It can't be them. It doesn't make sense. This doesn't add up. Chester must have said that just to me to irritate me.
Why am I still thinking about that?
It's Monday. It's the first day of our fourth week. I should be letting my mind restart. I don't know what I'm doing. Is something wrong with me?
I wish I could laugh at the thought, but it haunts me. It makes my head and stomach hurt. I'm sick with paranoia. It's a dark cloud hovering over me.
And the tasks aren't helping with it. I'm at set five but they're getting more ridiculous and childish. Those are things that I can still laugh at.
But... a part of me worries that it won't last for long. That soon they'll make my blood run cold.
"Lynx? Did you still need me to follow you?" Jack asks and out of instinct I say, "Yes."
"What are we doing?'
"The last page in my notebook."
I'm on auto. My body is answering when my mind can't keep up.
I watch Jack open the notebook and scan the page. When he finishes, he looks up at me with the most confusion I've seen on his face. I shrug and he flips it around. On the page, I used three different inks. Some sections are numbered and others have shapes beside them. Half of the words are smudged together in a scrawl.
"I don't know what I'm reading."
I chuckle and take it from him. After reading it myself, I said, "We're going to talk to Celine and Adelaide about the rumors. Well, I'm going to and you're going to be there like a witness."
"Why?"
"Do you trust me?"
"I-yes?"
"Good. Adelaide wanted to know my grades in exchange for dyeing my hair- thank you again for your help- but why?" I ask, tilting my head at my targets. They're sitting with each other, talking. I know it isn't about me because Celine looks around whenever she's anxious. I'm certain they're talking about what most girls do- looks and boys.
"I could get someone else if you're more comfortable with that?" I say to Jack, hearing him anxiously tap his foot. I cross my arms and add, "Bexley maybe."
"No, I-I can go!"
"You have to be certain."
"I am!"
"Okay, let's go."
I take a deep breath before making my way to the table. Celine perks up and waves to me, making Adelaide spin around. Her expression is cold, her eyes telling me to leave. But I won't, she doesn't have that power over me.
"Hey!" I say, waving to them. Adelaide shakes her head and turns back around, but Celine says, "Hey! Are you coming to sit with us?"
"Only if you're okay with it."
"Absolutely! Is that okay Adelaide?" Celine asks, smiling sweetly at her. She nods, keeping her head forward. I sit beside Adelaide and nod for Jack to sit next to me. When he does, I say, "I hope you don't mind him being here."
Celine laughs lightly, a sound that makes me uneasy, and says, "Of course not!"
"Lovely," I say, smiling awkwardly. Adelaide takes a deep breath before saying, "What do you want Kitty?"
My stomach turns and I look at Jack. He shrugs.
"Adelaide?" I ask, scooting away from her carefully. She's been avoiding me, and now I finally have the chance to confront her.
She clenches her jaw and doesn't answer. I pull my notebook closer to myself, making Adelaide scoff and say, "Yeah get your notebook, because apparently you don't remember doing anything, right?"
"What did I do?"
"You know, I shouldn't be too upset. You'd do anything to reach the top, wouldn't you?" She says, her words are as sharp and cold as an icicle, stabbing where it hurts the most, "You will walk all over everybody because you want something. Hey, Jackson, she doesn't like you, she's just using you."
Her eyes don't leave me once, even when Celine says, "Hey, guys, I don't think you should fight. We're a team, remember? We need to stick together and help each other!"
"Team?" Adelaide says the word like she's trying it out, pausing for a moment to let it sink in, "A team wouldn't sabotage each other, right Kitty? They wouldn't use each other to get points. Right, Kitty."
I look at everyone at the table, trying my hardest to remember what happened. Adelaide scoffs again, "Wow. That's harsh, even for me."
"She clearly doesn't remember what happened," Jack says, his gentle tone growing cold, "Why don't you say what it was?"
"Shut it, lover boy. Had she chosen to have you at her side, you would have known. But she wanted a different boy toy, right Kitty? You wanted Chester because you knew he wouldn't say anything. After all, you know he likes drama," Adelaide snaps.
"What happened?!" I shout, my mind aching from all the confusion. Adelaide stands up, slamming her hands into the table. I jump back, falling into Jack.
When she's off the bench she says, "Your task list. You embarrassed and lied about me to complete a stupid task!"
My stomach drops when I remember. I close my eyes and look down.
Last Wednesday, after my fight with Chester, I looked at my task list. It was to do exactly what I did to one of my classmates. Adelaide wouldn't leave me alone while I was trying to talk to Christopher so I picked her. I made them all laugh at her. I bullied her.
"Oh? So now you remember?! Wh-why are you like this?" Adelaide shouts, collecting the attention of the remaining students who were minding their own business. "What would have happened if it wasn't just us four?"
"Adelaide I-"
"It only stopped when Bexley told you to! Would you have continued if he never came?" she asks, tears filling her eyes.
I open my mouth to yell back at her, but that's not what comes out. "I'm sorry Adelaide. It was harsh and inconsiderate and I-"
"I DON'T WANT YOUR FAKE APOLOGY!" Her shout leaves us all speechless. I feel frozen and distant. My body and mind are numb.
Adelaide breathes heavily, blinking back tears. I'm not able to think until I feel Jack rub my shoulder. My face burns and to stop myself from looking at him, I say, "It's not fake, okay. I do feel bad. I shouldn't have done that."
"Why does everyone love you?" She hisses, her words cracking. "Why did they follow along with it?"
Before I can ask or say anything, she turns to where Chester sits and shouts, "You! You thought it was hilarious, didn't you?! You fu-"
"You're so dramatic! That's what was funny!" He shouts back, nodding.
"Chester! You said you would stop!" Bexley shouts from across the room. A few girls that I saw Adelaide hanging out with also yell at Cheser, but all he says is, "Yeah! Then!"
"Lynx?" Jack asks, his whisper against my ear. It sends chills down my spine, "Yes?"
"What's going on?"
"They're fighting."
Adelaide spins around, a smirk on her lip and tears on her cheeks, "Look at this, it's all your fault Kitty."
"Adelaide, I just wanted to know about the rumors."
"You think I spread them. What would I gain from doing that?"
I take a deep shaky breath and get out of my seat. Looking at Adelaide, I say, "Celine, what do you know about the rumors?"
"Just what everyone says," she says, her words coming out with distraction. She's paying attention to the fight, not us.
I cross my arms at Adelaide and ask, "Why did you want to know my grade?"
"Why did you taunt me Wednesday?"
"I'm sorry about that."
"Me too. I'm also so very sorry about this," Adelaide says as she lifts her fist, "I need to make sure everyone knows not to mess with me, you understand, right?"
×××
"Where does it hurt the most?"
"Please just leave me alone."
"I'm worried."
"I asked for it," I say, looking in the mirror at all the scratches on my cheek. I sigh and lift a deep towel to wipe away the blood again, "It's my war face."
"Please don't do that," Jack says with a heavy sigh as he fixes my hair.
"What?" I ask, gingerly touching my lip. "The nurses should have something to make it go away faster. But I'm going to wait to tell them."
"Why?"
"Because I have somewhere I need to go. You stay here okay?" I say, watching my hair fall after he cuts. Again and again. He doesn't look up as I talk, focusing on my hair.
"Who are you going to see in this state?" He asks, moving to follow his line. It's not perfect but it's straighter than when I did it.
"Christopher," I say, feeling guilty at the scratches on Jack's cheek. He pauses and mumbles, "Oh."
"I want you to go to the nurses."
"Only when you do," He says, resuming the trim, "So I know that you go."
"Fine, but you're the one suffering," I sigh, making him laugh and say, "It doesn't hurt."
"Are you sure? She got you good. And to think I was the cat," I say, smiling at the smile I put on his lips. But my smile fades when I look back into the mirror.
I don't know how I allowed this to happen. Now it seems that everyone hates me.
"Jack, do you think I deserve this?" I ask, my eyes narrowing at the bruise on my right cheekbone. Before he can answer, I add, "Be honest."
"Well... I think she was getting payback. It could've been prevented but that doesn't make what she did okay."
"Do you think she did this for her tasks?"
"Yeah."
I lick my lip, the broken skin aching from contact. I don't know what's driving me. I don't know why I'm changing.
Is it because I can't navigate this place? Is that what's destroying me?
Or maybe it's the soft boy behind me. He knows that I don't care about him, yet he still sticks around. He's trying to be my friend. He cares.
"I'm finished!" Jack exclaims, stepping back to admire his work. I smile and pull off the haircutting apron. I dust off the stray hair while saying, "Okay. Thank you. I'll be leaving now."
"Wow. So soon?" He says, the slightest amount of pain coating his words. I turn and nod, "Yeah, I'll see you later."
Before he can say anything that might make me stay, I leave. I avoid people's eyes as I leave the academy. Soon everyone will know what happened. It makes me wonder what they'll say. Who will be the victim? The one who nobody liked or the one who attacked first?
Me. The hated one.
I had plans and Adelaide's ridiculous fight ruined them. Now all I get to do today is Talk with Christopher. I wanted to talk to Sadie again.
I wanted to know how she was doing. I wanted to make sure this place isn't breaking her the way it is me.
I'm so angry. I'm buzzing with emotions I don't want to deal with.
Ugh. I should've brought Jack with.
"Whoa, what happened to your face?" I look up when I hear Christopher's voice. I smile glumly and say, "School fight."
"You should see someone about that."
"I'm fine. We had plans."
He leans closer and says, "Are you sure?"
I lean back, my face burning, "Yeah, I'll see them later. Is that okay?"
"Well, it's your choice in the end. You should've seen them earlier though."
I shrug and walk past him, my stomach flipping when his fingers brush my hand. Whatever was going on between me and Jack is confusing, but this is worse. I know enough about him to be comfortable, but not enough to let him cut and dye my hair. I want him to see him but don't want him around.
I hate it.
"Is over here alright?" Christopher asks when we reach a bench in front of the playground. I nod and sit after he does. It drops silent and I try to think of anything to say. He doesn't seem to mind, humming a tune as he watches birds collect twigs for their nests.
"What's that? The uh, song?" I ask, looking down at my hands. He clears his throat before answering, "It's just something my mom used to sing to me and my sisters. My little sister will be doing the sorting next year, so that will be quite nice."
"You think she'll leave?"
"Yep."
I rub my number and say, "I know how you feel. Kinda. The girls I grew up with were... family. Mostly at least."
"Oh, I met Sadie," He says, shifting to look at me. I feel his intense gaze on me and it gives me shivers. I nod and mumble, "She's lovely isn't she."
"Not like you."
"You hardly know me," I say, turning to him with an awkward smile. My face burns and my heart is racing.
"She's nice but that's it," he says nonchalantly. I scrunch my nose and say, "Don't talk about her that way. She's... my sister."
"Okay, but it's true. You're smart and ambitious and... beautiful."
I look away from him and shake my head. What am I doing? "Well, thank you. I don't hear that much," I say sarcastically, making him sigh.
"Lynx, do you want to meet my sister?"
"I don't know," I say, laughing at the abruptness of his question. He lightly runs his thumb over the bruise on my cheek, concern on his face. I don't pull away.
"You can meet my mom," he says, scanning my face.
"Oh? When?" I ask, giggling when he tucks a chunk of my hair behind my ear to view the rest of my face. He shrugs and mumbles, "Friday?"
"Sure, that sounds fun," I say, pushing his hand away. His eyes light up and he whispers, "Really?"
"Why not?"
"We hardly know each other, remember?"
"Well, we have three days to learn more."