CHAPTER SEVEN
3 Days Until the Wedding
Alana's POV
The kitchens smelled amazing this morning. The kitchen staff and cooks were up all hours of the night preparing different samples of cake flavors for the wedding. And today we had the opportunity to try all of them.
I remember when my Uncle Renly was getting married to Lady Margaery from Highgarden they had the wedding in King's Landing and Renly had me help them pick a flavor for their cake. It was the most amazing experience and since that day I had dreamed of my own wedding and doing fun things like this.
Today won't be as fun because Robb turned the corner into the kitchens completely and utterly hung over. In fact, I'm pretty sure he's still drunk, as he holds onto the table and leans as though he's trying not to vomit with each cough.
Today my mother had Joffrey and Sansa chaperone us because apparently we can't be left alone for some reason. I don't know what my mother fears...Maybe that I'll put the biggest knife from the butcher's block into Robb's chest and twist it with a smile on my face? If that's her fear then maybe she's right to have us be chaperoned.
Joffrey walked up and down the tables and looked at each place setting with a small piece of a different type of cake or dessert on the plate. A few he sniffed and immediately tossed into the trash.
"Your Grace," The cook said to Joffrey. "Shouldn't Princess Alana decide for herself if she wants it to be disposed of or not?"
Joffrey rolled his eyes and waved his hand to shoo away the cook. "Ugh," He muttered disgusted. "My sister would never put raisins in her mouth. Or a wolf." His eyes narrowed with a glare at Robb was breathing heavily as he grunted and cleared his throat, turning a nasty shade of green.
"Robb?" Sansa said softly. "You don't look-"
In that exact moment he ran out the door and I didn't dare look. All I heard was the sound of him retching and the splat of it on the ground. I stared directly at Joffrey who rolled his eyes and scoffed.
"Good thing Mother insisted I come with you." Joffrey added. "I suppose your lovely groom won't be ingesting anything this morning or it may end up on the floor in front of us in a pile of... Wine or ale... Whatever he had been chugging all night long."
I glared at Joffrey and took a deep breath to calm myself. I was ready to throw Robb out of the kitchens completely when he came back in pale, sweating, and looking a bit more relieved after hurling his entire stomach's contents out.
"I'm fine." Robb muttered. "I think eating actually may help."
Sansa's eyes flickered with pain and remorse for him. I wish I knew why... What caused him to be like this. From what Lady Stark told me this behavior is not new. It isn't because he's being forced to wed me. It wasn't to scare me away but it's to hide from something that truly has been bothering him.
I want to feel sorry for him but I can't because he's bringing me down as he does this. He's going to completely hit rock bottom and take me there with him. If he had been kinder... More open to talking about things then maybe this marriage would work. But he's cruel. He doesn't give a fuck about anyone but himself.
And my biggest fear in this entire marriage is losing who I am because of him. I know I have to give him a child or two... And I know that I will do it all alone. I will be a single mother who just happens to be married to their father.
I'll never have the happy marriage that his mother and father have. I'll never have what my mother and father have. How my mother will walk into a room and my father will clap loudly and whistle at her and make all attention be drawn to her just because he loves her.
Love is black and white. You're either happy or you're not. It goes one or two ways. Darkness that swallows you whole and makes you hate everything about life. Or pure light where nothing goes wrong ever. For me? I'll be living in darkness.
"What's the first flavor?" I asked completely ignoring Robb at this point. He kept a healthy distance away from me. Even going to stand on the other side of the table and not once letting his eyes fall onto me.
The cook pointed to what I already knew was a lemon cake but it looked different. "This is a lemon cake with lavender infused into it-"
"So everyone can fall asleep at the wedding? Next." Joffrey flung it into a trash barrel. "What's that one? It looks like it's burnt."
"It's a caramelized citrus-"
"No." Joffrey shook his head. "Looks like someone took a shit on a plate."
Robb shrugged. "It sort of does."
"See," Joffrey waved his hand at the cook. "My future brother thinks it looks horrendous. Do you want him vomiting again? Or at his wedding to my sister? No? That's what I thought. Dispose of it."
Sitting on a plate was another lemon cake but this one had strawberries over the top with what looked to be some type of whipped cream. I took my fork and dove into it before Joffrey could say a word and I flung my head back and felt so excited as the combination of flavors hit my tongue.
"I don't need to try anything else. This is it. This is the one." I said happily. Sansa tried a bite and agreed it was amazing and then Joffrey even agreed. All three of us smiling and nodding while then we looked and noticed Robb standing there not even looking at it. He turned his back to us with his arms crossed like he was throwing a tantrum.
"Lord Stark?" The cook called out. "Did you want-"
"Oh no, apparently I don't need too. No, the prince and his sister seem to be making every fucking decision on this wedding. I'm not sure why yet again I've been dragged from my bedchambers when I could be sleeping to stand around while Alana and Joffrey call the shots." He clicked his tongue and then sniffled. "Don't worry about me. I'm just the stupid groom I don't need to be involved at all."
Sucking in a deep breath and forcing myself to smile, I took the fork in my hand and dove it into the cake, walking around the table toward him and standing in front of him. My eyes like daggers into his that refused to meet my gaze at first.
"Open." I said with the bite on the fork just mere inches from his mouth.
"No." He turned his head away.
I stomped on his foot and when he opened his mouth I shoved the bit of it into his mouth and then used my hand to close his jaw. "Don't you ever disobey me again."
I threw the fork onto the table and stormed out of the kitchens. Stepping over the puddle of Robb's alcohol vomit and going to the stables to clear my mind. I didn't have my own horse here and I didn't have any of my pets that I had back home in King's Landing. But walking up and down seeing the different horses and the kennels made me feel a bit at ease.
While I was in the stable I noticed all the wolves in their cages. Aside from Jon's, he had taken Ghost out for a run in the woods with Theon while they went for a hunt. Father and Lord Stark went with them. They'd been going almost each day, aside from yesterday when Robb had the boys go with him for his fitting for formal attire.
All the wolves were sleeping aside from Grey Wind, Robb's wolf. He went right up to the edge of the cage and whimpered to me. I was weary about sticking my hand into the bars of the cage but for some reason I did. He sniffed me and then licked my hand. Panting happily and trying to break free from the cage. I looked around and noticed it wasn't locked with a big lock, just a bar holding it shut.
Maybe I shouldn't but...
I let him out.
He immediately jumped up onto me and nearly knocked me to the ground. But it wasn't out of malice. Grey Wind only wanted to kiss my face, which I allowed, and then I sat my clean gown onto the filthy floor and let him sniff me all over. Sticking his nose into my hair and then placing his head onto my lap while I was petting him.
His soft fur tangling into my fingers while he nearly purred himself to sleep in my lap. I found myself at a new level of ease while I sat with Grey Wind. I don't know what compelled me to do so but I started to talk to him... About things I couldn't talk to anyone else about.
"I suppose you and I will be family in a few short days..." I said with a giggle. Grey Wind's big eyes looking up at me briefly before he shut them again and nestled his head again in my lap. I smiled down and titled my head to look at him again as I continued to pet his head. "I suppose if the Young Wolf hates me I should take what I can get from it... At least the actual wolf enjoys being around me... I really wish I knew what I did to upset him when I first arrived. He made a face at me the moment I stepped out of the wheelhouse and I know his mother says things are bad for him right now... But I would have been his friend if he allowed me."
Grey Wind continued to snore slightly in my lap. I looked around and was still alone. It was completely silence but I felt like I had someone looming over my shoulder or at least watching from a distance. But it could have simply been me just being paranoid.
"At least I'll have you... Right?" I kissed the wolf on the head. "Mother says when I give Robb a child that really... The child will be just mine and it'll be the only thing in this world that I'll love effortlessly. But if you keep snuggling up to me like this you may just make top of the list until then."
I breathed out again and felt tears fall from my eyes. Feeling the sinking of my heart as it fell to the ground and lost all it's true purpose. I'm alone in this world. I am truly alone no matter what my mother tells me. No matter how many people will surround me there will be no one who will ever just listen and understand me.
No one aside from a wolf who can't even tell me with words that he loves and appreciates me. Because that's all I want. To be loved and appreciated. To know that my efforts are not useless. That I am not useless.
Once my sister returns to King's Landing I'll have no one.
"I'm terrified..." I told Grey Wind as I sniffled. "Robb is not the man I thought he would be. I was told my whole life how wonderful and honorable the Stark men are... But he's not like them. He's not like Ned at all. He's not like Jon either... Even the baby... Rickon- he's so much kinder than that monster... The monster that I'm going to be forced to share a bed with in just 3 days for the rest of my life."
Grey Wind lifted his head and looked to the entry way of the stables and stared into the distance, but no one was there. He sniffed for a moment and panted happily as he looked past me and to the doorway. But nothing.
"I want to love Robb, but I never will."
-
I sat there for what felt like hours just petting Grey Wind and continuing to talk to him. Telling him my favorite stories I've read and the shows I'd seen when I lived in King's Landing. I laughed for the first time in days and felt happiness as I spoke to a damn animal.
"Why is he out of the cage?" A voice boomed in the stables and both Grey Wind and I jumped.
Jon stood there with a smile on his face as he put Ghost back into his kennel. Giving a kiss to Ghost before locking the door. He grabbed Grey Wind by the scruff of his neck and lead him into his kennel and locked it too.
He reached a hand to me to help me up when he breathed through his mouth and sighed a long sigh. "Your gown is filthy, Princess."
I giggled. "Worth it. Had the best set of listening ears all day and he doesn't smell nearly as bad as Robb did today."
Jon hummed and nodded slowly. "Was he hung over again?"
I nodded. "Vomited and then refused to participate in the cake tasting. I mean, Joffrey was a bit of a control freak-"
"Joffrey thinks he knows you better than anyone else." Jon cut me off. "He wouldn't even let Madam Louise pick fabrics yesterday. Every single one of them was disgusting and repulsive and an atrocity. Even said some of them were just insulting." Jon chuckled. "I thought Robb was going to smash Joffrey's head into the ground."
Jon was kind... He always spoke to me like a human and made me laugh even when I'd been wanting to do nothing but cry. "Tell me more about this trip to Madam Louise you all had." I walked slowly with him through the courtyard as he set up his arrows and targets.
"Well," Jon said as he adjusted his leather gloves. Fiddling with the arrows in his quiver and checking to see if any needed sharpening. The ones that did he put aside into a separate pile. I quickly grabbed then and started to sharpen them and he looked at me with a flicker of happiness. "Thanks..." He said softly.
"As I was saying," He smirked. "Madam Louise put more pins into Robb's skin than she did any of the fabric she grabbed to make his formal attire. She also complained that he's lost too much weight since the last time she had to make his attire." His face fell slightly. "It's been a rough year for him."
I raised a brow as I helped sharpen his arrows. "Why?"
He shrugged. "I don't know if I'm the one who should tell you about it." He looked at the target and took a few paces toward it and adjusted the height of it. Making sure it was straight and would line up with his bow arm.
"Did something happen to him?" I asked softly. "Lady Stark said this behavior started a year or so ago, perhaps-"
"Listen Alana, I think you're a great person. You're too good for Robb and that's the truth but he's my brother and feelings aside I wouldn't ever betray him by telling you what happened a year ago. If he wants to tell you then he will. But I'm just the bastard... It's all I'll ever be."
He walked back toward me and picked up an arrow I sharpened and examined it. He pulled it back into the bow and shot it directly into the center of the target. The sound of it sliced through the air crisply and he seemed content with my work.
I watched him go and retrieve the arrow and then walk all the way back. He leaned against a post and looked at me for a moment. Opening his mouth to say something and then didn't. Just picked up his bow and shot again.
Yet again... A perfect shot.
"I don't think you're just some bastard. If anything maybe Robb is the bastard," I rolled my eyes and laughed. Picking at the threads on my sleeve and then going into my pocket and playing with my nail file. Something that keeps me from chewing my nails.
Jon laughed and shook his head. Shooting another arrow but this time it wasn't as perfect of a shot. Just slightly off center. He shrugged and picked another arrow from his quiver. Looking at it then handing it to me to sharpen it.
"I wish that was the case." Jon laughed in almost a pathetic way. "Because of Robb, I'll always live in his shadow. He'll get the big castle and the princess for a wife... He'll have children with the last name Stark and I'll have nothing. Maybe a cottage in the village if I'm lucky and a tavern wench for a wife who will give me more children who carry the name Snow."
"You can make something of yourself..." I replied. "Don't sell yourself short because you think Robb will always be better than you, which if I may speak freely, he's far from better than you. I can promise you that."
Jon smiled and nodded. "You're too kind, Princess."
It was silent for a few moments until Jon looked at me again and breathed out. "I've been meaning to ask... Why did you spend so much time talking to Grey Wind? And why did you feel so... Comfortable taking him from his cage?"
I shrugged. "I-"
"He could have torn your face off." Jon shrugged. "You need to be careful; you could have really been hurt and you're lucky I found you and not Robb. He would have probably commanded Grey Wind to eat your face off or something."
"I just..." I paused and exhaled nervously. Feeling defeated. "You're right... I'll be more careful next time."
Jon nodded. "I'm just looking out for you because I care about you. And I'm just trying to help you stay on Robb's good side."
"Then tell me why he's been a mess for a year." I crossed my arms.
Jon backed away slowly. "No-" He shook his head firmly. "Absolutely not. I'm not falling for that trick."
"Trick?" I pouted my lips into a purposeful frown. "Come on... I'm the Princess."
"Don't you dare-"
"I command you to tell me why Robb has been a mess for a year. In the name of Robert of the House Baratheon, King of the Seven Kingdoms-"
"Blood hell!" Jon shouted and then buried his face into his hands. "Robb's best friend died, alright? They'd been glued to the hip since they could walk and a year ago... He died. Robb hasn't recovered from it."
My heart sank to my stomach and then my stomach turned completely. I swallowed and then realized I hadn't been breathing. I held my breath and then finally gasped out and Jon sighed like he knew he had fucked up by telling me.
"Don't bring it up ever unless Robb talks to you about it. Please Alana... I'm begging you don't go looking for answers and especially not from Robb. He doesn't talk about it to anyone. That's why he's been... Drunk a lot and a complete fucking dick to everyone." Jon pleaded with me and I nodded nervously.
"I-"
"Promise me."
"I promise Jon, I won't say anything."