I drum my fingers against the table.
I can't think straight. My mind keeps wandering, my thoughts keep crashing. I should be thinking about how to carefully spend my free time, which I'll get after our class with Olivia. But I can't when my thoughts keep getting pulled in two different directions. My pills and division.
I was given two bottles. One is red with white pills and the other is blue with pale pink pills. I need to take the white ones before each meal and one pink one every morning.
They watched me swallow it. They made sure I took it. What is it for? Is it supposed to control me or help me? Everyone was given a red bottle, so it couldn't be that bad, right?
It's going to divide the Outers who have to take extras and the ones who don't have to, like Jack. His lonely red bottle is tucked into his pocket.
My bottles sit next to my hand, on the table for peering eyes. I can't choose between throwing them or putting them in my pockets.
Adelaide was given two. The same colors as mine. Chester, on the other hand, was given four bottles. One red, one blue, one green, and one black. The pills in the green and black bottles are both pale yellow.
"So, what do you think these are for?" Adelaide asks, shaking her red bottle. Ever since we got out of class, she's been following us. She won't leave us alone.
Chester pushes his red bottle over and mutters, "Health reasons, why else would they give them to us?"
I don't know if I believe that. They didn't make us take them at the training homes. Wouldn't it make sense for our bodies to get used to the pills?
I don't know. It makes me angry that I can't understand it. It bothers me that I can't choose.
"So what are you three going to do with your free time?" Adelaide asks, trying at the conversation thing again. We don't answer. She rolls her eyes and says, "Okay, fine. I was just asking because we need partners to go to the town."
Why does she get to know this stuff?!
I nod and say, "Do you have one?"
"No. Do you?"
I fall silent and after a moment, I shake my head. Her eyes light up and she claps her hands dramatically, "Wonderful! We can go together! Come on, we need to tell them right now."
She pushes herself off the table and snatches up her bottles. She waves a hand for me to follow before spinning around. I take a deep breath and pick up my bottles.
I push myself up to hide how my hand shook from picking up the bottles. I don't like not knowing.
When I reach Adelaide, she grins, "You came. Good little Kitty. I know you don't trust me, that's okay."
"Okay," I mumble, trying to ignore the pills shaking inside their bottles. They're light but weigh down my pocket. They weigh me down like bricks.
Adelaide rolls her eyes and pulls out her card, "You'll need this."
I nod and let my eyes wander. They stop at the announcing stage, where Olivia stands adjusting the microphone. When she notices me, she wiggles her fingers.
My stomach drops when she leans into the microphone.
"Hello, Outers. I would like to say a few words. Starting today, you'll be given the chance to complete tasks to add to your final grade. Some tasks add to your points. We have a long list for each of you. Every list is different. It's not mandatory, so don't worry if you don't want to. If you do, you must follow them in order. You need some sort of proof and your signatures. That's all. Thank you."
Adelaide giggles next to me and says, "Wow, she's from Centere. This place is so...wow."
I didn't notice I showed my surprise at what she said, so it shocks me when she laughs and says, "What? You didn't know? She's their announcer. She's also on public broadcasts. I'm pretty sure she also manages their schedules. Look around, Kitty."
I do. Not everyone knows about Olivia, but those who do wear shocked expressions.
I grit my teeth and close my eyes. How many steps behind am I? What a lie being told that we were ahead.
"What do you think the tasks are?" Adelaide asks, changing the topic. I shrug. What is the point of asking? She's acting like she won't do them. Like I won't.
I want to be on top. I'm going to go all in.
Adelaide rolls her eyes and spins back in the direction of the board, "Fine. Don't answer me."
"How am I supposed to know what they might make us do?" I snap, annoyed with her pettiness. She whips her body around and says, "I thought you're supposed to be smart. You act like you know it all!"
"Well you act like you're the best," I mumble, rolling my eyes. Her eyes fill with anger and I nearly smile. I stop myself by saying, "Come on, we need to... tell them or whatever."
She clenches her fists and stalks past me. I follow, chuckling to myself.
When we reach the board, she pulls out her card and scans it on a small square scanner next to the large board. When she finishes, a part of the screen of the board shrinks and only fills a corner of its larger surface. She fills out a form and steps aside.
"There. Now you need to scan yours and sign your name," she says looking down at her fingernails as if she doesn't care about anything else. I roll my eyes as I step in front of the screen. I skim the form before signing.
I nod to her when I finish, and she smiles. She opens her mouth to speak when she's interrupted by the bell ringing. We both check the time.
Huh? Almost half an hour earlier?
"Well, Kitty, I see you after class!" Adelaide says as she spins around to the exits. I take a deep breath and turn to the boys. Chester is already making his way to the exits and Jack is making his way to me.
He waves, turning scarlet. I wave back and nod my head to the exits. He speeds up and I turn away, knowing he'll continue to follow.
"I could've gone with you," he says once he catches up. I nod, "I know. You didn't offer it up quickly enough, though. It's okay, I want to know who she's talking to."
"What are you going to do?" he asks, falling into step with me. I shrug and mumble, "I'm not sure yet."
I don't know if it's a lie, but it feels like it.
"Could I go with you tomorrow then?" Jack asks, turning pink. I nod, "If I go, sure."
He smiles and looks down. I shake my head before asking, "Why do you want to come?" Why do you want to be close to me?
"I... does it bother you?" He asks, his eyes growing sad. I shake my head and he instantly recovers. "Okay... I just... you're so... smart."
I shrug again and he turns red. I smirk and ask, "What's wrong?"
He shakes his head and once we reach the elevators, he says, "You're really... pretty."
"Thank you," I say, forcing a smile to my lips. I've been told I could become a model or an idol. It always bothered me. I didn't want to live the rest of my life as someone whose job it's being pretty. I wanted to have... so much more. Want.
Jack nods awkwardly and steps inside. I look down at my card and ask, "Are you going to do the tasks?"
"Are you?"
"Yes. Do you know how to get them? The list?"
He shakes his head and looks down, ashamed. I take a deep breath and say, "You didn't do anything wrong."
He looks back up at me and smiles weakly. Before he can respond, the elevator dings, and the doors slide open. I step out while saying, "Olivia might just give them to us."
"What makes you say that?" he asks, rushing to walk beside me. I shrug and only respond when we reach the doors, "Because she wants to run her own tests on us."
I nod to the tablets sitting on each desk.
"You two are late," Olivia says, smiling at us. I turn to the clock and furrow my brows. She laughs before saying, "I'm just messing with you. You still had five minutes."
"So we have to be in class fifteen minutes after the break rings?" Jack asks, worry filling his tone. I raise my eyebrows at him, shocked at how quickly that came to him. Olivia smiles, pride pulling at her features, "Well, go sit. I have the task lists to see if you want to do them."
I rush to my seat and pick up the thin tablet. I put my card in and see five tasks. When I try scrolling down, a message pops up saying that I have to sign to see the rest.
What they want me to sign says that there's no going back. Once I start I have to finish, whether I want to or not.