CHAPTER ELEVEN
The Wedding Night
Alana's POV
*SENSITIVE CONTENT WARNING*
Robb's hands were sweating in mine. Shaking and making it nearly impossible for me to even hold onto them. I kept my eyes on my hands and refused to let them meet with his eyes. This moment was the moment I'd think about for the rest of my life and I did not want to remember the disappointment in his eyes for having to take me as his wife.
We spoke our vows in a quick mumble and I'm shocked anyone had been able to distinguish that we were speaking the common tongue and not some made up language between the two of us. At this point I was wishing maybe we could have had our own secret language because there was too much on my mind that I did not want anyone to ever know slipped from my tongue.
Over Robb's shoulder I could see Jon and it infuriated me all over again. My eyes went back down because I could feel my lip curling into a sneer and flames shooting from my eyes. I took a long blink and felt the warmth of my tears sliding down my cheeks. Robb gripped my hands tightly and I slowly peered up at him.
"A kiss must seal this union," The Septon said and then he coughed into a rag and cleared his throat again. "Lord Stark... Princess Alana-"
"I know." I sniffled and then looked at Robb nervously.
Sweat beading and dripping down my spine and I knew that because it was an open back gown that anyone who was looking at me from behind could clearly see my sweat dripping like rain on glass windows.
Robb gulped loudly and leaned in. I shut my eyes and kissed him so fast before pulling away. Looking over to my mother who was in devastated tears. She knew I didn't want this. She, herself, never wanted this for me. Because it's exactly what had been done to her when she was forced to wed my father.
I had to restrain myself from spitting on the ground immediately after feeling Robb's lips on mine. Holding back a gag and even the bile that was burning the back of my throat. I dropped his hands and felt myself crying more.
But he reached for them again and held them tightly.
"Lord and Ladies..." The Septon said with a smile. "Prince Robb Stark and Princess Alana Stark!"
There was a roar of cheers but my eyes were blurred with my salty tears that burned as they welled in my eyes. Pouring down my face. I'm trapped here forever. Trapped here with a man I don't love and I know for certain does not love me.
-
Robb and I sat at the head of the table together. Looking over the entire hall as gifts had been presented to us. My Uncle Stannis gifted us a tapestry of a stag and a wolf together with a flaming heart between them while snow covered the scenery. He said it was the perfect balance of ice and fire. Although my Aunt Selyse made blankets and pillows for the nursery that would eventually need to be set up.
My stomach churned at the thought of it. Having to already plan for a royal baby that of course even my father would be controlling when it would arrive and how quickly it would need to be conceived. A year. I must be pregnant within a fucking year.
Part of me hoped I'd never have a child. That maybe I'd be sterile and unable to get pregnant. Maybe I'd just fall victim to one too many miscarriages. Perhaps we could just... Lie and say that's what had happened. How would my father know? He doesn't plan to stay here for an entire year.
Unless he plans to journey back up here again in a year's time in hopes that there will be a little prince or princess either on the way or already here. I could feel my teeth gritting at the thought and my nails digging into the palms of my hands.
Uncle Renly and his wife Margaery gifted Robb a new cloak and gloves but the moment they walked away he tossed the gloves onto my lap and complained they are too small for his hands. He hardly looked at me but he happily kept touching the cloak and feeling the softness of the fur under his hands.
It made me wish I had been in the stables sitting by Grey Wind's kennel petting him all night rather than sitting here and having to pretend I'm thrilled with my life when really I'm not. I'm still stressed out from this morning and how nearly everything went wrong.
But as I look around the room at all the gorgeous decorations and how the flowers are perfectly placed and even the table clothes had been mended I knew that Robb had truly listened to me and made all of the wrongs go right. He did that because I was a mess this morning.
Maybe screaming at the servants was not my best moment. Maybe I should have been kinder and maybe I should have had more patience but it's my damn day. I only get this once even if it's not with the man I would have chosen for myself.
"How much longer do we have to sit here and accept shitty gifts that we know we'll never use? I'd much rather get a drink or something to eat. I haven't had anything all day-"
Finally Robb was speaking the same language as I was thinking. It was like our minds connected in that moment and he had an invisible string right to my heart. I smiled and nodded and looked at the long table full of fruits and treats.
"I'll get up and get food if you come with me." His eyes widened as he nodded when I said that.
"Anything to not sit here anymore like a spectacle." He replied.
We made our way over to the table and I started popping grapes into my mouth and Robb was doing the same. He took one and placed it into my mouth playfully and then laughed. "Did you want anything else? Should I call for them to bring out dinner?"
I nodded. "Although I'm sure your mother has everyone on a tight schedule."
He chuckled and popped another grape into his mouth before grabbing a cup and filling it with wine. Handing it to me before grabbing another and pouring it for himself. He raised the cup slightly toward me and I brought mine to his. Tapping them together as he said, "Then we shall drink to my mother losing her sanity when I tell her that my wife is impatient and wants to eat so we can end this ordeal."
I took a sip of my wine and laughed. "I don't wish for it to be over it's just... Okay, fine- I wish for it to be over. There's a pin digging into my skull right now and my feet are aching from these bloody shoes I'm wearing. And it seems to me that my father is already a drunk mess."
Robb nodded silently and sipped his wine. Taking a long sip and nearly draining the cup before refilling it and offering to refill mine to which I declined for the moment. He shrugged and placed the pitcher back onto the table.
"Perhaps he'll pass out before the night is over and there will be no need for a bedding ceremony." He said softly. "We can only hope for that to be the case... For your own good."
"My father would never do that to me." I argued softly.
Robb snorted. "You surely have not heard the way your father speaks when you are not around then. He made it known that there will be a bedding tonight. That it will be a very big deal... I may end up breaking a few jaws tonight." He said with a wink. "I don't want you to be disrespected by some Lord of who fucking knows where. It's not right... Tradition or not."
"Fuck tradition." I said raising my glass toward him.
"Fuck tradition." He repeated and tapped his glass to mine. We both took a sip and smiled at one another. He breathed out and looked around the room, scanning it as though he were looking for someone. Waiting to see a face stand out so he could leave me here in the dust.
I knew he'd rather be anywhere than with me.
Yet... He remained.
The music was playing and then he reached his hand to me. "I know my mother says we're not supposed to have our first dance yet... But I'd like to do it now. I don't want to go off my mother's plans for tonight. It's our night, let's just... Do it how we please?"
I took his hand into mine and allowed for him to lead me to the center of the great hall where we began to dance slowly. His hand on my lower back and the other holding my hand upright in his. My other hand was on his shoulder and breathed heavily as we moved to the steps and paces of the song.
I don't even know what song was playing. I'd never heard it before but it sounded romantic and maybe... Maybe it was a sign of the times to come. Maybe this was a good foretelling of my life. I didn't need to know the words or the song at all. Because this was my story now, this was my song, and my life. I could write my own ballad and no one would tell me otherwise.
"You look ravishing." Robb said softly. "I'm sorry for not seeing it before."
I looked down and nodded. "You're very kind, my Lord."
"The gown is... Better than I imagined." He replied.
"You like it?" I asked with a sense of uncertainty. "I was terrified you'd hate it. It's a bit... Revealing in some ways."
He shrugged and smirked. "I think it's elegant and classy. And we match perfectly."
"We do." I replied softly holding back the smile that was curling onto my lips. "You dance very well. I'm impressed."
He chuckled slightly. "A friend of mine taught me years ago. He was a great dancer."
"Well he taught you well. You haven't stepped on my already pained toes yet." I winked and giggled as I licked my lips. Feeling the sweat trickle down my back again and my heart pounding in my chest.
Robb moved a piece of hair from my face and then took my hand back into his. Our eyes met and it was like the world had stopped. Everyone in that room faded slowly into the background and the song slowed until it was completely frozen. All I could see was Robb's eyes and in those eyes I could see right into his soul.
He is not a monster.
He is a broke human.
A broken human who needs someone to love him and someone to heal him. I can be that someone... I want to be that someone but I can't do that until he allows me. Until he opens up to me about Aerion and everything else in his life. Because if not... I will just be pushed to the side. I will feel like there is not enough room in my own marriage for me.
The leaves from the Gods Wood floated down from the ceiling and surrounded us. I wanted to look up and around as they fell. I wanted to watch as they hit the ground. I wanted to see how they'd land and how far they'd go in the hall. To see the look on my mother's face. To see the reaction of my siblings but...
I was stuck staring at Robb and into his eyes as he smiled and for the first fucking time it was the most beautiful smile I'd ever seen on his face. It was a smile of genuine joy and happiness. It wasn't a cocky smile from causing me torment or picking on me. It wasn't a smile of rage because there was no other way for him to express his anger.
I spent the rest of the wedding in this sort of euphoric state. A bubble of bliss that no one could pop or take away from me.
That was until after Robb and I cut into the cake I heard my father's drunken laugh roar from across the room and he stumbled over toward us. Making some slurred speech that even my mother could not decipher for me.
All I heard was "Let the bedding ceremony begin!"
My mother jumped to her feet and tried to grab onto my father and stop him. "Robert, please- don't do this to her."
Father shrugged her off and Ned caught her in his arms. "Ned, don't let him. Please... Don't let him do this to my baby. She's my flower. She is delicate, Robert only means to ruin her, please Ned."
Lord Stark quickly grabbed my father's arm but it was too late. He was gathering the women who were quick to latch onto Robb and start removing his cloak as they dragged him up the stairs. He turned his head back to look at me as he tried to fight them off. But my father's eyes burned into Robb and before he could break free they had brought him upstairs.
I felt hands on my arms and was lifted into the air. Given no choice at all. I started kicking and screaming. Crying out for my mother to do something. Sobbing loudly until I realized in my sobs I was crying out for Robb to help me. For him to make all of this stop.
"Let her down!" I heard Joffrey shout. "Put my fucking sister down you barbarians!"
No one listened to him.
No one dared to refuse the King of Westeros.
I shut my eyes and when I opened them I had been tossed onto Robb's bed where he sat under the covers. Completely nude. My eyes met with his and he shook his head softly and a tear rolled down his cheeks.
"I'm sorry..." He muttered.
"Get the gown off!" Someone shouted from across the room.
Robb's hand was shaking as he reached toward me. I smacked his hand away and did it myself. Climbing under the blankets with him and holding the covers to my chest as I stared around the room that was now full of people.
My father dragged my mother in by her bicep and forced her to watch. Ned entered the room with a look of shame on his face and stood behind my mother, placing a caring hand on her shoulder as she sobbed louder than I'd ever heard her sob before.
"Robert-" My mother begged.
"It's necessary, woman!" Father argued back and then turned to Robb. "Come on, boy! On with it! I need a grandchild!"
Robb nodded and cleared his throat. "I- I'm sorry."
"Stop saying that." I grit through my teeth.
He sniffled and then gently laid me down. Keeping the blanket covering over us. "If it hurts... If you want me to stop then just tap my shoulder and I'll pretend it's over."
I nodded as he whispered that to me.
He went to kiss me but I dodged his lips and made him kiss my neck instead. When I looked up I saw Jon standing there. A look of terror but anger on his face. I shut my eyes and heard someone else in the room say I should be looking at Robb.
I opened my eyes again and took Robb's jaw into my hand and looked into his eyes. He took a long blink and huffed out a deep breath. Another "I'm sorry-" leaving his lips but without any sound to it.
Robb moved my leg to the side slowly and I felt him take his length and insert it slowly. I held my breath as he took a moment to slide himself in. I could tell it caused him to feel something as it did for me but I felt pain. I felt embarrassment. I felt awkward.
My mother's sobs continued and my father then raised his hand to strike her. But no one cared. No one paid attention. No one but Ned Stark paid a single drop of attention to my sobbing and now injured mother.
"Remember... Just one tap and I'll be performative and make it stop." Robb whispered into my ear.
I nodded and felt him give a good thrust. A grunt escaping his lungs. Another thrust. Another grunt. Another thrust and then... A long grunt followed by, "Fuck-"
He rolled off of me and I though he was being performative. I thought he was just as ready as I was for this to be over. But I was wrong. I felt something seeping out of me and onto my thighs. I didn't know what to do but stupid me reached down and felt it getting it all over my fingers.
"Now stay laying down for a few hours!" A woman shouted. "If you move it'll stop you from getting pregnant!"
A few of the men giggled and muttered. "That was faster than I expected."
Adding, "That poor girl." To their lists of insults.
But maybe it's because I'm so sickened by what happened and maybe it's because it's Robb but I can't figure out what he did wrong. Was it supposed to be longer? Did he not do his duty? Did he do something wrong aside from not breaking every man's jaw in this room?
The room cleared out aside from my mother, Ned, and my father. Ned still held my mother as she sobbed. My father tossed me a robe and told me to dress myself because he would like to speak with me.
I put the robe on and sat up in the bed slowly. Robb remained sitting there with the blanket covering his lower region. Father sat on the end of the bed and laughed loudly.
"That was pathetic." He said looking directly at Robb. "If my idiot of a daughter didn't get it on her hands I'd have thought you made that up get it over with. Let's just hope tonight worked and you'll be with child soon. This must occur each night-"
"I will not have an audience in my bedchamber every night." I argued. "I didn't want an audience tonight."
"Silence." He grit through his teeth. "I won't request an audience for any nights further unless you go a year without a child. After your first wedding anniversary if there is no child or sign of a child... By the Seven I will send guards to watch and make sure you both perform your duties day and night with no breaks."
"That sounds painful." I argued.
"Believe me it will be." My father scoffed and then rose from the bed. "My wrath will be more painful than bearing a child. Remember that my daughter. You are just property. Property that I sold to the Starks and yet... The Starks are property of mine as they are my loyal subjects. I will not be crossed in this transaction. Understood?"
"Yes, Your Grace. I fully understand." I said with a bite of poison in my words.
He nodded. "Good." Father's attention going back to Robb. "Congratulations on no longer being a virgin. That was... Horrible."
Father left the room and my mother had continued to sob and Ned still held her in his arms. Running his hands through her hand. I jumped up from the bed and got her a chair to sit in. Ned helped her sit and then kneeled by her, holding her hands in his.
My eyes flickered when I noticed the way he looked at her. But I didn't say anything. Not tonight. Maybe not ever. But it was evident to see there was something deeper going on between them.
I handed my mother a cup of water and she sipped it slowly, soothing down her own breathes and then finally she looked at me. Holding my face in her hands and pressing her forehead to mine, something she had done to me since I was a child.
"My flower... I tried. I tried to stop him. For years I've tried to stop him from causing you the pain he caused me." She confessed with broken breathes. "I failed you... I'm so sorry."
I shook my head and kissed her cheek. "Please, mother... You did not fail me. Just promise me... He will never do to Myrcella what has been done to me... Swear it."
She promised me and then Ned helped her out of the room. Before leaving though, she turned and stared at Robb, who was shrunk into the bed and looked ill himself. "If I even catch wind of you doing anything remotely close to the things Robert has done in his lifetime you will be dead, Robb Stark. I will kill you myself."
"Yes, Your Grace." He said in a terrified voice.
"That is a promise." She reiterated. "I will kill you."
Ned opened his mouth to say something and then closed it has he escorted my mother from the room. Robb rose from the bed and slid his pants back on before going to sit at his desk. Opening the book that was sitting there and began to jot down notes onto a separate piece of parchment.
I sat on the bed and buried my face into my hands. Refusing to even look in his direction. I had to process what happened. I had such a good night... Shockingly... My wedding was beautiful. We danced and we had fun. We drank and we even smashed the cake into each other's faces. It was... It was a dream come true.
But it was ruined by my father.
The silence lasted a while until Robb came back to the bed and sat there. Staring out the window next to me and looked at the stars. "I didn't protect you tonight."
"Robb-"
"I should have snapped your father's neck- and I don't care if that is treason of me to say. I should have killed him the moment he demanded a bedding. I tried to stop those girls but they grabbed every bit of me and forced me into the bed. They stole something from me too. I- I've never... I've never laid with a woman before."
I narrowed my eyes at him and stayed silent. I'd heard stories... Heard that Robb was always in brothels and constantly had whores and village girl in and out of his room. Even the first night I was here I saw a girl leave his room in the early hours.
"I usually just... Do other stuff with girls. But never... Never have I gone all the way like that." He admitted to me. "I just... I just hope we don't have to do that ever again."
"I didn't want to do it with you to begin with! You insufferable-"
"I meant I don't want to ever have to do it forcefully like that again. Gods Alana, you really do think I'm a monster. I'm not the monster you think I am- in fact, it's clearly your fucking father who's a monster."
"How do you know-"
"I hear things Alana." He was losing that softness in his voice and now spoke with rage. "I know you'll never love me. I know this match was nothing but a political move and against the will of the both of us. And I know for a fact you think I'm some fucking monster who's going to ruin your life. If that's how you feel... Then fine. So, fucking be it. I'll be a fucking monster."