❃𝙺𝚒𝚊𝚛𝚊❃
I don't peek into my past all that often. It seems pointless half the time, to be honest. Also, sometimes those memories hurt.
But hey. I've already met one guy from my past, what's another one? The last one turned out to be pretty great, this one can't possibly turn out that bad. Worst case scenario, we realize we're not for each other anymore and go our different ways. Again. It wouldn't be that terrible of an outcome. Either way, I will have my closure that I've secretly been aching for.
I try to hang onto that ideology on the way to the café he told me to meet him at. And I mull it over while we make a pit stop at Noah's. He's already standing outside, waiting right there on the sidewalk for us to drive up to him. I catch his growing smile as I pull up right beside him on the curb.
He smiles at me through the passenger window before he moves over to the backseat to open the door. "Dad!" Cameron shouts, ecstatic as he unbuckles himself and lifts his arms up.
"Nut!" Noah mocks, just like he always does. He reaches in to scoop Cameron up in his arms—something Cameron already expects. They're both going to be in for a rude awakening when he gets a little too old for that. "Hey, Kiara." He ducks down some to greet me properly too.
I smile. "Hi."
Noah reaches further in with Cameron supported against his own body and arm to grab Cameron's backpack. "Okay, do we have everything?" He hums, still ducking to see me.
I roll down the passenger window to make it easier. He tosses the back door shut and moves over to duck to look into the window. He leans down to let Cameron down onto the ground which Cameron seems a little annoyed by. "He's got his tablet in there." I warn with a nod towards the backpack Noah absently slings over his shoulder.
Noah nods. "An hour after dinner—nothing more." He agrees, having already been told about screen time.
"If you insist on being the fun dad, no more than thirty extra minutes."
He laughs at that. Probably because he knows I know he'd have let Cameron have a few extra minutes if Cameron begged and pleaded for it. "Understood." He acknowledges with slight seriousness hidden under his playful tone. He knows I mean it.
I smile. "Thank you." I hum. He gives a thumbs up before he leans down to pick Cameron back up. "Bye, Cam. I love you, and I'll see you tomorrow morning, okay?"
"Bye." He simply waves at me, already excited to spend his first night at his dad's house. He got to go to his first sleepover to his friend's place, but for some reason we haven't done Noah's.
"Cameron," Noah whispers as he nudges him a little.
Cameron suddenly grins really widely. So widely, that it's not totally sincere. I watch him with a small, dry smile. "I love you, Mommy!" He shouts too loudly, totally unafraid to yell about how much he loves his mommy in public. I seem to have more shame than he does.
Noah grins proudly at him though, so I start wondering if that's where he gets it from. The overwhelming theatrics. He was practically born with it, and Noah makes those same faces sometimes. He grasps at his heart and shouts as loud as he can just for a little bit of a laugh. They both like it, making people smile.
I shake my head at him. "Goodbye, boys." I wave as I begin lifting my foot off the brake. They both wave back at me until I look away and towards the road while I pull off the curb.
__________
The little bell above the door almost makes me jump. My nerves skyrocket as I slowly scan the room, and I take a deep breath to try to calm them. It doesn't help that I find Wyatt immediately—almost effortlessly. He sits quietly in a small booth in the corner.
I was worried about showing up before him. I forgot he's always right on time, punctual as ever.
He doesn't seem bothered by the hum of conversations around him, busy watching the entrance for me. And once my eyes meet him, recognition washes over his face. It only takes him half a second which shouldn't be surprising to me, but it kind of is. It's been a while since we've seen each other, and I know I've changed a little.
I hesitate for an extra moment before I take another deep breath and step further inside, making my way too him without ever breaking eye contact. He's quick to straighten up then blinks and climbs out of the booth when he seems to remind himself to greet me. A faint smile starts playing at his lips while he watches me, and I realize the years are melting away like that. In this moment I'm reminded of the shared history that's laid dormant between us—just waiting to be picked back up again.
"Kiara," His gentle voice greets me, resonating with familiarity. "Right on time, as always." He adds, teasing me subtly.
I laugh at that. "Hi," I whisper as I step closer. His arms are already opening, and I can't help but walk into them. I shut my eyes the moment my temple meets his shoulder, allowing myself to melt in the familiar scent and warmth.
We stand here for a little longer than we need to. Ultimately, we both pull away reluctantly only to stare for a few more seconds before he clears his throat abruptly. "S-Should we sit?" He stammers. He's always been the worst at breaking the awkward silences.
I smile fondly. "Yeah," I'm already turning away to slide into one side of the booth. He quickly moves over to the other side. We go quiet again, but only for a moment before I take pity on him. He's the one who broke the silence first, it's my turn now. "How was the drive?" I ask curiously.
"Uh—Good. Yeah." He smiles a little and nods. "I was, um...mostly just excited to see you." He sheepishly admits with a gentle shrug.
My smile turns sheepish too, and I have to suppress my schoolgirl giggle that'll end in a snort embarrassingly. "I've been excited to see you too." I manage to return with only a hint of flattery in my voice. "It's been a long time." I add with a slow nod.
He inhales deeply as he nods back at me. "Yeah..." He slowly confirms. "Yeah, it has." He mumbles. "Cameron's almost eight now, isn't he?"
"Yeah." I laugh to myself.
He laughs too. "I can only imagine how much he's grown." He shakes his head softly as he looks down at the table. "How much has changed." He adds on a mumble.
"A lot." I acknowledge. "Um...His dad is actually...you know. Around."
His brows raise at that and his eyes fly back to mine. He stares for a moment. "Really." I can't tell if it's a question or not.
"Yeah." I quietly confirm. "Actually, he's, um...with him right now." I chuckle as I point my thumb over my shoulder.
"Wow," He acknowledges as he leans back in his seat. "I thought...I mean—Not to be mean, but I thought you moved away from him because he was...you know. An ass."
I laugh at the way he chooses to word that. I never said Noah was an ass. "No, he was never an ass." I wave him off. "He wasn't ready for a kid, is all. But, you know, he's sober now. More mature. He's really making an effort for Cameron now that he knows, and so far things have been pretty smooth."
"Hm." Wyatt slowly acknowledges. He takes a moment to process that. His expressions have always betrayed the way he really feels, and I smile to myself when I see him visibly try to come to his own conclusion. He doesn't seem to know what to think.
"He's really good to Cameron." I softly assure. Wyatt offers a little smile at that. "But anyway...what about you? What's new?"
Wyatt clears his throat with a short cough. "Uh," He acknowledges my question to buy himself some time to come up with an answer. "Well...I told you my, um, grandpa passed about a month ago." He mumbles his reminder. I feel the corners of my lips tip downwards at the reminder. It's why he was able to drive down here now. His grandma passed nearly a year ago too.
"Yeah, I know." I whisper. "I'm so sorry, Wyatt. I know how much they both meant to you." I shake my head and reach over the table to touch his hand.
He flips his palm to the ceiling to catch my hand. I smile a little at his gentle and timid touch. "Thank you." He nods. "I've been trying to figure some things out, and..." He trials off slowly. A smile starts to grow on his face as he stares down at our connected hands and he chuckles to himself like he's been defeated. His eyes drift back to mine. "And I realized how much I missed you guys." He finally finishes.
My next breath gets caught in my throat. I try to swallow the cough that forms as a result. "You did?" My voice is hardly audible.
"I did." He confirms, mirroring my quiet voice. "How we ended off...I mean, it was an impossible situation. I can't say I regret leaving for them, but I do regret the time we missed together. I regret the fact that we ended things in the first place, honestly. I'm sorry for the way things ended up, Kiara."
I feel my heart sink a little at his apology. I'd like to be able to nod along and return the apology, but the more I think about it, I can't. Had we stayed together, I don't think I'd be where I am now. New York and in need of a new friend. It was because I needed to come back here with just me and Cameron and needed a friend, I found a wonderful lady to be friends with and I found the best person I could bring into my son's life. His dad.
Cameron is so very clearly happy to have Noah around. I don't think it's just because he has a dad in his life, but also because he and Noah just click so well and so easily. He still has trouble processing some things, and for that me and Noah are looking into someone for him to talk to about it, but he's so much happier this way. It's the best thing that could've happened for us.
I shift awkwardly in my seat when I realize I've gone quiet for too many seconds. Wyatt still watches me for a response, so I smile a little too wide. "Yeah, me too." I loosely return. It's not as heartfelt as his speech, and that becomes glaringly obvious, but it's all I offer before I hurriedly move along. "It is really nice to see you again though, Wyatt."
He smiles. "Yeah, it is." He confirms, eyes filled with such emotion and history darting quickly between mine. "So...you and...Sorry—What's his name?"
I laugh. "Noah." I answer. "His name is Noah."
"Right," Wyatt nods as he glances off to the side. "So, are you and Noah...I mean."
I watch him silently until I realize that's all he's going to say. I laugh when I also come to the conclusion that he's asking if me and Noah are...Me and Noah. "Oh—Yeah." I shake my head. Then blink when he cocks his head back. "Yeah no, I mean." I quickly correct myself. "We're not—I mean, Noah's single and so am I, but we're not...He's just Cam's dad. My friend too. I mean, we're friends."
Oh, God. I'm ranting.
Wyatt watches me silently for a good long moment. Everything about his expression betrays his thought process. He still doesn't seem to know what to think, but he smiles a little. He decides to trust my last claim. We're friends. "Good, that's good. For Cam, right?" He nods.
I hesitate again. "For Cam." I confirm with a smile. Maybe a little for me. He's a great dad, but he's also a good adult friend too.
Wyatt seems to shake it off, probably not that interested in whatever Noah's doing. If I know him, he probably doesn't catch onto how present Noah is now. I haven't given enough details for that. "So, um...Guess I should tell you what I'm doing here then, huh?" He smiles.
"It'd be nice." I teasingly answer. He smiles wider at that.
"Okay," He accepts. "Uh...Honestly, there's not a great way to say it, so I'll just say it." He laughs to himself and shrugs, surprisingly straight forward.
He used to be so nervous with serious conversations, it'd take him ages to get to the point. It would annoy me to no end, but I'd always find myself smiling while he stuttered along. His sentences never made sense for a while, and deep down I thought it was cute. I'd always finally take pity and giggle as I reminded him to get to the damn point.
He sucks in a sharp and deep breath before he finally gets to it without me having to prompt him to. "I miss you." He admits again. "Both of you." He adds quietly. "And...I want us to try again."
I think I knew what he was going to say before I even got here, but it still takes me a moment to process his words. He wants to try us again. He misses me, and he misses my son. And he wants to try again.
I almost don't know what to say, but I know I need to say something. My answer stays stuck in my throat for a moment too long, but I ultimately am able to force it out. "You do?" It ends up as a dumb question rather than an answer like it's supposed to be.
He smiles. "Yeah. I do, Kiara." He confirms, voice gentle and sweet. "We both know just because we broke up doesn't mean we fell out of love with each other." He reminds with a small shake of his head. "And I guess I still have feelings for you. I haven't been able to stop talking about you guys for these past couple of years. I just...want to know if you've thought about me too."
I'm nodding before I even process it. "I have." I admit. "I've thought a lot about how we used to be. And how things would be had we gone with you." I add, half ashamed of the last part now. That's only because I now know that had I given into my selfish desires and gone with him, I wouldn't have met Aaliyah, and I wouldn't have found Noah.
I can't say I totally regret not going with him, but I hate it a little too. Just like he said, he can't fully regret it all even with the way things have turned out.
"So...what do you say, Kiara?" His smile turns soft and hopeful as he tilts his head to the side. "Will you go to dinner with me Saturday night?" He requests. Then shrugs softly. "Maybe somewhere Cam will like." He suggests on a little laugh.
I almost grimace but manage to wipe it off my face quick. I try to smile instead. "I'd love to get dinner with you, Wyatt." I agree with a gentle nod. "But, um...I need to talk to his dad before we bring Cameron into it."
Wyatt blinks at that. His brows twitch, threatening to furrow as he cocks his head back. "Wait, seriously?" He chuckles his question, like he thinks I'm playing.
I frown. "He's his dad."
"I thought he was a—" Wyatt, smartly, cuts himself off. He takes a breath to relax, something he was always good at. He knows when he's hitting his limit, and he's always been good at stopping himself before he crosses a line he probably shouldn't.
I take my own breath and straighten in my seat, unhappy with what he was about to say but still happy he stopped himself before he did it. I'd rather him stop midway than not stopping at all. "You haven't met him." I point out. "You don't know him, but you know me. So, trust me when I tell you he wouldn't be anywhere near us if he wasn't someone I trust." I move both hands to my chest confidently while I speak.
Wyatt swallows down what he was going to blurt out and nods. "Okay." He accepts. "Well...Um. Let me know what he says then." He nearly laughs while he speaks but tries to shake it off. He still doesn't quite get it, but he doesn't have to. What's important is that he follows our rules—which I know he will with little complaints.
The issue is, he knew and loved Cameron in that short year they knew each other. I'd tell him almost everything, and Cameron always beamed when he came around. They knew each other well enough for that year they'd actually properly met, and I'm sure Wyatt wants to see him again too. I doubt Cameron would be upset himself.
Noah seemed pretty loose during that whole talk about when it'd be okay to introduce Wyatt back into Cameron's life, but I'd still like to push him for an actual answer. For whatever reason, Noah still looks at me for the smallest decisions like if Cameron can have something sweet after dinner or if he can have some extra time on his tablet than normal. Most of his questions are questions you'd get from a babysitter. He generally goes with whatever I decide, and I don't think that's right now that we've established him as a father figure in Cameron's life.
He's still learning though, so I guess I just have to keep throwing more and more things onto him just to help him solidify his spot as a parent. I can't keep going at this alone while he's right there now. Him being another parent means he gets a rightful say in if Wyatt is going to be able to be around us and how often. Wyatt doesn't seem to understand, but I'm hoping Noah will finally get it through his thick ass skull.