As Zane brushed his freshly trimmed bread in the mirror and wiped down his emerald green suit he blew out a breath of air as he tried to keep his composure and not break down. After a week of Sierra's guidance and reassuring help with getting himself somewhat straight even though it was tiny progress, he was slowly on a helpful road to getting back on track. After spending the last few days with his grandma and saying his goodbyes Sierra stayed by his side and helped him make the difficult choice of taking her off of life support.
And even though he wasn't mentally and physically ready he knew he had to do it. And over the week Sierra had been playing a big role in helping him through the tough times. Holding her white Draped Collar Backless Halter Dress from dragging on the cobblestone floors Sierra's green Dolce and Gabbana Patent leather heels loudly sounded against the rock stone tile floors as she entered the private dressing room that Zane was in.
Throwing back her 20-inch wand-curled hair over her shoulder and walking up behind Zane Sierra softly placed her hand on his shoulder and slowly moved in front of him to see his full appearance.
Looking him up and down Sierra smiled. "You look handsome baby."
"Preciate you.." Seeing the weak smile that was on his face for a split second fall Sierra could tell he was just trying to put on a smile and hide his true emotions.
"It's okay if you not ready Z, take your time, You know If you want me to I'll walk up there with you okay?" Sierra assured as she rubbed his hand.
"It's ight I got it ma. I really do appreciate you for being here with me and helping me while I'm at my lowest." Zane appreciated.
"I'm always gonna be here for you whenever you need me, baby." Sierra, rising to his height, planted a kiss on his lips and assisted in fastening his tie.
Seeing how Sierra never left his side when he needed her and how he could feel comfortable enough to cry and show his emotions with her made his feelings for her become stronger and he knew from here on she was his.
Wrapping his arm around Sierra's waist and walking out of the dressing room with his arm wrapped around Sierra's waist, they entered the emerald green and white-themed ceremony hall. Sierra's mom, Ashlyn, who had flown in to provide condolences, observed with a warm smile as they approached the casket together.
Bending down and placing a kiss on her hand Sierra lifted back up and wiped her tears. Turning around and rubbing Zane's chest Sierra kissed his cheek and walked over by her mom.
Sierra wanted him to feel embraced by her own so she felt as it would be reasonable to have her family pull up and support Zane in this hard time especially since he didn't have any family and the little family he did have on his dad's side didn't support him as one of their own. So Zane separated himself away from them and never claimed them as his family.
Feeling her mom hug her and kiss her forehead Sierra leaned her head on her shoulder. "I'm so proud of you Akaí." She spoke.
As all of the men, dressed in Emerald green suits, grabbed each handle on the casket, their hands forming a synchronized unity as they carefully carried it out of the long black hearse.
Walking in measured steps, they made their way to her grave, and with a collective effort, they placed it atop her final resting place.
King patted Zane's shoulder as he stood beside him. Zane's gaze fixed on the casket as he held his tears back. "It's gon be Ight Z you just needa stay strong." King encouraged.
"She was all I had left and now she gone. Fuck ima do now King? Shit don't even feel right going back home and tryna act like shit all normal cause it ain't and never will be." Zane said his words carrying the raw weight of grief.
"Ion know how we gone get through this but just know we gone get through it Ight. You stronger than all this Zane ain't no stopping. Millions of niggas gone keep dying in this world but regardless this shit gon keep spinning! And this just mean you gotta be stronger than before and pick ya head up!" King assured.
"Look at ya woman Zane, she trying her hardest to be there for you nigga so you gotta be strong for not only you but her too." Turning his head and looking over at Sierra who was carrying a bouquet of roses over to her memorial King's word played over and over as he knew that everything he was saying was true and it hit deep.
Nodding in agreement, Zane dapped King up, turning to face the casket once more. Placing his hand on its surface, Zane grappled with his emotions. His words, spoken with a mixture of remorse and love, echoed through the silent air.
"I love you with all my heart Gramz and I'm sorry I couldn't be the best grandson you probably wanted me to be but I just wanna let you know I tried. I know you ain't want me on these streets making money the way I am but I tried my best to do what I could for you while you was still breathing." Zane deeply confessed.
"I love you G" Watching as the casket slowly went down into the dirt Zane blinked and a small tear fell down his cheek.
Walking up behind Zane and wrapping her arms around him Sierra leaned her head on his arm and placed the bouquet of red roses onto her casket before it got any lower.
Looking up at Zane to see tears roaming down his face Sierra lifted her hand and used her thumb to wipe his face and chin. As Zane turned to embrace her fully, Sierra softly pulled him close and cradled him in the shelter of her arms.
"It's ok, baby, let it out," she reassured, her voice a soft lullaby in the midst of sorrow. They stood together, a tableau of grief and solace, as they found strength and comfort in each other's arms.
"I give my condolences" Kato sarcastically said as he rolled by the church and let a ball of spit fly onto the grass near the entrance. Slowly rolling up his tinted windows halfway and clutching onto his Glock that had a switch attached to it he laughed as he spoke about Zane's grandma's death and sucked his teeth.
Only showing part of his face and locking eyes with Jayvon, Kato mugged him up and down as he got a good look of who he was and let out a small laugh before waving for one of his patna's to drive off.
"Scared lil bitch." He said before sitting back and taking a hit from his blunt.
After retrieving some information on Zane and all what he was associated around Kato automatically put him on the list as one of his Opps and someone who was gonna be next to get wiped out.
Kato was a Blood that ran the west side of Harlem and after one of Zane's peoples on the southside killed someone that was Close to Kato it became a tension between them and after hearing his brother just got shot and killed by someone from Zane's cliq only made it worse.
Though they didn't know exactly who it was but knowing that it was another one of Zane's members that killed someone he cared about for the second time it only added fuel to the fire and now from Kato's perspective it was gonna be war because he wasn't gonna stop until Zane's whole cliq got killed including him.
6:00 pm
Finally arriving home after the long day, Zane kept his hand on his Glock, a constant companion, as he turned the key in his front door, the click of the lock echoing through the empty hallway.
With a swift glance around, ensuring the safety of his surroundings, Zane, in his signature emerald green suit, covered the Glock that sat on his hip with the fabric and held the door open for Sierra. She gracefully stepped inside, her presence bringing a softness to the low atmosphere.
Walking over to the island and placing their things down Sierra looked around as she seen the clean house and old memories start to pop back up. A text notification on her phone broke the brief silence, a message from her mom, confirming their safe arrival at Sierra's house.
Sierra replied, with an okay and love you and lifted her head as she looked around for Zane. Slipping off her heels and carrying them into the bedroom Sierra found Zane taking off his jewelry and sat her heels down near the door.
"Sierra" Zane spoke his voice coming off raspy and deep.
"Yeah?" Sierra turned towards him, her eyes meeting his, picking up on the subtle struggle as he attempted to remove his chain.
"Can you help me with this real quick" Unlatching his custom diamond Cuban and handing it to him Sierra walked over to Zane's drawer that had a few of her clothes inside and pulled out some red and black checker pants and her white tank top.
"I'm gonna go shower baby you need something before I go?" Sierra asked as she placed the clothes on her arm and ran the shower.
Seeing him nod his head no and continue taking off his accessories Sierra closed the bathroom door and started undressing. Sitting down on the bed Zane blew out a breath of air, the weight on his shoulders became palpable as he contemplated the recent upheavals in his life.
The passing of his grandmother, the matriarch of his family, left him grappling with a sense of loss and guilt. Zane's commitment to providing her with a better life was evident in his actions, but her absence shattered the purpose he had built his life around. The paradox of his emotions, a mix of anger and self-blame, hung in the air as he processed the depth of his grief.
He couldn't believe that he had just came back from burying his grandma. The last piece of family he had left and his last hope. When Zane first found out about his grandma having health issues and Alzheimer's it pushed him to go harder and move him and his grandma out of the projects and getting her into a better and safer environment.
But now that the person he was doing this all for was now gone it shattered him and discouraged him to keep going because to him it wasn't any point anymore. He couldn't settle down on how he felt all he knew was that he was angry mostly at himself because he felt like he could've and should've did better for her when she was here.
After 30 minutes went by Sierra finally got out of the shower and got dressed. Opening the door and walking out Sierra seen Zane sitting with his head in his hands and slowly walked in front of him Sierra placed her hand on his warm smooth skin and rubbed his tattooed back.
"What's on your chest Z?" Sierra asked.
Seeing him nod from side to side, Sierra sat down next to him, "Tell me.. I'm listening baby?"
"Everything Sierra.. I can't even get up in the morning how I used to without crying and my momma ain't never raised no bitch so I hate that I can't control my shit right now." Zane confessed as he kept his head low.
"And that's ok cause you shouldn't hide your real emotions on how you feel about this it's not something that's easy to overcome overnight. And it's gonna take weaker days to get to stronger days Zane." Sierra reassured.
"Shit is just unreal.. I can't even tell you how many funerals I've been to these past few months. And as much as I try to act like that shit don't affect me it's fuckin up my mental Sierra." Zane expressed.
"So tell me what I can do to help fix that baby.." Sierra said as she looked into his eyes
Watching him think of an answer Zane looked at Sierra and nodded. "Just.. don't leave me Ma"
"All I need is you right now." he added.
Nodding her head in agreement Sierra hugged him before pulling back and placing a soft kiss on his lips. Turning off the lights and putting on the movie 'Good Fellas' Sierra laid her head on his chest whilst Zane held her and slowly drifted off as he took in her warm embrace.
All he needed was her by his side, and, in that quiet moment, he discovered that he was somewhat okay as long as she was there by his side – he was finding strength in vulnerability. Reflecting on how Sierra had changed him, he felt a renewed determination to be a better man, and wanting to break free from the patterns of the past and build a future where he could be the man she deserved.
-NI