SOLARIS
February 20th, 2024
Charleston, SC
I WAS SAD TO LEAVE ATARAXIA.
For some odd reason, my gut swelled with worry and dread when I hugged Mister Jeon goodbye.
I couldn't help but wonder why I felt the way I did.
Could this be the last time I would ever see him? Would he leave and never say goodbye?
Would I never get to come back and say goodbye?
I felt so saddened by the thought.
And scared.
So scared.
Sending one last wave of farewell to Mister Theo, I turned and looked at the house in front of me.
My house.
A house I was hesitant and terrified to enter.
Something was wrong.
I just knew it.
My breath caught in my throat once I caught sight of the lights in every room through the window, and I felt like my world came and crashed down in front of my feet the moment I noticed the open door; with Father standing on the front steps – a magnifying, terrifying anger on his face.
Every ounce of air left my lungs, and I stumbled forward, ready to fall down and beg for forgiveness.
This was what was wrong.
I was caught.
And Father was going to hurt me.
Badly.
I just knew it.
I prayed for the pain to come and end quickly as Father surged forward in five leaping strides and reached me.
A loud cry erupted from my lips when my hair was grabbed and I was hauled forward.
Searing pain made my head throb and scalp pull forward uncomfortably when Father let out a shout of anger while pulling me inside the house.
Please, dear lord, let me survive this.
Please, Mama – take me within your arms and let the pain end.
I crumbled forward in a mess of tears, fear, and sadness when Father tore me up from the floor and hurled me towards the coffee table. Due to the force of his push, I shot forward and slammed down on the glass coffee table.
The sounds of my screams and shattering glass rang through my ears. The rest was muffled.
I sucked in sharp breaths of air, unable to breathe properly because of the panic coursing through my body – was – was this a panic attack?
I sobbed, face down on the carpet, in a mess of blood, tears, and utter misery.
Every part of my face stung, and I blinked the glass shards out of my lashes and didn't move. I had no choice but to lay here and take whatever beating Father dealt out.
It hurt so bad.
I whimpered, curling into myself when Father aimed a kick to my exposed side and I felt something crack underneath my layers of skin and muscle.
"Please!" I wailed, face still pressed down to the carpet. I didn't want to look. "Father – just – please, it hurts!"
My words were of no use to change his mind.
If anything, it seemed to only anger him more.
My mind shut itself off when Father tore the belt from his waist and reigned blow after blow after blow upon my body – until I couldn't tell where the pain and agony began – to where it ended.
Father's constant raging went through one ear and out the other while I was focused on the pain. Saying something about leaving. Betrayal. Going behind his back. Whoring around.
Slutting myself out. What did that mean?
"PLEASE –" the world was spinning around me in a blur, tear and blood leaked into my eyes when I move my head back and forth trying to protect my head from his unrelenting blows and punches.
Time passed.
Until I lost consciousness when my arms were roughly ziptied behind my back and I was dragged into the bathroom.
Just like before.
Just like always.
My head hung shamefully avoiding Father's eyes as I was roughly thrown onto my punishment stool and I couldn't help but pray for Mister Jeon to come and save me.
Please.
I couldn't take it anymore.
My hands clenched together in effort to hide the ring Mister Jeon had given me from Father's eyes in fear that he would take it from me.
The only thing I really had now.
I forced my whimpers back when Father sneered hatefully – mean beady black eyes glaring into my lighter ones.
"You better not move, bitch." he grunted, twisting the shower controls to where scalding hot water shot from the showerhead and sprayed onto my sensitive, delicate face, burning it thoroughly.
I forced back another cry and just let the good lord put my mind in a safer place – a place where I was safe. Happy.
Mister Jeon was there with me.
Smiling.
Holding me.
Telling me how much I mattered to him.
How I wasn't going to be alone any longer – that I now had him as my family.
I prayed for it to be true.
But to my greatest disappointment; it wasn't.
The truth of my reality had me crying and wailing even louder.
I was alone. And too weak and cowardly to stand up for myself.
I wasn't smart, no matter how much I wished it to be, I wasn't smart enough to cover my tracks.
If I had been more careful, Father wouldn't have found me.
I was alone. Weak. Defenseless. Cowardly. And just pathetic.
The only person to ever love me was dead and gone – now residing with the angels. What would Mama think of me now? I knew she couldn't be proud of me.
I wasn't as courageous as she had always told me to be.
I was nothing. Dirt. Unwanted. Unloved, and not worthy of it either, if Father's yelling and screaming of it hadn't forced it enough into my head and into my heart.
***
SOLARIS
February 28th, 2024
Charleston, SC
8 PM
Icy water pelted onto my skin, freezing me from the inside out. A sniffle left my lips – from sadness and the beginnings of a cold.
It had been like this for days.
Father dragging me out of the shower after hours of being scalded from the hot water, and then, when the water turned too cold, being so cold I couldn't stand it.
He would question me about where I had been — who I had been with. But for the first time in my life, I looked into his eyes...and lied.
I thought I would feel guilty about lying to Father – not when it would only cause me another beating because he knew I was lying but I wasn't going to tell him about Mister Jeon.
He was the only good thing in my life; well, Him, Mister Theo, and Mrs. Arilie – and it was my little secret.
Maybe I was being dramatic, but I didn't know how much longer I could take this. I was so tired.
Of everything.
An hour ago, my last beating finally ended and I was tied up in the shower again, I just gave up.
No one was coming to save me.
My hair hung in soaking wet strands around my face while tears mixed with ice cold water trailed down my face. My eyelids were too weak to keep my eyes open, and I fell forward, nearly toppling over in my chair.
I hadn't got but mere hours of sleep since Father found out I was leaving the house.
The only thing keeping me from slipping into unconsciousness was the throbbing of my head.
Every time I moved, or was jostled too much – my entire body ached. By this point, my body was a mess of blood and black and blue bruises.
I sniffled and sneezed yet again.
"What would Mister Jeon think of me now?" I whispered sadly to myself, trying to think of lighter memories – to only bring back that spark of happiness and hope within my soul.
Though it may be stupid to still hope for things to be better, I just couldn't help myself. A disadvantage, yet an advantage, of being purely human.
My eyes closed yet again.
And my mind went back to him; my nepenthe.
I thought of his pretty eyes, his pretty smile, kindness, his personality, view of the world, and otherworldly beauty.
A tear of joy dripped down my cheek instead of sadness when I thought of him.
Even though I had known Mister Jeon for long, he had made me happier than I had ever been. I mattered when I was within his arms. I was protected and cared for – thought of within his presence.
My friends made me happy.
I didn't want to lose them so soon after I had met them.
It just wasn't fair.
I just prayed and prayed that the good lord had a better life in store for me. I had been the best that I could be – I was nowhere near perfect, no matter how much I wished I could be – I just couldn't – but I still hoped that I had been good enough to be still blessed with a happy life.
A happier life than this.
I had no strength left in my body now. I fell forward; stool toppling over and I got the air knocked out of my chest when my cheek pressed against the cool tile of the shower floor.
This time, no cries left my lips. I was too tired to react. Or feel any pain.
Blood rushed through my ears, muffling the sounds coming from farther away. I went in and out of consciousness while shouting was heard from outside the bathroom door.
I was too out of it to recognise or hear the voices clearly when banging and the sound of a body falling to the floor boomed through the small house.
I gave up on staying awake when the door flew open and curses sounded out loudly. My entire body flinched and throbbed when my face was held by calloused, yet warm hands and turned.
I didn't open my eyes in fear that it was another beating coming my way.
"Solaris?" I knew that voice, didn't I? "...Solaris? Baby, c'mon – open your eyes!" the voice said yet again. This time, I could detect the panic. It was a battle to open my eyes, but my heart sung the moment my eyes forced themselves open and I was met with familiar sparkling doe eyes – only now, they were horrified and panicked.
Mister Jeon.
My lips lifted in a weak grin, the only kind of smile I could manage, "...Mister Jeon...I hoped you would come." was I seeing things? Was I near death that I was seeing things that made me happy?
Mister Jeon's eyes crinkled – pain apparent within the depths of his beautifully expressive eyes – carefully, he gathered me within his big arms and cradled my beaten body against his huge one.
His chest rose and fell quickly against my side when he saw the full view of my trembling, soaked, and bruised body. My head fell limply against his pec to rest.
I was safe now.
The cold water numbed my body to where I didn't feel much pain as he stood up and clutched me close – jaw clenched tight in anger when I flinched and whimpered out my pain.
I knew he wasn't mad at me. But at the bruises that decorated my skin.
So I tried to hide them away from his eyes to make him calm and happy; like he usually is.
I was carried out of the bathroom carefully, and I now felt safe enough to rest.
My eyes fluttered closed once more, now content to rest, when Mister Jeon left the house, and I heard Theo and Mister Jeon talking.
I wanted so badly to open my eyes and talk to Theo, but I wasn't able to. So tired. But I was able to catch snippets.
"Gguk?" I heard Mister Theo ask quietly. I could feel them looking at me.
"You know what to do." Mister Jeon muttered darkly, fingers touching the gashes along my arms, softly calming me.
I coughed, feeling congested, when Mister Jeon started stalking away from the house. I licked my cracked lips and I winced at the sound of my voice – sounding so croaky and scratchy.
"Mister Jeon?" the words left me in a mere whisper. In less than a second, I felt him look down at me.
"What is it, baby?"
Baby.
I quite liked that nickname.
It made me feel loved and so special.
"I finally know what you are to me." I coughed again when I was lowered down into a car. Mister Jeon didn't let me away from his arms as he tugged me across his thighs and held onto me.
"Who am I to you?" he whispered back, emotion strongly heard in his voice.
His words made me smile the best I could. My hand patted his cheek sweetly, face snuggling into his neck.
"My nepenthe."
END OF ACT ONE
author's note ; ✨
this chapter's been a long time coming!
I'm sorry it took me so long!
But, anywho, I hope you enjoyed the chapter and thank you for all the lovely comments and votes! I appreciate them so much!
( it's kind of shocking to see how many of you like this lol fic of mine hehe )
Thank you for reading — and please please lemme know if you find any mistakes! I edit, but like, I'm human and miss things 😂😂.