for no obvious reason whatsoever. That makes me a little nervous to hear his explanation.
"Ah, he'll be fine." Noah dismisses carelessly. I sigh when I realize I don't really have a say anymore. The kids are already excited, Jenny's already agreed, and I'm pretty sure she's picking up her phone to text Aaliyah about getting Elaina over too.
It's not like I don't want him to stay over though. Noah's right—It'd be nice to not have to make two root beer floats. Really, what do I have to be upset about?
__________
Okay, so I'm not used to it. I thought I was, but I'm really not. And I think the fact that I let myself tell him about the stupid things Wyatt told me kind of shows that.
I like having someone else around me, I really do. Someone else to look at when my son says something weird or funny. Someone for Cameron to idealize—a father figure. And I like him when he's around. He's funny in his own stupid ways, he cares about us both, and I'm beginning to trust that he's always going to be there. If not for me, then for Cameron.
I don't know what my problem is. I just know that I do have a problem, even though I have no right to have any kind of problem. I'm the one who caused this whole mess in the first place. A long time ago, I learned that sometimes, the boat just doesn't need to be rocked for any reason. Sometimes, it's better to ride out the wave until we're back in calm waters.
There's nothing to say in the car with Noah, so we're left in silence and with an empty car seat in the backseat. I don't think he minds it. In fact, he seems pretty content in driving me home without our son in the backseat like he was supposed to be. He's blissfully unaware of my problem that I'm willing myself to let go for the sake of not creating problems that we don't need right now.
"Hey, you wanna grab some milkshakes?"
Oh, to be Noah. Thinking simply about getting drive-thru milkshakes while he drives me happily back to my apartment.
I answer on an inhale as I shift in my seat. Every breath I take doesn't quite fill my lungs enough. "As long as I don't have to get out of the car."
"Ooh, what's got you so upset?"
My eyes narrow. I look out my window instead of sending a glare his way. "I want a strawberry banana one."
"Hmm, evading, are we?" He obnoxiously murmurs. At this point, he's doing it on purpose. He's going to annoy me until I snap at him. That's his plan.
It's not going to work. "You asked if I wanted milkshakes. That's the one I want."
"Was it my aunt? She's really annoying, I know. She grows on you though."
I ignore him. I want a milkshake, but I don't know if I want the conversation that goes with it. I really just want him to take me home, but he drives past the street he's supposed to take to get to my place.
"Actually—No, she doesn't. She's just really annoying. You get used to it, but she doesn't grow on you."
It's like he's made it his mission to piss me off with his voice alone. At first, this was something that I could drop with ease. But hearing his freakin' voice go on and on about random shit like that, kind of makes me want to jump out of the moving car just so I don't have to hear him anymore. At this point though, I'm not even actually mad at him. I'm just annoyed now, and he's making it worse.
With the way he begins to ramble on about nothing in particular now, it's easy to see the relation between him and Aaliyah. Only difference is I don't find her ranting annoying. Most of the time, she hides jokes in the middle of them—some even she isn't aware of.
Noah doesn't put in any jokes in his rambles though. So, he basically just talks. And when I finally let myself start to listen to him, his voice lowers to an absent mumble. Somehow not being able to hear him but still being able to hear him is even more annoying.
I think I'm just having a bad day.
"Or maybe she's the one who was adopted. We always told Aaliyah she was adopted, but you never know. Kinda suspicious that my grandparents had a kid around the same time my parents had their first one."
I could just be overwhelming myself though. Sometimes it happens. It could start out as something small like accidentally dropping something—the smallest little mistake that gets me a little annoyed. And before that brief annoyance can get rid of itself, something else mildly annoying happens. Something that would normally be fine, but now is even more annoying just because I'm already annoyed. At that point, every littlest thing builds up until even just sounds are enough to make me want to snap. My pile of annoyance gets a little bigger with every passing second, and his rambling along with my unexpected change of plans is making it even worse.
So, I'm definitely just having a bad day. Unfortunately for Noah, he's going to end up learning that the hard way.
"Noah...you have five seconds to shut the hell up before I smack you across your stupid face."
"That's mean." He decides. "Are you going to tell me why you're being so mean today?"
"No." I grumble, curling myself against the car door as if that gets me out of this confined space with him.
"Kiara, I held you until you fell asleep last night like you asked. You owe me."
My jaw drops and I quickly whip my attention back to him. "You do not get to hold that over my head, Noah." I scold. "You already got to add your conditions, so you don't get to talk about it anymore.
"You know you snore, right?"
"Stop it, I do not."
He starts grinning, amused by my frustration. Such a bully. "You do."
"I do not." I insist stubbornly. I might. Cameron once told me I did but I told my son to shut up like a good mom. He stuck his tongue out at me.
"Well, you don't have to be embarrassed. It was cute, Kiara. Like a little pug."
I scoff at that as I look back over, an exasperated laugh finding its way out. "Fuck you." I dismiss.
"No, I mean it." He insists. He sounds completely serious, but his grin gives him away. He's still just fucking with me. "I mean, I always liked pugs. They're cute, you know? Respiratory issues. Doesn't get much cuter than that."
"Stop it. I do not snore, and I do not have respiratory issues."
He chuckles in response and decides to leave me be like how he knows I want. At least leave me be with the whole obnoxiously teasing me thing. He seems to think that since he made me laugh, I will now open up and tell him my life's story. "C'mon," He urges. "Are you going to tell me what's bothering you, or what, Kiara?"
I sigh. He glances my way briefly. "Okay," I concede. He's just going to keep teasing me until I tell him. "Look, I'm all for Cameron bonding with your family. I think it's good for him too."
"Okay..." He slowly accepts. He shifts in his seat like he's sensing the next thing I'm going to say probably won't be something he likes. "But..."
"But," I repeat quietly. "I don't know—I'd just...I'd really appreciate it if you'd talk to me a little before you announced that he could stay with your aunt."
He doesn't look my way again, too busy pulling into the parking lot of the milkshake place. I see him make a little face though from his side profile. "I—...Okay." He slowly repeats. "Do you..." He frowns to himself before finishing. "Are you not comfortable with him staying with my family still?"
"Oh—No, no, no, not that." I reach over to touch his arm sort of instinctively. I pull away quick when he looks over at me as he slowly rolls into the drive-thru line. "No, I mean, like, I'd appreciate it if you'd have talked with me before you offered to let him stay anywhere for the night."
I frown back at him when he looks my way again. "You don't want me making the decision for him to stay places." He announces his own understanding of what I'm trying to tell him. He still doesn't quite catch it, instead jumping to something a little worse than what I'm trying to say.
"No," I mutter awkwardly. I have to clarify for a third time. This time, I'm more specific like I probably should've been the first time. "I mean...Noah, Cameron doesn't even have a toothbrush. He doesn't have extra clothes, and he doesn't have Taffy." I reason, shaking my head softly. He watches me until he has to briefly look ahead to pull forward. He looks back at me immediately after. "I was going to take him to get a haircut today. I just...It'd have been nice if I knew we were going over there and leaving him for the night."
"Oh," He mumbles as he finally comes to understand. He nods and looks ahead again to follow the car in front of us further into the drive-thru.
"I'm sorry."
He shakes his head quickly. "Don't be." He dismisses. His gentle laughter sounds genuine. "No—I want you to tell me if I'm doing something wrong, Kiara."
The little twinge in my chest makes me shift in my seat. "It wasn't wrong. It was just..."
He sends me a soft, knowing smile. "Not the right thing to do."
All I can do is sigh my defeat. He nods and glances out his window when we roll up to the window. It's awful timing, but we both still want our milkshakes. At least I know I do. I'm about to remind him of my order, but on his own he greets the voice that statically comes over the speaker and orders my strawberry banana milkshake and his sugary cereal one. I make a face at him once he looks back at me. He smiles and shrugs me off.
I shake it off and clear my throat to continue. "You're doing a good job, Noah. It's hard not to do the fun thing all the time, believe me. I know. But we have an eight-year-old boy who needs rules and boundaries." I reach over to rest my hand on his arm again. This time, I don't lift it even when he looks at me. "It's really hard to find the right times to let him just be a kid too though. It's just as important."
He nods and looks away again to keep driving through the line. "You're going to have to tell me when, Kiara." He warns on a laugh. "At least until I get the hang of it."
"Mm," I slowly slide my hand off him. "We'll figure it out together." I decide confidently.
"I trust your judgment more than mine."
I laugh at that. He smiles to himself and keeps his eyes forward, but I can still tell he means that. He doesn't trust himself to make big decisions. "Noah," I call curiously.
"Hm?"
I narrow my eyes as I inspect him. He keeps looking on ahead as we slowly make our way to the window. "You do realize that this is my first time too, right?" I ask, smile slowly growing on my lips.
He frowns at that. Looks over at me with a quizzical look. "What do you mean?"
"I don't know how to do this either."
He blinks. "What?"
I start to laugh. "Noah, Cameron's my first and only kid." I reason. "I've never done this before. I have more experience, but I've never parented an eight-year-old before."
He starts to look horrified as soon as he realizes what's been right in front of his face this entire time. "This poor kid."
"Mhm," I acknowledge with a smile as I sink into my seat. He's still reeling from this news as he drives up to the first window. "Can I ask you something?" I ask as soon as the guy behind the window returns Noah's card and shuts the window.
He looks over at me. "Only if I can ask you something."
I contemplate the deal for a minute. It's risky, for sure. But I think risks are how we get to know each other better. And that's important beyond us just getting to know each other's stories as people. We're co-parents for the next ten years—more than likely the rest of our lives, even. We should be comfortable around each other. More so than we already are.
"Deal."