✧𝙽𝚘𝚊𝚑✧
"Dad!" Cameron shouts from across the parking lot. He's grinning and running my way freely with Taffy clutched in his arms. Behind him, Kiara rushes after him, warning him about watching the lights on the back of the cars he carelessly runs past.
"Woah," I step away from my car to run over and meet him halfway before he runs past this one car with its red lights beaming. I lift an apologetic hand to them when they slam on their breaks before they end up hitting me. The guy in the driver's seat isn't happy, but he doesn't run me over and waits until I have my son in my arms to continue backing out.
"Cameron Stone," Kiara huffs, scolding him while she's out of breath and slowly catching up.
"That wasn't cool, Cam." I breathe as I look over at the angry dude peeling out of the parking space. "You could've gotten yourself hurt." I reason with a shake of my head as I turn some to show him the angry car heading down the street. Cameron frowns deeply at that, having let his excitement get the best of him. "C'mon, you scared your mom." I hint with a nod to her.
He takes the hint and looks over at Kiara. "Sorry, Mom." He mutters shamefully.
Kiara lets out a deep breath. "Please, just try to pay attention and listen." She urges. He nods quickly in response. When she looks relived by that, I nod to myself and lean down to set him back down on the ground. She tries to shake it off in the meantime and looks to me with a bit of a tired smile. "Okay, we're ready right?" She asks, leaning down to take Cameron's hand. He's not totally happy about it, but he just got in trouble for running around and seems to decide this isn't a battle he wants to fight.
I nod and happily reach over to grab Cameron's other hand. He blinks but starts to smile too. I guess it's only cool to hold two parents' hands and one just one. I kinda get it. "You excited, Nut?" I ask as we all start walking down the sidewalk towards the crosswalk.
"I don't know where we're going." He proudly admits.
Kiara sighs deeply. "Cam, I told you, like, ten times."
"I forgoted."
"Nice." I grin. "It's kinda like a mall, Cam." I remind. "We're gonna have lunch and walk around some."
"That's boring."
"A little." I agree. "But your mom likes it, apparently."
"It's not boring." Kiara huffs bitterly at us. She swings her and Cameron's hand absently in the air while we stroll across the street like a good ol' happy family. "Grammy used to take me here all the time when I was little." She adds. It sounds enough like a happy memory, but her little smile as she looks up at the big building has a bit of sadness in it. I blame it on the little bit I know about her childhood. She's only let a couple of details casually slip, but everything she's said has been enough for me to piece together that it wasn't a great one.
"That sounds boring still."
Kiara scoffs at that. I can't help my chuckle, a little amused by Cameron's grumbling tone. "Nut, this is a nice memory for your mom. How would you feel if someone said that about one of your nice memories?" I ask, leaning down some as if I could talk to him and him only. Not that I don't want Kiara to know what I'm saying.
Cameron frowns when I put it like that. He looks up at his mom. "It's medium boring." He decides, nodding with his pity.
Kiara hums dryly. "Thanks, baby." She sarcastically accepts. He smiles gently. I shake my head but figure I at least tried. Kiara doesn't seem all that offended anyway,
I let go of Cameron's hand just so I can step a couple of paces ahead of them to catch the door as someone's walking out. That family lets mine walk in first before they step outside, thanking me for unintentionally holding the door open for them.
I have to walk inside quick, allowing the dude behind me to catch the door so he's the one who gets stuck holding the door. He knows this too because he sends a slightly bitter look my way while he gets stuck holding the door open for a bunch of other people strolling slowly outside. I'm half tempted to warn him that you snooze you lose for next time, but ultimately decide against it.
That is true mindfulness there. I hope my son is watching closely.
"Mommy, why is he looking at Dad like that?" Cameron whispers, still holding his mom's hand while I come over to them.
"Because Dad's mean, that's why." Kiara doesn't bother whispering, watching me with a smile while she answers him.
I scoff. "You snooze, and you lose, okay? That man snoozed, and he's just mad that he lost." I dismiss as I reach over to grab Cameron's other hand again. "Also, why the fuck does she still get Mommy?" I huff.
Kiara gasps at that, smile widening too. "Noah!" She scolds on a laugh.
"How come he gets to say fuck, and I don't?" Cameron pouts as he looks up at Kiara. She's the one who told him he couldn't say it.
Her jaw drops at that. I lift my free hand to my mouth to at least try to hide my smile. That gets hard to do when I catch the face a random lady makes as she passes us and hears that from our son's mouth. "Cameron Stone, we do not say that word." Kiara is whispering, trying to scold him and hide her laughter. She's not doing a good job.
"Dad just said it!"
"I know! And he was just getting in trouble for it." Kiara nods quickly before she looks up at me. "Noah, we do not say that word. Especially in front of our loved ones." She makes a subtle gesture to Cameron.
"I'm sorry." I offer with a little nod as I glance at Cameron. It's supposed to be his turn next.
Instead of apologizing for the cursing, Cameron nods like he's satisfied and looks around us. "Can we go there?" He asks, eyes already set on a toy store.
"Not yet, Nut. We're gonna grab some food at the food court first." I start to lead us all in the other direction, still trying to hide my laughter at the fact that he still hasn't apologized for saying that bad word.
"Mom went to court." Cameron hums, letting us in on his brilliant game of word association.
I grin at the jackpot I just hit. Kiara looks mortified immediately and tries deflecting. I'm already encouraging him though. "Oh, yeah? What'd she go for?" I ask curiously, praying this kid knows.
"Driving too fast in the car."
"Really?" My voice shakes with laughter I can't contain.
"It's not funny. Both of you." Kiara terribly tries to glare at us around her embarrassment. "It was bogus, and I fought for what I knew was right." She tips her chin up stubbornly which only makes this gold that more wonderful. Cameron doesn't even know what he's just given me which is the best part of it all. He's still scanning our surroundings curiously, ignoring us both while absently swinging both hands back and forth.
"C'mon, it's a little funny." I argue, still chuckling to myself about it. "Cam, dude, isn't it a little funny?"
"Jump!" Cameron shouts instead of answering me. I blink when he squeezes my hand tighter and jumps. Kiara thinks fast and lifts him up some like he wants. I'm a little slower to the party, but his feet don't touch the ground before I can lift my hand too to make his jump longer than it would've been.
"Okay, you gotta warn us next time." I laugh when he makes an explosion sound as his feet hit the ground.
"He did." Kiara laughs to herself.
"Oh, is that what the jump was?"
"Mm." She nods quickly. "Pay attention." She advises. I hum and glance down at Cameron, silently wondering when he'll decide to scare us to death again.
Luckily, he doesn't decide to jump in the air again while we walk towards the food court not too far from the door. I let go of his hand when Kiara zeros in on a good table which he frowns at. "Corn dogs or pizza?" I ask curiously. I leave out the Chinese food option, aware that Kiara isn't much of a fan. By extension, I doubt Cameron even knows if he is or not.
"Pizza!" Cameron answers immediately. "Extra cheesy." He quickly and firmly adds, making sure I got that part down.
I chuckle and look Kiara's way to make sure she's good with that. She nods while she absently slides her purse onto the back of her chair before she sits. "Okay," I nod back as I reach over to grab her purse off the back of her chair.
Kiara frowns. "Am I buying?" She awkwardly asks as she watches me take it.
"No." I laugh at the idea of making her pay against her will like that. Making her pay at all while they're out with me seems dumb. "Your bag's gonna get stolen or something on the back of your chair like that." I reason with a shrug.
She squints skeptically at me. "Noah, if you just wanted to hold my pretty purse, you could've just said that." She playfully assures.
I tip my chin up. "Make fun of me all you want, I'm saving you from getting robbed." I stubbornly insist as I grab the handles of her purse and make a show of throwing it onto my shoulder instead of leaving it on the table beside her like I was going to. They both laugh at me as if it's dumb I hold the purse the way it's meant to be held.
With a huff, I turn away from them and make my way over towards the pizza joint to get their food as if they're not making fun of me. Whatever though. Safety before looks, people. Remember that.
I step in line before a dude and a girl get there. He's clearly bitter about the fact that I made it in line before his slow ass, because he scoffs and grumbles at me. "Nice purse."
I look over my shoulder at him and grin. "Thanks. I think it really brings out my eyes." I nod, blinking a little dramatically at him to show him my pretty hazels.
His nose scrunches in disgust at me, either because I'm fluttering my lashes at him or because I didn't react the way he hoped I would. "Fuck you." He turns to swearing at me instead.
I laugh as I turn back around, leaving him be instead of egging him on like I had been. Maybe because I can feel my son and his mom's eyes on me while I stand here. Besides, there's no point in fighting a dude over a purse in the fucking food court in the first damn place. The younger girl beside him whispers pleas for him to just shut up too, so it's really just a stupid situation to be in all around.
I still hold Kiara's purse on my shoulder like a man while I wait here. The lady behind the counter glances at it curiously when it's my turn. After so rattle off what I need from her, she gives me a kinder compliment. "I love those purses, they're so pretty." She hums.
"They are, aren't they?" I smile back at her and look down at the purse in pride like it's actually mine. She laughs to herself while I thank her more seriously but still with a smile as I grab my number thingy and turn to go back to the table. Cameron's not there anymore, but I have a feeling I know where he is. The little indoor play area thing a few feet away from our table, probably.
Kiara smiles while she watches me come over with her purse and our number thing. I slide it off my shoulder and onto the table right beside her before I take a seat at the table, sure to choose one of the two free ones that isn't Cam's. He's going to want his exact spot back. "Thank you." She hums as she nudges her purse to the side some.
I smile back at her. "For what?" I dismiss. I like it when we're out like this, and I like it when she sets her pride aside and lets me pay for them both. I think it's for the same reason I like to spoil the people around me with gifts every time I see them. Whatever that reason is.
Kiara smiles down at the table softly for a long moment before she sucks in a deep breath. I smile to myself while I watch her, waiting for her to start. She has a tell when she wants to talk about something serious. That deep breath she pauses to take is always that tell.
She clears her throat and looks at me instead of down at the table. "So, um," She begins slowly and almost cautiously, like she doesn't want to have this conversation. "I'd really like it if before we let Cameron and Wyatt meet, you and Wyatt hang out some." She admits as confidently as she can.
I groan loudly which makes her start to smile. "Hang out?" I repeat with a growing smile too. "Where? How?"
She laughs. "I don't know! Wherever guys hang out." She dismisses. "I just want you two to know each other first." She insists, smile beginning to soften. "Can you do that?"
I sigh deeply. "I guess." I playfully grumble. She smiles to herself, waiting for me to be serious. "If you want me to, then I will." I agree with a short chuckle. I don't really want to, but I can't argue with her. Especially when it isn't just about us, but Cameron too.
"Thank you." She nods softly with a breath of relief as she looks away.
"So..." I coax expectantly. A part of me doesn't want to do this either, but this is what normal co-parents who are on good terms do, right?
She raises a brow. "What?"
"Well, are you going to share with the class or just keep it all to yourself?"
She starts smiling wider, already aware of what I'm asking. I smile wider too, not really because I'm particularly excited to hear about this romantic date she went on with this guy, but because her smile gets impossibly wide just by the mention of said romantic date. I know she had fun before she even starts talking about it. I know she still loves him even though she never straight out admits it. And I know that this is what she wants—who she wants.
It's a beautiful thing to watch. For reasons I can't explain, that smile both makes me smile too but also makes me feel this little twinge in my stomach and chest all at the same time. It's almost uncomfortable, and I shift in my seat as if that's the reason for it. It's not, and no amount of moving around where I sit is going to change that.
"—And he gave me the same roses he had our first date. He even remembered what color the ribbon was. Then after dinner during our walk, he was really, like, nervous to hold my hand. But he did it, and it was adorable."
I smile to myself, watching her go on without ever actually looking my way. Her eyes seem to either drop to the table or absently settle on nothing somewhere else in the room while she gushes. It's like she's picturing it in her mind and has no control over where her eyes actually settle.
I don't think I've ever felt what she's feeling before, so I try to make sense of it without actually getting a look inside. I go off of the fact that her voice raises an octave, she suddenly forgets that pauses and natural breaths are a thing in her sentences because she's just so excited to tell someone about her time with him.
Kiara stops to take a big deep breath, still smiling as her eyes finally move back to mine. "Sorry." She apologizes, smile turning embarrassed now.
I shake my head softly. "For what?"
"Ranting." She shrugs slowly like she's unsure of why she's apologizing too.
I smile wider. "Ranting?" I repeat. "Come on. Have you met my sister? She's the fucking mayor of rant-town. I'm used to it." I dismiss. She laughs in response but still looks a little embarrassed. That's fading quick though.
"Two-sixty-one!"
My eyes drift over her shoulder. I give a smaller smile as I push my chair back and stand up. "You wanna go get Cam?" I coax. She nods quickly, so I walk around the table and towards the pizza place.
By the time I come back, Cameron is eagerly jumping into his seat while Kiara slides back into hers. I slide each big ass pizza slice to the right person beside I sit. "Wow, those are big." Kiara blinks a couple of times at the slices.
I snort. She narrows her eyes at me before I can say it.
Kiara clears her throat as she looks over at Cameron. "Cam," She begins. He's busy trying to figure out how to pick the huge slice up, but he looks at her to let her know he's listening. "You remember Wyatt, don't you?" She asks, a little hesitantly.
He freezes. Slowly pulls his hands away from his pizza and looks at me like he's unsure and wants to know what I'm going to say. "Um...Yeah." He mumbles, slowly looking to Kiara.
She smiles gently. "Well, what if he came to visit?" She asks. "Would you want to see him?"
Cameron stares at her. His eyes move back over to me quick as if I'm going to answer the question for him. I give him a similar smile Kiara did. "It's okay, Nut." I assure, nodding over to Kiara to hint at him to answer her.
He still stares at me for a moment longer until he looks at Kiara again. "Um..." He hesitates. "I guess..."
She tilts her head. "Have you missed him at all?" She asks, unconvinced by his answer to keep going with the rest of the conversation.
He shifts in his seat as he looks down at his pizza. "Sometimes." He admits, almost shamefully.
"It's okay to miss him." I point out with a little laugh, attempting to lighten the poor kid up some. "And it's okay to want to see him. My feelings won't be hurt and neither will Mom's." I gesture to Kiara.
He swallows. "Yeah." He whispers. "Is he coming?" He asks, a little hopeful even though he tries to hide it.
Kiara nods. "He is." She confirms. "We can set something up if you really want to see him. But don't feel like you have to. If you don't want to, then you don't want to, Cam. It's okay."
"I want to." He whispers. "But..." His eyes slide my way. "What about Daddy?" He mumbles.
"I'll still be here, Cam." I assure quick. "I'll always be right here—No matter what, okay?"
"Mhm," He accepts, still half unsure but beginning to come around. "What about you and Mommy?" He whispers, leaning over the table some to be closer.
My brows bunch up in confusion at that, and I glance at Kiara to see if she has any clue. She doesn't, watching him with the same confused expression as me. "What do you mean, Cam?" I have to ask.
He frowns. "Wyatt and Mommy used to kiss." He whispers, clearly disgusted as he informs me like it's his job to.
"Gross." I whisper back. Kiara scoffs at us.
"It was really gross." He confirms with wide eyes. Those big eyes soften though when he remembers what he'd been talking about. "What if they do that again?" He mumbles.
"Close your eyes, I guess—I don't know."
"No." He dismisses. "What about you?"
"Oh, no. I'm not kissing Wyatt, bud. Sorry."
He huffs like he's getting frustrated, so I pause to listen to him. "No," He repeats again. "What about you and Mommy? What if they..." He trials off and looks Kiara's way who stares dryly at us while we loudly whisper to each other.
"What?" I coax with a short shake of my head.
"All of my friends' moms and dads don't kiss other people. What about you?"
I pull back a little at that, finally getting what he means. I'm sure Kiara didn't kiss other people with Wyatt around and even though he hasn't seen us kiss, it's gotta be a little confusing with us all around like that. I look at Kiara to see if she's got any idea on where to go, but she averts her gaze. I nearly scoff at the fact that she's just leaving me to do this.
I take a breath and look back at the poor kid. "Uh...Well, kiddo." I awkwardly begin. "Mom and I don't have the kind of...relationship your friends' parents have." I mutter. "We're just friends like how you are with your friends. So, it'd be okay if, um...you know. Mom and Wyatt wanted to not be friends."
He frowns like he's disappointed. "But..." He doesn't seem to even know what to say or ask next.
"Are you okay, Cam?" Kiara asks cautiously when he never really starts up again.
He looks down at his pizza silently. For a second, he ignores her. When I'm about to push a little, he nods in response to her. "Are you sure?" I push anyway. He doesn't answer me either though with anything more than a slow nod.
Kiara takes a breath. "Okay, baby." She whispers, deciding to accept it for now. "Let us know if you change your mind about seeing Wyatt. It'll be okay." She assures. He nods a little more silently, still staring down at his pizza.
He makes no moves to pick it up. While Kiara tries to move on and eat hers, I let mine sit here and get cold while I watch him. He just looks so dejected, and although I think I know why, I don't know how to fix it for him.
His mom doesn't like me the way she likes Wyatt. It disappoints him we're not like his friends' families, and there's nothing I can do to fix that while Kiara has those lasting feelings for him. It's not her fault though and it's not Cam's either. This is just the way it is, I guess.
"Mom...I'm not hungry."
Kiara pauses. She frowns and sets her pizza down. "Cameron," She tries.
"It's okay." I cut in. Her eyes dart to me. I smile a little and shake my head. "He can heat it back up for dinner." I decide as I reach over to grab his little box that the pizza came in. Kiara sighs at that, but she doesn't argue with me. "Go play while your mom finishes her pizza." I dismiss him. He nods and slides out of his seat to jog his way back over to the play area.
"Shit," Kiara whispers as she pulls away from her pizza, pushing it across the table too.
"Hey, no, come on." I reach over to push the plate back to her. She frowns but sits up more. "I know you're still hungry. Just eat it, it's okay." I insist as I pick up Cameron's box thing and stack it on top of mine so I can put them both back into the bag.
Kiara frowns but she does reach for her pizza. "How bad of a mom am I for upsetting him like that?" She whispers to herself. I almost don't hear her over the murmuring of chatter in the room.
"Kiara," I laugh even though it's not fucking funny. I guess I do it in hopes of making her smile again, but it doesn't work. She frowns down at her pizza just like he did. "Kiara," I repeat without the laugh, trying to get her attention still. Her eyes hesitantly slide up to mine. "First of all, you weren't alone in that conversation. I was right there, and I'm pretty sure I'm the one who ended up upsetting him." I point out with a little smile. She shakes her head softly in response. "Second, it was a hard conversation to have. Let's be honest—it was probably going to end with him a little confused one way or another."
"Yeah, but..." She trials off for a moment. She frowns. "I could've waited. After a few more dates with him—We could've waited until it's been more than four fucking months since is life was turned upside down." She rushes out all at once, in one breath.
"Yeah, well we didn't."
She pauses at that. It's not what she was expecting to hear. "What?" She mumbles.
"We didn't wait a while, Kiara." I point out. "We did it now, okay? That's what happened. And I'm sorry, but there's no way to change it now, princess. All we can do now is work with him and remind him that we're both still right beside him. Okay? So, let's put ourselves together so we can do that for him, hm?"
Kiara stares for a few more seconds before she starts to nod, bottom lip rolling into her mouth to stop herself from possibly losing it right here and now. "Okay." She accepts, voice hardly audible.
"Okay." I repeat slowly. "Eat your pizza before it gets cold." I mutter as I nod to her pizza and absently check on Cameron.
She sniffles some, so I quickly look back at her to watch her reach for a napkin from the pile I brought to the table. I sigh quietly while I watch her dab it on the corners of her eyes that are trained down on her pizza. Once she's done with that, she takes a breath and pauses, still staring.
I sigh again, louder and a little more dramatic. "Where do guys hang out, anyway?" I ask. I could at least try to make her feel a little better about what just happened.
"I don't know." Kiara admits on a gentle laugh.
"This was so much easier when I was a kid." I grumble as I look away to think. I know Aaliyah and her friends all meet up at a bar when they want to hang out, but that's just because one of them owns the place. Besides, I'm not sure if I can just casually tell Kiara to have him meet me at a bar. Especially with the way she looks at me sometimes when I drink my beloved Capri Sun's and when we first met each other again.
"Maybe dinner."
I scoff. "You want me to take your boyfriend out on a date?" I scrunch my nose up as I recoil some, disgusted by the thought of sitting across from this guy at some fancy restaurant like we're out on a goddamn date.
"He's not my boyfriend." She says as her cheeks turn a light shade of pink.
"Uh-huh," I dryly accept. "I'll hang out with him, but I won't seduce him. No matter how much you want me to." I murmur my warning. It makes her laugh which makes this entire conversation worth it.
"Okay, Wyatt likes football." She offers more seriously now. "What if you went to..." She slowly trails off. I smile softly at her while I watch her frown and scramble to find something else.
"Sports bar?" I finish her thought. She doesn't answer me, just sinking in response. "We could. I think Aaliyah's friend has a tv or something in his." I thoughtfully hum as I try to remember what that bar looks like again. I've only been a handful of times, honestly. They're nice guys, but they're also mostly Aaliyah and Alex's friends. I could be more present in that group, but I think they like the fact that they have their own friends.
Kiara doesn't seem to like this idea. "His bar?" She clarifies cautiously.
I shrug. "They have non-alcoholic drinks." I offer even though she wouldn't be the one going. It's still very much a bar with alcohol, but they added some other drinks without alcohol. Aaliyah straight up admitted that they only did that so I could go and crash their hangouts occasionally. Even though I dismissed their apologies for having it around at all.
Since I've gotten sober, I've noticed people around me are a whole lot more cautious with their drinks with me than they are with their own kids. It's like they're cool if their kid gets a sip of it, but God forbid I reach for my drink that happens to be on the same side of the table as theirs. They lose their shit—it's fucking insane.
Kiara, unsurprisingly, seems to be one of the people in my life who is going to worry. I've gotten hints here and there about her childhood though, so I try not to take it personally and blame it on the fact that maybe she's just sensitive to alcohol as a whole. Not just me and alcohol combined.
I think the worst part of something like this is I can't even decide if these people around me are wrong to be so cautious about this forbidden combination. I mean, I'd love it if people trusted my own judgement a little more and trusted me to not go off the rails—especially after so much time has passed by now. But I also kind of get where they're coming from. I hurt a lot of people when I let myself do whatever the hell I wanted, ignoring my own limitations as well as theirs. I understand how and why they'd be so cautious, but a little part of me still can't help but long for them to just trust me. Just once.
"I'll figure it out." I dismiss for now. Chances are, she'll end up giving me his number so we can coordinate without her help. I'll tell him where to meet me like that, I guess.
And as unlikely as it sounds, I can hope he doesn't mention it to Kiara that we ultimately will meet at the bar. He probably will because Wyatt sounds like a fucking snitch, but one can dream, right?