❝ ──chapter sixteen,
why can't it be me?. ❞
𝐈𝐆𝐍𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐅𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐒 questions sang yue called jiaxu. "jiaxu gē i have something for you. i'll come to your office" she texted when he didn't asnwered her call, keeping the package in her bag. her friends caught up with her. jiang yang came up next to her. "i apologized" he whispered to her smiling brightly. sang yue raised her brows, not understanding him. "to jiaxu gē" he clarified making sang yue nod. "you told him i don't know right?" she asked again. jiang yang smiled nervously agreeing to her. he whipped out his phone to message jiaxu to tell him to lie. that sang yue doesn't know about his relationship with jiangs yet.
"are you free this weekend? let's decompress" he said closing his phone. "aren't exams around the corner? let's go after the exams!" she smiled. "oh right my jiêjiê's friend opened a bar! let's go there after exams" feng yuxi beamed. "let's discuss it throughly after the exams" wang zheng announced leaning onto his girlfriend. "you guys go. i've got somewhere to be" sang yue announced before departing from the group. "where?" yuxi asked. "just somewhere" the girl replied.
arriving at his office, "jiaxu gē" sang yue beamed, butterflies fluttering in her stomach at the mere sight of the man. "let's go this side" he said grabbing her wrist. when they were on the side of the building he placed his hands around her shoulder while the younger smiled at him nervously. "why didn't you answered your phone?" he asked.
"sorry i kept it on dnd while i was in class. i think i forgot to turn it off" she apologized, taking out her phone from her jeans pocket. "why didn't you told me you here?" he asked again, regaining his breath. "i did told you" confused, sang yue answered. "i sent you a message. didn't you see it?" she asked. "i was busy. sorry i missed it" he answered. "it's okay" she nodded her head, taking the peephole camera out of her bag. "sang yue" he said as the girl hummed. "don't come straight to my office or my place anymore. if you do let me know beforehand okay?"
she hummed in a low voice. sang yue's heart dropped to her stomach at his words. she didn't knew why he didn't wanted to see her anymore when he was the on insisting they should meet up on the new year's day. "have you eaten?" he asked. it further confused sang yue. how could he break her heart and then care for her. it just didn't made sense to her. she wanted to run away from him, yell at him about how mean of guy he is but she simply handed him the parcel.
"a peephole camera. it's because that woman keeps on harassing you. you can connect it to your phone" she said further explaining the features of the camera. "thank you" sang yue heard him say. "go back to you work. i'll go back to campus" she said avoiding his eyes. sang yue turned on her heels and walked away from him. her heart slowly breaking by each step.
𝐒𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐀𝐓 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 a conflicting mind in the campus library. fiddling with the pencil as jiaxu's words ringed in her ears. "can i sit here?" tang jincheng asked, taking a seat anyways. sang yue looked up and scoffed. "you're already sitting here" she said. "so how's computer science treating you? you look rather distracted" jincheng asked. xia was with her boyfriend while the other two were out at a coffee shop. sang yue didn't joined them. she needed a moment alone with her thoughts. "god don't ask" sang yue chuckled.
"what about chemistry?" she asked him back. "it's meh" the two chuckled. a group of sculpture major students walked past them deciding where to hang out next. "i fucking envy them so much" sang yue shook her head. "don't we all" jincheng agreed. sang yue sighed before forming the code. few minutes later she groaned when it didn't gave her the desired output. "you know i am going back to my dorms" she spoked. the guy bid her farewell.
sang yue the dorm room ready to crash on her bed. she didn't expected to see caiyu and tìan jie back. "oh you guys are back" she smiled. "yeah we bought you some food too. it's in the fridge" tìan jie smiled. sang yue immediately discarded her laptop and books as she heated up the food, checking her phone every two minutes. duan jiaxu's words never leaving her mind. "i hate him" she grumbled, face scruned up, ruffling her hairs. "you hate him?" caiyu asked. not knowing what the fuck sang yue was talking about. "no i don't" sang yue pouted.
'is he really not going to apologize or call to explain?' she thought to herself. sang yue closed her eyes for brief moment before taking her food and trying to erase jiaxu's words off of her mind. her exams were near and she couldn't allow distractions! she settled with her food and phone on the tables, making small conversations with tìan jie and bai caiyu.
her phone dinged, it was a message from jiaxu. "when are your exams? have you bought a plane ticket for back home?" he had asked. "i bought a ticket for 19 and my exams end on 18" she texted back. her texts being extremely dry. she read from the notification box, he sent her a okay text which she left on delivered.
sang yue did not checked her phone after that. keeping it slient she finished her meal and went to study. it was around 3 in the morning when she saw another text he sent, asking for a meal after her exams ended. sang yue declined, saying she might not have time and discarding her phone as she went back to studying. "sangsang can you help me with this program" xia asked and sang yue went to help her friend.
𝐀𝐅𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐀 𝐖𝐇𝐎𝐋𝐄 week of mental breakdowns and stress the exams finally ended! so here she was to celebrate it with her friends at a bar. feng yuxi's sister's friend was the owner so they were able to get a table rather quickly. the group laughed and ate the food that was infront of them while enjoying the live music. "how did your exams go?" tang jincheng, who was sitting opposite of sang yue asked. "very well actually" she replied while drinking the alcoholic drink. "when are you going back home?" jiang yang asked.
"are you trying to get rid of me?" sang yue teased while the said boy denied. "tomorrow" sang yue chuckled. "i am free. i can see you off" jiang yang said. "it's fine. i am going with my sister" sang yue smiled. "so sang yue, did you found a boyfriend?" yuxi asked. "nope, 20 and still single" she shook her head. "she's notorious for rejecting people" caiyu joined the conversation. "afterall she isn't the goddess of the university for no reason" jincheng teased. "it's not like that" sang yue blushed, due to being called a goddess. "then why haven't you accepted anyone?" jiang yang asked, tone slightly serious. "no one has perked my interest" she answered while eating french fry. she shared a look of 'don't start right now' with tìan jie and bai caiyu.
"does your drink taste good?" sang yue asked to caiyu. "that has a stronger kick" yang warned as caiyu passed her drink to sang yue. "if i drink that i get drunk quickly" xia said. "you're weak. i am the sang yan's sister" sang yue whispered as she took a sip of caiyu's drink. she did liked it's taste so she ended up ordering one for herself. afterall she is the sang yan's sister. no drink is too strong for her.
stupidity ran in the sang siblings because oh god jiang yang and huang xia were right. the drink made her drunk pretty quickly. she got up and went to slightly quiter side of the bar and called jiaxu. "hello" she said leaning on the wall. "why didn't you replied to my message?" she heard him ask. sang yue kept quite for moment. the alcohol really getting into her system. she wanted to go home, take a long shower and just sleep. "hello?" he asked again. "gēge" sang yue started examining her nails, she had applied cherry red nail colour on her nails after tìan jie insisted everyone get their nails as exams ended.
"gēgē can you pick me up?" she asked. "ofcourse i can princess. where are you?" he asked, purposely letting the nickname to get a reaction out of her. it was see if she was drunk or not and if she was how exactly drunk. sang yue was bit too drunk to even notice it. "i am at the bar with my friends" sang yue muttered. "which bar?" duan jiaxu asked, worring for the girl's saftey. "qinghong something something bar. i don't have my glasses with me" sang yue. "i am just turning on my location" she added. "okay. stay there i'll get you" jiaxu smiled, standing up to collect his things and leave.
sang yue turned on her location and went back to her friends. she leaned her head on caiyu's shoulder. a moment later she announced, "i am going home." "ehy why are you going home so quickly?" xia asked. "my gēgē is coming to pick me up" sang yue replied, standing up. she reassured her friends that she'd be fine, who were reluctant to let ger go since she was drunk. "i will be fine" she reassured them as she left. "i'll go after her and wait till her gēgē comes" caiyu said as she stoof up and followed sang yue. "you're alright?" caiyu asked as she linked her arms with sang yue to keep the latter from stumbling
"i am alright" sang yue leaned onto caiyu. "wait wait my head hurts" sang yue halted making caiyu halt too as she held her head. "let's go in. i'll get you water" caiyu pleaded, not wanting to leave sang yue out alone. "i'll be fine" sang yue reassured again. "wait wait stop moving" sang yue said as crouched down. "these fucking mary janes" she muttered but didn't took them off. caiyu too crouched down with sang yue. "do you feel like throwing up?" she asked as sang yue nodded. "then throw up" caiyu said but sang yue shook her head this time.
"god why did you wore a sleeveless top you must be cold" caiyu gushed taking off her own jacket to give it to sang yue but she refused. "i am not cold" sang yue whined. surely she was wearing a sleeveless brown halter neck top with grey high waisted boot cut but she wasn't cold. she was even wearing the mary janes jiaxu gifted her, which here a bit high making her feet hurt.
jiang yang had came out by now. he was worried as to why the girls were taking so long so he came out to check on them. he too crouched down next to sang yue. "sang yue are you alright?" he asked. "i am really am fine. it's okay stop touching me" she whined standing up taking a step behind from the two. jiang yang was about to take a step towards sang yue when duan jiaxu stopped him. "hey i am here" sang yue sighed upon hearing duan jiaxu's familiar voice. "jiaxu gē" she walked to him and held his arm, leaning slightly onto him.
"uhh gēgē this is sang yue's dorm mate" jiang yang introduced caiyu. and oh boy bai caiyu prided herself over being right almost always but tonight she was ready to eat her words. she remembers telling sang yue that her gēgē, duan jiaxu, would be no match for jiang yang. but oh how wrong she was when she saw how duan jiaxu cared for sang yue and catered her each and every need. "nice to meet you" caiyu beamed. "i am here now. i can take care of her" jiaxu announced. "sure then we'll go inside" caiyu beamed dragging jiang yang with her.
sang yue waved at her two friends who went in. jiaxu sighed as he started walking, he held sang yue's wrist and dragged her with him. sang yue allowed herself to be dragged by him. "where are we going?" the girl asked cheerfully. "who said you could drink?" jiaxu asked. sang yue chuckled. "huh maybe my fucking age?" sang yue said sarcastically. "i am a grown up so why can't i go to the bar?" the girl questioned. "even so, you cannot drink this much" jiaxu ordered. sang yue stopped in her tracks making jiaxu halt too. "what?" he turned to her.
sang yue scoffed, yanking her hand from his grip. "you cannot order me around. what are you my boyfriend?" she asked. "are you angry?" he asked. "you said so. you said when i grow up i can do whatever but now when i've grown up you still forbid me form doing things" she said pouting and walking ahead of him. jiaxu scoffed and followed her. "where are you going?" he asked but received no answer. sang yue stopped in her track again. she crouched down, closing her eyes and clasping a hand over her mouth. "what's wrong?" jiaxu asked but the girl just turned her face away from him. still pouting and giving him silent treatment.
"sang yue are angry with gēgē?" he asked but was ignored again. "sorry you can do whatever you want. gēgē won't forbid you. now talk to me kiddo" jiaxu pleaded, patting her head. sang yue finally looked him, the pout gone, "gēgē i feel sick like throwing up" she muttered. "then throw up. you'll feel good" jiaxu said, worries lacing his tone as he patted her back and head alternatively. "i can't" she whispered. "i just want to stay here for abit" she whispered. "no you'll catch cold" jiaxu said. he took off his own brown leather jacket and placed it over her shoulders so that she won't feel cold. "let's go gēgē will carry you" he smiled but sang yue shook her head. "yueyue let's go" he said holding her hands to help her get up. sang yue got up, while she was stabilizing her blance she threw up on jiaxu's arm. sang yue leaned on the elder guy blissfully unaware of what she had done. duan jiaxu allowed her to hug him as he patted her back.
jiaxu held her bag as he supported her walk. but due to the height difference and the fact sang yue was wearing slightly higher shoes it was getting hard for her to walk. "wait wait" she muttered as she sat on grass in the park. "what's wrong?" he asked. "gēgē i am sorry" she whispered. "it's okay" jiaxu whispered back caressing her hairs. "just don't be mean to be" sang yue muttered. "i won't. when have i ever been mean to you?" jiaxu asked. but instead of receiving a proper answer, sang yue showed him her nails. "isn't it pretty? i got it done today" the girl beamed while staring at her nails. sang yue stared at him before she scoffed. "why are older guys so hard to handle?" she asked
"what are talking about?" jiaxu asked. despite the smile on his face, his stomach churned with jealousy. "let's go home. it's windy if you sit here too long you'll catch a cold. i'll carry you" he whispered, his face dangerously close to hers. sang yue shook her head. "you cannot carry me" she shook her head again. "why? is it because i don't go to gym. you think i can't carry you?" jiaxu smirked. "you had your surgery. the doctor said you cannot do heavy lifting" sang yue whispered, tucking a strand of her hairs behind her ears. "three months have passed" he smiled. "really?" she asked.
duan jiaxu nodded while smiling. she looked like a toddler who just discovered something new. "when?" she asked again with widened eyes. "three months ago" he teased. "ahh three months ago" she nodded making duan jiaxu laugh. sang yue leaned back. jiaxu placed his hand in air, behind her shoulders to prevent her from falling back. "then can you carry me?" she asked throwing her head back. "i can" jiaxu smiled. "get up i'll carry you" jiaxu ordered as he helped sang yue get up. "hold this" he gave her bag to her befor crouching down infront of her so that he can carry her. "hop on" he said.
but sang yue just shook her head. "i must be crazy" she shrieked as she sat on the ground. "why why" jiaxu asked, worried that she'll spew something crazy. "i cannot let you carry me" she whispered as tears formed in her eyes. "gēgē i weigh over 40 kg" she whispered. "and he still don't like me" she cried throwing her body back. "sang yue get up" jiaxu pursed his lips to stop himself from laughing. sang yue's eyes fell on him. "you're laughing" she cried. jiaxu's smile immediately fell off of his face. "see i am not laughing nor am i crying so you shouldn't cry to" he said.
sang yue pouted but she stopped crying. she looked at him, carefully examining his face. taking in his pretty eyes, perfect brows, soft skin and his plump pink lips. sang yue looked at his lips before she placed her hands on his cheeks and bringing jiaxu's face close to hers. "what─" his sentence was cut off when she stopped abruptly. "you're not him" sang yue whispered before letting go of him. the drunk sang yue thought that the person infront of her was not jiaxu but some other guy. jiaxu gulped. the girl he liked almost kissed him. as much he wanted to hold her face and kiss her he couldn't. not when she was this drunk and in no postion to consent him for a kiss. no only that she whispered something along the lines of you're not him. he assumed she liked someone else.
and ofcourse he couldn't do something about it. he allowed his heart to bleed while he heard her ask. "i wanna go home." ofcourse he was nothing but her brother's bestfriend. she liked someone else. someone that wasn't him. he had to see her smile at some other guy be comfortable with some other guy. most of all she'll allow that some other guy to call her his, she'll allow him to proudly announce her as his girlfriend. some other guy will have thr privilege to do that. somone not him, he's just her gēgē.
"can i carry you home" he whispered, in a slightly dejected voice. "but my feet hurts so bad" sang yue whined. jiaxu looked at her and sighed. he adjusted his jacket around her shoulders better and took off her shoes. "thank you!" the younger beamed as she hoped onto his back. jiaxu held her thighs that were wrapped around his torso, firmly. his one hands holding her shoes simultaneously. "stop crying" he whispered. sang yue nuzzled her head in his hair. "what if i want to throw up again?" she asked. "just thow up on gēgē's head" he answered. sang yue adjusted her arms around jiaxu's shoulder.
"can i tell you secret?" sang yue asked after a beat of silence. "you can" jiaxu said walking towards the car. "it's a secret. a secret, i've been hiding in my heart so long" she whispered. "do you want to tell me?" he asked but she still rambled about her secret. "i rejected alots of guys on campus. a lot of people said i am like a goddess, too strict with guys because i keep on rejecting them. but the thing is, i like someone. i like this guy but he doesn't like me. he's bit older than me which is why he sees me as his mèimei. he's a bit of flirty jerk but then he's so handsome and probably very popular. how can he not enjoy the attention with without flirting not everyone can be as nice as me." she rambled.
"i know he cannot possibly like me so i hope all the bad things stay away from him and he finds someone who's better than me because at the end he deserves happiness. even i selfishly hope that someone is me i think i will be alright if he ends up finding a girl that's not me" she added. duan jiaxu listened to each and every word. her words declaring her love to some other guy. he realized she was so inlove with this guy, some other fellow who is not him and it broke his heart. her each and every word pierced his heart. "yùtù is sad" she sniffled, holding tightly onto him. "is it because of the person you like?" jiaxu whispered as she nodded. "are you sure you cannot tell me who he is or kind of person he is?" he asked again but she shook her head again.
"does he treat you well?" jiaxu asked in a whisper tone. "he. . . he is nice and treat me well but he is nice to everyone. kind to everyone" she cried. "he's nice to everyone. he's a ladies man" she cried even more. jiaxu would've assumed it was him but she clearly told him it wasn't him when almost kissed him. "if he's like that and made you so heartbroken then stop liking him. can you do that" jiaxu whispered, stomach churning again with jealousy and heartbreak. sang yue shook her head. "i've tried to. i tried so many times but everytime i think i made progress he stands infront of me with his pretty face and stupid smile and suddenly it all disappears and i fall in love even more. even if he says nothing i am so weak, so weak for him, infront of him" sang yue sniffled as jiaxu started walking. upon arriving at the car, jiaxu buckled her up and drove off the campus.
he couldn't help but wonder why was life so cruel to him. it snatched his parents, sent jiang ying in his life, made him work barbaricaly to pay off the debts which weren't his to begain with. and when he finally paid off all his debts and fell in love with a girl she too ended up liking someone else. the only that kept duan jiaxu from breaking down was sang yue's sleeping figure next to him. he didn't wanted to wake her up by crying.
𝐀𝐑𝐑𝐈𝐕𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐀𝐓 𝐓𝐇𝐄 campus jiaxu adjusted his jacket around sang yue. he stared at her. "sang yue" he said staring at her sleeping figure. "the guy you like. why can't i become like him? i will be nice to you alone. that way our sang yue probably won't be so sad anymore" jiaxu stared at her, knowing she wasn't listening, it allowed him to pour his heart out her. "seeing someone else take care of you don't put me to ease at all. if you don't say anything i'll take that as a yes."
jiaxu turned his head, now staring at the campus of yihe university infront of him. he gripped the staring wheel. "gēgē's condition has improved. i paid off all my debts. i have a great personality. it's just that i am bit older than you but you fell in love with a older guy" jiaxu said. he turned to her. jiaxu bought up a hand to caress her cheek. "why couldn't the 'bit older guy' be me?" he asked blinking away the tears. his hand fell as he looked ahead. "what am i doing?" he asked himself. duan jiaxu sat there with sang yue for a few moments before he got out of the her. her shoes in his hand he carried her to her dorms building. jiaxu met her dormmate he was introduced to earlier this evening and sang zhi. "oh jiaxu gē" sang zhi started.
sang yue stirred awake from the nosise of the conversations. "sang yue can you stand up?" he asked but was met with gibberish. "we can carry her up" caiyu chimed in. jiaxu carefully kept down sang yue who was supported by her sister and tìan jie. "wait" jiaxu announced. he crouched down and held her calves. slipping her feets into her heels making the younger girls gush internally. "take care kiddo" he whispered to the girl who barely nodded and leaned onto her friends. "sang zhi you too should take care" he said as he watched the girls bid him a farewell and drag sang yue to the dorms.
sang yue immediately crahsed onto the bed, blissfully unaware of what her friends were planning with her traitorous younger sister.
•˚. *࿐ 𝑲𝑶𝑲𝑶𝑺𝑩𝑳𝑨𝑺𝑯𝑴𝑬𝒀'𝑺 𝑵𝑶𝑻𝑬 ▬▬▬ istg this gifs are such problems. they stop working and i have upload like 2 or thrice and it take sm to even upload 😭 also trying to avoid my demon spoilers is sp impossible. i am waiting for the drama to end so i can binge watch it and def write smth about it