𝐖𝐄𝐀𝐊𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐄𝐒 [𝖙•𝖘] [𝖎𝖒 - 𝖊𝖓𝖌]

⁸³. 𝐴 𝑊𝑜𝑟𝑑 𝑜𝑓 𝐴𝑑𝑣𝑖𝑐𝑒

───✱*.｡:｡✱*.:｡✧*.｡✰ ───

"(Y/N)."

She snapped out of her daydream and blinked a few times to regain her full attention. When she realized she wasn't back in her home, her shoulders immediately dropped. Based on the clock on the wall, there were approximately 30 minutes left of her session, and she felt like nothing had progressed so far.

"No offense, Doc, but it's been like, what, four months?" she began, leaning back against the couch she was sitting in. "And I still haven't seen any improvement."

"That's because you're not trying," her therapist, Christina Raynor spoke in her typical tone.

"Oh, really?"

"(Y/N)." She repeated in a sterner manner. "It's not my first time dealing with people like you."

"'People like me'?" (Y/N) repeated, offended. "Excuse me?"

"People who block themselves out," Raynor explained. "Who don't want anyone to help them out because they don't think they need it."

"Oh, wow."

"I'm going to ask you again, (Y/N). From the beginning. How have you been?"

"I'm fine."

(Y/N) avoided looking into her eyes and focused her attention on the other things in the room. She tried paying attention to the dull paint on the walls or the minimalistic paintings on them, she could feel Raynor's burning gaze on her.

"Okay, I'm not fine."

Raynor looked pleased with that answer. "Proceed."

"Yesterday, um. . .I got out of bed and realized it had been a while since I had washed the sheets."

"And why is that?"

"I didn't want the last of his smell to go away."

That was true. (Y/N) did clean the sheets that had been on the bed before his passing, though reluctantly, but she did. When she placed the new ones that were stored in a drawer, she realized his unique scent was still on them, and she wanted to grasp onto it like a lifeline. It gave her a sense of normality and made her think that he was still there with her.

"Okay, that's a good start," Raynor wrote something down on her notebook. "What else?"

"I, uh, was about to start dinner when I yelled out 'Tony, can you help me?'," (Y/N) chuckled with no humor behind it. "Luckily Morgan wasn't paying attention when I slipped up."

"Now that you mention your daughter, I'd like to talk about her."

This peeked (Y/N)'s interest. "What about her?"

"How has she been handling this?"

"Much better than me, to be honest." (Y/N) confessed. Her fingers started subconsciously playing with each other on her lap. "She's quiet, there's times when I catch her talking to herself and muttering out 'Dad'."

"Have you talked to her?"

"I try to."

"Really?"

"Really."

(Y/N) wanted to say something else, but she felt it would make her sound almost crazy. She figured that the last person to judge her would be Raynor, since she was probably used to hearing worst things in her line of work.

"Look, it's just. . .every time I see her, I get this gnawing feeling in my chest," she made a claw-like gesture with her hand to add effect to her words. "An awful feeling that tells me that I should've taken Tony's place. . .just so, um, she would've been left with the parent that she preferred the most."

Raynor didn't say anything. She still annotated on her notebook before closing it back up.

"It feels like she's stuck with me. I hate that."

"My advice is, talk to her."

(Y/N) scoffed at the poor effort. Is this how I'm wasting my time now? she thought to herself.

"Sit down and talk with her," Raynor clarified her words. "Let her open up to you. Why do you think she doesn't approach you on this topic?"

"Because she doesn't like me?"

"Because she imitates you."

(Y/N) waited for her to elaborate.

"Children develop the ability to copy or mirror the actions that they witness on a daily basis. If Morgan sees you close up and bottle your feelings, what do you think she's gonna do?"

(Y/N) lowered her head down in both embarrassment and realization. She was right. In the course of the last four months, Morgan and (Y/N) have tried to maintain a facade as if nothing had happened. What she didn't realize is that she was projecting her own unhealthy habits into her daughter, and that's the last thing she wanted.

"Look, (Y/N), I understand this have been tragic months for you. You experienced the loss of three people in the same day." Raynor crossed her leg over the other."Your husband, your best friend, and your unborn child."

(Y/N) could feel her eyes sting again. The words reminded her of the overwhelming wave of emotion she had felt the day she went for a checkup with the doctor and he had told her she'd been suffered a miscarriage. She had tried to place the blame on the factor that caused it, but she couldn't help but shake that cloud telling her that it was her own fault.

"That's a little straightforward, don't you think?"

"I know, but it's the only way you'll listen to me."

"Mhm," she pressed her lips in a thin line. "Now, I get how you're friends with Pepper."

Silence filled the room. (Y/N)'s attention flickered to the clock on the wall, telling her that time was almost up. She had so much she wanted to talk about, but she figured she'd have to leave it all for next session. It felt nice, at least for a short period of time, to be listened for a change.

Raynor seemed to notice the time too and she sat up in her chair. "I'll tell you what, next week on the next session, why don't you tell me how your talk with Morgan went?"

"I'll keep that in mind, Doc."

(Y/N) stood up from the couch and extended her hand forward to shake Raynor's as a way of goodbye. She spared one last look at the room before heading toward the door, checking the time again to see how much she had left before picking Morgan up from the Barton's.

"Oh, and (Y/N)?" Raynor called before she could walk out the door.

"Yes?"

"If you see your friend James, tell him to give me a call. It's been a while since I've heard from him."

(Y/N) couldn't help but frown at the weird request, but nonetheless nodded. "Sure thing."