Time won't fly, it's like I'm paralyzed by it
I'd like to be my old self again, but I'm still trying to find it
"Thank you so much for coming over," Maddie pulled Eleanor in for a hug before she could even walk through the door.
"Thank you for inviting me over. I'd be in the apartment alone otherwise." Maddie gave her a questioning look. "Buck's with Eddie and Christopher."
"They didn't invite you?" Maddie started walking to the kitchen.
"Uh, Eddie did but Buck and I are sort of having a disagreement so." Eleanor trailed behind.
"Oh, what about?" Maddie looked over her shoulder at Eleanor.
Eleanor hesitated for a moment. "..You." Another questioning look. "I told him that maybe he should back off a little and you'd come around eventually. That you just needed some time to heal and deal with things. He disagreed and thought that we should pretty much force you into celebrating. He even went as far as to compare us."
"Compare us?"
"Like, I'm decking the halls hard, all about Christmas. I've been baking and decorating all week. But I've never experienced holidays like this so I wanna do something different, change things. You don't wanna celebrate for whatever reason, all reasons are valid though. I tried to explain to him that everyone is different and they handle things differently. We may have been in really similar situations but we handle things differently. Even our situations were different."
"Well, thank you for defending me. Sometimes I just don't know how to talk to him about this. And sometimes when I try he doesn't seem to understand. Which, I know, he's never been in my shoes so he won't understand everything."
"Listen, you don't gotta tell me anything. I get it, I really do. I think with Buck he just wants everyone to be happy and when they're not he tries to fix it but he can't fix everything. He really is trying though and it's because he cares."
"I know he is and I feel bad for snapping at him. I was just so overwhelmed and tired of pretending. That's all it was with Doug, pretending. Pretending to be happy, pretending to love him. Everything was just one big performance. I don't wanna do that anymore. Maybe I should've just explained it to him instead of walking away."
"Sometimes you need to walk away though, that's all you can do even. You shouldn't have to explain yourself all the time though. It's okay to snap and to act crazy sometimes. You went through hell, Maddie. I don't know about you but I've gotten so used to bottling everything up, not being able to talk that sometimes I don't know how to and I snap too. We have to unlearn just about everything that we've programmed into our heads. It takes time."
"You are so wise," Maddie wiped her eyes. "I 'm really glad I have a friend like you."
"Me too," Eleanor pulled Maddie in for another hug.
"It's just Christmas is just a little touchy this year. Last Christmas was when I decided to leave Doug. I finally had enough and was just so ready to leave. Every time I think of Christmas, that's what I think of."
"I understand that and it'll take time to be able to make new memories to replace all the bad ones."
"I think that's the hardest part, the time. They say time heals everything but it definitely doesn't feel like it. I should probably call Buck later on and apologize."
"He scolds me every time I say sorry so I was just gonna bake him brownies." The girls shared a laugh.
"That's one way to apologize. The way to Buck's heart is through his stomach for sure."
****
Buck and Eddie sat on the edge of the fountain, talking about their problems as Christopher went through the line for Santa. They watched as he excitedly made his way through the line. He insisted on going by himself.
"How do you apologize for being an idiot?"
"Who are you apologizing to?"
"Eleanor and Maddie."
"What did you do now?"
"Let's just say I kind of overstepped."
"Well, you could just say sorry."
"This one seems like it needs a bigger apology."
"Okay, I really need some context here Buck."
"Chim and I got Maddie a tree because she didn't have one yet and Chim wanted to surprise her with something. Maddie always loved Christmas so I thought it'd be nice to go all out and get her a tree and new decorations since she doesn't have hers anymore."
"But she doesn't wanna celebrate because she's still healing from her past..?"
Buck sighed. "You sound like Eleanor."
"Well, it's true. That kind of situation takes time to heal and be yourself again. Don't be too hard on them, they'll come around in their own time. You just gotta be patient."
"I realize that now but I feel like a dick for everything I said. I compared them."
"I don't even wanna hear what you said. If they murder you it's justified." Buck laughed lightly. "Just sit them down, separately," Eddie emphasised the word. "And just tell them that you're sorry and you're gonna listen from now on and not push anything on them."
"Are you sure that's enough? Maybe I should get them something."
"No, Buck." Eddie shook his head. "You don't want it to seem like you're trying to buy back their love and forgiveness." Buck nodded.
"Hey, why am I taking advice from a guy who doesn't know how to have a conversation with his own wife?" Eddie shook his head, he pushed Buck slightly. Enough to scare him into thinking he'd end up in the fountain but not hard enough to actually do anything. They shared a laugh before getting up to greet Christopher at the end of the line.
Eddie picked Christopher up and started to carry him away. Buck turned to follow but before he could get too far an elf stopped him. "You two have an adorable son," she smiled. Buck stood in shock for a moment before just replying with a thank you and walking away.
****
When Buck arrived home Eleanor was in the kitchen, elbows deep in baked goods. When she heard the door open and close she turned and gave Buck a small smile before turning back to the recipe in front of her. Buck set his keys down before taking off his jacket and draping it over the chair. He walked over to the counter, standing on the opposite side of Eleanor. She stopped what she was doing and walked away, Buck sighed and dropped his head.
When he picked his head back up Eleanor was standing next to him, a cookie in her hand. "I'm sorry. I overstepped. That's your sister, you know her better. I shouldn't have told you how to handle the situation."
Buck took the cookie from her with a smile. "No, I'm sorry. I overstepped. You were right and I should've listened. I guess I just don't know how to handle things sometimes. She's been through a lot, some things I don't even know about, so she's gonna be different than I remember. And you were right about giving her space and time."
"She's not that different, she's still the same Maddie that you know and love."
"I'm sorry to you too. I said some things that I shouldn't have and I'm sorry if I hurt you."
"Apology accepted." Eleanor walked back around the counter, back to the recipe she was working on.
"What are you making now?"
"Lemon cookies." Buck finished his cookie before walking around the counter. He stood next to Eleanor, reading the recipe she had pulled up on her phone. "I was actually looking at recipes today, maybe we could try a couple."
"Of course," Eleanor smiled brightly. Buck reached into the bowl and picked out a small piece of dough. "Hey, leave my dough alone." She playfully swatted his hand away.
Buck reached over the bowl, grabbed some flour off the counter, and sprinkled it across Eleanor's face. Her mouth dropped open in disbelief. Buck smiled at her, backing up slightly. Eleanor wiped her face but only made it worse. She reached for the flour, grabbed a handful, and tossed it in Buck's direction. Flour covered the floor as the two continued to throw it back and forth at each other. Running around the kitchen and laughing up a storm. Eleanor couldn't remember the last time she'd had this much fun. Buck was just happy to see her happy.
"Buck!" Eleanor yelled as she slipped on flour. Buck caught her before she fell too far. She gripped his arm tightly. As he pulled her back up she slipped again, landing inches from his face. So close that they could feel each other's breath as their laughing halted. They stared into each other's eyes, frozen in the moment. Eleanor stared into Buck's face. Buck's eyes moved from her eyes to her lips.