BK
Sunday - 6:25 am
"Well I can't help you with that right now. I just got on my flight to head back to Houston.." I explained.
"Yes—yes...I understand. Mmhm—bye, bye.." I finished as I hung up the phone.
"Who was that?" Angie asked as I pulled my laptop back out to finish working.
"Jay... he keeps bugging me about press as if I haven't been working my ass off the past few months with my album."
"Exactly. Not to mention it's the best out right now. He needs to relax!" She said back and I nodded my head in agreement.
Working with Jay was amazing in the beginning and it still is at times. But lately it's been like working with a control freak. If I wanted to work under these conditions I would've kept my dad as my manger.
I only cut ties with him musically so I could have complete control over my music and be truly independent but now I was right back to square one.
Which was exactly why I was going home to Houston. I needed some 'me' time so I could evaluate which direction my career should go in from here.
I knew Jay wouldn't dare step foot into Houston and risk running into my dad so I was safe for the time being. "What's your first order of business when we get home?"
"Some real food!" I replied. "I hear that! Im still recovering from that food poisoning you gave us last month."
"That's on you! You know I can't cook.." I laughed. "I had faith in you." She pouted.
The rest of the flight consisted of me working on new beats and writing out some lyrics. I wanted to take my time in Houston to help local talent.
I made it out of Houston and made a name for myself so I figured it was time to do the same for others. Considering I planned on staying as long as I could I knew I would have time to seek some people out and help them as much as I could.
"How long do we have left?" I heard Kelly ask as she finally woke up from her nap. She was asleep for so long I forgot she was even here.
"We should be landing soon, sleeping beauty."
"I need some food.." She said in a grouchy tone causing me to furrow my brows at her.
"And people in hell need ice water.." I mumbled.
"What you say?" She asked and I just chuckled softly to myself.
Angie shook her head before adjusting her headphones so she could tune us out. I did the same as I watched Kelly walk over to where we kept our snacks.
Before I knew it we were landing and piling into the car with all of our bags. My driver, pulled out of the airport terminal heading straight for my mama's house.
The Texas air was already filling up my lungs and I felt so much peace. There was nothing like being home. Surrounded by the familiar scents, people, and culture that made me who I am.
"You think Mama is cooking today?" Kelly asked.
"It's Sunday of course she will.." I replied before pulling out my phone I checked it to see several missed calls and texts from Ashanti.
I immediately called her back and she picked up on the second ring. "You called me?" I asked as more of a statement rather than a question.
"You could've said you were leaving." She said softly."How do you even know I left?" I laughed.
"Paparazzi...you forgot who you were, Beyoncé? Tell Kelly and Angie I said 'hey'...I seen them too." She said.
"You need to stop stalking me on blogs... and y'all Ashanti said 'hey'." I said as I relayed the message. Angie said 'hey' back and Kelly just rolled her eyes and flagged the phone, which led me to laugh.
"Wouldn't have too if you stop being secretive about shit."
"You really wanna talk about being secretive?" I laughed as I raised my brows in question.
I took her silence as my answer before continuing our conversation. "I told you I was homesick yesterday. I just needed to go home."
"I understand I just didn't know what to tell Noah. He was asking for you."
"Tell my son I love him. I'm on my way to my mom's house now, so I'll call y'all later, okay?"
"Alright, bye!" She said and I said it back before hanging up.
"That's not even your son.." Kelly said as soon as I dropped the phone from my ear.
I sighed already annoyed with where this conversation was headed. Just when I was starting to not feel less stressed now I was faced with another difficult conversation I didn't care to have.
"He looks at me like another mom so of course I'm going to call him my son, Kelly."
"Well, being a mom to the son of a crazy ass bitch, who cheated on you is definitely a choice." She said causing me to glance at her out of the corner of my eye.
"Chilee let her play house. She'll learn sooner or later." Angie said leaning up to speak to Kelly as if we weren't all in the same car.
"It's not for y'all to understand. I just wanna be there for her son and I'll figure our situation out later.." I shrugged.
"Well maybe y'all just need to have a real talk. Clearly you still love her.." Angie said.
"I wouldn't call what I have for her love. It's just not the same.." I replied.
"It's the same for y'all to still fuck though.." Kelly asked and I just stayed quiet. This time I turned to her fully offended at her comment.
I mean she wasn't wrong but, damn, did she have to expose me like that? "Exactly.." They said simultaneously as I turned mute.
The car eventually pulled into my mom's driveway and I've never been more relieved in my life. I didn't really care what they thought of my relationship with Ashanti.
She would always be like a friend to me even if we weren't still together. As for the cheating that's something I'd never get over. However, just because she broke my trust doesn't mean the love I have for her son just washes away.
Her son meant a lot to me and I'll always think highly of her for allowing me to have such a prominent role in his life. It may sound stupid to some people but I'd do anything to see that little boy happy.
So, if I had to deal with a few shady comments from Kelly and Angie then so be it. I knew they only said things like that because they wanted better for me.
Kelly was just being the sister she always has been and I loved her for it because I valued her opinion. So sometimes it's best for me to just shut up and let her believe whatever she wants.
Without entertaining our previous conversation I opened the door and walked toward my mom's front door. My driver brought our bags over and I used my key to go straight inside the house.
"Mama!" I yelled.
I heard footsteps before I felt someone jump on my back while putting me in a chokehold. There were only two people who lived here and I knew for sure my Mama wasn't jumping on my back like that so that left one person.
"Solange if you don't get your big ass off my back!" I yelled.
"Beyoncé Giselle Knowles! I know you ain't cussing in my house!" I heard my mom yell from the kitchen.
So she heard me cuss but she didn't hear me calling her name...
"Mama! Tell your child to get off me!" I yelled as Angie and Kelly laughed making their way into the kitchen.
"Solange get down!" She yelled and Solange immediately jumped down from my back.
"Don't be snitching on me!" She said before walking towards the kitchen.
"That's why you're adopted!" I yelled as I followed behind her. "How? When we look just like you?"
"You wish you looked like me." I scoffed. "And why would I wish that, elephant ears?!"
I ignored her before walking straight into the kitchen to see my Mama at the stove stirring a large pot.
"I'm so glad to see all my girls under one roof! You didn't even tell me you were coming.." She beamed as she pulled me into a tight hug.
"I missed you so much Mama.." I said as I closed my eyes and relaxed into her touch.
I could feel all of the stress I had before walking through the door fade away. There was nothing like a mother's love but specifically there was nothing like my mother's love.
Before I knew what was happening I was crying. It felt like months of hardships, stress, anxiety, and pain released all in that moment.
"Beyoncé? What's wrong?" She asked as she pulled back from the hug and held me by shoulders.
"I-I'm sorry. I just need to go to my r-room."
"Alright, go ahead and get cleaned up. I'll meet you up there so we can talk." She replied and I started to protest but I knew she already made up her mind.
I went upstairs and headed straight to my childhood room. It was the same as I left it. My bags were sat in the corner curtesy, of Julius.
I had enough time to shower and change into some relaxing clothing before there was a knock at my door. My Mama emerged from behind the door and immediately got into bed with me.
I laid onto her chest as she rubbed my back and I started to cry again.
"I can't fix it if I don't know what's wrong, bumble bee?"
I wasn't normally one to let my emotions show but if I did it would only be in front of her. I knew she would never judge me for anything so I had the space to be vulnerable.
"It's just a lot. I thought I could handle my solo career but I can't mama. I don't want to do it anymore.." I sniffled.
"Yes, you can baby! Your first album debuted at number one, you've swept the awards dry, and it's still charting as we speak. What makes you think you can't handle it?"
"It's just too much. Every move I make is watched, I feel like I can't trust anyone, and I just feel overwhelmed." I sighed as she wiped my face with a tissue.
"That's nothing you're not use to! What's so different now?"
"I'm use to being surrounded by you, daddy, and my sisters. But now it's just me." I explained.
"Ah, I see. I know you've always been strong but you can lean on people when you need to, honey."
"I try but it's hard, mama." I sighed as I wiped the remaining of my stray tears. "What did I use to tell you when you were younger?" She asked.
"I brought you in this world and I'll take you out?" I teased and she laughed softly.
"No! I would tell you to give yourself grace. Think of everything you've accomplished and I promise you everything else will adjust.." She said and I nodded before sitting up to finish wiping my face.
"I've missed you so much mom."
"I've missed you more." She smiled before getting up to throw away the used tissues.
"Now I know something else was bothering you but if you don't want to talk about it I'll respect it.." She added after I finished wiping my face.
I watched as she sat down on the edge of my bed and I contemplated if I wanted to talk about the other stuff. The sad part was there was so much other stuff that I didn't know where to start.
"I lost two sisters and I don't know why...they won't speak to me and Kelly said they wouldn't tell her why. What did I do mama?" I sighed letting my head rest in my hands as I started crying once again.
"I don't know honey. But I know that the truth always reveals itself and you can't dwell on the decisions of others."
"I know mama, but I went from being in this industry with three other girls and dad. And now it feels like every step I take further into my dream the more I feel everyone slipping through my fingers.."
First Destiny's Child split and for the life of me I didn't know, why? Then I had to fire my dad as my manager and his been bitter ever since.
And as if I wasn't going through enough then Ashanti cheats on me. It was like I couldn't catch a break.
"You cannot console's opinion of you but you can always control your own. You're are more than my amazingly talented daughter. You are kind, you are smart, and you are beautiful! Never forget that.." She pulled me close and placed a small kiss onto my cheek.
I nodded in response as I started to feel my throat hurting from the constant crying. I picked my head up and carefully opened my eyes. I felt a huge relief after talking to my mama. It was clearly exactly what I needed.
"Now you have to cheer up! I'm making your favorite tonight!" She smiled and I smiled as well before saying 'thank you' in advance.
"Wait—why aren't you at church?"
"I overslept this morning so I just stayed home but don't worry I'll drag you with me on Wednesday for Bible study.." She smirked and I lowly groaned.
I hated church. Just a bunch of old bitter people who take pride in shaming people into submission. Don't get me wrong I loved God and I took pride in my faith that has brought me far in life. But the church itself was corrupt in so many ways.
They protected men who were abusers while shaming women for simply living. The older I got the less appealing it all was to me.
However, I knew better than to tell my Mama I wasn't doing something. So, that meant I would be going to Greater Salvation Baptist on Wednesday.
A/N: Thoughts on Beyoncé?