I feel horrible all the time, its okay know need to shove it my face ~ Google
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{Rosalina's POV}
I was sitting on my bed, my cold red hands rested on my lap. Sticky tear stains stuck on my face. All the commotion that happened stuck in my brain, I still couldn't believe she was gone.
Lucy was never ever gonna come back. The girls and I just came from Lucy's funeral, her mom was there as well, who am I kidding the whole fucking state was there.
Everyone loved Lucy, no one could ever hate her. I still sat on my bed thinking about the good bye speech I wrote, and read at her funeral. I could have stood there and told everyone how good of a person she was, and what a wonderful young women she would have become if she was still with us.
Knowing Lucy she didn't want that, so I wrote and read the letter only for Lucy no one else. of course everyone heard my speech but that didn't matter to me, I only cared of what Lucy thought about my speech.
I stripped my black dress off. It was pretty simple I just looked for anything black to wear. I wore it because it looked pretty decent, it was long sleeved and came up to the top of my knees.
My cold body standing in the middle of my room. I caught a glimpse of my body from my full body mirror. all of my thin red scars on both of my thighs like anything couldn't get worse.
I didn't think it was fair she was gone it wasn't fair not one bit. now I suffer because no one cared enough for Lucy. Tears flowed down my now burning cheeks. I grabbed a hoodie pulled it over my head, got some PJ pants and slipped it on. I was angry of crying, so tired of being the person who had to act like they were fine because I never wanted it to look like I was craving attention.
I always stayed quiet for so long, I acted like a good girl but there was always a demon in me screaming for someones help. I'll be happy, then it will come back and bite me in the ass after.
Why is it so wrong for me to be happy? its not fair. "Its not fucking fair!!" I yelled and threw my computer on the floor.
My computer smashed on the ground with a loud 'bang'. I kept crying I threw my fist to the wall a crack formed its way to the lime green painted wall.
I fell to the cold carpeted floor with screams consuming my body. I hated myself, I hated my life, I hated that Lucy left us all.
More screams left from my lifeless body. I heard knocking on my door. A voice yelling for me to open the door. I listened carefully it was Serenity, her fragile voice yelling for me to stop.
"Rosalina let me the hell in... please your killing me!" her screams filled the atmosphere. I calmed down a little catching my breath slowly.
"Serenity I'm fine, please leave me alone" a lifeless voice left from me.
"Rosalina I'm not fucking around, open the damn door, NOW!" she yelled.
"Leave me alone!!" I yelled on the other side. I bit my tongue regretting what I just said. I started to cry so much more. I crawled to the other side of my room leaned my back on the wall, my head in my knees.
"What your gonna give up on me too Rosalina? it Is not your fault for what happened to Lucy. Stop blaming yourself for something no one saw coming. It wasn't anyone's fault not yours, not mine, not the girls either" her voice came out angry but the softer near the end.
"It was her fucked up sorry excuse of a dad" she said.
All I heard was her footsteps walking and a door slam. I'm guessing she left to go out. I looked out my window seeing her head halfway into her sweater. It was either getting cold or she was covering her tears with her sweater.
I felt so bad I didn't want her to think I was giving up on her, I didn't at all. I crawled into my warm sheets thinking about going back to school on Monday.
I didn't want to go, not with sad eyes and not without Lucy. I pulled my warm covers over my face sniffling a little. my cell phone buzzed on my night stand. I looked up to see the number and Xavier's name popped up I didn't want to pick up at all.
He better not think I'm not mad at him still for what he did. My phone went silent, then again his name came. I threw my pillow on top of my face over frustration. Stop calling me! I mentally yelled.
My mind went to the night when Lucy died. The way Xavier held me in his arms whispering soothing words in my ear. I missed his smell his everything.
His beautiful mischievous forest green eyes. Damn I feel like I love this ass whole, even though he put me through so much shit. I stopped day dreaming and the house phone ring came on.
I got up and walked to the living room, I grabbed the phone and I saw the caller ID was private.
"Hello" my voice came out chocked.
"Hi Rose" Xavier's deep voice came into the phone line. Instantly I got so frustrated.
"Why are you blowing up my phone? I told you not to call me Xavier" I almost yelled.
"I'm sorry I had to hear your voice, how are you?" his voice came calm but I could hear his breathing getting out of control.
He was mad and I knew it, but I didn't care. I was the only person who could talk to him like that and it kills him inside. I didn't answer at all I sat still and didn't want to argue I just wanted to hear silence for the mean time.
Xavier stayed quiet for a couple of minutes we just heard each other's breathing. Tears stung in my eyes then flowed slowly down to my face. I think I was going crazy. I felt my brain going insane.
"Are you gonna talk? or are you gonna leave me all alone as well?" my voice came out choked, as tears flowed fast down like a vain being cut.
I was desperate as much as I wanted to yell at him for hurting me I just want him to tell me everything's gonna be okay even if it's not. I just want him to.
"Now you want me to talk? fine I will, I miss you, I'm fucking miserable without you! I miss your touch, your smell and it kills me so much to know you hate me. I need you and it feels like you can go on with your life without me. it's not surprising because you're beautiful, smart, and an independent woman and that's what I love about you so much -" he was gonna keep on going but I cut him off.
"Xavier I-I don't hate you, I just want you to know that. you did some things I wish you didn't but i'm learning to forgive and forget. I know you want an answer if i'm gonna take you back, but how could I even think about myself right now when my best friend just died" I said honestly.
"You deserve to be happy" Xavier said with his voice so low I swear I thought he was crying.
"I wish that was true" I laughed slightly.
"Ugh, I'm such a fuck up for letting you go" his voice came out soft and I wanted him to be beside me right now. Just the heat of his body was enough for me.
"I have to go, I'm sorry bye Xavier, thanks for calling and checking on me I appreciate it" I said while biting my nails.
" I probably fucked up your day even more, just please promise me you won't cry anymore. whenever you're upset my wolf feels it I go crazy so if you cry I'll know. And then I will show up at your place" he finished.
"Okay promise" I said slightly smiling knowing he cared made me all warm inside.
"Okay" he said.
"Okay" I repeated. he chuckled slightly and hung up.
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{Authors note}
Thanks guys for waiting so long! if you do not read Does It Still Hurt? anymore I understand I have taken really long to update sorry guys again.
I'm gonna really try to update faster... I will try. Thanks to all my wonderful readers.
Oh, sorry I do not have a photo for this chapter I'm on a computer so I do not know how it works. The next chapter will be about the girls returning to school. K, love yall...byeeeeee.
sincerely, ME!!!!!