Rovan
Rain drizzled over the landscape, and fog placed a veil over the expanse of the mountains from where I stood under the roof of the training storage. My lieutenants stood stiff in a line as I paced before them, listening to their reports of the four regions I placed on their charge. I didn't want to take any risks, so I sent four others to switch places with them. It was incredibly important to maintain a tight ship to minimize the fall out after an invasion. It also helped prevent rebellion.
I tried to focus, but every once in a while, my eyes would float to Roselena where she sat in the corner on an old, wooden training box — like right now. Slowly, my gaze moved from the speaking lieutenant to Roselena just in time to see her yawning with her hand over her mouth.
I found myself yawning as well and quickly cut it short as I refocused my attention on the men before me.
The last one finished, and I nodded in satisfaction, "I expect a fully written report of what we spoke of today by morning."
"Yes, Commander."
Turning toward the exit, Roselena was quick to stand up and follow after me like a little duckling. When I passed the training field, she was quick to ask, "No training this morning, your majesty?"
"No." I had to shave out time to see my mother and sister before the coronation tomorrow. "Did you prepare the gifts?"
"Yes. I took them this morning." I stopped in front of Blue and felt a timely bump into my backside. I turned to look behind me.
"S-sorry, your majesty."
She bowed her head with her hands clasped tightly in front of her. A nervous tic I noticed over the last few days. I smiled unbeknownst to myself as I remembered how she clasped her hands the same way and shouted that Joaquim was smelly. That was the highlight of my week.
I'd known Joaquim since I first joined the army at 14, and he always caught excessive attention from women. It didn't help that he was the easiest man on earth. I would be surprised if he didn't have various venereal diseases by now already. Nonetheless, when I realized she covered her face to cover her disgust and not to cover her shyness, I felt incredibly pleased.
I chalked it up to the fact that she was my personal attendant, and I preferred her to be at my disposal at all times. Courting or flirting with a man would take away from the relief I felt when I was around her.
I gestured for her to climb up first, and as she did, I noticed her stumble a bit. I rushed forward to press my hand into the middle of her back, to stop her from falling backward. She regained her grip on the saddle and paused for a moment, "Thank you."
Pleased with myself, I climbed on after her and flew us back to the main castle.
Roselena was very meek, but she always attempted to say what she needed to say. She couldn't lie to save her own life given that she was way too facially expressive. I could tell when she was frightened, nervous, or troubled, but as time went on, she kept putting up a poker face. I hoped she wouldn't make it a habit.
After spending almost two weeks in her presence, I could no longer ignore the fact that she was quite a lovely woman to be around. She had an innocent air of gentleness and naivety that proved to be quite charming. While it was clear I couldn't afford to send her away, the attraction I felt toward her made me feel weary.
It vexed me. I'd been attracted to women before, but it had never been more than a momentary bout of lust. Even then, I would feel shame as I was reminded of the business my mother used to partake in. But with Roselena... I just wanted to know more.
Feeling her side pressed into the front of my body made me feel nervous. It wasn't like the time I found her in the forest and simply wanted to claim her as my pet. I didn't understand what these feelings were, but I knew one thing for sure. I never wanted to let her go.
Upon arriving at the bedchamber, I skipped my morning bath and went straight to the office to do some paperwork. The door opened and Roselena came in with a cart after going down for her breakfast. She set the silver platter with a silver cover on the free space of my desk and poured me some water.
"I ordered your favorite, your majesty." She uncovered the platter to reveal eggs and meat with a side of toasted bread and fresh cheese.
I nodded, not giving away that I was salivating like a baby when it caught sight of its mother's bosom.
She moved to clean up the office a bit, and I found myself watching her in interest as I ate. She was always so stiff and prim while working, so I swallowed some water down and asked, "Do you like living in the castle?"
She glanced up at me, her big brown eyes blinking at me for the quickest moment before she looked down at her task of wiping down the windowsill.
"Yes." She said simply.
I raised an eyebrow, "You can be honest. It won't hurt my feelings."
I hoped she would genuinely say yes though. It would help the guilt I felt toward her and her family lessen. Every time I thought of my sister, Roselena came to mind, and it made me think about my own sister being taken. I could easily wage a war against her captors, but Roselena had no such hope.
She was quiet for a moment . Her movements slowed, and she peered outside the window for an unusually long time.
"There are far too many stairs here." She said simply. I noted the melancholy on her face before she offered a polite smile. "But everyone is quite nice here."
I realized she was holding back, and the guilt intensified. I suppose I deserved worse for tearing a young girl away from her family. Even more so for letting her be intimidated by me. I knew she feared me, and until now, I didn't see anything wrong with that. I always said that dogs were more obedient when neutered, but Roselena was not a dog.
I bit my lip as she resumed her cleaning, and I had the urge to ask her about what she missed from home. Perhaps, I could bring a piece of home to her, but I knew that would cross another line. Not only would it cross my own boundaries, but she would no doubt feel uncomfortable by my prying.
Distracting myself, I finished eating and set the platter in the cart before returning to my task at hand. I grabbed the legislation I had been reading, pressed my seal into the ink, and stamped it into the paper.
I felt her lingering gaze and glanced up at Roselena who had quietly drawn closer to the desk, sneaking glances at the paper. I narrowed my eyes at her, seeing her eyes quickly follow each line, and I realized that she knew how to read.
Only the noblewomen I had met knew how to read. Occasionally, merchants' daughters were also given the same education, but Roselena didn't strike me as either.
"You're dismissed." I said it rather forcefully, making her eyes snap up to my intense gaze.
She looked away and bowed her head in respect before moving toward the door. I looked down at my approval of the new bill to enforce magic into the education system of Bermillia and clicked my tongue, "Don't let anyone find out you can read."
Anyone would take it as a reason to suspect her origins, especially with the coronation tomorrow, and I couldn't afford to lose her.
She was halfway across the room when I spoke again, "Don't hate me too much. I'm only doing what I can."
She turned for a half a second and bowed her head once more, "I understand."
Then she was closing the door with a thump. I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. I still didn't understand why her opinion of me mattered to me. Usually, if I found someone useful, I didn't feel the need to impress them or make them like me. Intimidation was an easier tool to use, but Roselena... it almost felt like I craved her approval. And approving legislation to add magic into the education of Bermillia was not doing me any favors.
Then she was closing the door with a thump. I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. I still didn't understand why her opinion of me mattered to me. Usually, if I found someone useful, I didn't feel the need to impress them or make them like me. Intimidation was an easier tool to use, but Roselena... it almost felt like I craved her approval. And approving legislation to add magic into the education of Bermillia was not doing me any favors.
As a victim of magic, I understood its use, but I also understood the risk. Nobody knew the true origin of magic, but I had used it long enough to know it wasn't innocent. Like me, people used magic for selfish gain and power. Once magic pervades a society, unnatural creatures start to crawl out of hiding and mingle with the general population.
These creatures mingled with Dhernon women and birthed physically ugly beings with great power interwoven into their being. They were practically unstoppable and had only recently become a problem. Their numbers kept increasing and it was becoming incredibly hard to hide them from the public.
The queen was a prime example of a hybrid. Nobody knew of her hybrid status as she was quite an uncommonly shocking beauty to the eyes. Her dark blood had been diluted so much that she was able to pass as a human mage. Truth was, she'd been alive for centuries now thanks to her taste for sacrificed blood. There was a reason so many children went missing in Dhernon after all. The queen had to feed.
All of these things weighed on my mind due to my recent clarity of conscience. Ever since Roselena materialized from my dreams and somehow silenced these wretched familiars, I had the time to actually think clearly for the first time in 4 years. Another reason why I couldn't let her go.
Passing this bill was a great dilemma, but if I didn't do it, the queen would undoubtedly question my loyalty to her. I had too much to lose now.
I checked my pocket watch and realized that if I didn't visit Evelyn and mother now, I never would. With stiff muscles, I stood and forced myself up, dread dripping into my stomach. I walked out of the office, past the guards posted at my door, and made my way toward the stairwell. All the while, I was like a prisoner awaiting his punishment.
I ignored the guards and knocked. The door opened immediately to reveal Evelyn's wide green eyes.
She threw her arms around my neck before I could say a word.
She'd grown taller in the few months I hadn't seen her. She was 15 now, and grew more beautiful everyday, a fact I grew weary of all the more each time I saw her. She would be of marrying age in three years, and I had until she was 25 to marry her off well. Something I did not want to do whatsoever.
As predicted, she began to cry, and I quietly moved her forward to leave enough space to close the door. I patted her back, a smile lifting on my lips at her sniffling.
"Are you done?" I asked softly. She pulled back with a red nose and puffy eyes.
Evelyn was 8 years younger than me, but every bit as mature. If she was still a bit sheltered, it was because I tried to keep her safe from all the hardships mother and I have had to endure, which meant hiding how she was conceived.
(!) She was the product of one of my mother's clients. I remember the night very clearly. I was hiding in the wardrobe as always with cotton plugging my ears and a knife in my hand, but it seemed there would never be enough cotton in the world to block the sound of my mother being devoured by perverted wolves roving through the street.
This night was different though. Instead of the usual sounds that slowly robbed me of my innocence, I heard her crying and begging, saying, "No don't! Get off!"
This startled my 8 year old self, and I took my cotton plugs out to hear the most disturbing sounds an eight year old could hear. Fear and protectiveness pumped in my veins as I pushed the door open to make sure she was okay, but what I saw traumatized me even from a young age. Grunts and snarled words echoed through the room in the dark candle light.
"I'll give you everything." The man sounded strained. "We'll be happy, Margot. I swear it."
My mother was sobbing under him, "Please stop!"
I couldn't take it anymore, and I quickly pushed the door to the wardrobe open, thrusting the knife in my hand forward.
"Get off of my mama!" I yelled.
"Rovan, no!" My mother cried out. But the damage had been done. The man had purposely breached the contract of service and planted his seed where he shouldn't have in the name of mistaken love.
He only looked at me with hateful eyes as he realized what was happening. Mother always kept me and father a secret from her clients, so he was under the impression that she was a young single woman. When he realized she was married with a child, he merely pushed her away and slid on his clothes in a hurry.
He slammed down his payment on the bedside table and quickly scurried out without a word.
I was focused on the naked figure of my mother, almost lifeless as she stared into oblivion for what seemed like hours. Out of my concern, I approached the bed and nudged her arm with my hand, making her flinch away. She suddenly clutched for the blankets to cover herself, shielding me away from the embarrassment and shame she felt.
I placed my hands on the edge of the bed, "Mama, are you okay? Are you hurt?"
She only glanced at me, "It's okay, my love."
She didn't look at me at all that night. Only got up to wash up and change the sheets of the bed before beckoning me to climb into bed for the night.
From that day on, my mother kept selling her body, even while pregnant. As it turns out, there were a lot of perverted men willing to pay extra to bed a pregnant woman. It sickens me to this day. However, from that day forward, my mother started holding me at arms length. Her usual explicit affection was replaced by silence, and she only did her duty of cooking and cleaning our home — if you could even call it a home.
Any other time, she was busy growing plants imbued with magic meant to prevent pregnancy. She would jar them up in some honey and save it for after she gave birth.
After Evelyn was born, I took on the job as a newsboy at nine years old to help her at least a little bit. As I grew, I took on odd jobs and tasks for money until I was old enough to enlist in the military with the guarantee that my mother and sister would be taken care of.
I tried with all my might not to resent her, but it was inevitable. The woman who sacrificed so much to support me also sacrificed her son in order to cope, and I could forgive her for that. What I couldn't forgive was the utter disdain she had for me.
For fifteen years, my sister was the only thing my mother and I had in common. Keeping her safe and protected from the ugly realities of the world was my priority. If that meant selling my own body and soul to the Queen and to these damn familiars, I would do it.
Evelyn poked me on the side and brought me back to reality.
"You've grown so big." I let her go, gripping her shoulders gently to get a good look at her. "You were a whole foot shorter last time I saw you."
"Well, we only send correspondence when you're away for so long." She put her hands on her hips and inspected me. "You came back in one piece, so that's good, your majesty."
The teasing tone in her voice made me roll my eyes, but I couldn't hide the smile on my face. All I wanted was to make them live comfortably and becoming a king, as much as I didn't like the idea initially, ensured just that.
"Yes, and tomorrow, you'll officially become a princess, your highness." I teased back and poked her sides playfully.
She grinned and watched my gaze shift toward our mother. Her smile shrunk a bit as she crossed her arms, "She's doing much better ever since we moved here. We even go on daily walks now. I keep hoping we'll come across you, but you're always busy."
I nodded, "I'm glad her condition is improving."
I could see the streaks of her blonde hair blending in with the whites and grays, and her face seemed fuller already. It made my intuition flare a bit. Why was it that she was on the cusps of death at the Queen's castles? It felt as if the moment she left, her health improved by bounds...
"Yes, her mood has improved too. She even tried on the dresses you sent us. It's a bit tight on her since she's gained weight, but the kind maid who brought them helped us adjust the corsets a bit." She grinned. "Thank you for the dresses by the way."
The mention of Roselena's kindness made my ears perk.
"A princess should dress well. I'll have a seamstress come and take the measurements for new dresses soon."
She pursed her lips, "Only a few dresses will do."
Then she sighed, "I suppose I'll give you two a chance to talk."
I wished she wouldn't, but she opened the door and slipped out anyway, claiming to go down to the kitchen for a snack. Shifting on my feet for a second in the sudden silence, I waited for her to address me. She always eventually did.
She turned her head toward me, the same black eyes mirroring mine.
"You're still alive." She said it with an empty expression, which I should've been used to. Truly. I shouldn't have expected anything less.
I nodded as I neared her bed, pulling up the chair next to it, likely from Evelyn sitting with her. I sat down as she scrutinized my form.
"Each time I see you, you look more like them."
By "them" she meant the same Dhernon royals she resented. I used to as well until I had to eat my own words and pick up the crumbs off their tables like a dog just to afford supporting my family. Something else she resented me for.
"Sorry to disappoint you mother." She should've been used to the disappointment by now.
She turned to stare out the window once more. Her blonde hair was scattered with white despite her young age. She was only 45, but disease had eaten away at her, forcing her to retire from her usual business and depend solely on me.
"You should tour the gardens one day with Evelyn. I think you'd enjoy them."
"I don't enjoy living off of the remnants of your pride, my boy."
Here she went again. My chest tightened.
"Mother, I don't want to have this conversation again." I warned.
She didn't look at me.
"I wouldn't feel the need to bring it up if you would actually understand the cost of what you're doing. I hear what they say about you. Horrible rumors and cruel things." She actually glared this time. "As if they actually know who you are."
She shook her head, "... It's infuriating."
I knew of the rumors. The Red Serpent of Dhernon was known to be a fearsome man capable of evil things. He spilled blood for sport on the battlefield, but when he came home, he let the queen have her way with him in the royal bedchambers. 'The son of a whore becomes a whore himself.' Those were the words my mother said to me the first time I returned from conquering a kingdom for the queen.
"For all you know, I'm exactly what they say." I was stoic and stiff in my chair as I stared at her face, seeing her reaction. She only flinched.
"You're not." She sounded unsure of herself.
I scoffed, "You're not even confident."
The voices in my head whispered, She thinks you're an imbecile. A fake.
"You've changed, Rovan. You've let that woman wrap you around her finger. Now that she's given you a kingdom to rule, you think you have it all. Deep down you know she chose to give it to you because she thinks she can manipulate and control you."
Like the others, my mother saw me as a bloodthirsty fool who only understood how to brawl. Again, I felt a little hurt by it despite my low expectations for her. I stayed silent, letting her words settle in my mind.
She continued, her voice cracking, "If you'd just let me continue protecting you, I could've sent you to school. You could've been something more than the queen's lap dog." That one stung a bit.
She doesn't appreciate a single sacrifice you've made for her. Are you really going to tolerate her insolence?
"What? So I could watch you waste away? You could barely scrape by when you got sick." I always kept my voice even, but after everything, she'd said, it was getting difficult to hold my tongue. There was something about her self righteous attitude that made it infuriating.
"I would much rather have died than let you sell your soul!" She began to cry like she always did.
The voices continued egging on the sting of her words, pushing me over the edge.
"Why do you even care?" My words were sharp as I set my face in my hands. I leaned forward with my elbows on my knees, feeling the horrid, sickening thirst for blood hit me like a tidal wave. "Ever since I was a child, you practically abandoned me while I worked to help us survive."
She made a gross throaty sound, "I never abandoned you!"
"The moment you knew I saw what that man did to you, you mentally checked out as a mother to me. I endured it for Evelyn, but please stop pretending like you care now."
She crumpled, "I did everything for you. And even then I was so ashamed..."
"You think I like being in the position I'm in? Everything I've done is for you and Evelyn."
"I never asked you to become a king, Rovan."
I uncovered my face and glared at her, "Well, I never asked you to open your legs to half the city for spare cha-"
The sting on my cheek registered before I even realized she had slapped me. The sting burned like hot coals on my skin as we sat in silence for a moment. I looked at her embarrassed and horrified expression.
"Well, at least how we know I take after you." I was wrong for saying it. I knew that, but all the resentment I had bundled up inside didn't allow me to feel guilty. I pushed myself up off the chair and rushed to the door, not trusting myself to stay any longer.
"You always looked like your father, but I never thought you'd become him." She said it with conviction.
I slammed the door behind me, fuming at the nose like a bull. I rushed through the castle halls and stairs with a vengeance until I reached the outside. The voices in my head grew louder, spitting every disgusting thing imaginable about my mother. And their overwhelming compulsion was to murder her.
I clutched at my throat as I cornered myself against the castle walls in a place I hoped no one would see me. When the madness hit, I was like a beast, but I refused to give in.
A coward like your father. Perhaps your mother is right after all.
This voice echoed in my head as I felt my body grow cold. I recognized the sensation from all the times past where these familiars took over my muscles and did whatever they liked.
I fought it for as long as I could until finally, I lost all my senses, and everything sunk into a black abyss.