I woke up in my bed. In the first seconds, I couldn't believe that this was reality. I'm here again. At the ranch.
The September sun was beating on the window, which still had no curtains. We need to hang them... Now I'm going to stay here for a long time. I turned around and realized that I was lying alone. Troy wasn't there, but as soon as I noticed it, he immediately appeared in the doorway. Again in military uniform and with a rifle in his hands, as before. It seemed to me that we had never left here.
"Good morning," I smiled, stretching slowly.
"Hi. I'm going on a sortie with a squad," Troy was clearly not in the mood for a pleasant conversation, "you can still sleep for a long time, it's only 7 in the morning.
"Immediately on a sortie? You won't even train with new people?"
"I've already been trained."
"But when did you get there?"
"At 5 we were already with them in the hangar. Now I went to get my backpack. That's all, until tonight."
"Maybe you can come back at least for lunch?"
"No. We need to clear the area of walkers and look for the source. Alisha and the others came back with nothing. But it's good that she's here. You won't be so bored."
"Troy, can I come with you?"
"No."
"But..."
"I already said. No."
"Why?"
"Because there are only men there. I don't want to take you for a walk where everyone is risking their lives with a crowd of strangers."
"But you're going to leave me here alone all day? You don't know half the people on the ranch, and you're leaving, leaving me here."
Troy thought about it. But after a couple of seconds he answered my argument:
"Jake will be with you."
"I heard you arguing yesterday. Now you're in charge of the ranch and you think everything's okay? Will he leave it like this?"
"He has no choice. The militia is on my side."
"When you leave, the militia will not be here."
I silently turned away from Troy. He started to pack his backpack. My thoughts were filled with anger and a bunch of questions. Now I have a new rhythm of life: to sit and wait for him to return from a sortie, hunting or something else?
"Dell, please let me prove that I really am the leader of this place. I need your support. I want you to trust me!"
"I trust. But I want you to include me in your plans."
"You're always included in them."
I so wanted at least some kind of note of attention from him. For him to hug me... for example.
After about 5 minutes, Troy finished packing and headed for the exit. The floor creaked under his feet. At the very door he stopped.
I held my breath in the hope that he would turn around and come to me. "Well, well! Come on!" — flashed through my head. But that didn't happen. Troy left without a word, closing the door behind him. I don't understand why, but I started crying. After a couple of moments, I ran to the window. The gate was clearly visible from it. Troy was already standing there, leaning on the fence, and saying something to the militia. There were two cars parked near the ranch, one was driving away at that moment. While the guys were sitting down, he stood and looked at them. Then he suddenly turned sharply in my direction and made a farewell gesture. There was a smile on his face. I raised my palm in response. I don't know if he noticed it.
The time was approaching 4 o'clock in the afternoon. I've already met all the newbies on the ranch. There weren't as many of them as I expected. There used to be a lot more people here. After going around everyone, I went to the kitchen with Alisha. She was insanely glad to see me back.
"Really, it's so good that we're back together. I've missed you so much. And when everyone left... I've regretted staying a million times. And you? Weren't you sorry when you left with Troy?"
"No," I shrugged, "I couldn't help myself."
"Jake and I are getting worse every day. He went completely nuts as soon as the ranch became his property. Sometimes I want to run away. But I do not know how and where..."
"I understand. I also sometimes want to run away, but it's pointless. If Troy wants to, he'll find me."
"By the way, where have you been all this time?"
I told Alisha in detail about our trip, omitting only the murder of Clara. We cut carrots for soup together with two other women. They were newbies and older than us, so they didn't try to engage in dialogue. In general, everyone looked at me askance, but they communicated respectfully. Alisha said that everyone already knows about the new arrangements: Troy is in charge, Jake is acting.
It took another couple of hours since we were all done in the kitchen. It was time for dinner. The ranch residents were already pulling up to the gazebos. Suddenly I saw Arthur. So the militia has already returned. I went up to him.
"Oh, the squad has already returned! Faster than I thought."
"We've been here for two hours, didn't Troy tell you? We found a spring with water."
"He said, of course," I lied with a tight smile, "do you know where he is now?"
"I think he was at home," Arthur scratched his head, "but aren't you going to eat?" these words were already addressed to my back, I ran home.
Otto was sitting in his father's office with his feet up on the table, looking through some maps. The rays of the setting sun flooded his face with amber light. A song was coming from the old speakers:
Darling, you know that I love you true,
Do anything that you want me to,
Confess all my sins like you want me to,
There's one thing that I will say to you...
Troy looked up:
"Hey, Dell."
"Hi," I entered, quietly closing the door, "why didn't you tell me how you got back?"
"I've been busy. We found the source, did you hear?"
"Yes, I would like to learn this from you, not from Arthur Green."
"What difference does it make from whom to find out! Don't act like a child!"
"Troy, you were gone half the night because you were talking to your brother, then you left without even saying goodbye properly, and you were gone all day, and when you came back, instead of notifying me, you left here and..."
"Honey, come on, today is such a wonderful day! Come here," Troy pulled me by the elbows to him and began to circle in a dance, singing along to the words of the song in a low whisper, which still did not end:
There's one thing that I will say to you,
Im not like everybody else,
Im not like everybody else,
Im not like everybody else.
"Troy, what's going on?" I pushed his hands away. He came over and turned down the sound in the speakers. It became almost completely inaudible.
"What are you talking about?"
"About how you distanced yourself literally in a day. What's wrong with you?"
"I'm busy, Dell. Now I'm in charge of the ranch and the people who are here! They believed me! I have to justify their trust! I solve problems because now I'm the leader here!"
"And who am I?"
"What kind of questions?!"
"Who am I to you that you behave like this?"
Troy paused. For five minutes he just sorted through the sheets on the table, then continued in a calm tone.
"Dell, please, I'm really tired. You know perfectly well that you are my wife. Let's not make a show of it. Nobody needs it. You know how much I love you, right? I really love you. It's all for you! I came back for you! Let's just be together..."
"I don't see that you treat me with love."
"How do I show it? What do you want? Maybe you want to have a real wedding? Do you want me to order us to build a new house? What can I please you with?"
"I just want you not to treat me like a stranger."
"Dell, I heard you. I'm just busy with ranch issues... I'll try to be more attentive with you. I promise."
I went up to him and hugged him. He hugged me to his chest. His military uniform smelled unpleasant, but I missed him so much that I didn't care. The song was still playing.
"I'm sorry, I just thought something was wrong."
I woke up in the middle of the night from a nightmare. Troy was lying next to him. Looking at my watch, I found that it was 2:15. I got up and went to the window. In the sky, in the blooming garden of stars, the full moon shone. After standing there for a couple of minutes, I went back to bed. Sleep still did not go, the minutes dragged on like nougat. Troy slept soundly. I decided it would be nice to take a walk to fall asleep.
Throwing on a hoodie and sweatpants, I quietly headed out of the house. There were cigarettes and a lighter on the nightstand in the hallway. Alisha must have forgotten, I thought. She dabbled in them a lot, but neither Troy nor Jake smoked. Well... and I'll indulge.
It was fresh and quiet outside. I went down the creaking stairs, trying not to make too much noise, so as not to attract the attention of the guards from the cordon.
After walking about three meters, I walked around the house, took a cigarette and took a drag. It's been a long time since I've had something like this in my life. Smoke rose to the stars, absolutely everything was dotted with them, every centimeter. It seemed like the sky was an arm's length away from me. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the moment. Suddenly, someone's voice sounded literally behind me.
"What are you doing here alone?"
Startled, I turned around. In front of me was the same young guy from the security who was talking to me when I approached the gate.
"I smoke. Forbidden?"
"Smoking is not forbidden. It is forbidden to wander at night without warning anyone."
"Why is that?"
"Such rules. You can be shot by the military, mistaking you for an intruder."
"Well... try to take me to them with a confession."
I grinned at him.
He grinned back.
"I'm Dean, by the way," now his face expressed a friendly smile, "so why are you here alone?"
"I can't sleep."
"I understand. I'm not in security today, but I can't sleep either."
"And you say that forbidden to wander at night without warning anyone."
"If you're in the military and with a weapon," Dean shook his head as if examining himself, "then you can. I wanted to say... you are, I'm sorry for being rude on the first day, I didn't want to, I'm just not used to standing on ceremony with strangers."
"No problem," I spread my hands and noticed that the cigarette was almost over, so I had to put out the bull against the wall of the house. Now I didn't know where to put it.
"Are you in charge now after Troy?"
"No, why would?"
"But you're like the first lady of the ranch?"
I laughed. Dean too.
"And where did you come from in general?"
"I stumbled upon it by chance when I was wandering."
"Are there any relatives?"
"No. I've been alone all my life. I was in a couple of foster homes, but I was quickly kicked out, and I didn't really want to stay there."
"Yes, I've heard about foster families," I thought of Linda and Oliver.
"I know how you left the ranch. It's strong. But Troy deserves it, he is a real leader."
"Don't fall in love him."
"Funny. But I'm serious. To go somewhere unknown with him is a cool act. Now... now, what do the Russians say there? The Decembrist's wife?"
"Do you know my entire biography?"
"A couple of facts. And the country of birth belongs to them."
"If you wanted to impress, it didn't work out. Although... few know anything about the Decembrists."
"I've read a lot," Dean shrugged.
"Listen, I'm going to bed, thanks for the company, but it's time."
"Good night, Adaline."
No one has called me that for a thousand years...