And he opened the door, and we ran.
***
There was a somber atmosphere that hung in the clouds above as I walked down the aisles of the dead. The graveyard just north of Stohess was huge, dedicated specifically to those who gave their lives fighting against the titans.
Rows of headstones stretched further than you could even bother walking, and luckily for me the original Levi Squad was near the entry point of the cemetery. My eyes trailed over the names of countless soldiers, most of them completely foreign to me.
It hurt, reading their names knowing full well that the graves were likely empty. Retrieving bodies was somewhat of a luxury when it came to being in the military, and knowing that the Levi Squad's graves were empty made my heart throb that little bit more.
I walked alone, and I was fine with that. Levi was busy sorting matters with Erwin before we headed back to Headquarters and commenced hardening practices with Eren, preparing him for the retake that was to take place two months from now. This gave me time to think, organise my thoughts about everything that has happened and everything that is to happen.
Soon the names began getting a little familiar. My jaw tightened the more each name crossed my mind, especially when I came across a particular name that had my heart squeeze painfully in my chest.
Marco Bodt.
I stopped for a moment to look at his grave, not knowing if it was empty or not and remember the times I had taught the 104th. A boy of kind nature, a characteristic that's far too rare in a world such as this one. I sigh to myself, crouching before the headstone and placing a hand on the smooth stone, running my fingers across the letters that were etched in it expertly. There were flowers beneath it, some old and withered, others fresh like they'd been there for a day or two.
I clutched the crystal bouquet in my hand a little more, looking down at the singular white rose that sat alone in the middle. A sign of hope and love. Running my fingers along his name once more, I stood up and continued my way down the row for a little longer before halting completely. There, their headstones sat adorned with multiple different coloured flowers.
A sad smile overcome my features, moving my fingers around the stem of one of the crystal flowers and pulling it from the silk binding. I leaned down and placed it on the base of each gravestone. I did this for each of the members before standing at the foot of them all, holding the final flower against my chest, twirling it in my fingers. My eyebrows were pinched in the middle, a solemn expression taking over my features as I peered at each of them. Their headstones were white, clean of any speck of dirt, the work of either the groundskeeper or even Levi.
"I lost the bet." I murmur quietly, a small smile appearing on my face as I spoke the words. And for some strange reason, I even waited for a response before I continued to speak. "I don't think I could've been any more wrong about it, I know for a fact if you guys were all here with us right now I would not hear the end of it." I chuckled a little thinking about the banter we all had. And it hit me like a bitch there. I was already aware they weren't going to come back, but the graves in front of me was a heartbreaking view. My vision blurred a little as a tear slipped from one of my eyes and down my cheek.
"I don't think I've had a longing for one last argument more in my life." I whispered, bringing a hand up to swipe away a tear. "I should've been there to save you guys, instead I got caught up in a fucking titan's grip delaying Levi's arrival. I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry." I choked out, hand working to keep my face dry. Taking in a deep, shaky breath, I avert my gaze up at the wall, holding the air in my lungs for a few moments before letting it slide out slowly.
"There are plenty of things I still wish I could say to you guys. To you, and Sam and plenty of other people, and I wish could say these things while you were actively listening and could respond but that is far in the past now. I can't- I can't fucking say what I want to say because I'll expect an answer back and it'll break me more when I don't get one." I say, my throat feeling as though it was going to make my voice crack. "A month felt like a long time when you guys were with us. Now, thinking back on it, it wasn't nearly enough time."
"Y/N?" Levi's voice rung out from across the graveyard, my hands quickly wiping away the last of the tears on my face. I look down at the graves once more, sighing softly to myself before mustering up a small smile.
"We'll finish the job, count on it." And I turn away, watching Levi pace between graves toward me. I force a tight-lipped smile as his eyebrows pinched together, sapphire eyes wary as he looked me over.
"Hey." He voiced softly, eyes filled with worry. "You okay?" He stepped toward me, tucking two of his fingers under my chin and lifting it so he could see my face. His free hand rested on my upper arm, eyes scanning my face as he gently used his thumb to swipe away a stray tear before his hand rested just below my jaw. I nod, bringing the final flower up between us, watching as his head tipped down a little so he could look at it.
"This one's for you." I say, voice small. "Just some type of connection between you and them. Thought you'd like it in your office back home." He didn't say anything as he admired the crystal flower, releasing my arm from his grasp and pinching the stem between his fingers. I lower my hand as he raised it to his eyes, a look of wonder and, was that adoration? He let a small exhale out his nose as his eyes darted from the flower to me, the ghost of a smile playing on his lips. He leaned forward, pressing his lips to my forehead for two long seconds before he pulled away, and the gesture was nearly enough to make me melt to the ground.
"Thank you." He murmured, nodding back towards where he came from. "Everything's sorted for Eren's training, we can go home now." His voice was mellow, a tone he very rarely used and every time he used it, every small gesture, every reassuring word, everything he does, I fall for him a little more.
Wait... What? I couldn't possibly-
"Come on." His voice broke through me and I was thankful for it, because now my mind was going berserk. Levi's hand dropped my jaw, fingertips tracing lightly down the side of my arm and his pinky soon linked with mine. I don't know what it was about it, but this small action made my heart throb with pure bliss. The crystal rose remained in between his index and thumb, touch delicate as he handled it with care. I trailed behind him, his pinky tightly looped around mine guiding me to both of our horses he had tied to the gate.
His hand left mine and the warmth was quick to follow, my hand already feeling unbearably cold as he approached his own mount. Sin whinnied lightly, eyes watching me intently as he awaited my proceed toward him. I couldn't help but smile, all the tears that had left my eyes and the negative emotions that spiralled through my mind staying in the graveyard. I reached for him, palm out and he wasted no time in pushing his nose against it, his soft breaths hitting the heels of my hand with warm, quick puffs.
"Hey, Pretty Boy." I whisper, stepping a little closer to him. He lowered his head, chin pulled a little further in toward his chest. I let out a slow breath as I leaned forward, resting a palm on his jaw before pressing my forehead to his. I closed my eyes, hand slowly stroking up and down his soft fur on the side of his face, matching my breathing with his. I stayed like that for a couple of moments before opening my eyes and seeing the horses eyes were watching me carefully. I pulled away with a hum and a smile, his head soon raising a little before I walk around his side.
I step up onto the stirrup and pull myself over Sin, settling in the saddle and bringing the reins into my hand. Glancing up, I look over at Levi who just looked at me, guise vulnerable and aura calm. His lips twitched a little as he realised I was looking at him and he whipped his own reins a little, Sol starting off in a walk with Sin and I following soon after them.
The ride through the district of Stohess, we remained quiet. The hum of Sina residents was enough to fill the audible void, and maybe it was even a little relaxing. Neither of us spoke until about fifteen minutes after we had left Sina. A thought suddenly popped into my head, one from so long ago I had nearly forgotten about it, but it fortunately remained.
"Hey, Lee?" I begin quietly, our horses riding closely side by side. He hummed in response, a sound that awaited whatever was to come next. Her words whirled in my mind, Isabel's words that had me somewhat doubting myself.
If something were to happen to me, please look after Farlan and Levi.
"Have I- no, do I look after you?" I asked genuinely. I looked straight ahead but could see as he turned his head to look at me in my peripheral.
"Why do you ask?" He questioned, tone matching my own. I pressed my lips together, wondering the same thing. Why did I ask? Reassurance? To make sure I'm honouring my word to Isabel?
"Six years ago, the night we brought you, Farlan and Isabel to the surface, I made a promise to Isabel that if anything were to happen to her, I'd look after you and Farlan. I guess I want to know if I've been keeping that promise." I say sheepishly, sparing the raven a glance before returning my gaze to the fields ahead. He stayed quiet for a moment, and out of the corner of my eye I see his eyes turn to the front as well. I wasn't sure if he was thinking about an answer, or if he just refused to by staying silent.
"You do." He worded simply, and I sense no form of untruthfulness behind his words. I let out a breath I had been subconsciously holding in since the thought flashed across my mind, soon recalling the times I had been concerned about him. Asking if he was okay, always worrying about him, that time in the fucking cabin a few days ago when we were both patching each other up. Was that seriously just a few days ago? "I wouldn't even say it's your actions, your presence works well too." This time, I looked at him for longer than I had previously.
"My presence?" I repeat as a question, furrowing my eyebrows a little.
"It's- well it's sort of like a reminder. I have you by my side, I'm not used to anyone staying around this long. People tend to try and avoid me, like I'm unapproachable. But you? You stayed, and that is more than enough for me." His response was short and sweet and the butterflies that welled up in my stomach were only getting wilder with each word he spoke. It was quiet for a minute, and it looked as though he wanted to say something else. He was deciding between whether saying it was worth it or not.
But I didn't push him on it, what he wants to say is something he'll say when he wants to. I hummed a little, feeling better about my word as I turned to look forward again.
"That night, in the cave," he started again, and I knew exactly what night he was talking about. He changed the topic. "When you kissed me, I had never felt such relief in my life. You irritated me, you were so hard to read, so fucking difficult to decipher. I had- you played on my mind every waking hour of the day and I couldn't figure it out and it really frustrated me. But what frustrated me more was all the progress I thought we were making, all the little things we'd do, everything that seemed even the tiniest bit intimate, you'd still label us-" he turned to me, gesturing between the both of us. "As friends."
I remained silent, because I knew it annoyed him. The way he reacted every single time I called him a friend. He'd tense, stiffening up enough to rival the stiffness of a statue, his breathing would become uneven and eyes would harden. But never would I have thought he'd voice his irritation to me, and what he didn't know was that it bothered me beyond belief too.
"Then I finally outed myself to you by accident. It was the heat of the moment back in Orvud, I was never going to say anything until I was certain you felt the same way I did, and even then I was reluctant to even think about confessing." He continued, hands tightening around the reins. His voice had a slight shake to it and I understood how much courage it would've taken him to say these things to me.
"The night we went out for dinner for your birthday, I was close. I was so fucking close to telling you how I felt, purely because the moment was right. The atmosphere was perfect, the setting was perfect, even the fucking rain was so goddamn perfect. And you? You're already so stunning, but you were so fucking flawless that night. The feeling of my hand twirling you beneath that tree in the cave was a feeling I never wanted to let go of and I truly felt happy. But I didn't. I couldn't. A night as perfect as that could've been ruined so easily if I said something." Even though it was just the two of us, his tone was quiet like he feared someone else would hear. The horses kept their pace, breathing evenly.
I wanted to say something but my head refused to communicate with my mouth. What would I say? What could I do but listen? Why would I want to say something when a conversation like this with Levi would likely never happen again?
"And then there was last night. The Christmas festival. I could openly hold your hand, squeeze and you'd squeeze harder. I could look at you without worrying about getting embarrassed because you caught me. I could kiss you without a worry in the world, because I finally have you to myself." He sighed quietly. "Three years, Y/N. I've had feelings for you for three, fucking years, and it was all because of some stupid fucking letters you wrote. Ridiculous, right? Catching feelings because of ink scrawled on a piece of paper. And the funny thing was I hadn't even seen you for three years." He huffed to himself, glancing down at the mane of his horse and shaking his head.
"And then there was the 57th expedition, that sudden burst of overprotectiveness I had for you, I saw you in that titan's grip and I couldn't do it again. What I- what we went through when we lost Isabel and Farlan, I couldn't do that again. For some reason, I feel as though it'd hurt more if I lost you and I don't think I can do it again. Not you. Anybody but you." And that's when I realised it.
All of this, the times, the places, everything we had done together, what we have now. This was his way of saying I meant everything to him. He never was one to voice his sentiments, especially ones like these and I can't help but take a breath.
What do I say? Was he even finished speaking? I waiting a moment, and then another, and then another, but his lips were locked shut, eyebrows furrowed and jaw tight. He had finished talking, do I even dare speak? The silence that hung over us demanded I did, and so-
"To say I was delusional is a massive understatement. I was in complete denial. The original Levi Squad saw it, the Felix Squad saw it, hell, my own brother saw it, and you both don't even like each other. I felt myself getting more and more attached and kept denying my feelings toward you until that night we went out for my birthday." I let out a small dry laugh. "Even after all the signs, after everyone told me otherwise, I tried convincing myself that you didn't feel the same." It was quiet for another moment, and I didn't know what else to say.
"You remember," He said, voice low, "that time when your brother requested to speak to me in private last week?" Fuck, was that only just last week? I do remember. The two left me alone in the kitchen while they went and spoke about something, and I only assumed it was something to do with military captain business.
"Yes." I reply, tone hushed.
"He wanted to talk to me about you. The conversation was as civil as a conversation can get, he only asked I take good care of you. He just wanted to make sure that you were the one I wanted, that I wasn't going to just drop you and move on when I found someone better. That's the thing, Mon Coeur. It can't get any better than what I have now." I turned to look at him, he only avoided my gaze. His face was flushed pink now, and this time he didn't even try and hide it. His porcelain skin was dusted pink, eyes flitting from one thing in the distance to the next, all in hopes of avoiding my eyes.
"Will you take good care of me?" I ask. The question made him look at me, eye contact holding as his Adam's apple bobbed when he swallowed the ball in his throat.
"Of course I will. But-" His lips quivered a little now, my head tilting a bit in concern. "Tell me. Tell me that if I were to open myself to you, give my heart to you, make myself yours, you won't leave me like everyone else." My expression faltered, twisting into one of sadness. I pressed my lips together, swallowing thickly.
"Levi," his name left my lips softly and it nearly seemed like he flinched in response. "I promise I won't leave you. I could have the world served to me on a silver platter, but nothing in this hell would be enough for me to leave you." And I meant every single word, I couldn't have been more truthful about anything in my life. He took in a deep breath, and I kept the eye contact with him. He straightened up, lips parting before they clamped shut again. It took him a moment before he mustered up the courage to say what he wanted to say.
"Will you let me be yours?" He asked, and for a moment, for one very long moment, the world ceased to exist.
***
🤭
AISHITERU!
jazz<3