"She's perfect." I whispered and looked up at Colby as I rubbed our baby's back.
"Yeah." Colby said simply, admiring not only the baby on my chest, but me as well.
We were having some alone time with our baby, since I was stitched up and cleaned up. For the first two hours I was the only one allowed to hold her so I could create the bond we needed.
"We gotta name her." I said gently, looking at our daughter with a thoughtful look.
I was expecting to know what her name should have been just by looking at her, but I was disappointed that nothing really stood out.
"What are you thinking?" Colby asked and admired the sleeping baby.
"I don't know." I said quietly. I already felt like a horrible mother because she didn't have a name. It wasn't that we didn't put any thought into it, it was that I didn't want to make a mistake and name her something she would hate.
There was just a lot of pressure and I wanted to meet her before giving her a name.
"Hey, it's okay." Colby said gently, then wiped a tear that had trickled down my cheek.
"I feel like a bad mom." I whimpered. "You are not a bad mom, Jules. You're a badass who gave birth to a baby without any medication." He said as the baby fussed.
"See, even she knows you're acting crazy." He said as I sniffled. "Yeah..I just feel like we should have a name for her." I said then kissed her head.
"Okay, we'll each say a name and see which one we like more." He said as I nodded.
"You go first." I said as he crouched down and looked at her. "Maybe...Isabel." He said as I pursed my lips.
"I don't know why but I'm still stuck on Maisie." I said as the baby snuggled into me, making the cutest little noise.
"I think she likes it." Colby said as I looked up at him.
"What do you think?" I asked as he grinned. "Maisie Brock." He said as my eyes watered. "It's perfect." He said then leaned in and kissed me.
"No middle name though, just like her beautiful mom." He said as I started to cry.
I expected to be emotional after giving birth but it felt like I was going to explode from the amount of emotions swirling through me.
"Oh, Jules." Colby said with a laugh. "I love her so fucking much." I cried out then kissed her head.
"I do, too. She's literally the cutest baby I've ever seen. Granted I haven't seen too many babies." Colby said as I grinned.
"I won't tell Juniper you said that." I hummed as Maisie started to fuss.
"Oh. No, it's okay. Shhh you're okay." I whispered, trying to soothe her.
"Is she okay?" Colby asked as I frowned. "I don't know." I said as she started to cry. "Oh, Maisie girl." I said as someone came in.
"Oh, I came at the perfect time." The woman said as I glared at her. "I can take care of my own baby." I snapped as she breathed a laugh.
"Of course you can, hon. I'm Donna, the lactation specialist." She said as I pursed my lips.
"She's probably hungry and looking for some milk, that's why I said that." She said and put some gloves on. "Oh...sorry." I said as she shook her head.
"Not a problem at all. I'm just here to help." She said with a smile.
"Okay, what do I do?" I asked as Maisie cried in my arms. "You're gonna wanna hold her like this, and we're gonna see what she naturally does. Some babies latch immediately and some need some guidance." She explained and helped me position Maisie is the way I needed her to be.
I exposed my breast then tried to get her to feed but she wouldn't stop crying.
"Come on, sweetie." I encouraged, trying to get her latch.
I was starting to feel like a failure of a mother for how long it was taking but after a minute or so she latched on with no problem.
"Oh." I gasped and looked at Colby. "Does it hurt?" He asked as I shook my head.
"It feels so weird." I said as Donna smiled. "If you're feeling no pain, then it was a good latch. You should have felt a little pinch." She said as I nodded.
"Yeah, but it went away." I said and looked at Maisie as she ate.
I couldn't believe I created an actual human in my body. She was so beautiful and so perfect that I couldn't imagine life without her ever again.
"I want to set up a feeding schedule with you, since I know it can be overwhelming being a first time mom." Donna said as I admired Maisie.
"Sure." I said then broke my gaze to look at Donna. "You're going to want to pump or feed every two hours." She said as I looked up at Colby.
He was listening intently with an intense look on his face. It was as if one of his gang members was explaining a mission to him.
"You're going to want to alternate breasts with every pump. When she's a newborn you'll feed her 8-12 times for about fifteen minutes. Four to six months she'll feed 5-6 times a day for fifteen to twenty minutes, and when she's older than six months she'll feed 3-4 times for about twenty minutes." She explained.
I was a mess of exhaustion so I couldn't even begin to comprehend what she was fully saying so I was hoping I would get a packet or something.
"I know it's a lot of information but once you get into the rhythm of it, it'll come naturally." She said as I nodded slowly.
"So now you'll want to burp her." She said as Maisie pulled away from me. "She probably won't need to burp this time but we like to get you into the habit of it.
I nodded then laid her against my shoulder and gently patted her back, rubbing little circles into it.
"There ya go! Do you have any questions for me?" Donna asked as I shook my head and looked at Colby.
"Anything?" I asked as he shook his head, admiring the baby on my chest.
I could tell he was itching to hold her and meet her. There was so much love in his eyes that I could feel my heart racing.
I wanted to have a hundred more babies with him.
"Alright. Enjoy your time with your baby. Call if you need anything." She said as I nodded.
"Thanks for your help." I said as she waved and left the room.
"Did you get any of that?" I asked as Colby nodded. "I got it all. I know you must be exhausted." He said as I nodded.
"Not too exhausted to love on this precious girl." I said then kissed her head as she snuggled into me again.
"I'm so proud of you, Jules. So beyond proud." Colby said gently as I smiled. "I love you." I said quietly. "I love you too, sweetheart." He said then leaned down and kissed me.
We laid around just enjoying our time with our daughter. When the two hours were up though, I looked over at Colby.
"Ready for her?" I asked as he nodded.
"You have to take your shirt off." I said causing him to laugh.
"Seriously?" He asked as I nodded. "Skin to skin contact is super important." I said as he chuckled and took off his shirt.
I admired his body, feeling myself about to start actually drooling.
"Okay, come here." Colby said and gently lifted Maisie out of my arms. I felt like crying, knowing she wouldn't be in my arms.
"She's so small." Colby said as he laid her on his chest. I actually started melting at the sight of Colby holding our daughter.
It was crazy to think of where we started versus where we are now.
Colby was an angry guy, who would kill at the bat of an eye. He was calculated and precise and everyone was scared of him.
He was the apex predator when I met him.
When he took me he would hardly look at me. He was mad that I was ruining his life and his plans.
Looking back now, I knew he was mostly angry because I knew he cared about me.
There was a bond we had that neither of us could explain.
I hated him in the beginning though.
I hated that he took me and I hated that he was such a dick when being captured wasn't my fault.
There was something about him though that made me break my walls down so quickly.
We both fell for eachother harder than I think either of us expected.
We pushed eachother away so many times because we were scared. We were scared of the love we knew we had for eachother.
Now here we were.
In a hospital where I was recovering from giving birth and where Colby was cuddling with our beautiful daughter.
After so long, it finally felt like we were complete.