I find Astarion in the morning breaking down his tent and putting away his things, I can almost see the weight of his thoughts in the dip of his shoulders and how he stares off after a few moments his hands forgotten in the motions.
I hug the leather tunic to my chest as I approach, "Astarion."
He quickly arranges his features in a pleasant smile, "Morning, my sweet. Sorry, my thoughts were running away with me."
"What is it?" I ask, tilting my head.
He looks down at his pack, his fingers running along the leather strips that tie it off. "Everything feels so sudden." He explains, "A fortnight's travel to Moonrise and we might be rid of these tadpoles once and for all. I thought I would have more time."
"No more parasite means." I mutter.
"I'm his again. Whatever advantage I've gained from the mind flayers taken away from me." He sighs, "I don't even know the specifics of the contract or pact he carved into my back. I feel all I have is more questions than answers."
I reach forward and put my hand on his, "We will figure it out."
"Aren't you so sweet." He looks up at me then takes in the leather at my chest, "What is that?"
"Oh." I smile holding out the cobalt blue leather tunic, "I used a bit of the coin I got from the tieflings."
He stares at it, "Is this for me?"
I nod, "As lovely as your padded cloth armor is," I pause, "and it is quite lovely. I felt this might protect you a bit more from the odd arrow or crossbow bolt. Especially with the danger we have been finding ourselves in."
Astarion takes it from me and stares down at it for a moment, running his fingers along the gold embellishment at the collar, matching the designs around the shoulders and bottom hem.
"I know black would have helped you slip into the shadows a bit more, but the tanner was out of dye so I thought a dark blue was the next best—"
I watch as he begins unlacing his armor, stripping it off in front of me. My eyes go wide as the white long sleeved shirt underneath clings to his skin. I seem to forget how beautiful he is even for a High Elf, as many of our private moments are stolen away in the night.
Astarion tugs the armor up over his shoulders then takes time to adjust the ties and buckles up the front. As he finishes he rolls his shoulders and looks down at me with a devilish smile, "So, how do I look?" He holds out his arms for appraisal.
I blink at him, "You look." I clear my throat, "gorgeous."
He steps forward and takes my face in his hands, staring down at me for a moment before kissing me firmly. Stunned by the gesture, I reach up and grip his forearms to steady myself as I lean into his kiss. He pulls away and presses another softer kiss to my forehead, whispering "Thank you, my love."
Such a blatant display of affection feels a bit strange coming from Astarion, but still I allow the giddy sensation bubble in my chest.
—
Lae'zel, Shadowheart and Wyll set off a few hours earlier to scout ahead towards the Mountain Pass while the rest of us began our slow trek to catch up. It was going to be a few days or close to a few weeks to make our ways towards the Moonrise Towers and ever since Astarion mentioned it the idea kept replaying in my mind.
I could so easily lose him if we remove the mind flayer parasites before taking down his old master.
I can't help but look back at him as he trails behind us, still lost in thought and almost untouchable at times. It feels as though just as he allows one of his walls to come down another finds it's way between us.
There isn't much I can do seeing as how I have my own secrets and fears. If only I could trust him as much as he has trusted me, but I fear my deeds might make him look at me different in the end.
Astarion clears his throat and looks down at his boot, "You all go on ahead. I will catch up."
"Are you sure?" Karlach asks, "I don't mind waiting."
"I don't want to slow us down any further. I just seem to have something stuck." He gestures.
When I don't move he moves to shoo me away, "Go on, my dear. I'm right behind you."
I exhale, "Alright."
As I turn to follow Karlach something sticks in my chest, I can hear the subtle footfalls of his boots moving father and father away. Quickly, I attune myself to sound of the birds and listen to the sounds of water. I turn and notice a winding path just off a ledge leading down south.
"Dammit." I grit my teeth and run towards the ledge, dropping down onto the path.
Astarion turns, brandishing his dagger.
"What in the Seven Hells do you think you are doing?" There's a lilt to his voice as he stares me down.
"Careful, I'm beginning to think of this as foreplay." I nod towards the dagger.
He replaces it in it's sheath, "I told you to go on."
The winding path seems familiar, I remember it from a map of the area. He's going towards the Sunlit Wetlands. From then everything clicks into place.
"You were going to take out the Gur." I fold my arms across my chest.
"How do you know about the Gur?" The look of shock on his face is priceless.
"As subtle as you think this is," I gesture between us, "Zevlor did pull me aside to warn me this morning. I'm glad that he did seeing how you were going to do something stupid."
Astarion snarls at me, "I don't see how you have the right to be angry with me. I am doing this to protect you."
"What exactly do you feel you're protecting me from? You were just going to leave and possibly be captured or killed without me ever knowing?" I suck in a breath, my thoughts returning to this morning, "You were kissing me goodbye. You asshole."
He blinks at me, opening his mouth then closing it again.
"I won't let you do any of this alone, Astarion." I walk towards him, "From now on you don't get make my decisions for me."
He huffs out a breath, "Serves me right to fall in love with such a stubborn foolish little thing such as yourself."
I fight the smile pulling at my lips, "I love you too."
"Come on." He growls.
I follow closely as we continue down the winding path until we reach a rickety bridge leading off to a bright lush green valley. It feels every bit at odd with the name of the Sunlit Wetlands.
As I step forward I can feel magic tugging at my legs, weighing me down. This isn't right. There is some enchantment in place keeping us from seeing things as they really are. I look over to Astarion, watching him look around with the same distrust that I feel.
"What is that?" He asks, "I feel like my mind is playing tricks on me."
I close my eyes and focus upon the magic, finding it splitting through the ground like a thread. I tug at it with my thoughts and feel lighter immediately. Upon opening my eyes, the enchantment falls away revealing broken bridges over putrid waters with gangly trees sprouting and being choked by their own undergrowth.
I turn and walk to Astarion, placing my hands on his face, "Close your eyes." I whisper.
He looks at me, furrowing his brow then does as I ask. I allow the magic to twist between us, lifting the veil of enchantment as best I can. His eyes snap open and his body sags as he feels the difference, straightening when he takes in the sights around us.
"Gods below." He mutters.
"I fear whatever creature that is able to put such a powerful enchantment in place." I say as we continue deeper into the wetlands.
The roads branch of in a couple of ways, to the right leads deeper and further into the swamps while the left becomes another winding rocky path leading us towards the mountains to the west. We go left and the deeper we wander it feels like the the sun is swallowed by thick grey cloud cover further obscuring the visibility with the rolling fog that clings to our calves with every step.
Just up the path I can make out a figure resting on an outcropping of stones, hunched over and seemingly digging through a pack.
"Strangers." The figure calls out standing at attention and puts out a hand, "Forgive the smell. It's powdered iron vine, an old hunter's trick. It keeps most monsters from turning me into their meal."
Astarion walks a few steps closer, "What manner of monster do you believe lives in this place?"
The monster hunter places his hand on his belt, "I'm hunting a vampire spawn from Baldur's Gate. I have reason to believe he is in the area."
"A vampire spawn." I look between him and Astarion, "In the daylight?"
"It's true he has likely already gone to ground, but I was hoping to find some trace of him. His name is Astarion."
I glance at the man himself, "And what would you do if you found this vampire spawn?"
"My orders are to capture him and bring him back to people at Baldur's Gate." The monster hunter explains, "They await his return."
"What use do they have for a vampire spawn? If I'm not beholden to their masters." I ask.
The monster hunters shakes his head, "Make no mistake, a spawn is only weak compared to it's master. With him on the loose, the woods are that much deadly at night. It is quite the threat."
Astarion looks over at me, his eyes liquid fire, "I feel we should do something about this threat."
"As you wish, my love." I nod.
Astarion pulls his dagger from it's sheath and walks towards the Gur, brandishing it.
"Astarion?" The hunter looks between us, "No, that's impossible."
I barely turn fast enough to miss the way Astarion's dagger buries in the man's skull with a hollow squelch. I let out a breath as I hear the body fall to the ground, a memory tugging at my chest setting everything a blaze.
I feel his arms around me, his hand pressing my face against his chest, "Shh shh shh." Astarion mutters, "I'm sorry." He whispers barely audible. I'm not sure if he's apologizing to me, to the monster hunter or to himself. I know how it feels to take a life out of survival and even more out of anger and fear.
—
We make it back to the group just before dusk and settle in for the night. Astarion is different, I can tell he's picking up on my mood and I believe that's why he asks me to sleep in his tent tonight.
I can't ignore the way I feel after letting him kill the monster hunter, it brought me back to such a vulnerable place. It's true I didn't know his intentions and I don't see the world in such a black and white manner anymore to believe that he was a pillar of godliness ridding the world of wretched creatures.
Being one of the wretched creatures changed that for me.
"If you don't wish to tell me about it I won't pry." Astarion says with a slight bite to his tone, "But I cannot bear for you to close yourself off to me in such a manner. I know this is eating you alive."
I pull myself from my trance and look at Astarion sat across from me with his legs folded as he leans close to me almost instinctively wanting to bridge the gap between us again.
"I have no excuse for the horrible things I have done." I say mostly for myself.
"Tell me." Astarion says, his voice soft, "So I can love you all the more for your flaws."
With that I can't help but smile. "Fine."
It's not as if it will remain a secret for much longer especially since we have begun to sleep beside each other. The dreams will return just like they always do and he will hear me calling for him in the night.
I take in a deep breath and let it out, "My mother joined the circle when my brother and I were very young. My twin, Errus. We embraced all manners of the Oak Father's creatures, but the circle favored the wolf. We lived as wolves for years. Hunted as wolves." I look up to see Astarion staring at me, concern written across his brow.
"Errus was closer to the other males in the tribe. They'd go out hunting for does and rabbits, but they liked chickens the best. The local farmer's chickens. They made it into a game, whoever could sneak in and steal one away would lead the hunt for the next night." I laughed, my thoughts returning to Errus' face, "They were all terrible at it. Except my brother. He got so good at the game that the local farmers began to set traps. Like they could stop him. Errus loved a challenge."
Emotion grips me by the throat, "I will forever remember the night I found him caught in a snare struggling nearly breaking his hind leg to free himself. The moment the hunter killed him, the last howl that broke from his throat was calling for our mother." Astarion straightens as I look at him again. "The hunter killed my brother. And I killed him. His family didn't make it that winter I have all of those lives on my shoulders. The wolf delights in the carnage, but now whenever I taste blood on my tongue I feel sick. I was a monster. I am a monster. I feel it in me whenever I shift and I fear it will take over again."
Astarion reaches forward and grabs my hand, tugging me forward. I crawl over to him as he settles back on the bedroll, pulling me down until my head is resting against his chest.
"You aren't a monster, my love." He whispers against my hair, "You are a beautiful soul with a heart that burns so brightly it threatens to destroy everything, including itself. The man took your brother from you. I would do the same if anything happened to you."
I look up at him and feel his thumb caress my jaw.
He smiles, "You cannot change your past, but you can change who you grow to be. I've seen you do such good things, my love, some I don't agree with. But the fact that you fear you are a monster tells me that you are not. From my experience, monsters don't question their instincts."
I close my eyes and settle against him, listening to his breath as I fall asleep.
—
The cut of the underbrush scrapes against my legs as I run, my heart beating against my ribs threatening to break them. I'm blind in the fog, not sure where I'm running or what I'm running from, I can just feel it. Teeth nipping at my heels, threatening to catch my flesh with every footfall.
That familiar howl pierces the night and I wake with a start.
My skin is cool, slick with sweat as I look down to Astarion resting beside me in a deep meditation. I let out a breath and press my hand to my chest, begging for my heartbeat to slow.
Then there is another howl.
I swallow at the sound, it reminds me so much of Errus that something twists inside of me. I crawl out of the bedroll and pad out into the camp, the moon casting the entire thing in to a shadow labyrinth leading off into the woods.
As I walk closer to the edge of camp I can hear the scrambling of paw against grass. Small whimpers crying out into the night.
It doesn't take me long to find it, a silver wolf, much like the one that tried to kill me a few weeks ago. It's hind leg bent in an unnatural fashion as it struggles to stand and free itself from the snare that has rendered it lame.
"Careful." I mutter, golden eyes turned on me with a snarl that melts into a wine. I hold my hands out flat as I approach the snare. It's a common snare, a rope is attached to a metal rod buried deep into the roots of the tree, the rope tightens the more the creature struggles. It reminds me of the snare the farmer used for Errus.
The wolf relents and lowers its head in submission as I reach the snare. I follow the rope to where it's attached and untie it. With a yelp the wolf stands and looks back at me it's head still bowed, I reach out to it's hind leg and allow my magic to seep through my fingers feeling the injury heal.
With a huff and a snarl the wolf turns on it's heel, staring at me before running off deeper into the forest. I smile at the distant howls.
"That was easy." A female voice says.
I turn towards the sound and hear the dull thud as the arrow pierces just below my collarbone. "What did you?" I ask, looking at the shaft protruding out of my skin, my fingers trembling at the sticky black substance pooling around the wound.
"Drow poison." The woman says plainly, "Can't have you be putting up much of a fight."
My hands reach and grasp the amulet around my chest, begging for the protection it's meant to afford me just before the darkness swallows me whole.