Samanan Anantrakul, aged 33, CEO of SA Financial Company. Her parents are well off, she come from rich family. Everyone called her Sam short for Samanan.
Sam has cold nature, stubbornness, from outside she look tough, but inside she is like a cry baby. But she never show her weakness to anyone including her friends.
"Sam lets go, you know what there is a girl in KG-2, who exactly looked like you"
Sam just rolled her eyes. She thought how can a KG student looked like her. Sam and her three friends were at their regular restaurant, for their weekly meeting.
She doesn't have lots of friends but those who are with her now, she can trust them fully.
"What excused is that Jim?"
"What? Don't you believe me? You should see with your own eyes"
Sam just sigh, she know her friend won't listen to her at any cost. Jim will always bring up the topic about it from last week.
Jim daughter, Fah is studying in NewPath Preschool, Bangkok. Its a private school for kids who study nursery and KG 1-3. A well known school for kids.
Among Sam friends, Jim is only married and have a girl who study KG-3. Sam love her niece Fah, but going to the Preschool for mother's Day with Jim and her other two friends its too much. And as always Jim is dramatic.
Tee and Kade already said yes, but Sam, she doesn’t want to go to some kids school. But Jim didn't leave the topic.
Jim said they are Fah's God's mothers so they should be present. For previous years they all got excuses but this year Jim said if they don't come, she will be very mad at them, even she will looked for new friends.
Sam doesn’t want to think about the topic of children, if she think she had heartache, its like it opened her wound. She doesn’t know why but she has some uncertainty in her mind. She try to avoid the topic as much as possible.
"Sam looked at me" Jim said, Sam meet her eyes with her friend, she continues
"Are you scared of kids?"
"What??"
"You changed your aura when I mention about kids"
"Don't take me wrong, I love Fah very much for your record"
"I am not talking about Fah, I said in general way.
Your aura changed around little kids and always try to avoid the topic"
Sam try to buried her thoughts that includes little kids, some mistakes of her life play infront of her eyes. She know the memory will hunt till her last breathe.
In order to end the conversation, she just said yes that she will be at School on Mother's Day on 12 August to support Jim.
"Oii, I am happy now, I know Fah will be happy to hear the news" Jim said smiling from ears to ears.
Sam wake up early on the Mother's day, she just laying on bed for while, thinking how her life is so lonely, gloomy, heartache, nothing could make her happy, doesn't want to meet new person.
It's like someone control her life, most importantly her heart.
She took a long sigh and ready for the day. If she didn't go to NewPath School, Jim will kill her for sure. She doesn't want to be death soon.
Anyway, she will support her friend, her friends is always stand for her.
She put a simple shirt and pants, looked at mirror before she start her day.
At 8, she reached the school gate and called Jim, and asked where to come. Jim told her to come to the School auditorium, that located on north side of the school campus.
It's not difficult to search as the school campus is not big.
When she reach the auditorium after spending few minutes in restroom.
Her friends are already present there, they were sitting in third row. Sam tooked her seat that her friend kept for her. She looked at her friends with knitted eyebrows.
"What stupid, why you looked at us like that??" Jim asked
"Why we are so early, don't you have any work"
The auditorium is with less people, only few peoples is present there.
"Hey, we need the front seat, you know for photos" Jim said with a wink
"Uhmm, whatever" Sam just pull out her phone and just scroll it, looking for news.
After half an hour, People start to gather around and on stage, teachers are running here and there, decorating the stage, arranging chairs for mothers to sit.
Schools in Thailand, typically host a Mother’s Day ceremony. On this special day, mothers come to their children school for the ceremony and each child kneels at his or her mother’s feet, paying respect to their mom for all that she has done for them since they came to this world.
At 9, the function start with the announcement from the principal. The principal just give welcome speech to everyone present on the special day.
After that, the ceremony of Mother's Day is about to start.
The teacher who hold the mic called the mother of KG-1 students on the stage, let them sit on the row of chairs.
Their children come in line and stand in front of their mother, then they kneels at their mother feet, the scene is so lovely, most of mother couldn't hold their tears to see their children kneeling before them.
The children gift their mother a garland on their hand and prey with their joined hand.
After that mothers hugged their children took them in their embrace.
Sam looked towards their friends, their eyes are wet. She just rolled her eyes and looked at her phone.
After that the teacher called KG-2 students mother, Sam doesn’t looked at the stage anymore, she know same things will happened like previous one.
"Oi oi stupid" Jim called Sam
"What ??"
Sam looked up from her phone
"Look at that fouth child, she is the one, I told you"
Jim pointed her forefinger towards the children who are standing in line.
Sam and her other two friends looked at the place where Jim pointed her finger.
"Hey, she exactly looked like you" Kade said
"Hey Sam do you have a daughter that we don't know" Tee tease her
Sam swallowed hard, Jim is right the child looked exactly like her. Its mini version of her.
She can't avert her eyes from the child face.
The line start to move, Sam's eyes followed the kid, the kid kneels on her mother feet. Her eyes start to move towards the mother's face.
When she saw the face of the mother, her world stopped.
It's like a lighting strikes her whole body, she couldn't feel her body, her heart beat rate faster than ever, every hair on her body stood. Its like she saw a ghost from her past life.
The kid passed the garland to her mother hand and pray with joined hand, the mother smile, hold her child's hand and kissed the forehead, they looked so lovely.
"Sam Sam" Kade called her friend
"Huhh"
"What happened, why your face becomes so sweaty, its not hot here"
Sam looked at the stage again, there the mother hugged the kid and kiss her cheek.
Sam body is not cooperating with her, she felt abdominal pain, chest pain, its like acid from her stomach come to her mouth, she stood from her seat fast and ran away.
She didn't listen to her friends, who were calling her names. She ran towards the washroom and just throw up.
After a while, she took out her phone. Her phone is bombarded with call and text from her friends. She assured her friends that she is ok and will come in a minute.
Sam still couldn't breathe properly, her mind is full with questions, that she try to buried for long time. She tooked a deep breathe and went towards the auditorium.
She came to know that, Jim already came to her seat after the ceremony with her kid.
Sam said sorry that she missed it, but her friends already worried about her
"Its ok Sam, we took the video you can see it later" Jim said, Sam just nod
"Hey what happened to you?" Tee asked
"I throw-up"
"Hey are you ok, Are you not feeling well, you looked pale" Kade asked
"I don't know, maybe food poisoning" Sam lied to her friends
"Ok ok, the function is almost over, we will go, give you some juice for that" Sam just nod.
She looked around, start searching for the mother and the kid, but couldn't be found. Their friends asked for her changes in behavior, but Sam just let it go, said she is not well today.
After having a fruit juice in nearby restaurant, they came out.
Fah is with them, she is happy to see her Godmothers.
As they walk around, Fah asked her mother to go inside a toy shop. Jim said they will come after but Fah start to pouted her little mouth, crossed her little arm in front of her. Fah is 5 years old, like mother like daughter, she is little dramatic.
Sam picked up her and went into the shop. Jim just rolled her eyes, they said Sam is pampering her much.
They were walking around the shop, looking for toys, already Fah took two toys on her hand but she still need more.
"Sam, looked at Mama"
Sam turn towards the voice, there she saw the mother and her kid that she was searching in the crowd.
Her friends also turn around. They face the back of the mother. Mother is in sitting position levelling with height of the kid.
The mother continued
"Sam, baby listen to Mama please"
The kid looked at her mother in teary eyes, try not to cry
"Mama will buy you, your penguin, but not today. I will buy when I got money, is that OK my love. Today we will buy this bunny ear hairband"
The mother said showing a pink bunny ear hairband
The kid nod her little head, the mother hugged her. They just went out of the shop after paying.
On other hand, Sam froze her feet on the ground, she couldn't move. Tears welling up her eyes, the mother and daughter is leaving the store. She move towards the stuff penguin, took it and ran towards the door, asking her friends to pay for her.
She followed them for a while, they walk hand in hand in front of her, she took all her courage and called
"Mon"
The mother stopped her track, the kids too as they were holding each other hand.
The mother didn't turn, just stand in middle of the footpath, so Sam move ahead and face them.
She is on her one knee, before the kid and gave the stuff penguin, but the kid didn't took, she looked at her mother.
Sam looked at the mother
"Mon"
"Uhh" Mon snap out of her thought
"I am sorry to interrupt you, but I want to give this penguin to little one"
The kids looked at her mother, Mon just nod her head with a weak smile on her face, the kid tooked the penguin and she is so happy, even said thank you to Sam.
Sam smile and asked the kid
"What is your name ?"
"Sam"
"Mine too"
Sam saw uneasiness in Mon's eyes, her hand is fidgeting at her shirt.
But Sam need to know something.
"Mon, uhh is she your daughter"
"Yes Khun Sam, sorry but we have to go. Thank you for the penguin"
Mon didn't wait for Sam answered, she just went away with her daughter towards bus stand and a bus came exactly at that moment, then they hopped in.
Sam just stand in middle of the footpath, she saw her friends looking at her direction with concern.
But she doesn't care, she just left them saying some important work came up, She promised they will meet up soon.
"Khun Sam, ahhh, Khun Sam I can't take it anymore"
Sam felt so hot in her member, her whole body felt numb, not a single words came out of her mouth, even she want to say how beautiful the girl under her is.
"Ahhh Khun Sammm.."
But when she looked down, the girl is not there anymore.
Sam immediately opened her eyes, its her nightmare, she had an erection with her member. She swallowed hard, her body is full of sweat. She breathe heavily, she move and took the water bottle from nightstand and drink the whole bottle at one go. She was so thrusty.
As for her she is born intersex, had a penis. She sit on the bed, try to calm herself.
She remembered Mon's daughter, in her heart she know it's her, anyone can tell from the look of the Little Sam.
She looked at her phone, its 5 in the morning but she couldn't continued her sleep.
Wide awake, tears start to fall from her eyes uncontrollably. Her head is about to explode, everything is running in back of her mind, her bad choices, her carelessness, her weakness.
It's been 5 years, that she saw Mon for last time. Now, Mon looked matured, more beautiful.
Whenever she closed her eyes, she saw them. Sam is on her side in fetal position remembering her past.