I sat on the bed feeling so good, my face had no smile nor was it shining like always. Why? Because today they are going to say goodbye to my Dadu for the last time. I am still unable to believe whatever happened but then, when the morning arrived all I had was to believe that Dadu left me. I wiped my tears as the door opened. Maa entered the room with her sympathetic expressions . I kept my eyes to the ground because I know if I look up I will cry. And I don't want to cry.
She sat beside me as a little bit of warmness spread in my heart. My own mother didn't come to ask me, I know she must be busy but I need someone and here my mother in law came to give me comfort with her presence.
She put her hand on mine and I realized how badly I was shaking.
“ I know... It's hard for you. You have spent your life and grown up in front of him , but you know.. Allah sent us here and he misses his people too... He must have missed your Dadu too much. Because Our Allah loves us more than 70 mothers. And a single mother can't stay without her child “
I sniffed and nodded but there's something in my heart that is not letting me feel something, everything is just blank and there's a pain in my chest. I looked up at her and forced a little smile. If that's what it takes to fool the world.
“ I am fine... Maa... I am good “ I said her eyes roamed around my face as she pulled me in a hug. I close my eyes not letting a single teardrop.
“ You called me Maa and then thought that you could fool me with your fake smile. Beta you can fool the whole world but not your mom, I can see through your heart that you are not good. “ I took a shaky breath as she pulled away. Putting a hand on my cheek.
“ Come down now, your Dadu will think you don't love him enough to say goodbye. “ I nodded and she got up looking at me for the last time before leaving the room. I walked towards the mirror and saw my eyes were red and puffy and my nose and cheeks were red.
I quickly washed my face, dried it and walked downstairs even though I didn't want to see everyone looking at me with sympathetic eyes. I am still in my parents house and Ahad is here too, he is managing everything like a brave son.
I look towards helping the guests. There are so many guests who never came to any celebration but they came now because they are scared that on the day of judgment they will be asked about it. Only women were here as all the men went to the graveyard. I picked up the plates and started to help my Ammi.
“ Here , bachaa “ ( Kid)
I said while giving some rice to that little kid. He is one of my relatives . That kid just looked up at me with a pout, I kneeled to his level and asked him.
“ What's wrong? “ I asked as he gave me a candy from his pocket .
“ Didi , why are you crying and why is everyone sad here? “ He asked as I nodded... I wish I was a kid too so at least I could be unaware of what is happening . I sat beside him.
“ You know Dadu... The one who used to play games with us. And bought us chocolates “
That kid nodded with a smile on his face.
“ Yes Didi, where is he? I want to play with him” A cry pushed through me but I took a deep breath and continued.
“ Well Dadu is not here... He had an important meeting with Allah and he had to go to him. H-he will stay there for a long time “
That boy's smile fell.
“ I will miss him can't we go and meet him quickly “ I tear escaped my eyes but I wipe it quickly, I wish this was this easy kiddo.
“ I will miss him too but we can't go to meet him this quickly when Allah will call us, we can go meet him. “
“ Then I will wait and behave well “ He smiled as I smiled back.
—————————————————————
I was looking out of the window up at the moon that was shining brightly and I thought maybe I will find my Dadu there . But I could not. Soon I felt warmness on my back but I didn't turn around because I knew it was Ahad. He stands beside me as we both stare at the moon. Then he turned to me and I turned to him. The moon was making his face shine so beautifully. I don't even know how my life took such a big turn. One minute I was under the rain with him and the other minute I was looking at my Dad's dead body.
“ Come here Mi Amor “ He said, opening his arms. I stared at him as my heart suddenly felt so heavy. I pressed my lips together and in a moment I was in his arms and his arms were wrapping around me. Shielding me from whatever it is. He pressed his lips on the top of my head as all my walls fell and I broke into his arms. Crying and sobbing . He rubs my back and holds me tight.
“ I am not liking it Ahad, everyone says to stay strong but I can't, I miss my Dadu, he always took care of us, he used to drop us at school and pick us up while hanging our bags on his shoulders. He used to tell us stories and fight for us, he was an adult but he used to behave like kids just to make us Happy, and now he is not here, there was no smile on his face..“
I said this all while he just listened to me, kissing me on head multiple times.
“ I don't know Ayesha, I really don't know how to give comfort to people but I want to give you comfort, so please tell me how can I give you comfort, how can I make you feel good “
He asked looking in my eyes and my heart warmed knowing he really wanted to help me and give me comfort.
“ Can we... Have some tea? “ I said as he nodded
_______________________________________________
I sat at the kitchen bar as it became my habit now. I still remember the first time he made Tea for me. And here he is still making tea for me. He turns on the stove, adding milk and water then . I see him while he adds more ingredients. He looked so beautiful at this moment. Muscles flexing. He looked up multiple times to join eyes with me and throw me warm smiles.
I don't know how he learned to smile and I don't even know why his smile is so beautiful that I want to keep all of it. I want to be selfish.
After the tea was done, he poured it in the cups and brought it towards me. I jumped down the bar as I now realized we have a huge height difference, he is really taller than me.
“ Let's go outside “ I said as he followed without any word. We sat on the garden chairs as the night air hit us . I love nights because they are so beautiful and amazing. Ahad put the Tea cups on the table as we sat opposite to each other. He was in a white shirt that was making him look more good. I took a sip of the tea and a sigh escaped my mouth.
“ I always wonder what kind of magic you add in it “ I asked as he leaned closer and said.
“ I add sugar and a little spoon of love “ This was the most clingy thing he said but it made me smile somehow. He smiled back.
“ Finally you smiled at least “ He said, taking a sip of his tea.
No matter what, Ahad always gave me warmth, a type of feeling I never felt. As if I am with him then everything is good or going to be good. And I want to make him feel the same thing. I want him to feel alive with me.
After Mi Amor fell asleep I got up and stared at her. She was sleeping so peacefully and beautifully that I want to fight the world if they try to disturb her in any way. Today was really a hard day for her . But like the Lioness she is...she showed herself brave no matter how wounded she was.
I don't know how to give comfort to someone because I always learned to clean my wounds alone. But looking at her I wanted nothing but to bring her all happiness back. She deserves it.
I cried for Dadu but I teared up more looking at her teary eyes. I could not hold myself, I thought all my tears were dried up now but then I realized seeing her drop a single tear can make me cry like a baby.
I run a soft hand over her fragile skin. She turned and wrapped her arms around me. I smiled and pulled her closer , giving all my warmth to her and just her.
I need to do something for her. Something that can make her smile and make her days easy. She is sad right now and I promised to keep her happy.
I slept there looking at her. The next morning I woke up to the sound of my Alarm, I looked at Mi Amor and she was still sleeping. So I silently slip out of the bed. I went for a walk in the park. There were not so many people but the air was so beautiful. I need to think of something. I think I should take her for a trip.
But where? Paris? No, that's so overrated. How about a trip to London? Yes! A London trip is amazing, she will relax there and we will get to spend some time together. We will come back all fresh up.
I jogged inside the house and took a shower before walking out in my pants. I left my shirt here on the bed . Before I could grab my shirt, my eyes fell on the beautiful Angel . Who was having a hard time sleeping because of the sunlight. I stand in front of her. As she relaxed, I wanted to let her sleep like this but I could not stop her. I cleaned and pressed my lips on her forehead, because my hair was still wet. She woke up when the water dropped on her. I quickly pulled away. Looking around but not at her. She sat up on the bed, yawning. I internally smiled looking at her. Her eyes landed on me and then on my Naked chest. First she stares at it. And then she quickly threw a pillow towards me. Standing up on the bed.
“ What are you— “ She threw another pillow.
“ First you woke me up with your wet hair and then you are standing in front of me, half naked . “ She said ready to throw another pillow but I stopped her by pulling her by hand . She was still in bed . Her hands landed on my shoulders and her face inches away from me.
“ Are not you enjoying the view Mrs Malik , This all is yours anyways “
Thank you so much for reading, please vote, follow and comment, share as much as you can.
Follow me on Instagram = ever_lastdreamer