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Chapter Fifteen
" park bench"
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Tallulla wasn't sure how or why it happened, but she found herself on a bench. Perhaps, it was the fact that she had slept so much on the bus ride there and the hour-long nap she had taken before watching the movie. She sat in bed for quite a while before feeling the need to get dressed at exactly 2:46 am for the match much later in the day.
Once she was ready at about 3:02, she walked out of her room, peeking her head out to make sure nobody had seen her coming out after curfew. She made her way downstairs to the lobby. The hotel was quiet; in fact, everywhere seemed quiet as she walked the streets of Liverpool.
All the street lamps were turned on, and the stars were still out as she gazed up at the sky. The moon was bright that night, or should she say morning? She had walked the streets until finding a small park. That was about at 3:58, then when she got into the park and finally nestled into said park bench, it was about 4:08.
The park bench in question had a view of the ocean. It seemed like whoever designed the park set it right up against the water of Liverpool city. Tallulla greatly enjoyed the view; she hated how inland Richmond was.
In her old childhood home, she lived next to a trail that would take her to a small coast near the sea. She would love to go down and smell the salt air mixing with the pine. She would love to make sand castles with her father and pretend to be a dolphin. The smile on her face from the memory slowly faded.
Those times were over now. So much had changed; she had changed so much. It's weird to think about the last time you do something. You don't realize it's going to be the last. The last time your mum kisses you good night. The last time you see your childhood home. The last time you tell your parents you love them. The last time you see your person parked outside your window. The last time you get to wave to them.
And there he was, at the forefront of her mind again. Jamie Tartt. Why couldn't she get him out of her head? Why was it so difficult for him to just leave her brain? She needed to let him go... why couldn't she let go? Why couldn't she come to terms with the fact that he was never going to come back to Richmond?
He wouldn't want to come back; that was for certain. After he had finally admitted a part of him, and then he got called back. He must have not thought that was an accident. Tallulla knows Jamie... She knows Jamie would never come back if he felt betrayed in any way by Ted Lasso.
But some faint glimmer in her hoped that if he was offered the opportunity to come back... he would. Just so Tallulla could be held in those arms again, see that smirky smile, hear his laugh. Tallulla sighed as she started to watch the sun slowly come up out of the horizon. In that moment, she clicked a picture with the disposable camera she always had. She looked down at her watch for it to read the time 5:21.
She had spent over an hour thinking about Jamie Tartt.
Her eyes felt heavy now, as if weights had been attached to them this whole time and now they were sore. The girl's body moved slowly back to the hotel as she mentally screamed at herself for not getting the sleep she should have. Tallulla couldn't have slept, though. She needed those moments on the bench to think of Jamie... and finally get him out of her mind.
She had left him in the picture she took in the Liverpool sunrise. In the moments of thinking about him on the park bench. In the orangey glow of the street lights in the morning. In the quiet hotel lobby. She was going to leave him in Liverpool once the match was over. That way she could move on and be happy.
Right?
Somehow, she got back to the hotel in time for breakfast to start. She was pleased to be the first one down, but in all honesty, there was no real competition. She had some hotel waffles and moved to the elevator to eat it upstairs in her room in peace. She was met by a couple of players on the way who sent the girl a couple of tired good morning waves of their own.
Once she reached her room and fumbled with the key to the door, she was startled by a mustached man coming out of his room at the exact same time. A non-sleep-deprived person wouldn't have been scared, but to Tallulla... "Sorry Bambi didn't mean to scare yah!" Ted's cheery voice called, "Wow, early morning or late night?" He had noticed the girl's bags under her eyes.
"Honestly Coach Cowboy... I'm not sure." Her raspy voice told him as she still fumbled looking for her key.
"Hey, try to catch a couple of z's in the next..." The man trailed off looking down at his watch. 7:01. "Two or so hours for me, yeah?"
"Yeah, alright," Tallulla finally got her door open, half a pancake eaten on her plate in hand before she stopped herself, "Also just so you know Coach, the pancakes." She gave a chef's kiss.
"Well, in the wonderful words of Matthew McConaughey; alright, alright, alright." Ted smiled at her.
"Alright Coach."
A COUPLE HOURS LATER
Tallulla had tried to go to bed again; it just didn't stick. She settled on sitting on the locker room bench that had been given to Richmond and closing her eyes for long periods of time. All she needed to do was let her mind settle... it just never did.
The locker room was full of energy; today's match was going to be a good one. You could always feel it in the air, the electricity before a storm set in. The chatter of the game ahead sounded like white noise to the half-unconscious girl. Her mind swayed as if she were on the beach listening to crashing waves.
A slight nudge on the shoulder made Tallulla come out of her odd haze of sleep deprivation. She sluggishly peered over to see Sam looking at the girl cautiously, "You doin' alright Fitz?" She nodded her head absentmindedly, "Yeah... just tired."
Ted walked to the front of the room, this time oddly enough followed by one scared shitless-looking Nate the Great. He started his usual locker room speech, making the chatter around the room cease. "Listen up! I feel like y'all have heard enough of my jibber-jabber. So I asked Nate the Great here to share a few of his thoughts with y'all now." He gestured for Nate to begin, "All yours."
Nate stood there a second, absolutely paralyzed with fear, before the players started to encourage the lad. He took another breath in and began, "Issac."
The man beamed at Nate, thinking he was still looking for some encouragement, "You got this, bruv."
The other took a rattling breath as he mumbled out the words, "I noticed, as of late... you've been playing like a big, dumb pussy."
A wave of silence washed over
the room before Issac raised his finger in anger, pointing it at Nate with ferocity, "The fuck you say to me, bruv?"
"Sam." Tallulla moved her head so she was whispering right into his ear.
"What?" He whispered back.
"I need you to pinch me," Sam looked at the girl as if she was crazy, "I think I might be dreaming... but I'm also really sleep-deprived, so it might be a hallucination."
Sam rolled his eyes at the girl before doing what she asked. She flinched slightly at the pinch, "So it's a hallucination, very interesting..."
Before Sam could do anything else, Nate called out his name. "Oh no." He muttered under his breath.
Nate began his speech about the young Nigerian, "You're constantly getting beat on the wings. Because you're indecisive. You second-guess more than a shitty psychic. The only African I know that's been imprisoned more by his own thoughts is goddamn Nelson Mandela."
"Sam... I don't think I'm hallucination, I don't know who Nelson Mandela is." she whispered again.
"Speaking of which, Tallulla. Our team photographer." He paused... he wasn't reading this off his yellow crumpled piece of paper. "Why do you think Rupert hired you? Your creative mind? Or perhaps... just something to look at other than your pictures? Do you seriously think anyone would actually hire you?"
His words echoed around blankly in her head. She needed to wake up from this nightmare. He moved on to someone else, but her mind was still spinning with his words. She wanted to think of him. But she couldn't she left him there. With the sunset.
The game was beginning; all the players walked out of the locker room. Her mind was numb, Tallulla was numb, nothing mattered, she didn't matter. She was tired. She would get through this game, go drinking tonight if they won and forget about everything.
A WIN LATER
Karaoke. It wasn't her idea. She couldn't remember whose idea it was. But she had gone, and now she was slightly drunk. Sam had just finished singing Wonderwall and someone had told her it was her turn. "I didn't pick a song." She was sure of that.
She liked playing the music, not singing any; she by any means was not a good singer. The girl was pushed on stage by several players and moved to the screen to see the song. Space Oddity, David Bowie.
She loved Bowie.
Though she didn't really want to sing, especially in front of people she knew. She began to hum along to the beginning of the tune, starting out slowly. It also helped that she had some liquid courage running through her veins.
Ground control to Major Tom.
The waves of her day spilled and lapped over her mind.
Commencing countdown engine on.
The sunrise. The leaving. The pancakes. The locker room. The numb. The game.
Check ignition and may god's love be with you.
The song.
This is ground control to Major Tom, you've really made the grade.
She felt like Major Tom. Going out on her own... leaving it all behind.
This is Major Tom to control Ground Control, I'm stepping through the door and I'm floating in the most peculiar way.
Her ears buzzed with the sound of the song.
And the stars look very different today.
Everything was different. Everything was changing. Nothing was how it seemed.
Planet Earth is blue and there's nothing I can do.
Then it all finally clicked. She had been losing herself since Jamie.
Though I'm past one hundred thousand miles.
But why? It wasn't like she was in love with Jamie.
Tell my wife I love her very much.
No.
Your circuits dead, there's something wrong.
No.
Can you hear me Major Tom?
No.
She was in love with Jamie.
Planet Earth is blue and there's nothing I can do.
Somehow the drunk girl had made it out of the karaoke bar. Made it back across the city of Liverpool and was now sitting back at the park bench. The time was 2:46 am. This time yesterday she had just convinced herself that she should leave and come here.
The weight of her thoughts pounded in her head. She was in love with Jamie. In the few interactions she had with the boy, he had managed to make her feel lost without him. She was absolutely one hundred and ten percent in love with Jamie Tartt.
And there was nothing she could do about it.
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