CHAPTER THREE - Burn it Now
Third Person's PoV
"You should have seen that coming, Shane. Bakit kasi umaasa ka pa kung sampung taon na yung nakalipas?" Sabi ni Vincent habang tinatanggal ang suot niyang necktie.
Nakatanaw sa labas ng veranda ng hotel si Shane habang kinakalikot yung kwintas na may AK.
"Don't you think I know that? Of course I am happy for Kieran that he found someone who loves him." Napabuntong hininga si Shane at ininda yung bigat ng dibdib niya. "He deserves someone like that."
Napairap si Vincent, "Why do you even insist on saying you've never loved him? Shane, it's so obvious that you fell for him ten years ago. Why do you keep lying to yourself like that?"
Lumingon sa kanya ang dalaga at marahang natawa.
"It's easier to cope this way." Iyon na lamang ang sinabi niya bago pumunta sa kama para isubsob ang mukha sa unan. "She must be someone amazing if Kieran wants to marry her."
"'Wag kang magalala, Shane. Kapag napirmahan na natin yung divorce papers natin, malaya ka ng agawin siya." Tinapunan ng masamang titig ni Shane si Vincent. "What? I'm sure the doctor still has the hots for the baddest bitch in the city."
"Former bad bitch, thanks." Shane corrected, running a hand through her bangs. "Ever since Kieran, I've never slept with anyone. So technically, I've retired."
Natawa si Vincent, "Psh. Pero nung nakita si Kieran kanina grabeng makaipit ng—"
"Shut up!" Namumulang sigaw ni Shane. "And why would I even get bothered if he has a girlfriend now? I mean, I am married. Either way, it's just wrong. I don't want to repeat my father's mistakes."
Ayaw ni Shane na maging homewrecker kahit na alam niya sa sariling sabik na sabik siya kay Kieran. Nang malaman niyang may kasintanan ito, na-curious siya kung nadaig niya ba ito sa ugali at kagandahan. At sa kama.
Fuck. I don't want to imagine him taking someone else inside his room.
The thought of Kieran making love to someone else sickened her. She wondered if he was gentle to her.
Pero napailing siya para matanggal yung alaala nilang agresibong naghahalikan sa loob ng kwarto ni Shane. Napakapit si Shane sa unan niya't napaklaro ng lalamunan.
I want him so bad. But I can't risk ruining both our families for my selfishness.
"Okay, Shane. Sabi mo e'." Hinubad ni Vincent yung suot niyang blazer. "I'm going to talk to the family attorney today to discuss my father's will. I wired some money to your account so you can do whatever you want."
"Wow, so sweet and thoughtful of you, honey." Ngiting saad ni Shane at umupo sa kama. "You don't mind if I spend all of your money?"
Kumibit balikat si Vincent, "Sanay na ako. You are my wife so do whatever you want."
Halos masuka si Shane sa sinabi niya.
"Aww, paano na kita hihiwalayan niyan? I do love the free shopping money." Biro niya't umiling-iling. "I'll only spend a few, don't worry. Baka pagalitan ako ng sugar daddy ko." She winked.
"Stop it, Shane. Jeez." Tumalikod na si Vincent at inabot yung doorknob. "By the way, Gary's gonna come over tonight so I hope you don't mind if—"
"Yup, got it." Pagpuputol ni Shane at malawak na ngumiti kay Vincent. "I'll make sure to find somewhere else to stay so you two can stay here by yourselves."
Naawa si Vincent nang mapansing mapait na ngumiti si Shane.
"Or you can stay here with us too, if you like." Aya nito ngunit umiling si Shane.
"You haven't seen each other in months. I'll be fine." Pag-assure niya. "Besides, I have to visit the nightclubs and celebrate my ending marriage."
Bakas pa rin sa mukha ni Vincent ang alala kaya tinawanan lang siya ni Shane.
"I'll be fine," paguulit nito. "And I promise if I ever do sleep with someone, and I'm not saying that I will, I will make sure to keep it lowkey so the media won't be—"
"That's not what I'm worried about, Shane." He gave her a meaningful look that she immediately understood.
"Rumors will always be there, Vincent. I don't give a fuck what kind of fucked up image they make of me this time." Shane hardly cares what anyone thinks about her anymore. "Just go."
Vincent remembered the names they called her before and after the marriage. And here she stands unbothered. He feels responsible that Shane had to go through that because his family bought her as his wife.
Now he's even more determined to end the marriage and finally grants his long time friend the freedom she deserves.
"Okay." 'Yon na lamang nasagot niya bago niya iniwan magisa si Shane sa loob.
It's okay, Shane. Once we're divorced, you can finally do something for yourself.
Bumuntong hininga si Shane at napakamot ng ulo. Yumuko siya para tignan yung AK na nakasulat kwintas na suot niya.
Ayayaten ka.
"Bakit nga ba ako umaasa pa rin, Kieran?" Tanong niyang mariing nakapikit saka sumandal sa headboard. "When did you realize it was really over?"
Nagpakawala ng hangin si Shane at marahang natawa dahil alam niya ang sagot doon.
TEN YEARS AGO...
Nakadekwatrong nakaupo si Shane sa may bar stool at kanina niya pa tinititigan yung hawak niyang shot glass. Nagsisimula ng mag-snow sa labas kaya nama'y paunti nang paunti na mga dumadayong tao sa loob. Siya na lang ang naiwang magisa sa may bar kaya nama'y kanina pa siyang pinapanood nung bartender habang pinupunasan mga baso.
"You're wearing that face again." Kumento ng lalaki at saka dahan dahang linapitan si Shane.
Nagdikit mga kilay ni Shane, "What face?"
Tinuro ng lalaki ang mukha ni Shane at sumimangot.
"That face. The hopeless face. Why, did someone break your heart?" Kuryosong tanong ng bartender na ikinatawa ng dalaga.
"No," sagot nito't tinungga ang shot glass na naglalaman ng vodka. "I broke his heart. And now I'm paying the price."
Napakurap yung bartender at binuhusan muli ng vodka yung baso ni Shane. Tinitigan niyang mabuti ang dalaga bago umuwang ang mga labi nito.
"Filipina ka." He observed. "What made you come to New York?"
"Magpapahangin." Sagot ni Shane, dahilan ng pagtawa ng bartender.
"Sosyal mo naman. Magpapahangin lang tapos nakapunta ka rito." Natatawang sabi nito. "I'm Andy nga pala. I moved here three years ago—"
"Don't care. I didn't ask." Tinungga ulit ni Shane yung vodka niya't tinulak ito papunta sa gawi ng bartender. "One more."
Andy didn't take offense to her rude remarks. On the contrary, he was amused.
"So...why New York?" Tanong niya habang binubuhudan ng panibagong alak yung baso ni Shane.
Lumingon si Shane sa may entrance bago drinum mga daliri nito sa counter. Inobserbahan lang siyang maiigi ni Andy at pinanood kung paano madismaya ang dalaga tuwing may nakikitang pumapasok na mga tao.
Agad niyang naintindihan kung bakit sa New York ito 'nagpapahangin'.
"Alam mo, miss. It was your choice to end the relationship. Pero hindi mo na hawak yung choice na gusto ka pa niyang makita muli kung sakaling andito rin siya sa lungsod." Linapag ni Andy yung baso sa harap ni Shane. Naglabas na rin siya ng tissue at itinabi ito sa kanya. "Punasan mo yung mga luha mo bago pa may makakitang iba. At baka makita ka pa niyang naluluha at lalo kang 'di lalapitan kasi di niya masikmurang makita kang ganito."
Pinaningkitan siya ng mga mata ni Shane at sarkastikong tumawa.
"Bloody hell. Don't you fucking pretend to sympathize with me. I know too damn well that you're just saying that so you can have sex with me." Pagalit na tinungga ni Shane yung vodka at padabog na nilapag yung pambayad niya. "You don't fucking know how hard it was for me to break a kind man's heart. So fuck you for assuming you can just take advantage of my vulnerability like that."
Padabog ding sinuot ni Shane yung shoulder bag niya. Akmang aalis na sana siya pero hinawakan ni Andy ang pulsuhan nito.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you like that. And I didn't mean to come off that way too. I never intended to sleep with you, I promise." Malumanay na sabi ni Andy bago maingat na pinakawalan si Shane. "Besides, you look to pretty to cry. I can't have you leave the bar in tears."
Andy motioned her to return back to her seat by the bar, "Drinks are on the house for the broken hearted lady."
Kumurap si Shane at alinlangang bumalik sa bar. May kinuhang panibagong shot glass ang bartender at binuhusan ang dalawang baso.
"That's nice of you, thanks." Tipid na ngumiti Shane. "I apologize for my behaviour—"
"No need. Alam ko namang may mabigat kang pinagdadaanan maliban doon sa tinapos mong relasyon." May nilabas na regular na baso si Andy na may nakalagay na bulaklak. "Here. It's for you."
Nagtaka si Shane kung ano iyon at mabagal na kinuha ito mula sa kamay ni Andy. Her mouth fell when she realized what flower it was.
Napalingon siya agad sa paligid niya na tila ba may hinahanap-hanap.
"Now that's the face I wanted to see." Ngiting sabi ni Andy. "A face full of hope."
Shane blinked back the forming tears as she cradled the flower in her hands.
It's a carnation flower. The only person who knows that it's her favorite flower was Kieran.
A year later after that, Shane kept coming back to the same bar in hopes of running into him. Chances are, she might— considering how the bar is located near Columbia University where Kieran studies.
Mas naging close na sila ngayon ni Andy at sa huli ng conversation nila, saka iaabot ng bartender yung bulaklak.
"Is he here right now?" Anxiously na tanong ni Shane at napapasilip sa paligid. The thought of seeing him again after a year excites her.
It's the only thing that keeps her happy from her miserable life.
Malungkot na umiling si Andy, "Sabi niya he's busy." Bumagsak ang ngiti ni Shane at napatango-tango. "You know how med students are, Miss Shane."
"Well, he knows that I'm here so what's stopping him from seeing me?" Naiiyak na sabi nito pero natigilan siya nang maalala yung bigat ng singsing na suot niya. "Right."
Tumango si Andy, "I don't think he wants to see you wearing that."
Kinagat ni Shane ang pangibabang labi niya't mapait na ngumiti kay Andy.
"Then it's best if he forgets what I look like now." Pinunasan ni Shane mga mata niya at tahimik na umalis sa bar.
Same date, a year later. Shane came back to the bar near Columbia University.
Still no Kieran.
"No flower this time?" She asked, but Andy slowly shook his head. "Is he not here anymore?"
"I'm sorry, Miss Shane." That's all he said before leaving her alone.
Two years, she thought, it took you two years to finally move on from me.
And for the last ten years, she kept coming back to that bar on the same day. December 12. For the last eight years, she never saw that flower inside a glass ever again.
That is until Shane decided to open her purse. Muntikan niya ng mabitawan ang bag niya sa sobrang gulat at sobrang pagnginig ng mga tuhod nito.
Linabas niya ang isang maliit na jar mula sa kanyang bag at nag-scoff.
"Bloody hell," bulong nito't nilapag ang jar sa may nightstand. "I hate you so much." Naiiyak niyang sambit at hinaplos ito. "I fucking hate you so much."
Inside that jar is a carnation flower. And a note that says "I forgot to give this to you ten years ago. You can burn it now."
Shane smiled at the thought of the doctor sneakily placing that inside her purse while she wasn't looking. She glanced at the flower once more before leaving the hotel room wearing the face Andy wanted to see.
A hopeful face.