Blue Christmas
SAVE SOME FOR the cookie. Josie tease's her small nephew's. The two boy's laugh at their aunt as they licked the frosting off their spoon's. Her brother had surprised her them, saying he was changing up Christmas this year.
"Guy's use napkin's." Diego say's, he pull's out paper towel's handing them to them. Josie smiled softly. "Oh come on, the mess is the best part." Josie defend's.
"Remind me again who is the parent?" He ask's her, she shake's her head. "Okay you got me there." Josie say's in defeat.
Josie messes with her black shirt, she paired it with a red plaid shirt. Every once in awhile, she would take a moment to smell her shirt, it still smelt of sandalwood still. She had been falling asleep wearing the shirt, it for some reason was calming, the smell was sweet, earthly sweet.
"Tia." Dylan speak's up, she looked to him. She could see her brother in their feature's. Dylan's hair was curlier, a family trait that tried to hide desperately with her constant flat ironing.
""Are you taking us to see Santa?" Dylan wonder's. She chuckled at him. "I dont know, that's up to your Dad." She say's. Diego laughed softly with a smile.
"I dont mind if you dont." He tells' her, he look's to his son's. They grinned in excitement. "Actually fun fact, I saved a Santa Claus from a heart attack once." Josie say's.
The two boy's eye's widen in excitment. "You saved Santa!" They say in unison. She chuckled nodding her head.
"We!" Alex add's from the couch, Josie point's to the blonde. "We saved Santa." Josie correct's herself.
"That's so cool." Leo comment's. She smirk's. "What about the earthqauke?" He ask's her.
"How do you know about that?" Josie wonder's. He eyed his dad. "Dad said you saved people that day." Leo tell's her. Guess in their mind's she was the big hero aunt who save's thousand's of people each day.
She wish that was true. She wish she had power's like the hero's in the comic's, She wish she had the strength of superman, or the intelligence of Iron Man. She dosent though, no one does'. To anyone else she was simply a woman with a first aid kit, to these kid's they think she is amazing.
"Yeah I guess I did ." She say's with a smile. Diego eyed his other son. Dylan stutter's for a moment before looking at his aunt. "Um Tia." Dylan speak's up.
"Yes amor." She say's, his cheek's grow warm as he grow's the confidence for the question.
"Are you doing Christmas with us this year?" He ask's her. She stutter's for a moment for an answer. "We will see." She say's to him, she thumbed the cookie cutter.
"Dad said you might come this time." Leo tell's her. Her lips part at a loss of word's. "Well Uh im kind of busy." she stutters.
"But its Christmas." Dylan complain's, she look's up to her nephew, his eye's drifting to his father She raised a brow.
"I know its just I cant really control what happen's." Josie admit's sadly.
"But you didnt come last year either." Dylan say's to her. She furrowed her brow's. "He's right you know." Diego point's out.
"You haven't been home in awhile." Diego chuckle's. She tap's the counter at a loss of word's. her heart started to race in her ears. "Maybe its time for a change." He tell's her.
Josie look's to her brother. Was this his true plan, he real reason for seeing her. She bit her lip in anger. "Are you kidding me?" She say's.
She stand's looking at her older brother. "Is this why you really came her?" Josie demand's from him. He crosses his arm's shaking his head. "Jo."
"No No of course you didn't want to actually see me." She state's. The two young boy's looked in concern at the two adults. Alex cleared her throat getting up from the couch.
"Do we have to do this right now?" Diego ask's her. She scoffed."I dont know you clearly think it's a great idea to have my nephew's ask your own question's. "Josie remind's him.
"Guy's." Alex speak's up. The sibling's turn to the blonde. "Not in front of them." She say's softly. The two boy's eye's were wide with confusion and sadness, they didnt mean to cause a fight.
Josie wipe's her nose. She forcfully grab's her brother's hand as she led him down the hall into her bedroom. She closed the door quiclkly, she turned on her heel's glaring at her brother. She cant believe he would use them.
"I'm not doing this again with you, Diego." Josie says, crossing her arms. He shakes his head irritated.
"You can't keep doing this Josie." He state's. She scoffs, shaking her head, beginning to pace her room.
"You know exactly why I'm not coming back home." Josie says to him. She points to her door "But to have them try and guilt me into coming back, how could you do that?!" She exclaimed.
"Because you don't listen to anyone, ever!" He exclaims. She groaned irritated. She couldnt believe him.
"Jo you don't ever come home, it's been five years" Diego point's out. She walk's past him as she pace's between her bed and closet.
"Yes it has!" Josie exclaim putting her hand's up. "And it hasn't been long enough for you to be acting like I don't care about the family anymore!" Josie huff's.
He grunted irritated. "Because you don't!" He shouted to her. Her jaw dropped agape.
"Are you fucking kidding me!" Josie shout's. He shake's his head.
"I have defended you the last few years and enough is enough!" He exclaims. She felt her heart stop for a moment, hot flashes of anger.
"You can't keep avoiding this, you can't keep acting like the world ended when she did!" Diego shouted in frustration. Her brown eye's darkened in anger.
"Did mom put you up to this?!" Josie shout's back getting close to him. His eyes widen as he stutter's. She shakes her head. "Unbelievable." She whisper's.
"God you...maldito hijo de mamá." She grumble's under her breath.
"You always loved pleasing her." Josie snear's. He looked her in her eye's. "Shut up." He mumble's, she shakes her head.
"Oh face it you wanna bring me home and be her little hero!" Josie exclaim's. He runs his hand through his curls.
"I thought you actually cared about how I felt." Josie say's in disbelief. Diego's jaw tightened.
"I do jo!" Diego shout's back pointing to her. She rolls her eyes.
Who do you think told mom I could convince you!." He tells her.
"Well you're wasting your time." Josie tell's him, 'she crosses her arms'.
"I'm wasting my time!" Diego repeats. She nod's her head. "I'm wasting my time!" He shouts in disbelief.He scoffed.
"You are the one trying to save a ghost for god's sake!" Diego fumed. Tear's fill her eye's at the venom in his voice.
"She is gone." He state's. She shakes her head at his words. "Shut up! Just shut up!" Josie shouted.
"Do you think she would want you living like this, living for a dead person!?" he state's. Her lips began to quiver as her thoughts began flooding in sadness.
"Don't you dare speak for her!" She exclaimed. He shakes his head.
"You have to let her go." He says.She wipes her eye's glaring at her brother."Stop." She whisper's.
He goes to wrap his arms around her, she shoves him away from her. Her breath shake's as she feel's goosebump's flood her body.
"I cant...I cant do this." Josie say's. She quickly grabbed her coat from off the floor, she bothered with seeing what she chose. She grabbed her car keys. She shoved passed him.
She walks in a hurry and passes her nephew. Alex quickly distracted them best she could. Josie slammed her front door as the tears started coming to her. She got into the black car as she drove away from the rent house.
She thought she could trust him. She thought he was someone who had her back. Her mother and her thumb pressed so hard to her brother. He never left home, he never left her control. She did, she wish her mom could understand why she left. Why she felt how she did.
She pull's herself into a parking lot. The second she shifted the Camry into park, she felt herself start to crumble further. She leaned her head against the headrest. She bit her knuckle trying to stifle her sob. How dare she let someone like her brother get to her head, why was she letting herself be this way.
She take's a deep breath. Her tan cheek's stained with tear's. How can someone like her who has people who love her? Feel all alone. How can someone who save's people every single day, not be able to save herself.
She needed someone, anyone. There is no way she would wanna go home and face her brother, it will just be another screaming match between them. Josie reaches into her back pocket unlocking her phone.
The young woman hesitate's for a moment. There is only one person she could think of that had no reason to judge her in that moment. She click's the green symbol to call him.
The line slowly rang as her anticipation grew for an answer. Maybe he was too busy, why should she bother Eddie with her problems.
Why should she bother anyone? Why is she ever bothering, everything she doe's is just worth--"Hello?!" The voice on the other line say's. Her heart skipped a beat for a moment.
"Uh Hey?" She stutter's out, she sniffle's wiping her eye's. "What.what are you doing right now?" Josie ask's, hoping in her mind he couldn't hear the sadness in her voice.
⍧⍧⍧
THE BARTENDER hand's both of them their drink's. She was suprised he had even said yes to her, he was able to have Carla watch Chris for a little bit. A part of her felt guilty because she knew she would be taking him away from his son, which seemed much more important then some needy girl. Frankly she think's her problem's shouldn't be anyone else's.
"Mhm wait so how did you take the cap's off?" Eddie ask's her. They had been talking about some of their past, Josie avoiding anything bad, any memory she recalled was mainly for swimming.
"Oh well it was easy, it pull's some of your hair because believe it or not." Josie say's, she take's a sip of her beer. "Swim cap's dont actually keep your hair dry." She tells him.
Eddie smirked shaking his head. "I dont know you handled being in water all the time." He says to her, she shrug's.
"I could ask you the same question, how did you handle that Texas heat during baseball?" Josie wonder's smirking against her bottle. He shrugged.
"Depend's on the day." He chuckle's. He drink's his beer. Her shoulder's relax as she watched him from her barstool. He had worn a black plaid shirt with a plain white T shirt, paired with denim jeans. It was very different compared to his work clothes.
"Do you miss it?" Josie wonder's. He looked to her, his brow's knitted. "Texas?" He ask's, she nod's her head.
He blink's. "Sometime's yeah..I had to get away though, we had to." Eddie correct's himself. She nod's her head listening.
"How did Chris take to the change?" Josie wonder's.
"I think he took to it well, he love's school and he love's my job." He gushes to her.She smiled softly. "I mean im practically a superhero to him." Eddie admit's. Her eye's widen at his word usage.
"What about you? Did you think you take it well?" Josie ask's. She can see himself think about her question. "Honestly." Eddie starts.
"It was kind of hard at first I've never lived anywhere else, and on top of it all the paperwork Ive had to deal with Chris." Eddie admits to her, she listen's nodding her head.
"Yeah I get that." Josie say's to him, he looked to her, he looked her up and down. She wore a plain grey zipper jacket, a plain black t shirt. She wasnt dressed too much for someone who wanted to go out.
"So what about you?" He ask's the same.
"What about me?" Josie ask's, she take's a swig of her beer. He smirked biting his lip. "How doe's a girl from Flordia end up here?" He say's. Her heart skipped a beat at his question.
"Could ask you the same?" She deflect's, she chuckle's. His expression remain's unamused. She sighed in defeat.
"Something happened and I did what thought I had to do..run away from it." Josie tell's him. He raised a brow.
"You ran away?" Eddie say's. She nod's her head. "Yeah I know shocker." Josie say's sarcastically. He tap's the hard wood counter.
"I cant judge you for running away, I understand it." Eddie tell's her, she raised a brow confused.
"When have you ever run away from anything?" Josie wonder's curious. From the months she had know him, he was someone who seemed to run into danger.He sighed tapping his beer, hesitating.
"Seriously your braver than me, what have you run away from?" Josie ask's again. He perked at the mention of herself. His brown eye's meet her own.
"What do you mean you aren't brave?" Eddie ask's her, she shake's her head.
"This is not about me." She remind's him. His brow's furrowed at her deflection. "What are you running from?" She ask's.
He huffed. He bit his for a moment. "You dont have to tell me, I will just leave myself guessing." She sighed defeated. She looked down at her drink.
"From Christopher." He finally answer's. She blinked confused. Why would he run away from him? She thinks. He gulp's as his heart pounded at the memory.
"When he was first born, I reenlisted. Went back for a second tour." Eddie admits to her. She could feel as goosebump's coated her arm's. She wouldn't have taken him for someone that would do that.
Their eye's connect once more. She had noticed they were a beautiful brown, they reminded her of coffee. His gaze was soft, compared to his usual resting look he kept. The occasion's she had seen him smile, now in this moment she felt like was seeing through his veil.
"I got scared so I ran." He tell's her, he chuckled half hearty. He bit his lip looking down. "Hell still feel's like I'm running." Eddie say's softly.
Josie licked her lip's as they had gone dry from her concentration. "Your here now..think that's what matter's, right?" She say's. She wish she could take her own advice.
"I dont know." Eddie say's shaking his head. He drink's his beer, taking a deep swig of it. "You wanna know something is I think Ive made thing's worse." He tell's her.
She furrowed her brow's. "What?...how?" He shrug's his shoulder's. Josie cant help but notice how his muscle's moved against his shirt. His eye's meet her's again.
"I called Shannon to help with getting Chris into this school, I brought her back into our live's and now." Eddie hesitate's. She look's at him sincerely. He avoided her eye's.
"One thing led to another?" Josie finishes, he nod's his head agreeing. Her jaw dropped agape. Her stomach churned at the thought of him and his wife, why though? Thats what couple's do, why should she care what he does.
"Oh..uh how does that complicated things?" Josie ask's. She was thankful the warm lighting hiding her red cheek's.
"Its only complicated because Chris dosent know she is back." Eddie admit's to her. Her eye's widen in realization. "Why didn't you tell him?" She wonder's. He looked away shaking his head.
"Because she had left us." Eddie scoff's. Her shoulder's tensed at his responce. "She had run off and now she want's back in, want's everything how it was before." He stated in anger.
"And your scared to let her back in?" The woman state's. He dosent answer. She was right.
"Then why dont you?" Josie ask's him. His heart skipped a beat for a moment. His head snapped in her direction. "I dont think I can." He say's, she furrowed her brow's.
"What if she screw's up and leave's again?" He tell's her. His brown eye's wrought with confusion, desperate for an answer. She shake's her head.
"You dont know that..this time might be different." Josie sugget's. She set's her drink down.
"In this moment you shouldn't think yourself, Eddie." She say's. His name rolled off her tongue like velvet. His arm's covered in goosebump's at her sincereness to him.
"You should think of Christopher, and what's best for him." Josie state's. His eye's glanced between her eye's, drifting to her lips. She looked at him, he seemed to be processing her words.
She grabbed her mouth as she stifled a chuckle, he smirked confused. "What?" He ask's her.
"You know I think you needed this drink more than I did." Josie chuckled against her beer botle, he rolled his eye's playfully. "Oh yeah sure."
"And why did you call me?" Eddie wonder's, her dropped to her stomach, she met his eyes. "I wanted to see you." Josie admit's to him, wasn't a lie completely.
Eddie's heart skipped a beat. He licked his lip's, smirked at her word's. She see's his cocky smile, scoffed. "And I kind of got into an argument with my brother." She admits to him.
"About what?"He wonder's. She sighed heavily. She tapped the counter.
"He want's me to come home for Christmas." Josie tell's him. He furrowed his eye's. "And that's it?" He wonder's. She shrug's.
"Well it was more like my mom made him try and bring me home." Josie correct's herself.
"Is your mom the reason you dont wanna go?" Eddie ask's her, she shrugged again.
"One of them..she's been mad at me for the last five year's, I was the only one to leave and she think's i'm a coward." Josie scoffed. Her eye's blinked slowly in anger as her face grew red.
"And my brother has the audacity to try and bring me back, knowing exactly why I left." Josie fumed. He had seen her anger before. This seemed deeper then just a simple dislike to a person.
"You know what's worse about the whole thing is my mom is right." Josie say's to him. He raised a brow. "How?" Eddie ask's.
"I'm a fucking coward." Josie grumble's. Eddie's heart dropped at the venom in her word's. "I ran away like a coward, I ran tonight." She state's. Her eye's began to brew with tear's again that threaten her eye's.
"You aren't a coward." Eddie say's softly. Josie's mouth jaw dropped agape, he was just being nice, she thinks. The look at each other.
"Coward's usually cant admit to themselve's that they are one." He points out, She felt a jolt deep in the pit of her stomach. Eddie looked her up and down as she looked to him, waiting for his anwser.
His gaze on her soften. The bar was filled with patron's, locked into their own world's. In that moment it felt like she was the only one worth being stuck with. His breath hitched in his throat as his heart raced.
Josie could feel herself almost growing lost in his longing look. His feature's had softened and he only kept his stare to her. Her body grew warm as her heart drummed in her ear's. For a brief second it didn't seem to matter the reason they had come together, just that they were together.
"And from the people I've worked with you have been the bravest." Eddie admits. Her heart skipped a beat. She bit her lip looking to his own. She smirked looking away.
"Thank's for that." Josie say's, her breath hitched in her throat. He smiled.
"And probably most stubborn but that's debatable." Eddie joke's. She huffed offended looking at him, she playfully smacked his shoulder. He laughed shaking his head.
"Mean." She say's laughing, she hoped it hid her nervousness that flooded her body.
"Am I wrong?" Eddie challenged. She spin on her stool to face. "You know what E-- crap!" She exclaimed.
She lost her balanced on her chair, knocking down her drink. Eddie instinctively grabbed her by the arm's to steady her back up. She could feel his calloused hand's on her arm's. Goosebump's flood her as electricity spread through out her entire body. Her breath had begun to pick up as she felt her stomach spinning around.
"I should probably." Josie gulped down her dry throat. She looked at her pant's, a beer stain on leg dripping down. "Shoot." She say's, she grabbed the napkin from the counter.
"Gonna go clean this up." Josie say's, he chuckled as he watched her hurry to get herself clean. She hurried into the woman's bathroom, she was thankful that no one else was in there with her.
She panted as she tried to calm herself down. "Oh my god." She say's breathlessly. Engrained her mind, his look of fondness to her.
"What was that?" She ask's out loud. It had been in the back of her mind, she didn't wanna acknowledge it though, she couldn't. Why should she? She had begun to think, could there be more to them now, more than just a few glance's and stolen moment from each other.
"You cant, you cant." Josie paced. She stop's herself looking into the mirror above the white sink.
Her face was still beet red. She shivered remember the feel of his arm's on her, the heat she had felt from his grip.
She smirked in the mirror biting her lip. She shake's her head. She had begun to grow to one simple conclusion, the answer to all of her emotions and interaction's tonight. She liked Eddie Diaz.
Her smirk had fallen as she realized something else. Despite the intensity, and the feel's she felt in that moment. She could never have him even if she wanted too. Josie shook her head.
"Figure's." Josie whispered. She rolled her eye's, she looked down at the state of her clothe's and began to clean herself up.
A/N HEYYY! HAPPY HOLIDAY's EVERYONE! How are we feeling after this! Not good ...me neither tbh, Gonna sleep goood night everyone!