As soon as I get to my room I feel the anxiety twisting in my stomach. It has been so long since I've had this feeling of anticipation and excitement. This isn't the first time I have been alone with him, but the first since everything has happened between us.
I reach for my pack and rummage through it to find what I'm looking for. I pull out a beautiful pale blue linen dress that I had bought from a merchant in The Grove, I don't know why I picked it out or even bought it. I wasn't one to wear dresses, but something about tonight feels special. Staring down the end of days.
There was no way to know what we were walking into tomorrow to rescue Halsin, it was akin to marching straight into the maw of a dragon and even with that, the threat of the mind flayer parasites added an ever present danger. Tonight might be the last night in this body or with this mind.
Still, I wanted this moment amidst the chaos. For some reasons I wanted him to see me as I could be, not just as I am. Something beautiful and to be desired without this knife to all of our throats. I don't dare speak of a future for I know everything can be taken away, but a tiny ember remains in my breast.
I strip out of my armor and set it aside then pull the dress over my head and tighten the laces at the back. The bodice cinches in my waist and hugs my hips in a way I'm only used to with my armor, but this fabric feels more like a soft cool caress. It reminds me of when his hands grip my waist and squeeze.
There's a knock at the door and I startle, my heart racing all over again.
"One moment." I say as I look at my reflection in the cracked mirror standing in the corner of the room, I can barely recognize my form. I suck in a breath and cross the room, my hand hovering at the latch before opening it.
Astarion stands there in his white shirt and leather breeches, his arm leaning on the frame of the door in a devil may care sort of way. The low light plays with the shadows of his features, sharpening them enough that I feel I might cut myself if I reach for him. I knew elves were beautiful, but he brings a new meaning to the word. Adding something savage and cunning.
"There you are." He purrs then stills, his eyes softening as they travel down my body then back to my face. He says, "Well, you are full of surprises, aren't you?"
"I like to think so." I smile, moving aside so he can come in.
I close the door behind him and watch him take in the room. It's nothing like I feel he'd find back in Baldur's Gate, but for being taken by goblins it's still much better than sleeping in the tent at night. He runs his hand along the dresser with the leg missing and glances over to the bed's simple wooden frame. The straw from the mattress is splitting through in some parts so I draped my blankets over it as a simple solution.
The moment he turns back to face me I can hear the music begin again. I immediately recognize the bard's gentle melody being played into the night's sky, it doesn't feel as melancholy as the bard's current situation. Each note has the feeling of hope, of resilience and above all else. Love. Even in the darkest of places, the smallest of moments, and at the last of our breaths. It reminds me how strong the heart is.
He laughs to himself and holds out a hand, "Shall we?"
"Oh." I shake my head, "No, I don't know how to dance."
"Then I will teach you." He walks towards me and gathers my hands in his, placing one on his shoulder and the other at his hip, he mirrors the placement with his own and pulls me close. "Just follow my lead, my dear."
Even with his cooler skin, his touch sears into mine. I look down and try my best to follow his steps as he begins, I feel awkward as if I am merely shuffling from side to side.
"Look at me." He mutters, his voice softer than I have ever heard it.
I look into his eyes and notice him swallow, a smile playing at his lips.
"I told you I would be terrible." I laugh and roll my eyes, shrinking under his attention.
"No, dearest. Look at me. Be here with me." His hand creeps up my back sending chills in it's wake until it slides back down settling just above the base of my tail. "In the moment."
I look back to him and wet my lips, his eyes following the movement.
"There." He smiles, and I realize what he was doing.
Now it doesn't feel like we're dancing, but floating together, gliding across the creaky wooden floor with ease. Giddy laughter bubbles up in my throat, drunken on the bard's song and the beautiful male in front of me. He rewards me with a true smile and tucks his head against my neck, brushing his lips against my skin.
I move my hand from his shoulder, threading it through his hair, "Is there much dancing in Baldur's Gate?"
"Yes, but it is nothing like this." He mutters against my neck, pressing a kiss to the column of my throat.
"How so?"
He pulls away and I rest my hand at the base of his neck.
"Because it's you." He says plainly, "Back where I'm from in Baldur's Gate, everything has a price. Sometimes you know exactly what that price is, but other times it's part of the deal. Never to speak it aloud. Everything you have is for sale in one way or another, physically, mentally..." He trails off, his gaze taking on that distant quality.
I reach and caress his cheek. He closes his eyes and leans into my touch.
"But you," He sighs, "You ask nothing of me and I would give you—"
I kiss him, cutting him off. Part of me wants him to finish that sentence and another is scared to hear it spoken out loud, making everything I'm feeling in the moment real. The potential loss and unknown, losing that feeling of weightlessness under his gaze when he finds out what is in my own wretched heart.
Astarion growls in response, crushing me against his chest, his tongue teasing against the seam of my lips. I open to him with a whimper as he begins to slowly walk me back until we hit the edge of the mattress.
I pull away to see a fire raging in his eyes as he lifts his white shirt over his head, balling it up and tossing it aside. With one movement pushes me back onto the bed and I shift backwards as he climbs after me, his hand circling my ankle pushing my dress up as he draws a trail up towards my thigh.
As he gets closer, he hooks his knee behind mine, spreading my legs a bit wider to settle his hips between them. I reach for him, my hands running over his abdomen and his chest until I cup his face and pull him back down to me. It's like I can breathe again as he kisses me, something blooming deep within my chest and a heat that settles between my legs.
"No." He growls and pulls away, his nose nudging and caressing mine as he remains a breath's away from my lips. "You're hiding from me." He mutters, leaning to kiss me again, but hesitating, "This isn't what I want."
I search his face, "What do you mean?"
"This bloody dress." He grits his teeth, "It's a lie. I want you." With one movement he reaches and tears the bodice of my dress down the middle exposing my breasts to the chilled air.
"Oh gods." I moan at the sight of him staring down at me.
"Don't worry, my dearest. I will buy you another." He smiles, "If you want to play dress up, you will have the finest silks." He leans in and kisses my neck and whispers in my ear, "but not the first time I slide deep inside of you."
Need twists inside of me and I reach for the laces of his breeches, undoing them as he lets out a maniacal laugh and rips the rest of my dress. I pause only sit up and shrug off the material as he pushes his face into my breast, licking and sucking at my nipple, his free hand squeezing my other breast.
"Astarion." I moan, my hands going to his hair, shifting my hips against him begging for friction.
He looks up at me and smiles, pressing his forehead against mine as his hands slip down under my smallclothes, his fingers parting my folds and sliding in so easily. "That's it, my dearest. Let me hear those needy little noises."
I whimper as he hooks his fingers upwards, becking my body to shake underneath him, "Fuck." I cry out as he speeds up, his movements shorter. Just as I feel myself beginning to fall, he slows, sliding his fingers from my pussy and gently rubbing my clit, making my legs jerk.
He sits back on his knees and grabs my smallclothes, sliding them down my hips and over my thighs, kissing along the flesh as he pulls them off completely. He bares his fangs and stares down at me, nudging my knee again so I open myself up for him, his hands going to his leather breeches and sliding them down.
I watch as his erection springs free and he begins to stroke his hard flesh before crawling forward and settling between my thighs. His cock rests there, so close to me that it's the only thing I can think of as he kisses me again. I close my eyes and moan, feeling him reach between us and begun to run the tip of his cock along the seam of my pussy sending chills throughout my body.
"Open your eyes." He says, his voice soft, but commanding. "Look at me."
I open to see his shining with an emotion I don't recognize, gone is the feral hunger I had seen before, but whatever replaced it is softer, but no less of a wild devotion. Something that I can feel mirrored in my own chest when I look at him.
It's then that I feel him nudging at my entrance, the slight burn as he slides his cock inside, stretching me.
"That's it." He purrs, "That's my beautiful girl. You can take it."
"Oh gods." I cry out as he fully sheaths himself inside of me, the uncomfortable sensation turning into a fiery need to move, to feel that friction again and again. "Astarion, it feels so—"
He moves his hips and I feel as though I am coming undone from the inside, my legs shaking.
"Perfect." He breathes, leaning down and kissing my neck, whispering in my ear, "Like you were made for me."
I reach up and grip his shoulders, wrapping a leg around his waist as his thrusts turn more shallow and hard. Each pushing me closer and closer to the edge and further into the mattress.
"What is it, my darling?" He asks, mischievous lilt to his voice, "What do you need? I can feel you shaking." He punctuates each word with a thrust then, runs his fangs over my neck. I gasp, the air pulled from my lungs.
"Bite me." The words spill from my lips before I realize I say them.
"Are you sure?" His words lose all of the playful tone and become hushed, almost breathless.
"Please." It comes out something akin to a whine.
His nose nuzzles my neck before he kisses it again, each touch brings me closer. The anticipation setting my body on fire. As he finally sinks his fangs into my skin, I shatter. I feel like I am falling, every sensation heightened until it is almost too much. Almost, but not quite.
Astarion abandons my neck and moans, his hand gripping my throat gently as he leans down and kisses me. His taste tangles with my blood on his lips and turns into something grounding and erotic. His hips lose their rhythm as he ruts against me until I feel him find his release.
"Gods." He growls out against my lips, his hips slowing, but he makes no move to part from me.
I look up into his eyes, almost drunk on the feeling of his cock inside of me. He stares down at me like I am something precious with my blood smeared just under his lip. My heart continues to hammer in my chest as I lay there beneath him on full display, but not shying away. Not hiding from him. Not anymore.
The thought scares the hell out of me.
—
Something startles me awake and I feel a pressure on my chest. I look down to see Astarion's eyes closed in the deep concentration of meditation, his head resting on my breasts both of us still naked from last night. My heart squeezes and I brush a lock of silver hair from his brow, my hands trailing down and over his shoulder.
As they drift lower, I feel the change in texture and look down to see the faint hint of raised skin framed in the sun shining through the broken window. I swallow and trace my fingertips over the scars, my hands shaking as I imagine the pain he felt when they were carved so deeply into his skin to cause such a reaction.
Astarion furrows his brow then opens his eyes, laying there his gaze unfocused as he plucks my hand from his shoulder and brings my fingertips to his lips. "It was a gift from Cazador." He mutters, "He carved it into my flesh over the course of a night making many revisions as he went."
"What is it?" I ask, watching his jaw flex.
"He told me it was a poem. He is quite the fan of the arts. I have brought him many a painter to feed upon." He mutters.
"Can I see?"
He tilts his head to look up at me when I ask then sits up, twisting his body to give me full view of his back. "I have no idea what it says or if it is even anything more than mere gibberish." He looks over his shoulder at me.
I squint at the primitive scratches etched into his skin and recognize the language immediately, infernal. There are three phrases, resembling a poem or possibly some kind of spell, but something about it looks incomplete.
" Hoyc inferiu non iurare per igneu. Naec virba loquor. Eoai mundo muoat." I say, struggling through my infernal.
My mother spoke it when we were young, but after years being with our circle we found other ways to communicate. Still the feeling of it on my tongue reminds me of her and my brother all those years ago.
"What language is that? I recognize it." He asks, frowning.
"Infernal. It says, 'This soul swears no oath by fire, nor words does he speak in the realm of death'." I translate, my fingers tracing the words as I go.
Astarion looks down, "What in the Hells did he put on me?"
"I'm sorry, it's been so long." I pull my hand away even though I want to hold it there to comfort him.
"No, no my dear." He turns back towards me, "Thank you. At least now I know."
"Are you okay?" I ask.
"Am I?" He chuckles to himself, "No, I'm not, but that is not of your doing, my dearest. I have all of my ghosts to attend to and sometimes they scream for attention to the point that I can barely hear my own thoughts."
I look at him for a moment then lean and press a kiss to his forehead, the gesture feels so natural as if my body knows exactly how to react to him. To comfort him.
"Careful." He warns closing his eyes, "I could get used to this."
I hum and close my eyes, pressing my forehead against his, "That would be terrible."
"The worst thing to happen in my life." I can hear the smile in his voice, but also the pain laced throughout.
"Me too." I whisper.