– I don't want to... – I whispered, grabbing Fukase's hand with my trembling ones, causing him to snap out of his light stupor and turn to me, – Fukase... I don't want to... S-save me...
– Oliver! Come back right now! I won't scold you, let's just talk calmly and quietly! – my brother yelled, noticing that I was holding this "ugly", as he probably thought, guy's hand. Yohi said everything would be alright, that he wouldn't hurt me, but he was shouting this, he was almost hysterical... I couldn't believe him. The light in the house flickered horribly, as if there was some natural disaster causing electrical malfunctions, so I didn't believe his promises.
Fukase gripped my hand tightly and, turning his back to my house, dragged me along the tracks we had left earlier.
– Oliver, stop! If you leave – it will only get worse! – my brother yelled for the last time... But I didn't listen... I ran away with Fukase, crying and clinging tightly to him. We went far enough. No more shouting could be heard, only the wind and its whistling.
– No... no-no, what have I done... – I whimpered, falling into another snowdrift, again dragging Fukase along, – What to do...? What have I done... I'm bad... a bad child...
Fukase slightly lifted me, squatting next to me and hugging me tightly to his chest. It was cold sitting in the snowdrift, but I had no strength to go any further.
– You're talking nonsense, calm down! Your brother, damn, is traumatized by the past and apparently doesn't want to heal, while you're growing into a healthy boy with your own feelings! – he hugged me tighter, as if trying to stop the flow of my bitter tears, – How about we go back to Piko's? You can stay over at his place tonight, and tomorrow we'll figure out what to do, okay?
I nodded, and then he helped me get up... We headed to Piko's house, calmly, without rushing. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder, holding me tightly, preventing me from collapsing to the floor in the hysteria that was slowly creeping up on me. We didn't walk long, although I wasn't quite sure how much time had passed, as I was in a trance the whole way, just floating in the clouds, only awakened by the doorbell... Piko's door quickly opened, but the owner of the house froze, seeing me in tears.
– O-Oliver! – he exclaimed, grabbing me by the shoulders, – What happened, why are you crying?!
– Yohi... – I whispered quietly, gasping for breath through my tears, – He... he came back earlier...
He hugged me tightly and, of course, let us into the house... We went to the room, and upon entering, Piko immediately turned on all the garlands and the desk lamp, causing Defoko to wake up quickly and she too had to calm me down. Nana continued to sleep soundly, softly snoring, and thank God, I didn't need so many people soothing me.
– It's not all that bad, I'm sure! – Piko tried to convince me, while Fukase gently embraced me, stroking my head.
– Everything is very bad... – I murmured, pressing against the redhead's shoulder.
– Defoko is sure that Yohi wouldn't do anything bad to Oliver, he only wants the best for him, he's just a bit out of it. Oliver doesn't need to be so scared...! – Defoko said, handing me a cup of chamomile tea with ice cubes. I took the cup in my hands, sipped a little, and then pressed back against Fukase.
– I-I want to sleep... – I whispered, wishing to end this dreadful night as soon as possible.
– Alright... shall we go? My sister Haku went to a sanitarium for a couple weeks, so her room is empty, so we can spend the night there if you'd feel better alone or... with Fukase...? – Piko suggested, patting me on the shoulder, – What do you want?
I just nodded, hugging Fukase, hinting that I wanted him to stay with me. Piko and Defoko got up from the bed we were sitting on, Defo, with magical strength considering her height and weight, lifted Nana from the floor and dragged her away, and Piko took the mattress, later returning for pillows. Wishing us a good night, they left. I sat between Fukase's legs and leaned back against him again, continuing to hold the tea cup with trembling hands. Fukase slightly covered me with a blanket and hugged me again with both arms.
– Everything will be alright. When you're ready, I'll go with you to your home and protect you, okay? Don't be afraid, everything will be okay... – he wrapped his arms around my chest and pressed his face against my shoulder, causing my heart to beat faster... a strange, yet warm feeling that calmed me.
I drank a little more tea and placed the cup on the bedside table, then took out James from my bag and, hugging him tightly, lay down again between Fukase's legs, resting my head on his chest... Fukase also embraced me, continuing to sit in the same position as before.
It became quiet... only my sobs broke this silence. I couldn't fully calm down, it was too painful and scary... And again, Fukase softly, almost whispering, began to sing his song:
– "When the thread of a dream threatens to break, All you need is kindness, From that which we make. Pulled from the tearing stream, Our hearts held firm, Friends who are so priceless, Together we learn. When lonely threads are breaking, When chiming stars are crying, I'll hold you up above, To shine the way you love" ("The Stars We Share" by AegisSan-P)
He continued to sing, calming me with his delightful, gentle, and melodious voice... and he succeeded. By the end of the song, I had finally stopped crying and managed to fall asleep, still feeling his warm hands on me... it felt good as long as he was there, with him I felt safe. How glad I am to have such a wonderful friend... so beautiful and sweet, even though I had to pull him out of his past, unpleasant and cold attire.
***
– It's alright, don't worry... – the red-haired guy said, gently pushing me onto the ice at a small arena... it was a small outdoor rink with free skates.
There were cameras around, so it would be easy to catch a thief if one appeared, and in this town, everyone was generally well-behaved and didn't steal, except for a few individuals, so it was possible to skate for free. Fukase and I managed to find our sizes, but I was very scared because I had never skated before, while Fukase seemed confident, as if he skated here often, though he claimed he didn't. There were also a couple of other people on the rink who skated quite well, making me feel awkward.
Fukase had suggested going to this rink when I decided to return home... He said, "First, gather your thoughts a bit!" so here we were.
– Here, take my hand... – he said, skating ahead of me, but at a slight distance, and extending his hand.
Fukase positioned himself so that I couldn't just reach out and grab him, I had to move a bit, but it felt like if I moved my feet even a little, they would split and I would end up doing the splits unintentionally, which I didn't know how to do... but suddenly I got a light push from behind, and after moving a bit, I fell into Fukase's arms. Turning around, I had to look up, as the person who pushed me was very tall!
– H-hello... – I said uncertainly, looking up at the biology teacher who, like us, had come to the rink on this sunny day.
– Hi. – Fukase said firmly, pushing me slightly but holding onto my hand. He hadn't seen the teacher approaching because he was too focused on catching me if I fell.
– Hello, kids! – Mr. Asterian greeted us warmly and cheerfully as always, smiling and moving a bit closer, – You two seem like good friends, huh?
I glanced at Fukase, and he at me, after which we both nodded.
– Ha-ha, I'm very glad you found each other! – the teacher said sincerely, smiling and ruffling Fukase's hair a bit roughly... He didn't mean to be rough, he was just strong, and Fukase was too weak and fragile, – Haven't forgotten how to skate, Fukase?
– I don't want to repeat that training, so I'll never forget it. – the guy smirked, looking at Mr. Asterian with a hint of resentment. It seemed the teacher had tried to teach him skating before, and not in the most enjoyable way, – I'll teach him myself...
Fukase shielded me with his body, as if protecting me from the teacher's passion for teaching. He always radiated energy in class, happy and active, always eager to explain if someone didn't understand, so I guess he really did enjoy teaching children.
– Is this Oliver's first time on the ice? – the teacher asked, gliding towards me and positioning himself to my side but slightly behind.
– Y-yes... I've never been to a rink before. – I replied, holding the redhead's hand tightly.
– It's not too hard, don't worry! You could use some knee pads, though, but oh well! – the man said, but Fukase, squeezing my hand tightly, abruptly pulled me along. Fukase seemed a bit irritated by the encounter.
He began teaching me to skate... although, initially, he was just teaching me to stand without swaying or falling. That turned out to be quite easy and we moved on to actual skating... Pushing off and gliding was hard, so Fukase held my hands and pulled me along. It was fun, but so awkward since I was so clumsy... though, this awkwardness made me forget myself a bit and relax before returning home.
– Whew... – I exhaled tiredly, sitting down on a small bench next to the rink... my legs were sore from all this, while Fukase continued his skating, leaving me to rest.
– Tired? – the teacher's voice sounded again behind me, – I remember Fukase was also really tired at first, but now look at him – elegantly swirling and skating! – the teacher climbed over the rink barrier and sat next to me, patting my shoulder gently, – How's he doing?
– Oh, um... – I hesitated, slightly shrinking, – He seems alright...
– Oh, finally! – the man exhaled admiringly, looking upwards, – Well done, Oliver! He's been smiling more often, glad that you joined us!
I fell silent, looking at the man's face, which showed genuine joy.
– Is there something between you two? – I asked, receiving a puzzled look in response, – Y-you... treat him differently... h-he said you even bring him clothes! Or... or should I not have said that...?
He laughed, giving me a playful shove on the shoulder:
– It's all good, we both understand! As for your question: absolutely not... nothing binds us, except that I was one of those who donated a bit for his treatment when he was a baby. Other than that, we're not connected, I just feel sorry for him, that's all. I'd like to help him somehow, but so far I can only help from a distance!
"So he was right... all out of pity?" – I thought sadly, lowering my head and lightly biting my tongue.
– I'm slightly empathetic towards everyone, but especially to children... – the man continued, – I can't bear to see him suffer. Some colleagues agree with me... Miku, Jun, Momo, and a few others... and now that you've become friends... – he looked sympathetically at the boy, put his hand on my shoulder, and leaning in slightly, continued, – Don't leave him... please...
***
Walking on the crunching snow, I, tightly holding Fukase's hand, headed home... The weather was sunny and beautiful today, giving hope for a happy future, but remembering my brother crying out of anger and sorrow, I began to doubt more and more.
The knock on the door interrupted my terrible thoughts... Fukase knocked and stepped back from the door, waiting for it to open. I wanted to hide behind my friend again, but I didn't manage to, as the click of the lock made me freeze and I didn't hide in time before the door opened. There stood my slightly angry brother, first glancing at me, then at my friend.
– Hello, Yohi... – said Fukase, taking my hand and pulling me a bit closer, – My name is Fukase, and I'm your younger brother's friend. – he bowed slightly as a gesture of introduction, – You're scaring him with your behavior. If you don't want him to run away again – just consult a specialist and discuss what's making you so overprotective and worried about your Oliver. He's a teenager and he wants freedom, you can't deny him that with such zeal...
– I didn't ask for your opinion... – my brother harshly replied, grabbing my hand and practically yanking me away from Fukase, dragging me into the house and positioning me behind him, – I'm not some psycho to go to a psychologist. You should fight less, then maybe you wouldn't have such thoughts, and he wouldn't suffer because of your fights. Don't come here again, don't talk to Oli, I don't want you influencing him like this... He was a sweet boy before he went to school and met you. So back off, kid... – he seemed about to continue, possibly to insult Fukase about his appearance, but he remembered that his "beloved Oli" was not perfect either, so he just slammed the door in the redhead's face. He turned to me and glared into my eyes, – You heard me, that applies to you too. You're not going to school tomorrow, you'll think about your behavior, sitting at home, in your room. I think it's a fitting punishment, considering that I've slightly updated it. Since you're so "grown-up" that you run away from home and go where your older brother forbade – get rid of everything childish, agree...?
I looked at him, not understanding, but soon my bewildered gaze turned to one of fear, and I quickly ran to the attic... Opening the door and stepping inside, I just collapsed on the floor next to my bed and clung to the white, dull blanket, then buried my face in it and burst into tears. Everything was empty... there was nothing... Not a single toy, no garlands, no sewing thread, no more bed with a beautiful pattern, no stars on the ceiling. Nothing was left... just school books. Even the Christmas gifts for my friends were gone...
– Do you like it? I also took the money from under the bed, I guess where it's from, since I don't find the toys I used to see when I put you to bed sometimes, but taking them will serve as punishment. – my brother arrogantly said, pulling the bag from me and opening it.
With tear-stained face, I abruptly stood up and grabbed for the bag, but he yanked it from me and pulled out James and the special sketchbook I always carried with me.
– Give it back! – I cried out, sobbing even more. I tried to grab both, but my brother was strong.
– Decided to raise your voice at me? You don't need this. Drawing is unnecessary for you, toys are not for adults. – my brother said, opening the sketchbook, – Oh, seriously...?
– I say: give it back! – I screamed, looking at him with all the hatred I could muster.
– Give what back? This? Why do you need this monstrosity? – my brother asked sarcastically, showing a drawing... it was Fukase, – Whatever you write, like "Oliver thinks Fukase is very beautiful, he owes it to him to show this, so he dedicates this sketchbook to him," doesn't change the fact of his ugliness... Just forget about it and do something useful. Become a linguist, I don't know... a teacher, a lawyer...
I fell silent... there he had said it. Acknowledged his ugliness... so why not mine?
– Y-you... you're the... – I whispered, wiping my tears, – You're the monster! I hate you! I hate you, do you hear me?! – I yelled, grabbing my last belongings and finally snatching them away.
– Is this how you react to my care?! – my brother also yelled, approaching me closer. This time, only the desk and main lamps flickered, but it didn't scare me... I was too angry and hurt, and these emotions overwhelmed everything else.
– Y-you know what!? Do you know what I want to say right now?!
– Go on, what will you say?!
– Fuck you! – I screamed, and immediately felt a terrible pain on my cheek as I fell to the floor from the sharpness of the slap.
It was the first time in my life I had said something like that, and immediately got hit in the face, and not by just anyone, but by my own dear brother... It seemed to be a full-force slap, making my head spin and it took me a long time to come to my senses, but instinctively, I continued to hold onto James and my sketchbook, as if protecting these things. And he didn't insist on taking them, just slammed the door hard, not even checking my condition after that terrible hit.
I continued to cry for a long time... My pain was unbearable and I couldn't do anything, couldn't distract myself, I just kept crying, wiping my tears and even snot on my poor James... not only had I slightly torn his wing, but now he was all dirty.
– I'm sorry... – I cried, trying to wipe off the snot from him with my sleeve, – I'm so sorry... I feel so bad... – I whispered quietly, trying to stop the tears with the same sleeves, as gross as it was, – F-Fukase... Fukase...
I called for him, hoping for a hug, for support... But there was nothing. I was alone here... in this disgusting, empty room.