Song - The Power of Goodbye - Madonna
Each step takes us closer to shore. I want to dig my heels into the ground. To stop time. There isn't anything I can do. It's coming no matter what.
Cooper is keeping us at the back of the group, but we're still surrounded by everyone. To make the unbearable pain worse, several of them, most notably, Big Jones, keep looking back at me. I can see the pity in their eyes with each glance.
My throat aches, the clump of trapped emotions is burning a hole in my chest.
By midday, I almost can't take it anymore. When we stop and most of the crew scatters to catch rabbits or find firewood, I have to get away. I can't hold back my tears for one second. They stream down my face before I can pick a direction to go.
Sitting in the tall grass, I cover my face with my hands and silently weep. There will never be a good time to do this, so it might as well be now.
We're a few hours from the coast. He will be ripped away to load supplies onto the ship, then he'll be gone.
"Lass," Big Jones' normally booming voice is soft as he approaches me slowly.
Forcing myself to look up, his expression crushes me. He looks so unlike himself. Usually big and burly, he looks sad.
"I don't want to get punched again," he says, looking over his shoulder. "But this is for the best. The seas are a dangerous place. I know Silver would have my head for this, but a few of us contributed a few coins to help you get started here." He hands me a small purse.
"What?" I sob loudly. I can't believe they would do this for me. The small purse feels like it has quite a bit more than a 'few' coins inside. "T-Thank you," I lung up from the ground, wrapping my arms around his large body.
He pats my shoulder awkwardly, "I need to go collect more wood." When I drop my arms, he smiles down at me, "I should go before Silver sees me here and tries to kill me."
Wiping my eyes on my shirtsleeve, I see Cooper in the distance, walking toward me. Even from here, I can see that he's angry.
"Do you know how to clean a rabbit?" He holds two out in his hand.
"Yes."
"Here," he throws them beside me, along with his dagger. "I'm going to start a fire."
His quiet rage is radiating from his skin. Using his knee, he snaps branches into smaller pieces and throws them into a pile. Every movement is jerky and full of anger. His chest is heaving, and beads of sweat roll down his back. He's boiling.
Several of the men return with rabbits and small pheasants. As we work to clean them, Mick starts to sing. At first, his voice is low, a soft sound that barely makes it above the wind. By the end of the first song, he's singing loudly, with several of us joining in to sing along.
Cooper doesn't join in.
He angrily cuts into the rabbits, ripping and tearing. Without looking at me, he gets up and drops the meat onto the stones he placed in the fire.
As I quietly sing, I watch him. His jaw is so tense that it looks like he's going to crack his teeth. I want to pull him away. To spend a minute holding him in my arms before he's ripped away from me. Since they got the bone this morning, he's been so distant from me.
I keep staring, hoping that he will look at me. That his eyes will meet mine and we will be able to share something, the connection that felt so right at first glance.
But he doesn't.
He brings me some meat, but my stomach is so twisted into knots that I can hardly eat.
We're wasting our time. The few minutes we have left are floating away on the wind as he continues to stare at the ground.
"Let's move," the captain rallies everyone as soon as the food is gone. It's clear he doesn't want to waste any time.
Drawing in a shaky breath, I dust off my pants and force my feet to move.
Coopers walks solemnly beside me. I don't look at him, but I know he's there. His pinky occasionally grazes mine, but otherwise, we're separate.
When the ocean stretches out before us, still far off in the distance but visible on the horizon, I feel my knees start to wobble with each step.
How am I going to say goodbye?
The turquoise water may as well be raw sewage. Each step is like walking toward certain death.
Ahead of us, the captain is already barking orders, telling each crew member their order.
"Silver, beans and bread. Get as much as you can and get back. We won't have a cook anymore, so no need to waste time or money. Potter is getting as many ship biscuits as he can get his hands on." He turns and walks away as if he didn't just stomp on my chest with his easy declaration.
We won't have a cook anymore.
Cooper's neck cracks, and a deep rumbling growl sounds in his chest before he grabs me. Holding my body tightly, I feel his chest shake as he presses me into it so hard I can't take a full breath.
"Cooper," I run my finger through his hair but he shakes his head, stopping me.
"Just give me a second." His voice is so rough and angry that I snap my mouth closed. He leans in and presses his nose to my neck, inhaling several long, deep breaths. Every muscle in his body shakes, and he stops walking. "I need to bite you." I feel his teeth scrape against my skin. "Fuck!" He yells and drops me quickly, turning away from me.
I don't know what he means. He wants to bite me?
"Cooper?" I run after him. "Bite me if you want to." The words spill out of my mouth before I can stop them. Somewhere in my mind, the thought of him biting into my neck doesn't sound altogether unpleasant.
"Don't say that!" He shouts before he storms away from me. He says something to Big Jones and runs up ahead of the group.
"Stay here with me, Lassie." His heavy hand comes down on my shoulder as I watch Cooper fade into the distance.
"Where is he going?" That wasn't our goodbye, was it?
"He doesn't want to hurt you. His beast is different." He tries to explain, but I can barely hear him over the pounding in my heart.
He has to come back. I need to hug him and kiss him again. I want to hold him, even for a moment longer, before he sails into the horizon and disappears.
My eyes are fixed ahead, searching for him as we make it back to the quiet road leading toward the docks. We're almost there.
Where is he?
Standing on the beach, I wait by the row boats. I don't have anything else to do. I don't have a job because I'm not part of the crew.
As everyone starts to return with their small barrels and crates, I'm so overcome by nerves that I have to sit on the sand before my legs give out.
"Take care of yourself," Mick nods quietly as he walks past me into the water.
Everyone echoes his sentiments as they load their supplies into the boats. An overwhelming feeling of loss sinks into my chest. I've fed these men and washed their clothes for weeks. I feel a sense of care for each of them. We started out rocky, but as the days passed, each of them, Captain Cormac aside, has come around.
An angry shout in the distance has me frantically searching the beach. Cooper and the captain are walking angrily toward me.
"Let's go! We're rowing back, right fucking now!" He yells, making eye contact with me. I shrink back. I don't know what I've done to anger him, but he looks ready to hit me. He waves his fist in the air and growls as he passes me, but says nothing. "Now, Silver!"
Jumping to my feet, I run into his arms.
"Don't trust anyone, Niamh. Do you hear me? Don't trust them! Keep your head down, work, and stay in the shadows." His hands grip my face tightly, holding my head up, forcing me to look into his eyes.
I nod, my eyes filling with tears.
"No, I need to hear it. Say it out loud."
"I won't trust anyone."
"Take this," he pushes a coin purse into my hand. "There is enough for eight nights at the inn. It's all I have."
"I can't take-"
"It's yours." He insists.
Tears blur my vision, but I blink them away, I want to see him clearly, and remember every detail of his face.
"I'll come back for you. Will you wait for me?" The sudden softness of his voice makes my heart shatter.
"I'll wait." My mouth moves, but my voice doesn't come out.
He presses a painfully rough kiss to my lips. All of his anger and frustration flow into my mouth, I can taste them. The kiss is painful. Our longing and desperation are suffocating. Clinging to his arms, I know my nails are pressing into his skin, but I can't stop. He's slipping through my fingers. I have to hold him tighter, to keep him here in my arms for the longest possible time.
"Good luck," I try to smile, but my chin wobbles and tears spill down my cheeks.
"Come on, boy," Captain Cormac calls.
Cooper's grip tightens, holding me painfully, but I don't want him to let me go.
Setting me down on my feet, he walks toward the boats waiting to take him away from me. Sinking back down into the sand, I watch helplessly as he goes.
They push the boats out and jump in, rowing out of the surf and into the open ocean. I can't leave. A piece of me wants to run. But I don't. I have to watch him leave. I'll stay here until he's out of sight. I'll probably continue to sit here long after.
They shrink in the distance, but my eyes are glued to him.
When he suddenly stands, I jump to my feet as well. Running toward the small waves, I can't stop the scream that pulls from my chest as he dives into the water.
Running along the beach I search for him. It takes several agonizing minutes before I spot him, swimming back toward the shore.
The boat is rowing behind him, coming after him.
When he stands and begins to run through the knee-deep water, I run out to meet him. We collide and fall backward, the water engulfing us completely.
His mouth attacks mine. "I can't leave you here. I can't do it." He's frantic, kissing me as if he hasn't seen me in years. "If you don't go, I won't go." He speaks between kisses all over my face.
"Silver!" Captain Cormac's voice booms over the waves.
"Leave me," he shouts back. "You either bring her, or you leave me!"
After a slew of angry curses and obscene, rage-filled gestures, he finally sits in the boat, holding his head in his hands. "Fine, bring the girl. But she works like the rest of us!" Fury shakes his voice.
The crew begins to clap and cheer, only stopping when the captain turns his angry eyes toward them.
"Get in, I'll get your bag," he stands me up on my feet and runs the distance up to where I abandoned it on the sand.
"Welcome back!" Potter smiles and holds his hand out to help me into the boat.
"Happy to be here."
Mark of the Damned is COMPLETE on my Patreon plus unlock access to over 30 of my steamy adult romance books, bonus content and more!
Visit patreon.com/MyrandaRae