a longer one for my chris gals :)
lmk what i should do next!
———
The guys were packing for tour, all of us in the living room watching as they went through a pile of clothes I had washed for them a few days ago.
"How are you already packed?" Nick asked in disbelief as he folded a shirt and threw it in his bag.
"I packed with Madi last week." I shrugged and threw another chip in my mouth, "We like to be prepared." Thankfully, this tour I'm finally getting to tag along. Earlier this year I was stuck working so I couldn't go with them, but now that my socials are taking off it's my full time job, which gives me freedom to do as I please.
"No, don't pack that." Emily, Chris' little fling, grabbed an orange sweatshirt out of his hand and tossed it to the side, "It doesn't look good on you." I immediately scrunched my nose in disgust at her comment and looked at Nick and Matt, the same expression on their faces.
"What one is it?" Matt asked out of curiosity and grabbed it. It was a simple orange crewneck with a quarter zip. In my opinion, Chris looked amazing in anything he wore, so why was she being such a bitch?
"Gimme it." Nick snagged it from Matt and threw it into his own duffel bag, rolling his eyes in the process. Emily putting Chris down wasn't a new thing, she's been doing it ever since she learned about me and Chris' past.
During senior year, Chris and I almost dated, but when they moved to LA before I did, we called it quits. We both knew long distance wouldn't work and wanted to save any future arguing it could've caused. I thought that when I moved out to LA to live with Madi, Chris and I would've started over, but we didn't. He found Emily and she's been up his ass ever since.
"Are you sure you don't have room on the bus for one more?" Emily ran her hand down Chris' arm and I suddenly had the urge to throw up the pizza we had for lunch. Of course, whenever she made physical contact with him, she shot daggers at me across the room.
"Bus is full." I muffled with a mouthful of chips, "We're gonna have to strap Nick to the top."
"Shut up and give me some." Nick plopped down next to me and shoved his hand into the chip bag, stealing a handful for himself, "I'll strap you to the top."
"Oh my god," Chris had an 'aha' moment and began laughing, "Remember when we—oh my god—when we dragged Y/n and Nate on sleds with the van."
"Yes!" Matt's eyes widened and he began laughing as well, "She was screaming bloody murder!"
"I wanted to kill you guys." I reminisced right along with them and my cheeks began to hurt from smiling so widely. We had so many memories together and I'm glad we get to create more. Putting aside all romantic feelings for Chris, they were all my best friends no matter what, or who, tried to come between us.
"I asked a question." Emily huffed and crossed her arms over her chest, "Are you sure you don't have room on the bus for one more? I can get the time off work, I can—"
"Y/n already said the bus is full." Nick leaned back and I rested my head on his shoulder, sending her a small smirk. I didn't like being confrontational or purposely trying to create problems, but she's been a snob for far too long.
"Whatever." She stormed through the kitchen and down the stairs to Chris' room.
"Seriously, guys?" Chris' hands fell and smacked against his legs, "Now I gotta choose between defending her or you." He pointed to me and my eyes widened in shock.
"I was just telling her the bus was full. It's the truth." Between all of us going, we barely had enough room as it is, adding Madi and I took up the last two bunks, "I'm sorry. I honestly didn't mean to piss her off, but she treats you like shit."
"I know." Chris said softly and walked towards the stairs to his room. We could all tell by his pace that he was defeated and mentally exhausted.
The three of us stayed silent to wait for the inevitable argument that my comment had caused. Within three minutes of him walking down the stairs, she was screaming and my name was being tossed around like a hot potato.
"I gotta go home before I fucking punch her." I already felt my blood boiling at everything that was being said. I couldn't sit around and listen to her call Chris names and accuse him of 'cheating' on her with me, "I'll see you guys in a couple days. Tell Chris if he needs me, he can call."
"He knows he can." Matt gave me a hug, "But I'll remind him."
"I hope he drops her before tour." Nick mumbled and swooped in for his own hug. After saying goodbye, I debated one last time if I should go down there to be there for Chris, but ultimately sided against it. I didn't want Chris to be put in the awkward position of having to choose between her and I, because I feared I may not like the answer.
>>>
"San Fran here we come!" I cheered happily while boarding the bus, Matt helping everyone carry their luggage up the stairs. Behind me, Chris struggled to fit his duffel and backpack through the bus door, "Here, I can—"
"I got it." He snapped. It took me a few seconds to realize what he just did. He snapped at me, something he's never once done before, not in a serious way at least.
"Just trying to fuckin' help." I slid past Matt and sat down on the couch between Nick and Madi, all my excitement draining, "Your brother is being a douche."
"He broke up with Emily," Nick informed, "Well, I guess not 'broke up', but you get what I mean. He told her to get out and not to contact him ever again."
"What we're they even fighting about?" Madi turned her head and peaked around me to see him. Nick didn't hesitate to look directly at me and widen his eyes slightly, gesturing that the it was because of me.
"Oh, come on," I scoffed, "He didn't leave her because of me." Nick sat with a blank stare on his face, "Are you serious?" He slowly nodded his head yes and when Chris walked through the bus, we went silent.
Matt
Go talk to him.
Y/n
What am I even supposed to say?
Matt
You know.
I sighed and slid my phone back into my pocket. I didn't know what to say, not the slightest clue. If I go talk to him then I guarantee there's going to be tears and bursts of emotions, something I don't think I'm ready for. Matt finished bringing the last bag in and stopped when he saw me still sitting on the couch.
"Go. Now." He stood like a disappointed father and looked to where Chris walked off to, "He needs you."
I mentally prepared myself for another couple seconds and when I thought I was ready, I got off the couch and opened the divider to reveal Chris laying on the bottom bunk.
"Hey." I said quietly, "I heard about you and Emily." He scooted his body towards the wall and I slid into the bed opposite way of him, that way we could face each other, "You're giving me the cold shoulder, so if it was my fault then I'm sorry."
"Wasn't." Chris deadpanned and continued scrolling on his phone, "Just don't know what to do now."
"It'll take time. I know moving on can be hard, so if you ever—"
"How hard was it moving on from me?" He finally looked away from his phone and my jaw threatened to drop from his question, "How'd you do it so easily?"
"I'm still working on that." I looked down at my thumbs and swirled them around one another, "But you seemed to do it just fine, so I'm sure you can do it again."
"Whatever." He turned and faced away from me.
"Don't 'whatever' me, Chris. What's your deal? Why are you being a dick and giving me attitude?" If the bunks weren't so small, I would have sat up and tried getting me to look at him, but the low top bunk didn't allow me to do that.
"Because you act like I chose Emily over you. You act like I got over you so fast." I wasn't sure what to say, so I waited to see if he'd say more, "Emily treated me like shit and I knew that, but she kept my mind off you. She made it just a little bit easier to force myself to think of something else for at least five minutes out of my day."
"Why didn't you just work on us then? Why'd you throw in the towel as soon a you guys planned on moving?" I still didn't understand that part. If he wasn't over me, then why go through the trouble of finding someone else just to 'get over' me.
He turned his body and propped his head onto his hand, his elbow providing support, "You need someone that can give you things that I don't think I can. I want to be able to, but I don't know how. I have no idea how to reassure that I'm in love with someone, because I already know I am. I don't know how to be those guys you read about in books. I'm me and I don't know if that's enough for you."
His last sentence broke me to pieces. Tears pooled in my eyes and I reached for his hand, this time he didn't give me the cold shoulder, but squeezed mine tight, "I know relationships are scary and sometimes hard and we're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, you and me, every day. I love you for exactly who you are and I have never once thought about trying to change you."
This was a rare moment I've only seen a couple times throughout our entire friendship, Chris feeling his emotions so heavily he wiped away a stray tear. With tears in both of our eyes, we laughed softly at the other, because we were both emotional messes.
"Please don't ever change." He grinned at me and tugged my hand ever so slightly towards him, then pulled me into a hug as soon as I was close enough. I wrapped my arms around him and bunched the material of his sweatshirt into my fists, "Can you just lay with me until we get to San Fran?"
"It's a six hour drive." I pointed out, pulling away only enough to look up at him.
"We have a lot to catch up on," His hand rested on the side of my face and his thumb picked my jaw up slightly. Anxiousness filled my veins, but when his lips connected to mine all I felt was tranquility, "Thank you for sticking around."
"Only for you."
———
Half finished draft I wanted to publish :)