Male voice: "Sanjana?"
Sanjana stopped involuntarily hearing the familiar voice that she heard after so long.
Sanjana, gulping down a lump in her throat, turned around slowly to find the person, whom she never wanted to meet again, standing at a distance, with a surprised look on his face. He still looked the same, handsome as always. The person whom she once loved the most in this world.
Sanjana lowered her gaze, not wanting to meet his beautiful hazel eyes, which once fluttered her heart whenever they used to meet hers.
Sanjana: (trembling voice) "K-Karan?"
Sooraj, on the other side, was glaring at Karan, who took a few steps closer to them.
Karan: (both surprised and happy) "Sanjana, it's been so long, how are you?"
Sanjana's heart started beating faster hearing his voice and she hated it so much - hated that he still had that power to make her nervous like that around him. She balled her palms into fists by her side. Sooraj took her hand in his to calm her down. Karan noticed it and met Sooraj's glaring eyes. Karan clenched his jaw and sighed.
Sanjana: (trying to look into his eyes, still nervous) "Y-Yes, I'm doing fine."
Karan gave her a warm smile.
'Damn that smile again. Sanjana, why does he have so much control over you?'
Karan looked back at their joined hands and then back to Sanjana.
Karan: (sighing) "Sanjana, can I talk to you for a while" (shifting his gaze to Sooraj's glaring eyes) "Alone?"
Sanjana was sitting across from Karan in a café. She would be lying if she said that she was not nervous about being alone with him.
She looked up to meet his gaze only to find them on her. She cleared her throat and looked away immediately.
Karan chuckled.
Karan: (shifting in his place) "You didn't change at all. You are still nervous around me like you have always been."
Sanjana mentally cursed herself for making it so much obvious.
She tried to change the topic to make her racing heart calm down.
Sanjana: (joining both her hands on the table) "So, how is it going with Pooja?"
Karan sighed and looked down. He was expecting her to ask that question.
Karan: (looking up at her) "We broke up a long time ago."
Sanjana: (looked up at him, surprised) "What? When?"
Karan: (remembering) "Two months after you all shifted to Delhi."
Sanjana: "What happened? Both of you loved each other so much. You worked so hard to get her."
The last sentence came out of her mouth in a whisper but Karan heard it.
Karan: "It just didn't work out."
Sanjana looked at Karan only to find him looking down.
Sanjana: (concerned) "I feel bad for you. I know you loved her so much, the things you did to get her," (in a whisper) "using me."
Karan heard her and looked at her.
Karan: (leaning forward, putting his hand on the table, closer to her) "Sanjana, I wanted to talk about that only."
Sanjana looked at him, confused. Karan continued.
Karan: (guilty) "Sanjana, I am very sorry for what I did to you. I didn't even realize how much I had hurt you."
Sanjana: (sad chuckle) "Hurt? Karan, you didn't just hurt me, you broke me apart. The things you said that day to me...I still remember the words loud and clear. You broke my heart into millions of pieces."
Her eyes teared up.
Karan: (hurt) "Sanjana, I know, I had been a jerk to say all those things to you. I regret everything. I realized everything when I decided to break up with Pooja."
There was a short pause. A few drops of tears had already fallen on Sanjana's cheeks, remembering the torturous period she went through.
Karan: (holding Sanjana's hands) "But, Sanjana, the things that happened between us, they were true. I felt happy when I was with you. Those moments were not fake. And...I don't know whether you will believe me or not but I like you."
Sanjana's eyes widened.
Karan: (looking deeply into her eyes) "I like you, Sanjana. I originally planned to use you but while spending time with you, I fell for you. I realized it late but I want to be with you now. So, Sanjana, can you...forgive me? Can we start over again? Give me a chance, Sanjana. I promise you, this time, I'll cherish you for real."
Sanjana looked down, her hands still in Karan's.
After a few moments of thinking, Sanjana looked at Karan.
Sanjana: "Karan," (pulling her hands from his grip) "I'm sorry."
Karan's heart dropped upon hearing her answer.
Sanjana: (serious tone) "I can forgive you but we can't go back to how it was before. I'm sorry."
Karan: "Sanjana, you don't have to give me the answer right now. Think about it. Take all your time."
Sanjana: (shaking her head) "No, Karan. No matter how many times I think about it, the answer will always remain the same."
Karan sighed.
Karan: (looking down) "Can I ask you the reason behind your answer?"
Sanjana: (looking down) "I don't want to return to my past. It hurts me a lot. And being with you will bring those painful memories back to me. I want to let go of them. I don't want to look back on the past. I want to start afresh."
Karan sighed and looked at her.
Karan: (nodding) "I understand."
Sanjana did not utter a word.
Karan: (smiling) "It's okay if you don't want to be with me, but can we be friends?"
Sanjana: (sighing) "I'm afraid we can't."
Karan knitted his brows in confusion.
Sanjana: (looking straight in his eyes) "Karan, let's not meet each other again."
Karan: (eyes widened) "But, why?"
Sanjana: "I know I'm being selfish here but I want to think about myself this time. I don't want to hurt myself again. You broke me apart and everything worsened after that. But..."
She looked outside the glass window at Sooraj, waiting for her.
Sanjana: "Then, he came into my life and changed everything. He fixed my broken self. He never left my side, not even once. He was always there for me."
Karan glanced at Sanjana looking at Sooraj with those eyes which once used to look at him with so much love and that warm smile which only formed on her lips whenever she was with him. But they were no longer his now. That's when he realized that he lost her. The day, he broke her heart, he lost her completely.
Karan cleared his throat catching Sanjana's attention who had been staring at Sooraj all this time.
Karan: (forcing a smile) "I understand you, Sanjana. I will not meet you again."
Sanjana: (smiling) "Thank you, Karan, for understanding."
Karan returned her smile with a nod.
They got up from their seats to leave.
Sanjana: "Karan, can you do me another favor?"
Karan looked at her questioningly.
Sanjana: (continuing) "If we ever cross paths in the future, let's pretend that we don't know each other."
Karan sighed and looked ahead.
Karan: (looking back at her with a sad expression) "You know you are asking a lot from me."
Sanjana: (looking down) "I know but..."
Karan: "I will do it...for you."
Sanjana: (sad smile) "Thank you, Karan."
Karan: (holding back his tears) "Now can I ask something from you?"
Sanjana nodded with a big smile on her face.
Karan: (hurt tone) "Can I hug you...for one last time?"
Sanjana did not hesitate at all because it was the least, she could do after asking so much from him. She wrapped her arms around his torso and buried her face in his chest. Karan too wrapped his hands around her and hugged her tightly.
At the same time, Sooraj looked towards them from outside. His breath hitched in his throat. He felt a pang in his chest and Pooja's words came to his mind. He looked away immediately. He took a deep breath to prevent the tears from coming to his eyes.
Sanjana and Karan pulled away. His signature warm smile formed on his lips.
Karan: "It was nice meeting you."
Sanjana smiled at him warmly.
Karan: (glancing at Sooraj and sighing) "He is very lucky."
Before Sanjana could ask him what he meant he turned around and exited the shop.
Sanjana and Sooraj were sitting on the grass beside a flowing river, looking ahead.
No one talked. Sanjana found the silence weird so she tried to start up a conversation.
Sanjana: (looking ahead) "You know, Karan confessed his feelings to me."
Sooraj bit his lower lip and gave out a small chuckle.
Sooraj: (looking down) "Wow, that was unexpected."
Sanjana: (stretching her hands in the front) "I know. I never thought he would feel that way about me. I just thought he used me to get to Pooja. But he said that he had always liked me but realized it late."
Sanjana gave out a low chuckle. Sooraj nodded and looked down.
Sooraj: "Congratulations..."
Sanjana looked at him and smiled.
Sanjana: (turning her head in the front) "But, I turned him down."
Sooraj looked at her in surprise.
Sooraj: (widened eyes) "Why? You wanted to be with him, right?"
Sanjana: (smiling and looking down at her hands) "At first, I wanted to be with him. But now I realize that I have lost the trust that I had in him. I'm scared of getting hurt again."
Sooraj did not utter a word. He just listened. Sanjana continued.
Sanjana: "Moreover, I don't want to look back on the past. And, being with him, will bring those hurtful memories back to me. I want to forget my past. I want to forget him. So...I told him to pretend that we are strangers if we ever meet again."
Sanjana chuckled sadly.
Sanjana: (looking ahead in the distance) "I sound so selfish, right? I thought about myself only. I asked so many things from him and he agreed to all of them. I don't deserve him."
Sooraj: (shaking his head) "No, you are not selfish. You have always thought about others. It's not bad to think about yourself just once. It's okay to let go of things that hurt us."
Sanjana: (looked at him and smiled) "Thank you for understanding, Sooraj. I don't know what did I do to get someone like you. Thank you for always being by my side."
Sooraj: (smiling) "You don't have to thank me. I just did what a friend should do. Just don't forget I'll always be with you."
Sooraj took Sanjana's hand and intertwined their fingers.
Sooraj: (staring deep into her eyes) "I'll never leave your hand. Whenever you need someone, you just have to look at your side and I'll be there for you...always."
Sanjana pulled her hand out of his grip and wrapped her hands around his neck, hugging him tightly.
Sooraj was taken aback but he wrapped his hands around her waist and pulled her closer.
Sanjana: (sighing) "You know..."
Sooraj: (closing his eyes) "Hmm..."
Sanjana: (smiling softly) "Just like your name, you are the sun in my life, always brightening up my world."
Sooraj: (chuckling) "Not just the sun, I also want to be the moon in your life, lighting up your path ahead in the darkness."
Sanjana: (giggling) "But, you can't see the moon always. Then, how will you light up my path?"
Sooraj: "Even though you can't see the moon, it's still there in the sky, right? Even if I can't light up your path, I'll not leave your side. I'll keep walking with you, even in the darkness."
Sanjana was so touched by his words that tears started forming at the back of her eyes.
'I wish there was a better word than 'thank you' to express my gratefulness to you. I feel so lucky to have you, Sooraj. When everyone pushed me away, you were the only one who held my hand and brought me out of the darkness. When we first met, I asked myself whether I should try to reach you or stay where I am. I never had to try reaching you because you were always there right by my side. You never let me walk alone. I never regretted holding your hand whenever you reached out to me. You gave me the strength to fight my insecurities and motivated me to never give up on anything. You believed in me when no one else did, not even myself. You gave me a new life to live.
'It's hard to accept all my imperfections but I'll try my best because you believe in me. Because of you, I'll try to love myself without leaving any part of me behind.'
Sanjana smiled at her thoughts. Then, she remembered something.
"BECAUSE I LOVE YOU GODDAMMIT! I have loved you for a long time now. That's why...that's why I'm always worried about you. I'm worried that I might lose you someday. I don't want an answer now. Even if you reject me, I won't mind."
Sanjana's heart thumped in her chest and a blush crept on her cheeks. She could not suppress her smile.
'I never forgot those words, Sooraj. They are always fresh in my memories. I pretended to forget it because I was scared at that time; whether it was right to love someone again. But, I'm not afraid anymore.
'Because, in this process of understanding the meaning of loving myself, I think...I think I fell in love with you.'
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AUTHOR's NOTE:
Thank you for accompanying Sanjana on this journey of her teenage life. I hope you enjoyed the story.
Don't give up just because something is not working out. There is always a way out. And, don't give up on your dreams. However small, a dream is a dream. Do your best to achieve that dream.
Thank you again, my precious readers.