Jungwon's attention was on the TV. Before leaving, Jay had played the first episode of the show he was watching, Hell's Kitchen. It was a cooking competition with Gordon Ramsay, and it wasn't hard to be amused by it, so Jungwon finds himself softly chuckling here and there, a blanket wrapped over him after Jay had placed it around him to "get warm" while he's out to buy things.
Amidst the episode playing, Jungwon finds himself looking around Jay's dorm. He's been here a couple of times since they've agreed to fake date, and yet, he didn't really take a good look at it. Oftentimes, they'd be in Sunoo and Jungwon's dorm instead, so now Jungwon's huddled up on the couch with a blanket draped over him and his eyes wandering around the room.
Pausing the show, Jungwon stands up and walks around, the blanket still over him.
Some pictures adorned the walls. One of which is taken with Jay and Sunghoon smiling widely at the camera, wearing their graduation togas and proudly showing their highschool diplomas.
Jungwon finds himself softly chuckling, a hand unknowingly reaching out as his fingers gently graze on Jay's face, his fingertips caressing the cool thin glass of the frame. Jay looked younger there, having full bangs that slightly went sideways under his graduation cap, skin more tanned than he is now with his eyes scintillating. Must've been the camera's flash.
The other pictures were some that didn't seem so long ago, random framed polaroids of their friends. Some of the pictures were from their highschool days, wearing the same uniforms. There was one picture in particular that was taken at an angle right near the stage. Jay was on it, playing a guitar, singing in front of a microphone.
A knock was on the door and Jungwon's head turned to face it. It opens and in comes Jay, holding a bunch of bags as he says, "I'm back."
"Hey," Jungwon lifts a hand and then looks back at the pictures. He hears Jay chuckle and close the door, removing his shoes.
"So, made yourself busy, huh?" Jay murmurs.
"Yeah. Looking at all these, you were a fetus," Jungwon snorts, hearing Jay softly laugh. He looks behind and sees that Jay has walked over to the kitchen counter, placing his newly bought items in there. Looking back at the wall, Jungwon points at the picture of him on stage. "Seems like you were quite popular. You probably had plenty of admirers."
Jay shrugs his shoulders. "Eh," he rummages through the paper bags, "come here, I got you some ice pops to relieve the pain. Plus I'll cook dinner, something soft and not painful to eat."
Jungwon doesn't reply immediately. "Thanks..." He murmurs, and he fiddles with the ends of the blanket and stares at Jay. Jay who was reorganizing the cans of food in the kitchen. Jay who's eyebrows slightly furrowed and lips unconsciously pouted when he's focused. Jay who had gone out of his way and changed his plans of alone time just to help Jungwon out. Jay who... Jungwon frowns when his gaze locks on his hands.
"Hey, what happened to your knuckles?" He says, walking over to Jay. Jay glances at him and his eyes dart to his own hands.
"Oh," Jay sighs, "do you want the honest answer or do you want me to say 'nothing'?"
Jungwon facepalms. "The truth!"
"Fine!" Jay sighs once again. He pulls out an ice pop and hands it over to Jungwon. "I... Well..." He takes a deep breath and says the next words in one go. "I saw your stupid ex. I had zero thought process and just went over to them. I punched him and then suddenly he was on the ground and I beat his face up and threatened that if he ever comes near you I'll kill him."
"Oh my god!" Jungwon's eyes were wide.
"I know! I know violence isn't always the answer!" Jay raises his arms in defense. His voice turns more quiet. "But... you should've seen the look on his face. It's like he sharted his pants."
Jungwon bursts out laughing, and then Jay's laughing too. The two just laughed hard, basically guffawing. Eventually, Jungwon holds Jay's bicep. "Thank you," he smiles, a genuine one. "It sounds bad but... I think Jaeyun totally deserved it."
Jay smiles a bit. "Yeah. I just- when I saw him, I knew I couldn't let him get away with it. With what he did to you," he says, voice growing softer. "You don't deserve that, you know?"
"Yeah," Jungwon nods a bit. "I know," he whispers, and Jay pats his head comfortingly.
✘
Jungwon spent dinner at Jay's place, the two of them on the couch together watching Hell's Kitchen. It was undeniably a good time, with Jay treating Jungwon with extra care, especially knowing that Jungwon was wounded both physically and mentally because of Jaeyun's little outburst earlier during the day.
Soon enough, Jungwon sighs as he looks at the time. 9PM. Only the TV lit up the living room space, the two still seated on the couch. "I should go," Jungwon says.
"Oh," Jay pauses the show, glancing at his watch. "Really? If you want, you can totally stay here for the night. I mean, Sunghoon went to his home for the weekends with Sunoo. You can take his bed, if that's what you want. Or anywhere, really," he clears his throat, "I mean, I really don't mind your company. But you don't have to stay if you don't want to."
"Okay," Jungwon softly chuckles. "But would you give me pajamas?"
"Yeah," Jay stands up almost immediately.
✘
They're lying on Jay's bed, the lights already turned off. Earlier, Jungwon turned on the lights to Sunghoon's room but then bolted out of there quickly, going to Jay's room where Jay was already preparing for bed.
"I can't sleep there. Aside from the fact that there's no nightlight, I realized that that's literally Sunghoon's bed and who knows what the hell happened between those four walls... with my best friend."
"Oh, gross!" Jay scrunches his nose. "I never thought of it that way! Ugh, now I can't unsee."
"Too bad sweetheart. Scoot, I'm gonna sleep here."
"Okay, your majesty," Jay teasingly mocks a bow.
Now, they're here, lying together and facing the ceiling. Jay was freshly showered when he walked in earlier. Their pajamas were the same type since Jungwon's basically wearing Jay's clothes, just in a different color. Jungwon's pajamas were grey while Jay's was black. Jungwon slightly turns his head to glance at Jay. Jay glances back.
He smells really good. The subtle scent of his lotion lingers on his moisturized honey skin. Face bare and glowing with his skincare. It's not hard to get addicted to Jay.
"Take a picture," Jay teases, briefly pinching Jungwon's nose. "It'll last longer," he snorts at his own comment.
"Oh my god," Jungwon groans. "You're so Disney cringe."
Jay laughs. "Just saw a lot of movies growing up, that's all."
"Corny ass," Jungwon chuckles.
"I love corn," Jay randomly says.
"And a-?"
"Shut it."
The two of them giggle. It's silent for a while until Jungwon begins to talk again, this time, voice more quiet.
"Is it true that you never dated anyone before?" Jungwon asks, looking at him. Albeit it was dark, it wasn't hard to see Jay's features. There was also light seeping through the curtains.
"Sunghoon told you?" Jay murmurs. He shuffles to turn his body to face Jungwon and Jungwon does the same.
"I'm pretty sure you mentioned it one time," Jungwon says.
"Oh," Jay smiles a bit, that one lazy smile it almost looks like a smirk. "Yeah. Is it bad I never had a boyfriend, or girlfriend?"
"No, not really," Jungwon whispers. "But, why though? Knowing you, you'd have people wrapped around your finger."
"Well, I tried. I really did. People would hit on me. Some of my friends would introduce me to their other friends sometimes. But no matter how hard I try, I just couldn't bring myself to get interested in them," Jay admits. "And if I get together with them, it's like I'm just forcing myself. And that would really hurt, you know, for them, and for me."
Brief silence engulfs them, but it was not in any way awkward. It was tranquil. Jungwon stares at Jay and Jay continues.
"Honestly, for the longest time, I thought I was just not the one for love."
"So what changed it?" Jungwon murmurs.
Jay doesn't say a thing. He just smiles and then his finger boops Jungwon's nose. "Go to sleep," he whispers, and Jungwon sighs.
"But I wanna talk..."
"Okay, talk we'll do. What do you wanna talk about?"
"Hmm... I'm curious. If you never had an ex, does that mean you haven't gotten your first kiss?"
Jay blinks. "Actually, I have been kissed before. A few years back. My friend I knew in highschool was into me and it was during a graduation party and she just went in when we were alone outside the house."
"Oh," Jungwon hums. "So she was the one who made you realize that you are actually capable of falling in love?"
"I wasn't in love with her," Jay murmurs, staring at Jungwon. "She was leaving, actually. To another country. If I liked her, I would have been heartbroken. But I wasn't. If anything, I was relieved. Because I kissed her a second time and I didn't want to see her again after that, because I just wanted to know what it felt like when my friends kiss their girlfriends or their boyfriends. I didn't want to miss out. It was an asshole move, I felt like a shitty person, but she knew that kiss didn't mean anything at all."
Jungwon nods slowly.
Jay mutters, "it was terrible. I mean, I feel like I did a good job with it and she knew what she was doing but for me, it was terrible. I didn't feel anything. My heart wasn't racing, I didn't feel electrified. It was like, trying out candy and getting disappointed because it tastes bland," he sighs, "it was not romantic at all. Plus, she was a friend. And she liked me. But she wasn't in love with me. There's a difference. The second time was because I wanted to know if it would work again, if the fireworks inside me would finally ignite. It never did. We never spoke again after that. Even she knew that it was a one-time thing."
Jungwon nods his head. "Do you think you'd still experience that feeling you were longing?"
Jay stares at him.
"Yeah. Yeah, I do," he whispers. "I won't be alone, you know. For the rest of my life."
"I never knew you were such a romantic," Jungwon murmurs.
"I don't think there's anything romantic about kissing someone back just to finally feel what it's like," Jay sighs.
Jungwon shakes his head at this. "When you kissed her, you expected the emotion that comes with it. Love," he says. "But it didn't come, that's why it disappointed you."
A short silence. Jay nods. "Mmm. Well, that's the story of my first kiss," he chuckles. "It never happened again after that."
"At least you tried. If you didn't tell me this, I would have thought you just spent your whole life kept to yourself."
Jay scoffs. "I sure did keep to myself."
"Well honey! If you wanna kiss someone so bad~" Jungwon begins to tease him, a grin spreading on his face, "you can kiss me, just ignore the wound in my mouth and the various risks of infection you may get from it!" He puckers his lips and jokingly leans in.
Jay groans, pushing Jungwon's forehead away with two of his fingers, "no!" The two of them laugh softly as Jungwon hugs a pillow, smiling at Jay.
"Goodnight," he says.
"Goodnight," Jay pats his head, and then the two of them turn away, facing opposite directions.
It doesn't stop them from getting tangled up and cuddling in their sleep when the sun rose, though.
✘
heeseung-hyung
baby its mw
1:00AM
heeseung-hyung
jungwon i fucked yp
heeseung-hyung
i miss you ao bad
heeseung-hyung
im sorry i kissed you i shoyldmt hage fucking donebthat
heeseung-hyung
i jusr cant velieve youre over me
heeseung-hyung
SHIT jungwon i'm so sorry, it was jaeyun
heeseung-hyung
i'm so sorry, he won't do this shit again, i promise
heeseung-hyung
seriously, i apologize for everything :((
a/n ::
i didn't proofread again, SOOO SORRY ONCE AGAIN for possible errors
i genuinely feel bad for heeseung bc having a roommate/bff as insufferable as jaeyun would be so draining 😭