"Hi this is Marshall Medical Center how can I help you" a young lady said.
Sam didn't know what to say, how to properly speak for a few seconds, scared. He didn't know why but he was really nervous, scared that this was some bad case of something bucky had. He knew it was probably the bad case of the cold or fever but man, he was just nervous that it might be something more than just that. Bucky sat in the tub, feeling nervous on what Sam was doing. He knew Sam wasn't doing anything wrong but he just was curious on what he was doing. Now he trusted Sam, hell, with his whole fucking life but he just couldn't get his mind off of the thought of Sam calling the hospital. Even if Sam was though, bucky knew deep down it was the right choice, even if It did piss him off that he had to go. He needed to understand that this wasn't done place like hydra, that he wasn't going to get poked and stabbed with needles like he did there, this was a hospital, a place that help people in need and such. It still scared him though, creeped him out, the hospital hallways, the rooms, the tools, the buildings.
Bucky felt like he was dying, his stomach hurt, his head waved with pure agony, his shoulders hurt, ribs, his chest, his heart, his hands, everything, it was all so painful, he couldn't even understand how he wasn't screaming at the top of his lungs from how bad off he was. He groaned, leaning his head back a bit as his chest felt like it tightened. It felt like a person was squeezing his chest to death from behind. It's like he was getting stabbed with a knife, but the knife twisting slowly through his chest. He didn't know, he didn't understand, why, what was all of this pain, this suffering, torture for. What did he possibly even do to deserve all of this for. He killed people, a lot of people but come on now, it wasn't his fault, he didn't know that he wasn't doing wrong, that he was in the wrong at the time, all he knew was that everything he was doing was right and that he had to follow orders and that's what he did, but if he never saw Steve, he would most likely still be the evil, cruel murderer, winter soldier that he used to be.
Steve, man did bucky miss him, it was like a peice of him was left behind when Steve left him for Peggy. That day was one of the worst days for him, he felt destroyed, broken, torn down, it felt like every part of his walls in his head, crumbled down into thin dust. That day he cried, cried so hard until he couldn't anymore, until he felt numb like he did when he was the winter soldier. He remembered how he layed in bed for a few days, not even getting up to eat or drink, even take care of himself, all he wanted to do was just die, to turn into dust like he once did (meaning infinity war) but then it was him, it was always him, the one he could count on most, the one he loved most, Sam. Sam took care of him those few days, giving him food, telling him that he needed to take showers, to get cleaned, to brush his teeth and such. Sam took care of bucky and always gave him hugs, telling him that everything was going to be okay and that he was always there for him,....and look where they are now, together, loving each other like no other would.
Bucky hoped it lasted forever, but he knew deep down it would, he just hoped that nothing would ever happen to him or Sam while being alive. He knew he would outlive Sam, he just couldn't even think about losing Sam and having to live with that pain. He didn't want to lose him ever. "Hello?...is anyone there" the young lady said over the phone. Sam took in a breath, trying to figure out how he was going to explain all of these things or what he was about to say to her. He didn't know how bucky felt right now, he didn't know how much pain he was in but he knew that when he asked bucky if he was okay, and bucky responded with a 'no' he right then knew that bucky wasn't okay, he was in serious pain. Bucky never really admitted his feelings so it showed Sam that bucky was feeling really off. Sam shook his head, bringing his hand up and pinching the bridge of his nose. "I...Uhm yes hi uhmmm-i......I have uhm....My-my boyfriend he's not feeling the greatest and uh-hes like really bad off" Sam said. The lady stayed silent for a few moments, the only sound that was heard was the faint tapping on the keyboard.
It felt like ages, hours of waiting for the girl to respond, Sam just wanted to get back to bucky now, wanting to make sure that he was okay. He couldn't leave bucky alone for to long, he didn't know if he would possibly pass out or not. The girl did a few more things on the computer, typing away with her nails before she spoke. "Okay,....Whats his name" she said. Sam didn't really like her attitude much, she was more like a bitch than actually being nice over the phone. It made Sam boil with anger a bit but shoved it down for Bucky's sake. He bit his lip, eye brows knitting together with irritation. "I-its bu-james, James Buchanan Barnes" Sam said lowly, not even sure if the young lady heard him. She sighed and hummed in response, sounding like she was rolling her eyes as she did. God, Sam just wanted to fucking slam the phone down and just take bucky in himself, but he couldn't, Sam didn't just want to up and tell bucky that they were going to a hospital, he knew bucky would be a bit pissed off so he just needed to schedule an appointment so bucky can be ready and Sam can be ready when they leave.
Sam didn't know how to feel, he was scared, nervous, filled with anxiety, but most of all, nervous that this might just be something more than a fever or cold. It was still pretty early, it was around 7:20 so Sam was still pretty tired. Yeah, they woke up early a lot but lately they haven't been since for some reason they have both been really tired more later in the night than usual. The lady over the phone was clicking through some things when she found him. "Okay, so, we can schedule an appointment for 9:00 today, if you don't come around that time then you'll have to come in tomorrow" she said, still, her voice held that bitch tone that made Sam just want to fucking scream with anger. Sam rolled his eyes dramatically, shaking his head and walking around the room a little. "Yeah, that sounds absolutely fine, thanks for your fucking help" Sam said. He let out a puff of air as he brought the phone down and hung up the lady that was once on the phone.
He couldn't believe how she acted like that, it was extremely disrespectful. She doesn't even know what type of pain bucky is going through. Bucky was in so much pain, god he felt like he was going to die. Sam didn't know this though, he didn't know that bucky felt that much pain at this very moment. Bucky was good at not showing his pain sometimes and it worried Sam a lot. He put his phone into his sweat pants pocket and then started walking towards the bathroom where bucky was at. Sam was actually, genuinely scared that bucky would be laying in the tub passed out, that was one thought that ran through his head the most. He's never seen bucky in such a state, he looked like he was in complete hell. It pained him, it hurt to see the one you love, that you care about so so dearly be in misery. Sam gulped, swallowing dryly as he walked out of his bedroom. As he went made it to the bathroom, he opened the door slowly, knocking first to let bucky know that it was him. Bucky didn't even hear Sam, he just stared down at the water numbly as all the pain he was feeling ran through him like fucking title waves.
It was just like the old days, the times when he was the ruthless killer. Every nerve in him felt like they were almost getting torn apart, bit by bit, piece by piece. His muscles felt like they were almost on fire. His throat was in so much pain, head waved with agony, legs felt so heavy that he felt as though he couldn't even walk on them. Arm's were so heavy he didn't even know if he could lift them to grab onto something. His stomach hurt so bad, God it felt like a knife was stabbing his stomach over and over, it was the worst pain ever, no pain, no pain he's ever felt even when he was the winter soldier, he's never felt this much overwhelming agony. His breathing was slightly heavy, he tried his best to steady his breathing, to make sure that he didn't pass out or have an panic attack. That was the last thing he wanted to happen was an anxiety attack, panic attack. His heart thumped lowly in his chest, slow, to slow. It was a scary rhythm, the beat, it was very slow, it was thumping like he was dying, like it was his finale moments. Why, what was even the cause of such a horrible feeling, this thing, whatever it was, he just knew that when it passes, he hopes that he never, ever in his life feels it again-
'Buck... you're going to be fine, you just got to stay with me okay' Steve said. Bucky didn't hardly hear Steve, he was so weak and sick, he was so sure that this was going to be his finale moments, in the hospital with Steve. It was funny, it should be the other way around, Steve should be laying where Bucky's at and bucky should be sitting in the cushion chair that Steve was sitting in. Not that bucky wanted Steve to be in his situation, his state at the moment but again, it should be the other way around. Steve always got sick compared to bucky, but it was odd, it was bucky that when he got sick, he would get really, really sick, more sick than Steve most of the time. Now it took Steve longer to recover since he was so small and skinny, but he still never got colds and fevers like bucky did. Bucky smiled warmly as he heart monitor was slow, his heart beat was way to slow, to slow. It worried Steve a lot, a shit tone. Steve was so sickly worried for bucky next to him, he didn't want anything happening to him, bucky was all Steve had, Steve was all bucky had. Bucky looked at Steve to his right, smiling, trying to save these last moments, if these were his last moments of life. 'steve....it's okay, I'm going to be fine, after I'm done being sick we can go to the ice cream shop down the road since we've been wanting to go there for a while, we can even.....' bucky let out a cough and continued. 'even build that pillow fort you been wanting to do' bucky said. Bucky had a feeling that he wasn't going to get out of here, but he held hope, he held hope that he was going to get out of here soon and him and Steve both can go back to there normal lives and enjoy it. Steve was in pain, his heart ached with pain as he watched his closet friend in the world dying, not really but he was almost. He couldn't even tear his eyes away from bucky, scared that if he did he would all of a sudden die that instant. Steve let a little smirk tug at his lips, happy that bucky was still able to talk and move around just a little. God, this was hell, hell that Steve wanted to escape, just like bucky did. Steve couldn't help but let the tears that he was trying to hold back slip down his cheeks. He didn't even care about the tears that slipped from his eyes, he was just so emotional. He didn't want to feel like he was being weak in front of bucky but God, just imagine the person you love almost dying in front of you on an hospital bed, that's been in the hospital bed for a week straight. Steve let his smile falter, heart aching. Bucky did the same, his smile went into a frown as he watched Steve cry. Bucky tried to hold back the pain so he could show Steve that he was getting better, well, very slowly getting better so Steve wouldn't be so upset, but he knew he can be a bad liar sometimes. He let out a breath, his throat hurting, pain shooting through it as he held his tears back. Bucky watched him for a few seconds, looking just how torn and worn down Steve was. He felt his heart rate pick up a bit, the monitor beeping a bit faster, Steve didn't seem to notice as he cried. Bucky blinked his eyes, a tear was almost just about to slip out. 'come here' bucky said quietly. It sounded a little raspy but when bucky said what he did, Steve felt his heart pang with comfort but pain. Steve didn't get up right away, he sat there for a bit as he sniffled and huffed as tears still rolled down his face, some even down his neck. Bucky watched as Steve started to stand up. He could tell that Steve was heart broken, so scared to lose the one and only person in his life. Steve didn't have any siblings, his mom and dad even passed so it was hard for him to live his life, hard to watch people enjoy and laugh as there life was just so great, but when he met bucky, it seemed like his whole world turned around, like it was night time to day time in an instant. It amazes Steve still till this day. Steve wiped his tears away with his over sized hoodie as it held more warmth for the winter. Bucky didn't even know how, he couldn't even believe that he had the energy to even hold his arms out to Steve as he walked just a few steps towards him. Steve let out a whine as he made it towards bucky. Bucky tried his best, hell, all of his strength to scoot over slowly and let Steve in the bed. Steve didn't know how bucky even had the energy but didn't really put thought into it as he was just happy bucky was still alive and talking. Tears still dripped down his face as he sat on bucky bed for a second, soon then slipping himself under the covers as Bucky's warmth warmed Steves body. Bucky went in his right side so he could look at Steve. It was moments like these that bucky really appreciated, that he was glad that he still was kicking and still alive. Steve sniffled, slightly smelling Bucky's sent, it was so good smelling, it smelled just like home. His lip trembled as bucky let his right arm wrap around Steves torso as he then let his head rest on top of Steve head. Steve let his head rest in Bucky's chest. Bucky held Steve fragile bucky as he warmed Steve freezing body. It was about two minutes later of pure silence before Steve said something that made bucky slip, made a tear slip out of his eyes. 'buck-bucky I don't want you to die....your all I have' Steve said. He was of course still crying and it was so hurtful to watch. Bucky closed his eyes and let the tears rolled down his face onto the pillow. 'your never going to loose me Steve, I'm with you forever, no matter what' bucky said. He couldn't help but bring his lips to Steve forehead and kiss it gently, Steve smiled through the tears and soon they both fell asleep in each others arms. After those long, long three months in the hospital, bucky was finally better, up and at it and living his amazing life with Steve once again. And they did go to that ice cream place, right as they left the hospital they did'
The memorie struck bucky like lightning, it was so quick but yet so real, he never remembered something like that, but it happened.
'Whats wrong with him' Steve said to the nurse as they stood outside Bucky's room. Bucky was fast asleep, he was exhausted because he had to take painkillers for his head. He layed on his left side, slightly snoring. It was adorable to Steve in a way. The nurse sighed a little, looking down at the board with a sad expression. She knew Steve, they actually saw each other in stores and talked to each other here and there when they saw each other, she would even say hi to bucky and Steve, so she knew that this was really going to hurt, Steve was going to be so broken after hearing what she was about to say. It would worry Steve to the limit but she didn't want to just not tell him, he needed to know, especially since how close bucky and him are. She looked down at the board, reading what the illness was, what the side affects were. She stared at it for a few seconds and then looked to Steve that stood in front of her with an expression that held worry and fear. She opened her mouth, closing it a few times but soon told Steve everything. 'its-steve.....what Barnes has, what bucky has it's something rare, we have only seen it in a few patients before, and Steve it's really hard to get rid of' she said. Steve looked at her and got anxious, anxiety rolling over him, anxiousness. He needed to know what it was. 'Bret, just tell me what it is' Steve said looking at her. He never says her name much so it took her by surprise, but she understood why Steve wanted to know, bucky was everything to him. ' he's, he's worse off than any of the other patients, he actually got the really bad case of it........' she then looked down at her board once again, reading what the illness was. 'its called....splitoma. (I made the illness up by the way, it's not a real one) steve frowned. 'its a illness that can take a while to get rid of, sometimes months. It's when a fever and a cold get mixed together somehow and create an overwhelming illness that can be really painful, sometimes so painful that nurses have to put the people to sleep. Again, this is a rare illness, not many people have it but it's not contagious, no one can catch it. When you have it that's it, you can't spread it. Steve, the few times people came in here with the illness....they......steve that didn't make it' bret said. Steve didn't even know what to say, he was in shock. Steve didn't understand how someone like buck could get this, Steve thought he should be the one getting it, not bucky. Steve turned around and looked through the small window and looked at bucky who was soundly asleep, looking so peaceful like he wasn't in any pain at the moment at all. Steve just continued to watch over bucky the rest of the day, No actually everyday until bucky was fully better'
Buckys memory flashed through his mind, remembering that time, that time when he was so fucking sick, he remembered the pain, how Ill and how horrible he felt, it was the worst feeling ever at the time, so painful that he was holding on for dear life just for his Stevie. Now, now bucky was holding on for Sam, he was holding on for dear life just for Sam, the one he loved with his whole life. He tear fell down his face and into the water that surrounded him. He held his eyes closed and just realized how bad this was. He knew that this was the illness that he once had, that he was so sick from at that time at the hospital when he was with Steve. He didn't want this to happen, this felt so much worse than he did when with Steve that time, this was far worse. Bucky then shook, tears bursted out of his eyes and felt his head wave with even more pain but he couldn't stop it. It hurt so bad, but fuck, he felt, no he knew that it was happening, it was going to happen, his heart slowed and it only was just beginning.
"Oh g-God" bucky shook and cried.